Just a Delusion

I wake up to a noise in the middle of the night. Dylan and I had gone to bed right after venting about the recent tragedy.

A noise came from outside of our room. Someone probably just needed to use the bathroom, but I’d better go check on it given the recent events.

Slowly and carefully, I leave the room so as not to wake Dylan up. Even though it’s likely nothing dangerous, I still watch my footsteps to make sure they are silent as I sneak around the house.

The sounds lead me directly to the kitchen. A figure in the dark stands in front of a newly closed fridge.

I take a couple steps forward to see who’s there, when my foot lands on a squeaky floorboard. The figure startles at the noise. They jump and quickly hide behind the kitchen table in moments.

Why are they hiding? Maybe they feel bad about eating the food here without permission? That means the figure definitely isn’t Christina. Probably not Simon either.

I stand completely still as I consider the situation. Out of the corner of my eye someone is crouched down and slowly trying to sneak away.

Are they stupid? They left the cover of the table and thought they could just walk right by me?

Tired and running low on patience, I flick on the light.

Sarah is hugging the wall low to the ground. She’s staring me directly in the eye without making a sound or changing her expression. Without hesitation, she continues to sneak away.

“What’re you doin’ there?” I call out.

Startled, she stands straight up and spins to face me.

“You see me?”

That’s a strange question, she’s not invisible right now so of course I can.

I recall our first conversation we ever had.

“Was I not supposed to?”

Her lips curl into a smile.

“I guess you’ve already caught me. Everyone ate dinner here, though you weren’t awake for that. Christina’s parents were here at the time, but I guess you didn’t get to meet them. They were very kind and didn’t seem suspicious of us or anything. They just treated us normally. I felt really bad asking for more food even though I was still hungry. I thought I could hold off my appetite until tomorrow, but it was impossible.”

“That’s cool, but why’d you think you were invisible?”

“Well, I tried to be, or at least I really didn’t want to be seen eating the extra food. It was the same feeling that normally triggers it.”

“Well that’s super strange. Can you turn invisible right now?”

She closes her eyes and concentrates.

“Do you see me?”

“Yup.”

Her brows furrow as her face begins to strain.

“How about now?”

“Yup.”

Wrinkles form on her forehead as her muscles tighten.

“Now??”

“Yup.”

Sarah relaxes with a sigh.

“Maybe I’m tired?”

That’s an awfully optimistic guess but I suppose we shouldn’t jump to conclusions.

“Yeah, we’ll have to check again tomorrow.”

…

Silence.

Not again!

When me and her are alone together, our poor communication skills don’t sync.

“So… were you hurt? I tried to be gentle when I pushed you out of the way, but I was really hoping that you didn’t hit the ground too hard.”

She blushes.

“No, I was fine. Thank you so much for protecting me there. I couldn’t stand the sight of that fight, but I did something reckless. I try, but it’s hard to be as level-headed as Rachel.”

“No kidding. She felt like the leader in that operation, even though I wanted to be. She had stolen my title quicker than I could claim it. Seriously though, don’t do reckless things like that, you had me worried!”

Sarah mumbles a couple words under her breath but I can’t tell what she said.

“What was that?”

She speaks up this time, “I still can’t believe what happened. Without Simon, you and Dylan would have died.”

That’s way too long to be what she said but I’ll go with it.

“Yeah. How’d he get there so fast anyway?”

“He didn’t. We called him, but his home is pretty far. Christina’s house was closer so we met in the middle. Me and Rachel did our best to apply first aid, but you wouldn’t have lasted much longer. It was a close one honestly.”

“What? It was that close!? I didn’t realize that I could’ve actually died! I thought you guys had it covered!”

“Shhh,” She advises with a chuckle. “Keep your voice down. It’s late.”

“Sorry. So, how’re you doing?” Dylan had it rough and I never would’ve known. I should check in with Sarah to make sure she’s alright.

She sighs, “Good. I never thought that it would turn out this way, though… I kind of hated my invisibility and these gems. It could be because my first use of it was scary, but it just feels gross. Still, even though I never liked the powers, I never expected them to cause something so catastrophic. Actually, speaking of, was that your ability back there?”

I nearly forgot.

“Yeah, I think so. It felt like super strength to me. The trigger must be using it to protect someone.”

She gave a very bright smile, “I’m glad… Your ability is much prettier than mine.”

Noticing what she said, she turns around and sits next to the window. Without knowing what to say, she just looks out the window wistfully

It’s dark out, but a cloud blows out of the way, revealing the glowing moon. Sarah is showered in glimmering moonlight. The sight captivates me.

I take a seat across from her and we both just sit down and relax for a moment.

We are both bad at starting conversations so we just spend some time together instead. At first when we met, the silence was awkward, but now, I appreciate it.

Eventually we had to part and go back to sleep. We’d be meeting with Kyle at the old school tomorrow. The final meeting. I suppose the building will once again become ‘abandoned.’

The next day, Sarah drove us to school. She already had her car at Christina’s so it was ready to go.

I attended my classes and then rode my bike alone to the meeting place. It was left there yesterday after I was injured.

Surprisingly, I arrived at the meeting before Sarah, Dylan, and Rachel. We left at the same time but they rode in a car. You’d think that a bike would travel slower. I wonder why I was faster? There are paths for bikes that cars can’t go on, so that would help. Guess it doesn’t matter.

Simon and Christina were already here before me. Sarah’s group arrived close behind me.

We actually had to wait a few more minutes for Kyle, just like the first meeting. Last time, he said he was late because he thought he’d give us time to warm up to each other. I wonder if that means he doesn’t want to get close to us?

Kyle gets down to business.

“Now that we’re all here, mind telling me the details?” Kyle asks.

Kyle missed all the major details of the incident. He never went to Christina’s or even met up with anyone. Christina told him where the body of Luke was and I guess he just ‘disposed’ of it.

I don’t want to make Dylan retell the story, so I open my mouth to relay everything to Kyle-

Dylan cuts me off and steps forward, “No, it’s a story that I need to tell. If I miss anything, you can add it in.”

Dylan explains everything in as much detail as he can, from the perspective of one of the combatants. Dylan wasn’t sure of, and left out, the part where Sarah ran in and I saved her.

Nobody corrects it.

Kyle looks on thoughtfully, unfazed by the news, “I see… Well, as for what you all don’t know yet, the reason why Luke wanted the gems in the first place: I talked with him a little after the first meeting. I decided to tell him a few theories I had, concerning the gems. That seems to have been his motivation for attacking you guys.”

He tells us this now!?

I step forward angrily, ready to yell at him.

“Now hold on a minute, at least allow me to explain my theory,” For the first time, Kyle’s mouth stretches into a grin. The boredom leaves his voice and he begins to speak with a child-like wonder. “The gems, being the source of our power, might be able to create a miracle if enough are gathered. I’d guess that if you had every single gem, you may even be able to become a sort of god. I know, it sounds far fetched, but if we explore the nature of these powers more, it may seem more convincing. I’m almost one hundred percent sold on the theory as of now. When I told Luke, I wasn’t certain about it, but the story I’ve just heard is really something.”

A god? What’s he going on about?

“From the looks on your faces, you probably think that I’m insane. Hear me out, why is Dylan able to produce fire? And why Luke ice? Even Simon, why can he heal people? There are many details I’m unsure of, but let’s brainstorm together. Actually, Allen, I want to hear your thoughts. Why can Dylan create fire?”

Me? Is it because we’re close friends?

“Uh… I’m not too sure, but he does have an aggressive personality? From the times his ability worked, he was always angry. It seems his fire is only activated through anger and is fueled by it.”

“Not what I was looking for, but it’s close. If we start there, Dylan can use fire because he is aggressive, what if you say that he gets ‘fired’ up? Maybe he gets caught up in the ‘heat’ of the moment?”

Idioms? What does wordplay have to do with it?

Kyle speaks as though he’s a professor on the topic. He is confident in his language. He also talks like a bit of a child. He’s almost excited to be able to explain this to us. I think it might be the only time I’ve heard him sound awake.

“My guess is that we get our power through our deepest psyche. Our abilities are formed through our unique identities. Simon heals people because of how much he despises conflict. That one is quite literal, but why should it have to be? The human mind is anything but logical, people think in language and since language has such a large impact on our lives, is it unreasonable to say that our abilities may have an attachment to it? If Dylan recognizes his short temper, his short ‘fuse,’ then is it possible that his ability has formed off of it? These abilities stem from our own individuality. In other words, these powers are delusions. They are false realities that we simply believe to be true. Think of it like this, Dylan understands that he has a short temper and also associates that with fire in his mind. If he takes that shortcoming to heart, it defines his world.”

That kinda makes sense? But I’m not convinced yet. It sounds silly.

Kyle continues, undeterred by the disbelieving audience.

“For Luke, he gave others the ‘cold’ shoulder. He created walls around himself, distancing from others. That fits his personality well, doesn’t it? Also fits the ability.”

That checks out with what Dylan had told me too. Luke shut others out so that he could be stronger himself. He did it so that he could protect his family. Both of those statements have to do with walls. He really did give everyone the ‘cold’ shoulder too. Not to mention his ‘icy’ glare. It’s like a really bad joke. Yet, it may have truly defined reality.

“Convinced? Think of your own ability. It should make sense why you have yours, even if it doesn’t come out to be a play on words.”

What about mine? I get the strength to protect others. I have always wanted to be a hero and I like to think that that’s the kind of person I am…

Sarah’s?

She’s shy, at least. Maybe there’s more to it, but that’s pretty close to coming out as invisibility.

Rachel? I don’t know much about her… I wonder if her power says something about who she is?

It works on everyone's so far. The puns only work on two out of five, though. I’ll leave Rachel’s as undetermined. That leaves Kyle’s and Christina’s as mystery powers.

“I guess that makes sense, I don’t know about the whole language thing though,” Christina says.

Simon’s distaste for Kyle subtly leaks through his voice, “Yeah. I can see that working out.”

Dylan’s brain has been fried. He doesn’t even try to speak.

Sarah looks a little concerned, maybe a little upset too. She looks lost in thought.

Rachel also keeps her mouth shut, uncharacteristically.

“Then from now on, I will refer to our abilities as Delusions. It seems you all at least see the possibility, too. If we build off of it, what could getting a second gem do? At first we guessed that it powered you up, but what’s that really mean? If we assume that both guesses are correct, getting stronger would mean having more control over it. As of now, our Delusions only react from a very deep part in the back of our minds. We had no say in their creation and they reflect our subconscious perception of reality. If we had more gems, I’d guess that it would allow us to alter reality in a more conscious manner. If a single person had every gem, had full control over reality… who is that man, but a god?”

“So,” Dylan understood this half. “You’re saying that you told Luke that he might be able to become a god? If I’ve got a good grasp of your personality… you weren’t using him to test your theory, were you?”

Kyle reverts back to his usual attitude, with his standard cool demeanor and emotionlessly tired face, “No. I have no need for proving my theory. I have no need for becoming a god either. Tell me, did Luke have a reason?”

“Yeah… he wanted to save his mother.”

“Yes. I knew too. I had to look into each one of you before meeting, after all. Don’t worry it was nothing too deep. Just a standard procedure. I already knew his home situation and when I saw his personality, I thought he needed some encouragement. I never would’ve guessed that he’d go so far though.”

I’m still not fond of Luke. I don’t really buy his story. His life was rough, but to bring others down because of it is completely wrong. Deep down, I think he had it coming to him.

Dylan responds, “Sorry I accused you.”

“No problem. As this is the final meeting, does anyone have any last thoughts? Any final theories? I’d love to hear them.”

The room responds in silence.

After a while Simon sheepishly asks, “Why do you suggest that we don’t see each other anymore?”

Very matter-of-factly without a shred of shame, “I’m scared. If someone wants to fix a problem in their life, we have the unique opportunity to kill for it. And give up early on trying to steal gems without bloodshed. It will either just teleport back to the owner, or, as a reflection of the mind, end up taking away their consciousness, killing them. That may be a stretch, but I certainly wouldn’t want to be the test subject. I won’t stop you from seeing each other, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’ll continue to respond to my phone, so I can still talk with you if needed. Please keep me informed with new info, I’ll do the same with you.”

Kyle stands up by himself and walks to the door. Nobody moves their head and nobody’s eyes follow him. Silently, with our heads down, we wait.

“Goodbye, everyone. I hope that one day I can meet you all in good mind. If I ever stop being so paranoid, I’ll see you around.”

Not a single person says goodbye in response. As he leaves there is only silence.

I don’t know how to feel about him. He always feels like he’s one step ahead of me. He’s undoubtedly intelligent. He gave off a bad feeling though. Behind his tired eyes and face, it felt like he was constantly hiding something. His words were more convincing than the truth could ever be.

The truth isn’t as convincing as an ideal lie. A good lie makes itself indistinguishable from the truth, but a perfect lie is even more convincing than that. What makes a lie perfect is the ability for anyone to believe it without a second thought. It fades into the background as a fact before being recognized as questionable. In that way, everything that man spoke was uncanny. When a person who seems like a liar never tells a lie, how can I be sure of anything he said? Their truth feels like lies and their lies feel like the truth. Kyle spoke with the confidence of a prevaricator.

He talked like he knew it all, but he was never too far out there. When he said something crazy, there was evidence. What might a person who was so in touch with reality have as a Delusion?

In any case, I don’t like him, but he provided much needed guidance.

Thank you.

“We aren’t really going to stop seeing each other, are we? I trust you guys,” Simon stares at the table.

Christina looks a little conflicted about that. She must want to steer clear from everyone now, but she may be convinced by Simon.

“No, we can still be friends, if you’d like. I trust you all too. Right guys?” I say.

Dylan gives a proud, “Yup!”

Sarah hesitates but nods.

Rachel also agrees.

“Then it’s settled, want to keep holding meetings on our own? Even if it isn’t to find more about Delusions, we could have them just to see each other, have some fun.”

Simon looks up from the table and takes a moment to process before letting himself smile, “Yeah!”

“Well, then I’ll see you two later!”

We all said our goodbyes and set off.

I don’t feel like biking, so I load my bike onto Sarah’s car. Dylan and Rachel are riding too.

Rachel is dropped off first and then Dylan. We wave them off and then it’s just us.

“We missed an opportunity to ask Kyle about your ability, Sarah.”

“Yeah… I guess we did. I still can’t use it, either. He left so quickly. He hardly even waited to get a response from us”

“Sorry if this is too personal, but after hearing Kyle’s speech, why do you have invisibility? You’re shy, but I feel like that doesn’t really cut it.”

She freezes for a second and then considers.

“I wouldn’t tell this to anyone, but because it’s you,” She pauses briefly. “I’m shy, but it’s a little more than that, I’ve never had many friends. I don’t mean that like I’ve only had 3 friends at a time, I mean I’ve only had 2 friends aside from you and Dylan, ever.”

Wow. That’s impossibly low. Even I’ve had more than that.

“I’m pretty antisocial, so I don’t dislike it. I’m not lonely, I have plenty of fun on my own. Most people are more taxing to talk to than there is pay off. I’ll only tell you this because I don’t believe you’d take it personally, I don’t like people. There’s always times when it’s nice to talk, but I also love being alone. While I’ve always had few friends, I’ve never had a single enemy. Never bullied, never hurt. I’m practically not even there. You could say, I’m invisible. Nobody acknowledges me, and I like it that way. I feel uncomfortable in large groups of people too, so when I went to school that day, in the crowd, I really wanted to be invisible. Not to mention, nobody, even in a crowd, talks to me, so I’m already invisible anyway. Or it feels like it.”

That’s really different from me. On the surface, we’re both kids who are lonely because we suck so bad at socializing, but in reality she never wanted to socialize in the first place. I’ve been legitimately lonely but she doesn’t mind. She prefers it. I had the wrong idea about her.

I won’t ask, but I wonder if she even gets attention from her family? From her word choice, it doesn’t sound like it.

Sarah reconsiders, “Well, I say that, but I regretted being invisible and even hated the feeling. Quite the contradiction. That’s just how humans are, I guess. I don’t want to interact with others but when I couldn’t, I was scared.”

Wow. She has some really interesting thoughts.

“I see. That’s interesting. I’m not bugging you when I talk to you, am I?”

“No, and if you stop acting the same way you have to me, I’ll be mad. That’s why it’s you that I told. I w- think you can understand me better.”

I don’t really get it but, “Alright then. So if that’s the deeper meaning to invisibility, why have you lost it?”

She stops again, not a regular pause to think, but a pause that is worried, she even blushes a little, “I don’t know.”

“Can I ask Kyle about it?”

“N- well… maybe. No. I’ll ask him. I’ll tell you what he says.”

The car stops at my house and I unload my bike.

“Thanks for driving.”

“No problem, but before you leave,” Her tone stiffens. “There’s something important I need to tell you. It’s about Luke.”

“Luke? What happened?”

Again, with a pause to think out her words, like usual, “He wanted to kill someone so that he could take their gem, right? Because stealing a gem probably wouldn’t work. Odds are, he already stole someone’s gem and it just teleported away. Luke wouldn’t attempt to kill someone before trying the easier route. So the only way to steal a gem is to kill the owner first.”

So I guess we wouldn’t die or anything if we’d done the experiment back at the first meeting. We’ve been really paranoid. Kyle rubbed off on us.

“That makes sense to me.”

“But, do you see the problem? Everyone overlooked it, but it’s really dangerous.”

“Well, come on then. What is it?”

“You see…” She stumbles again, it takes her several seconds to find words that she’s willing to say. “I hate to suggest that someone here is still betraying us but, Luke’s gem, it’s unaccounted for.”

“... Are you saying that someone took it?”

“It’s just a possibility, but the only one who could have taken it is Kyle. He’s the one who buried Luke. If we assume that it was him, he ran away right after obtaining it. He distanced himself from us before we found out what he did.”

Damn that Kyle!

“I can’t believe him!”

Sarah looks at me with worry, “Yeah… It seems bad. He might have betrayed us.”

“We need to confront him somehow. If he did, then I’ll give him a piece of my mind… It’s late, though, so let’s pick up this conversation tomorrow.”

“Sure, don’t tell Dylan about this though. Not him, or anyone else. With the possibility of it being stolen, I don’t really know who else to trust, other than you.”

“Thanks for trusting me. I won’t tell Dylan, only because you said so, I think he is trustworthy, though.”

“Thank you, Allen. So, I’ll see you later.”

“See you.”

I wonder why she trusts me more than Dylan? We’ve known each other the same length.

Returning home, I casually walk through my doorway. No one is home, it’s just after dinner so my parents have been gone to work for a while. I microwave a frozen dinner and relax.

Today was packed with info.

I bide time until bed and then think about the events.

If our powers are Delusions, then what’s that say about my dream of becoming a hero? Is that just some delusion? The term Delusion seems inaccurate. That’s surprising coming from Kyle, he’s usually on point. But my dream is not just a delusion.

Despite having just got in bed, I stand up again and walk outside.

The stars glow above me. The brightest star in the sky reassures me of my dream.

I know it isn’t a delusion. I’ve already made the first step. It may have been one yesterday, but today, it’s no longer a delusion. I have the ability to protect others.

I take another deep breath as I think of my aspirations.

I can and will become a hero.