Two Sides

The day I spent shadowing Kazuya had passed in a blur, half due to sleep deprivation and half due to abandoning my emotions and living life as a well-trained dog. Luckily for me, there was no yubitsume, but every client was a guessing game when it came to who had their debt money and who didn't.

By the end of the night, Kazuya abandoned me with just a few parting words:
"Good job today, kid. They seem to fear your quiet stares more than most of the other Kobun."
Shortly after, Kazuya departed the red-light district of Tokyo, leaving me standing alone at a literal crossroads.

I didn't have even a single yen coin on me, and Charlotte's decision to keep me away from Harumi's apartment meant that I had nowhere to return to for a meal and a good night's sleep. My thoughts drifted to Masaaki, and I remembered that I still had his crumpled business card stuffed in my breast pocket alongside the tanto blade given to me by Kazuya yesterday. My first plan of action was to shack up in his store for the night and borrow his cellphone in the morning to tell Kazuya my whereabouts. With haste, I scanned the streets for Masaaki's clothing store, eager to spend the night in the company of someone I considered a friend.

* * *

By the time I arrived, it was well past midnight. I stood for ten whole minutes, knocking at different intervals against the locked door. To no avail, Masaaki left the door unanswered. I thought that it was foolish of me to think that someone as flamboyant as Masaaki would still be in his shop after midnight on a Saturday, when the local host clubs were mere meters away where he could cuddle up to his beloved "special friends."

Of course, this left my heart feeling a bit heavy. If there was anyone who could understand and sympathize with what I had been through in the past three days, it would undoubtedly be Masaaki. I picked up the pace and headed out into the night to the one place I felt most comfortable: a dark alleyway.

There was something refreshing about being out under the stars once again, and it had felt like so long since I had the scent of garbage and gutter water surrounding me as I nestled deeper into a cardboard blanket. The sofa in Harumi's apartment was certainly bliss, but the fond memories of sleeping outdoors did wonders to ease my anxiety, if you subtract the risk of running into a drunken salaryman. The red-light district is without a doubt the worst place for a teenage girl to be sleeping without a roof, but that night, I snored like an elderly dog enjoying a leisurely nap in the sun.

* * *

I was rudely awakened by the weight of a garbage bag landing directly on my head, splitting open and covering me in pure filth. I shrieked and sat up, still disoriented as I heard a similar shriek call out,
"Kya! Papa, there's a girl here!"

I wiped the vegetable and meat juices from my eyes, staring up at a young girl, around my age, wearing a navy blue colored school skirt and a buttoned up white shirt with a bow tie. Her black hair was tied in two adorable buns, and her eyes seemed frightened at the sight of me.

"Sorry! I didn't realize-"
I was immediately cut off from finishing my sentence.

"No! I should be apologizing to you! I had no idea you were under that cardboard!"
The girl squatted down to my level, her skirt leaving little to the imagination as she reached her hand out toward me.
"Are you hurt? Can you stand?"

I began to offer her my own hand, but immediately pulled back out of fear of soiling her silky smooth skin.
"I'm okay. You don't have to apologize."

Regardless of my motion, this angelic young girl grabbed my hand. She assisted me to my feet, brushing the blazer of my suit off with her bare hands.
"Oh my gosh, you're a mess. Here, I'll lend you some of my clothes inside. You can use my bath too if you'd like."

"N-no, I'm really okay. I'm used to this kind of stuff."
I offered a nervous chuckle to ease the tension, to which she immediately pouted.

"Used to? That's horrible! Nobody should have to sleep outside and get drenched in trash juice. You're coming inside whether you want to or not."
She dragged me deeper into the backrooms of the building I had been sleeping behind. The smell of miso broth filled the air as I headed upstairs behind her. I could feel my stomach rumbling at the scent alone, and I was sure she heard it too.

"Thank you. You're very kind."
I bowed my head as she shoved me into her bathroom.

"Nonsense! I'll leave some of my loungewear in the changing room for when you're out, okay? Just leave that suit out for me to wash."
The girl smiled at me, her eyes gleaming brighter than the morning sun over Tokyo Bay.

I began to shed my now-soiled suit, noticing the scent of lavender and hibiscus flooding my nostrils the longer I stood. I could hear the girl scrambling around in her room just outside the bathroom, saying loudly,
"I'm totally going to be late for class. Gosh, I'm such a klutz."

I thought it best to simply scrub myself clean and avoid going through the trouble of heating up an entire bath for just myself. I used the lavender-scented soaps and shampoo to roughly cleanse my body and hair, trying my best to hurry so she wouldn't miss out on her time in school.

I quickly dried myself off with the nearest towel, peeking into the changing room to see a pair of trendy cotton gym shorts, the kind that has those tiny little V-shaped cuts on the thighs. I slipped them onto my body with a fluffy white sweater complementing my torso. It took a while before I snapped out of my trance as I was staring at myself like an idol in her mirror. I had never been dressed in such cute clothes before, and it made me incredibly happy to see myself looking like one of those schoolgirls that I admired so much.

The sound of soft knocking jolted me from my twirling, accompanied by the girl's soft voice calling out to me.
"Are you okay in there? I hope my clothes fit you decently."

"I'm okay! S-sorry!"
I quickly opened the door, blushing furiously as I made eye contact with her.

Her timid giggle innocently caressed my ears as she said,
"You look so cute in that sweater! I'm glad it fits you!"

I hid my own face beneath my bangs, keeping my eyes downcast.
"Thank you. I feel really cute in this, too."

"Your hair's kind of a mess, huh? You can borrow the brush in my room later. Quick, let's go eat breakfast with Papa before I head to cram school."
She tugged me back downstairs, her enthusiasm making me smile with each step. I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve such generosity so early in the morning, but turning down a proper breakfast and a warm shower was simply against my principles.

I turned the corner of the staircase's hallway, immediately freezing as I realized why the thick scent of miso broth felt so familiar to me when I walked in. I could feel the smile on my face disappear as I stared none other than Hidaka Jin directly in his wide, nervous eyes. My heart sank so hard I thought for sure I was about to pass out.

You've got to be kidding me!

The young girl seemed to sense the tension in the air, her own smile fading just as fast as mine when she realized something was definitely wrong.

Hidaka Jin took a frightened step backward, gripping the handle of a vegetable knife firmly in his injured left hand. He roared like a lion as spit flew from his lips,
"Get the fuck away from my daughter! How dare you return here after what you did to me!"
He quickly shoved the young girl behind him, keeping me as far away as possible.

"Papa?! Stop, please! What's going on?!"
The girl desperately tried to pry the knife from Hidaka Jin's hand, fighting back tears at the sudden outburst.

"Don't try to stop me, Nozomi! This girl is nothing but trouble! She's affiliated with Charlotte!"
Jin shouted Charlotte's name as if speaking of the devil himself.

I stood there, unsure of whether I should run away or fulfill my desire to apologize to him after our dispute the other day.

"So what?! It's my fault for dumping garbage on her! Just because she's affiliated doesn't mean she's dangerous!"
The girl continued her desperate attempt to pry the knife from Jin's hand.

Something came over me in that moment. Upon seeing this girl completely vouch for me, despite her probably not knowing what horrible things I had done to her own father just days prior, I dropped to my knees and prostrated myself on the floor. My forehead pressed firmly against the cold tile, and I bowed so low that I was sure I would pull a muscle.

"Hidaka Jin! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry for taking your finger!"
I shouted with desperation.

The room fell silent, and the girl rushed to my side and lowered herself to my level.
"Don't apologize! Papa told me everything about that day! He said you hesitated; that you couldn't go through with it until that evil man held you at gunpoint! You have no right to be apologizing!"

Despite her pleading, I pressed my head further into the floor.
"Hidaka Jin! I'm sorry! I did something irreversible, and no amount of apologizing will bring back your lost finger! I'm worse than a monster! I'm no better than that wicked Charlotte!"

The sound of a knife clattering to the floor caused me to jolt, but I felt a comforting four
-fingered hand rest gently against my hair soon after. I looked up with tears in my eyes, watching as Hidaka Jin offered a sorrowful frown in place of his earlier fear.

"Nozomi is right. It's true that you begged not to harm me that day. You're just a child, and you reminded me so much of my daughter that I couldn't stand to see Kazuya aim that gun between your eyes."
His fingers gently caressed my messy, damp hair.

"But... I did something unforgivable. How could you ever forgive me for taking your finger?!"
I wiped the snot from my nose, not having the courage to look into his eyes longer than necessary.

"It's just a finger. I can still make the best ramen in all of Tokyo without it, you know?"
Jin let out a small chuckle, removing his hand from my head and standing up to hug his daughter.

I sat up, staring at Jin with confusion and remorse. It must have been obvious that I was hungry because, shortly after I stood up, Jin thrust a bowl of miso soup into my hands and gestured toward the countertop of the bar.

"You can stay for breakfast. But once you're done, I don't want you hanging around my daughter ever again."
Jin said that last sentence with a hint of venom in his voice, and I understood why.

There was no way that a yakuza girl and a schoolgirl could ever be friends without somebody getting hurt. I had a duty to serve Charlotte, and this girl had a bright future ahead of her. We were two complete polar opposites, no matter how hard it was for me to accept that. I could never be like her, and I was praying that she would never end up like me. Through the flavor of miso soup and grilled fish, I savored the moment of company with a girl my age, wearing her fluffy pajamas under a warm, comfortable roof in the heat of summertime.

As I finished the last few bites of my fish, the girl turned to me with a sad expression. Her hand gently cupped mine, and she spoke with a bit of fluctuation in her voice.
"Why do you serve Charlotte? Why can't you just leave that life behind? You're a kind girl; I can tell that much with a single glance. You should be going to school and making friends, not spending your nights hiding out in ramen shop alleyways."

I didn't have the courage to look her in the eyes. I drooped my head low, hiding my face beneath my untrimmed bangs.
"I don't have a choice. It was either join the Bara-gumi or become a prostitute. I think I speak for most people when I say that joining the yakuza is a much better life than being sexually assaulted day after day. But if it were up to me, I would have loved to continue living as a vagrant in the streets of Sanya when stealing meals and necessities felt like a game to me."

The girl's grip on my hand tightened, and I could see glistening tears threatening to escape her eyes.
"That's not fair! You shouldn't have to endure any of those things at your age!"

"Nozomi, that's enough. I'm sure she's heard it all before."
Jin spoke softly as he struggled to slice his vegetables with missing fingers.

"Nozomi? Your name is Nozomi, right?"
I asked her with uncertainty.

"Yeah, I'm Hidaka Nozomi."
She smiled, though there was still a hint of sadness beneath her gaze.

"I'm Umeda Mika. It was nice to meet you, Hidaka Nozomi."
I stood up, gently removing her grip on my hand as I made my way toward the staircase to retrieve my unwashed suit.

"Can I call you Mika-chan?!"
Nozomi shouted from the counter, desperation evident in her voice.

There it is again. Someone is asking to call me -chan. Why do people even want to be my friend, anyway?

I smiled and nodded, halting my movements to look back at her with longing.
"Only if I can call you Nozomi-chan."

She nodded eagerly, clutching her adorably soft hands against her chest. I picked up my trash-stained suit, heading toward the door before a voice called out to me.

"Wait, Umeda Mika!"
Jin shouted from the counter.

I glanced over my shoulder, wondering what he had left to say before my departure.

"I was wrong about you. You're a good person. Nozomi would be sad if she couldn't see you again, so make sure you come back for a bowl of ramen sometime, okay?"
He smiled gently.

I let out a small chuckle, gesturing toward my suit and asking,
"With what money?"

"Your money's no good here. I guess it will have to be on the house, so as long as you don't bring Kazuya next time. Supervised visits only!"
Jin waved from behind the counter, his fatherly smile doing wonders for my tattered soul.

My eyes went wide, and I could feel their expectant stares boring holes into me, waiting for a cooperative answer. Just before heading out, I nodded my head and said,
"I'll be back, Nozomi-chan, Jin-san. Next time, it won't be for yubitsume, but for a bowl of ramen and a chat with my... new friend."
I exited the store, leaving no trace or contact information behind, just a promise to new comrades that I was sure would bloom into something beautiful.