I'll Protect You

My time spent as the Bara-gumi's lapdog had proceeded fruitfully over the course of two long, arduous weeks. While I remained glued to Kazuya's side during the day, collecting debts from not-so-eager clients, I found myself with loads of free time at night, where I would frequent the red-light district to visit my good friends, Hidaka Jin and Nozomi.

Nozomi, at some point, had insisted that I use my nights to have sleepovers with her, and it became a regular occurrence that I would stay up well past midnight while chatting with Nozomi about the latest trends, ranging from fashion to manga and so on.

It wasn't until now, my tenth official sleepover with her, that she decided to pry information about my past from me. I, of course, did my best to respond honestly when she asked,
"What was it like living without your parents?"

"Without my parents?"
I pondered her question for a long time, allowing her to finish painting my nails with a pink gloss that matched the hue of my natural hair color. Speaking of my hair, it had been cut much shorter than before, courtesy of Nozomi. She had given me a complete makeover with hair that just barely reached my shoulders, and bangs that cutely covered my forehead.

"I've never met my mom either, so I guess I'm just curious about what it would be like not to have Papa around. Personally, I don't think I would be as strong as you are, Mika-chan."
Nozomi lifted her head to gaze at me, her eyes filled with uncertainty.

"I'm not so sure. I've never met my parents, so I don't really have a basis for comparison regarding what a normal life with them would entail."
I spoke softly as I admired my freshly painted nails.
"As for being strong, well, I'm not. I'm a weak, small girl living in an adult's world. Every night was a battle for survival, and other than Sato-san, I didn't have anyone to save me from when someone wanted to use my body for pleasure."

Nozomi's eyes widened at my confession. I could see the disgust in her eyes at the mention of unwanted sexual advances, and how much she was fighting back the urge to cry for me. Instead of prying too deep, Nozomi opted for a simpler question.
"Who is Sato-san?"

I felt my lips quiver around a suppressed smile.
"Sato-san was my homeless mentor. Well, not like a teacher or anything, but someone who felt like a wise, all-knowing being that taught me the way of vagrancy."
My gaze drifted to Nozomi's window, and I was entranced by the neon lights outside as I reminisced.
"Sato-san said that when I was a baby, he saved me from a pretty gruesome crime scene involving my mother's dead body, but always refused to elaborate further when I pressed him. He was always so obsessed with maintaining my innocence."
I giggled.

Nozomi's fingers intertwined with mine, and I could hear her soft sniffling begin as she spoke.
"Mika-chan, that's horrible! Why didn't Sato-san put you up for adoption with an orphanage?! You had already been through so much as a baby, and he forced you into homelessness by taking you away from a crime scene!"

I gently grasped her hand, shaking my head as I smiled through the painful memories.
"It's not like that. Sato-san said I was the most adorable little girl he had ever seen, and he knew that if he gave me to some filthy run-down orphanage, that he would never forgive himself."
I gave Nozomi a reassuring nod.
"I actually enjoyed my life as a vagrant, Nozomi-chan. When I was old enough to run, I began to steal food and saké for Sato-san and his buddies. It was always such a fun time when they drank saké, because it meant that I could sing and dance with them."

Nozomi leaned her head on my shoulder, gazing out the window into the night sky alongside me.
"Mika-chan... you keep saying 'was.' Does that mean that Sato-san is..."

I knew what she was about to ask. Before she could, I shrugged, trying not to appear saddened by the thought of it all.
"He's dead. It was only a few months ago when I woke up and found his body dangling from his neck under a bridge a few kilometers away from our camp. I guess I try not to think about it too much. What kind of man was Sato-san? Why would he decide to hang himself after claiming to love his homeless life? Maybe someone hung him after he got into a fight? The more I question it, the more I'm filled with a rage so dangerous that I want to destroy this world and all of the pain it brings us."

Nozomi wrapped her arm around my waist, pulling me into a snuggle that felt like bliss. Her tears were already seeping through the fluffy sweater I was borrowing from her, and I wasn't sure what to do next. I began to stroke her hair, hoping it would ease her frustration. She spoke against my torso, her voice muffled,
"I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry, Mika-chan, but you were wrong about one thing."

I looked down at Nozomi, taking note of how beautiful her crying face was when she met my gaze. In the spur of the moment, my hand cupped her cheek, and my thumb began to wipe away the remnants of tears spilling down her eyes.
"What's that, Nozomi-chan?"

She mimicked my gesture, planting her hand on my cheek as she whispered,
"You're definitely strong. You're the strongest girl I've ever met."

I felt my breath hitch. Never before had someone given me such honest, innocent encouragement like Nozomi had.

I'm... strong? I'm strong. Nozomi-chan thinks I'm strong, so I have to be her ideal image of strength. I can't cry now because strong girls don't cry! Kazuya told me the same thing the other day. But what even is strength? Physically, I'm weak and fragile, so she must be referring to my mental state. But if I'm so strong, then why does her embrace make me so weak?!

"Mika-chan? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Nozomi tilted her head to the side.

I hadn't realized it, but I was furrowing my brow quite heavily, and my nose was crinkled above my frowning lips. I quickly softened my expression back into a forced smile, continuing my strokes on her scalp.
"Sorry, Nozomi-chan. You're right, I'm... strong. I'm strong enough to protect you from this world that's taken a hold of me. I promise I'll protect you with every ounce of strength I can muster. I won't allow you to suffer a fate as grim as mine just because your father is in debt. Let me talk to the Bara-gumi; I'm sure I can work something out to ensure your safety."

I'll never forget the look on Nozomi's face when she smiled that night. Her soft, navy blue-colored eyes glistened in the neon lights emitting from her window, and her perfectly white teeth shone as she let out a giggle of happiness that rang in my eardrums like church bells on a cool summer morning. She was absolutely beautiful, down to the finest pores on her face. Perhaps it was envy that I was feeling; envy that she had a hero to protect her when times got tough, but knowing that I would potentially be responsible for saving her father in the days to come filled me with an egotistical pride I had never felt before. I savored that feeling on a silver spoon, letting the joy seep through my veins as I had finally found a purpose in my meaningless life.

* * *

The following morning, I arose much earlier than Nozomi, and slipped out of Hidaka's Ramen and Beer before the sun had time to peek over the horizon. I had a new goal in mind, and I knew I couldn't rely on Kazuya to help me, much less Harumi, Nobu, or the mysterious Takeshi, whom I hadn't even met yet. I would face Charlotte directly, and do everything in my power to ensure Hidaka Jin and Hidaka Nozomi's safety; even if it meant performing yubitsume.