Delusions of Grandeur

I knock on my own door as if I was a stranger. Despite only going to my own house to speak with my own parents, I’m nervous. I lied to them about something I could never tell the truth about. Not only that, but I’ve worried them to death! How can I just come back days early and say, “False alarm!” with a smile on my face?

I feel as though I want to turn back. Maybe it would have been better to never return home? If I knew how I would feel in this moment before hand, If I could have avoided this awful feeling of nervousness and anxiety that I feel right now, I may have chosen to never come back.

But, it’s too late.

I’ve knocked and my parents are already coming to the door.

I need to find an excuse to tell them. But, that’s lying, isn’t it? Isn’t that the reason I hate Kyle?

Well, guess I can’t hide from it. As bad as I feel right now, I need to somehow tell them the truth. It’s going to be hard to say, but I need to.

But… do I?

The door swings open in front of me and my mom looks at me with tears in her eyes.

Before I have a chance to react, she’s already run over and hugged me. She holds me tight and close to her while in tears.

“You scared me! You’ve never done anything like this before… Allen, we’ve been so worried about you.”

Mom speaks with a shaky voice that’s been muffled by her speaking into my chest. I hadn’t noticed until now, but when did I get bigger than her?

I really am getting older, aren’t I?

I can’t help but stand speechless as she cries while holding me tight. I’m not sure what to do with my arms and I can’t force any tears to fall. I feel so out of place. Am I supposed to cry in this reunion too?

More and more seconds pass without me moving. What do I say? What do I do? I had expected to be yelled at and scolded but-

Do I say ‘I’m back?’

Maybe ‘thank you?’

But, I can only think of one thing right now,

“I’m sorry.”

Sitting down on the living room couch across from my mom and dad, I wait in the uncomfortable silence. I haven’t been able to gather my thoughts or speak yet. I don’t know what I could possibly say. My mom still has tears in her eyes and my dad has been holding her hand.

My dad starts us off, “What were you doing?”

He speaks like he’s truly curious. He doesn’t sound mad like I predicted, nor worried. I guess me just being here is enough for him to think I’m safe.

Somehow, the calm voice is even more scary. He’s been a police officer for years and so he’s a real tough guy. He has a stern face and sounds like he’s interrogated his odd criminal.

Again, no words can come to mind. I had intended on telling them everything but, I just can’t. They wouldn’t believe a word about super powers, not that I blame them for that. I’d probably just be signing myself up for therapy with that route.

“I’m sorry,” I repeat as though it were my catch phrase.

What can I possibly tell them? I said that I was going on a road trip with friends and I took their car to do it! What kind of idiot would do that? If only I had come up with a better lie.

No. Lying is wrong but… It’s justified here because I did it to save my friends. Yes, it was a good lie.

My dad looks at my seventh ‘sorry’ the same way he’s seen the last six, “Allen. We need to know what’s going on so that we can help. Trust us.”

No matter what I say now, I won’t be believed. There isn’t a single real reason that all of this would add up. I mean, I’ve dug my grave further still by continuing to apologize. What would cause me to go on the road trip only to come back in a day and apologize a lot?

“I- I’m sorry. I was intoxicated. I got drunk and must’ve made that call when I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry.”

Somehow, the best lie came to mind.

My mom looked at me with the same sad face while my dad sighed and grew less angry.

“You won’t do it again, will you? I feel that the hard way is the best way to learn. With the amount of ‘sorrys’ you’ve been spouting, I can trust that you won’t be foolish enough to drink that much again, right?”

“Of course,” I say without making eye contact.

My own parents wouldn’t turn me in for drinking underage and it’s the only way to explain my odd behavior. The worst that could have come of this was getting grounded for an extended period of time, but I guess my clean track record for this kind of thing helped me out. From the way he spoke, it sounded like my dad had his share of alcohol in high school too.

The lie I spoke was equivalent to the truth, from the eyes of my parents. The lie filled in the gaps perfectly, but wasn’t true. What’s the difference if it was true then? To them, there really isn’t one. This must have been what Kyle was talking about.

A good lie is the same as telling the truth. From the eyes of those lied to, they’ll never know the difference. It won’t effect them at all.

It feels a little dirty but… I lied for my friends. I would never lie normally, but the situation called for it. I had to.

My dad went on about his days in high school while my mom pulled herself together. They both scolded me to not be stupid again, but left without dealing a punishment. I guess they think that from the way I was acting, it’s been punishment enough. Not to mention that the only thing they could really do is “ground” their nearly adult child.

It was night when the talk was finished and I went straight to bed. As tired as I was, it still took me a while to sift through the thoughts and find sleep.

Although I wished for a dream, I got a nightmare.

I stand in the forest with charred grass and watch as Dylan is killed by Rachel again and again. Horrible imagery and detail forced me to relive the death of my best friend. All the while, a sick and twisted laugh rung out through the forest.

“Make it stop! Make it stop!” I shout to no avail.

Desperately, I out run towards Dylan attempting to save him, but each time I come up short. No matter how fast I run, I can’t reach them.

The hysterical laughter chilled me to my bones.

Rachel’s hands strangled Dylan and held him in the air. He struggled to breathe but couldn’t get free.

The sound of that horrible laugh resounded over and over through the forest.

Suddenly, I realized.

Oh, the laughter is my own.

I stare into the eyes of Simon and hold him by the neck in the same way Rachel had held Dylan. Simon struggles to breath and all I can do is laugh and laugh.

“Bzzzzt… Bzzzzt… Bzzzzt…”

I sit up fast and in a cold sweat.

I’m drenched and breathe heavily.

What a horrible nightmare…

I get up, take a shower, and brush my teeth like usual.

Somehow, I still have school today.

The world has persisted and stayed the same even though I’ve endured many tragedies. Everyone continues to move forwards despite my existence. It feels like my problems aren’t real. No matter what awful thing happens to me, there will still be school tomorrow.

I have six glowing yellow gems in my pocket. I haven’t experimented with them the same way as Kyle, but through just having them I learned more about their properties.

They don’t take up any space when they aren’t being observed. They appear again at will whenever I grab somewhere I can’t see, usually that’s my pocket. I can choose to grab one or all of them, but just owning six gems doesn’t effect my life in any way. I expected they may get annoying when they’re all ways filling up my pockets and clinking around, but that doesn’t even happen. They’re closer to being nonexistent.

Sometimes it feels like everyone died for nothing. The only thing they left behind for me was their gems, but they don’t even feel real.

I’ll make them feel real. I’ll become god and make this world perfect. I need to. For Dylan.

I’ve already made up my mind. I’m going to kill Simon and Kyle.

Although, Kyle won’t be so easy. I don’t believe his suicide plan for a second.

I walk downstairs and eat my eggs for breakfast.

“Thanks, mom.”

“Of course! I’m glad you like them.”

I grab my bag and start to head out.

“You’re leaving really early. You could stay a while longer.”

“I’m sorry.”

“What’s there to be sorry for? If you mean yesterday, you can give it a rest. I’ll always forgive you no matter what. You need to make sure that you can learn and grow from your mistakes. No amount of me punishing you can help with that. I trust you to learn on your own, but I’ll always be here as a backboard in your time of need. So, it’s alright.”

“I…” I don’t know what to say. I’m lying to her. What do I even begin to say here? “I’m sorry. Thank you.”

Mom smiles at me, “You seem different lately. You’re getting older so fast. I’ll miss you when you leave.”

“Yeah, I’ll miss you too.”

“You know, somehow, even though you’ve only been apologizing, you seem confident with something. Ever since you made your new friends, you’ve been so much more confident. It’s a good look on you! But, make sure you pick your friends right! If they’re the ones who made you drink so much-”

“No, no. They aren’t. It’s all my fault. But, thank you so much.”

She just smiles at me while I turn around to leave again.

“Have a great day!”

“I will. Thanks.”

Jumping on my bike, I pedal to school as fast as I can.

The day plays out like normal. I go through the same motions as always and meet up with Sarah at the end of the day.

“Sorry Sarah, I need to go home early today. I got grounded for… you know.”

“… Oh. I’m sorry to hear that. Well, I hope you aren’t too bored.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

We walk out of the main doors and I hop on my bike. She follows me to it like usual and waves me goodbye as I turn onto the street.

***

Something is different with Allen today.

I watch him bike off onto the road.

He said he was grounded and needed to go home, but he’s definitely heading in the opposite direction that he’s supposed to.

I suspect Kyle has something to do with this. I hope Allen isn’t being threatened.

I get in my car and follow him. This feels like a wrong thing to do, but if he’s being threatened then I need to help.

He follows roads I’ve been down before and stops on a familiar street. He parks his bike at the old school building I thought I’d never see again.

Is this another meeting with Kyle?

I stop my car far in the distance and walk towards the school. Slowly, I make my way to the run down building.

Should I tell Allen that I’m here? I don’t hear talking so Kyle isn’t here yet. Should I wait around or just say hello? I’ll give it a few minutes. I have a bad feeling about this. If he’s being lied to by Kyle then I need to hear all of it.

Ever so gently, I open the door to the building without making a sound. Just as gently, I shut the door behind me.

Good. Not a sound.

I peak through the doorless doorway of the classroom. Allen is sitting and playing on his phone while he waits. He sits in his usual chair with his back to the door.

Oddly enough, the barricade on the door that Rachel used to kidnap me was gone. There used to be chairs and boards blocking it off so that I couldn’t escape. I wonder who removed them? Maybe Kyle? He seems like he’s the most attached to this building. He’s the one who knew of it and suggested it in the first place.

There’s a loud knock on the door behind me.

He’s here!

Swiftly, I open up the door to the room I was kidnapped in and hide inside. I hope that Allen didn’t see me. He probably didn’t, I think I was pretty fast on that. I kind of impress myself. He shouldn’t have heard the door over the knocking either.

“Hello,” Allen greets.

“Hello,” Replies the person I expected to hear the least.

Simon.

***

“Hello,” I greet Allen from the doorway.

Despite the warm temperature out, he wears a long-sleeved jacket.

His text was just vague enough to get me to come. It read, “Hello Simon. I didn’t think that I was going to need to talk to you so soon. I have bad news about the gems. They’re more dangerous than we imagined. Meet me at the old building after school.”

I figure Allen wouldn’t lie, although the possibility hasn’t slipped my mind. My pocket knife is already out behind my back. If I need to, I’ll get out of here. This time, I won’t go to the back of the class either. I learned that the hard way. I’ll sit as close to the door and as far away from him as possible.

“About those gems,” Allen speaks with a bit of fear in his voice. “It seems that just having them can negatively influence physical health.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, now that I have six gems, my strength has been declining at a rapid rate. I think it was happening before I got the extra gems, but the effects are obvious now. I feel weaker and heavy. I don’t know how much worse it can get, honestly. I’ve been worried that I’ll die like this.”

Die? No, I can’t die. The only one who knows how to kill me is Kyle, but if my gem will kill me over time…

“Are you serious? How bad is it for you right now?”

“I could hardly get through school today. Really, it feels terrible,” Allen sounds sincere as he speaks.

Now that he mentions it… maybe I feel a little weaker? Maybe not? I guess it’s hard to tell because after Christina… stopped putting her weight on me, I’ve only felt healthier. I suppose it’s possible I’ve been declining in health but I couldn’t notice because a separate weight was lifted.

“Do you know of a way to stop it, or did you just call me here to tell me that we’re doomed?”

“Well, I figured you could help out. You’re smarter than me, and I don’t want to ask Kyle. He gives off bad vibes.”

“What about Sarah? I’m sure she’s smarter than me.”

“Well, I don’t want to bring her into this. I haven’t told her about my health either.”

I relax my grip on my knife and fold it into my pocket. Everything he’s said makes sense. We haven’t known a thing about the gems all this time, I don’t doubt they may be harmful. His distrust of Kyle and concern for Sarah help me trust him too. He sounds really sincere about all of this, it checks out. And, if his he’s weakened right now, I bet I could get away even if he tried to attack me.

Relaxed, I walk into the classroom slowly and sit in the chair two away from Allen. It’s close to the door and far enough away from him.

The old four empty chairs have become six. Thinking about it sends chills down my spine.

Luke was killed by Dylan.

Dylan was killed trying to stop Rachel.

Rachel killed herself.

Sarah lost her gem.

Kyle ran away.

Christina sacrificed herself for me.

Only two remain.

Thinking about the loss of Christina makes me sick. This world is too cruel. It’s all my fault.

“Maybe we can lose our gems the same way as Sarah did?” I suggest. This is the only way that I can live, if Allen isn’t lying or mistaken.

Funny, I need to lose my immortality to live.

“No. It isn’t so easy to do the same as her. For you it would certainly be impossible. You want to lose your gem so you can live, but you have to give up on life for you to no longer be deluded. A contradiction like that can never come to pass.”

“So, you’re telling me that this is it?”

“Not exactly. I came to you so that you could help me. If you think of anything, let me know.”

“Fine,” I owe him for saving me, so it couldn’t hurt to share information with him too. “Is that all?”

“No. I also figured we could talk about something else…”

“What could that be?”

“Your Delusion. Why did you let Christina die?”

Don’t say that. Please. Don’t make me feel worse than I already do.

“I- I was afraid.”

Allen’s tone of sadness and fear changed to being a little angry and pitying, “You let her die because you were selfish. Do you think that you were justified in doing so?”

“I don’t know. It was my life or hers. She told me to live so…”

“Is it really because she wanted you to live? Or is it because you wanted to live?”

“I-” I wanted to live. I did. In the moment I wasn’t able to think of anyone but myself. “I don’t know.”

“You insist on playing dumb?” His voice gains volume. “You’re selfish. Your selfishness caused Christina to die. Don’t you think that you need punished?”

“P-punished? It’s not my fault! I only did what I had to!”

It’s starting to seem bad. I reach into my pocket to grab my knife.

Before I’m able to even reach it, Allen shoots up at blinding speeds and grabs my throat.

“It’s your fault. You caused Christina to die!” Allen yells as he holds me above the floor.

My throat is nearly closed but I manage to push out a few more words, “You’re… wrong! It’s not my…”

“Face it Simon. You’re arrogant, cowardly, malicious, thoughtless, and selfish. You’re evil!”

His inhuman strength grasps around my neck and I can no longer breathe.

Stop it. Stop it!

I need to live… I need to…

My legs kick but can’t reach far enough. My hands scratch his arms but his long sleeved jacket prevents much damage. He’s learned from last time. This was his plan from the beginning.

He set me up!

I thought I was prepared for it if he did this, but he seemed so sincere. I let my guard down. The whole gem thing must be a lie too. I thought I could get to my knife in time if he tried to grab me, but he’s magnitudes faster than he was before. I felt wind pass my face when he stood.

He’s not squeezing as hard as he was last time. Last time he dropped me as soon as my neck broke, but now he’s waiting for me to suffocate. Allen isn’t smart so how did he…?

Kyle!

It’s too late now. My mind is starting to get fuzzy. Maybe I should give up?

Maybe it’s about time it all ended.

I’ve had a good life.

Thank you, mom.

Thank you, dad.

Sorry, Christina. I loved you.

The world grows darker and darker around me.

All of a sudden I hear the faint sound of a door swing open and someone yelling.

***

“Stop it!” Sarah yells.

I didn’t want her to see this. I wanted her to stay out of this. When did she get here?

“Sarah… I- I’m just doing what needs to be done.”

Sarah looks horrified, “What needs to be done? We were finished! The story was over. How could you?”

“No! He deserves it! He killed Christina!”

My grip on Simon loosens as I attempt to defend myself.

Seeing his moment of opportunity, Simon swings a knife at my wrist. With my new power, I easily drop him and move out of the way before being so much as grazed.

Simon stumbles across the floor and hides behind Sarah. She invites him behind her and puts out a hand to protect him.

“No, Sarah. How could you? He’s evil! If I just had his and Kyle’s gems, I could protect everyone!”

“Allen. You need to stop this. I understand you want to become that hero, but you’re already a hero. You saved me!”

No. I’m no hero. I let Dylan die and I let Simon and Kyle live. I couldn’t kill Rachel when I needed to either. I’m as far from a hero as you can get. But, I could be stronger.

My strength persists because there’s more justice to be served, “Step aside.”

Sarah grits her teeth and stomps into the ground, “No! You need to listen to me.”

Whatever, I can just go around her. She’ll forgive me.

Using my power, I get ready to grab Simon from behind her.

Sarah lets out a yelp as a pocket knife is pressed against her neck. Simon grabs her and pulls her into a choke hold with a knife at her throat.

“Don’t move! I’ll kill her!”

What do I do now? This just proves that Simon is evil. Now I’ll kill him no matter what. But, how can I save Sarah at the same time?

“D-” Sarah attempts to speak but is cut of by Simon cutting the surface of her skin.

The sight of Sarah being taken hostage and cut by Simon infuriates me. Justice needs to be served. He’s clearly the evil one here. I’m good!

But, again, I’m powerless. How can I stop him now? I’ll be endangering Sarah’s life if I continue.

No! I have strength now! My power far exceeds even Rachel’s. I’m the strongest one alive. I can do this. I can do anything. Yes, Simon has nothing compared to me.

Simon begins to slowly back up while taking Sarah with him.

Using my full strength, I leap towards Simon. I prepare a punch to hit him in the face just over Sarah’s shoulder.

Startled, Simon screams and trips backwards.

My fist nails Simon in the face and smashes him against the wall. I shout loudly to put more power into it. The wall cracks apart releasing an explosion of sound. Any normal person would’ve been crushed. Not him though.

Finishing what I started, I grab his neck and lift him to the air. He screams trying to call for help.

He looks horrified. His face is more sickening than any I’ve ever seen before. He looks like he’s in much more despair than he was last time. What’s different now? Maybe the pain of being hit?

Simon’s eyes are locked gazing helplessly at the blood soaked floor. He stares at the ground completely ignoring the fact that he’s being strangled.

Oh no.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It’s not my fault.

Simon did this!

It’s not my fault!

Sarah lies lifelessly on the ground in a pool of blood.