The Weight of Expectations

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October arrived with falling leaves and mounting pressure.
University entrance exams loomed three months away. The school had transformed into a pressure cooker—students studying until midnight, teachers assigning practice tests weekly, guidance counselors scheduling endless meetings about applications and backup schools.
Airi had always thrived under academic pressure. But this was different. This wasn't just about grades anymore. This was about her future. About proving to her father that she and Ren were serious. About getting into Tokyo University so she could pursue her dream.
The weight of it all was crushing.
"You look exhausted," Ren observed one afternoon in the library. They were supposed to be studying, but Airi had been staring at the same page of her textbook for twenty minutes.
"I'm fine."
"You're not." He closed her textbook gently. "When's the last time you slept more than five hours?"
"I don't know. Thursday?"
"Airi, that was four days ago."
"I have to study. The entrance exam for Tokyo University is—"
"Three months away. You've been preparing for years. You're going to burn out before you even take it." He turned her chair to face him. "Talk to me. What's really going on?"
Airi felt tears prick her eyes, unexpected and unwelcome. "What if I'm not good enough?"
"You're brilliant—"
"What if brilliant isn't enough? What if I fail the exam? What if I don't get into Tokyo University?" The words tumbled out in a rush. "Your father set a test. Four years. We have to prove we're serious. But if I don't get into Tokyo, if I end up at some backup school, does that count as failing? Will your being in Kyoto and me being somewhere else entirely make it even harder?"
"Airi, breathe—"
"And what if the pressure is too much? What if I crack? What if I prove that I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am?" She was crying now, tears streaming down her face. "What if I disappoint everyone?"
Ren pulled her into his arms, letting her cry against his chest. "You could never disappoint me."
"You don't know that."
"I do know that. Because I love you for who you are, not what you achieve." He stroked her hair gently. "If you got into Tokyo University, I'd be proud. If you didn't, I'd still be proud. Because you're more than a test score, Airi."
"But my father—"
"Your father wants you to be happy. He might not show it the way you need, but he does. And yes, he set a test. But the test isn't whether you get into a specific school. It's whether we choose each other through the hard times. Whether our love survives real-world challenges."
"I'm scared," she whispered.
"Me too. Every day. But we're scared together. And that makes it bearable."
They sat like that for a long time, Airi crying out weeks of pent-up stress while Ren held her steady. Eventually, a librarian came by and gently suggested they might want to continue their conversation elsewhere.
Outside, the autumn air was crisp and clean. Ren led Airi to a bench under a large tree, its leaves brilliant orange and red.
"You know what we're doing today?" he asked.
"Studying?"
"Wrong. We're taking the day off."
"Ren, I can't—"
"Yes, you can. One day won't ruin your chances. But burning out definitely will." He stood up, pulling her to her feet. "Come on. I'm kidnapping you."
"Kidnapping me where?"
"Somewhere that isn't school or your house or anywhere stressful." He grinned. "Trust me?"
Despite everything, Airi smiled. "Always."
---
## 🎨 The Art Museum
Ren took her to the city art museum—a place Airi had never visited despite living nearby her whole life. It was quiet on a weekday afternoon, nearly empty except for a few elderly patrons and art students sketching.
"I didn't know you liked art," Airi said as they wandered through the galleries.
"I don't know much about it. But I like looking at beautiful things." He squeezed her hand. "And I thought you might need beauty today instead of textbooks."
They walked slowly through rooms filled with paintings and sculptures. Ren made up ridiculous stories about what the paintings depicted, making Airi laugh despite herself. They sat in front of a large abstract piece—swirls of blue and gold—for fifteen minutes in comfortable silence.
"What do you see?" Ren asked eventually.
"Chaos becoming order. Or maybe order becoming chaos. I can't tell which direction it's moving."
"What if it's both? Moving in both directions at once?"
Airi considered that. "Then it's like life. Building and falling apart simultaneously."
"Exactly. And that's okay. Growth isn't linear. Sometimes you have to fall apart to rebuild stronger."
She looked at him. "When did you become so philosophical?"
"Since I fell in love with a girl who thinks too much. Had to level up my deep thoughts to keep up." He smiled. "But seriously, Airi. You're allowed to fall apart sometimes. You're allowed to not be perfect. That doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."
"I don't know how to be imperfect."
"Yes, you do. You're doing it right now. You cried. You admitted you're scared. You let me help you." He turned to face her fully. "That's not weakness. That's strength. Real strength."
Airi felt something loosen in her chest—a knot of tension she'd been carrying for weeks. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For kidnapping me. For reminding me that there's more to life than test scores."
"Anytime." He kissed her forehead. "Now come on. I want to show you my favorite piece."
He led her to a small room containing a single sculpture—a bronze figure of a person mid-leap, caught in a moment between falling and flying.
"It's called 'Between,'" Ren explained. "That moment when you're not sure if you're rising or falling. When anything is possible."
"It's beautiful."
"It reminds me of us. Right now, we're between. Between high school and university. Between who we were and who we'll become. Between together and apart." He looked at her. "And it's scary. But it's also exciting. Because we get to choose which direction we go."
"Up," Airi said firmly. "We're going up."
"Damn right we are."
---
## 🍜 Late Night Ramen
That evening, instead of going home, they found a small ramen shop near the station. It was the kind of place that stayed open late for students and salary workers, with steaming bowls and loud conversations creating a warm, chaotic atmosphere.
"My mom used to bring me here," Ren said as they slurped their noodles. "After particularly hard days. She'd say that good ramen fixes everything."
"Does it?"
"Not everything. But it helps." He smiled. "Plus, it's impossible to be stressed while eating ramen. Try it. Be stressed."
Airi tried to maintain her worried expression while eating noodles. She failed, laughing instead.
"See? Ramen magic."
"You're ridiculous."
"And you love it."
"I really do."
They ate in comfortable silence for a while. Then Ren said, "Can I tell you something?"
"Always."
"I'm scared too. About the entrance exam. About Kyoto. About being good enough." He set down his chopsticks. "I know I act confident, like I have it all figured out. But I don't. I'm terrified I'll fail. That I'll let you down. That I'll prove everyone right who said I'd never amount to anything."
"Ren—"
"But then I remember: we're in this together. Your fear and my fear—they're the same fear. Fear of not being enough. Fear of failing the people we love." He took her hand across the table. "So let's make a deal."
"What kind of deal?"
"When you're drowning in pressure, you tell me. Let me help carry it. And I'll do the same. We take turns being strong for each other."
"That's not much of a deal. That's just... what we already do."
"Then let's make it official. A pact." He held up his pinky. "Through everything. Even the scary parts. Especially the scary parts."
Airi linked her pinky with his. "Through everything."
"Through everything."
---
## 📚 Study Group Reality
The next day brought a return to reality. Mock exams, practice essays, endless vocabulary lists. But something had shifted. Airi no longer felt like she was drowning alone.
During their study group session, she noticed Ren was struggling with a chemistry problem. He'd been staring at it for twenty minutes, jaw tight with frustration.
"Need help?" she asked.
"I don't get it. I've read this section five times and it's just... not clicking." He rubbed his face tiredly. "Maybe I'm just too stupid for this."
"You're not stupid. It's a hard concept." Airi pulled her chair closer. "Let me explain it differently."
She walked him through the problem, using analogies and diagrams until his expression cleared.
"Oh! Oh, I get it now!" He looked at her with such genuine joy that it made her heart squeeze. "You're a genius."
"I'm a good teacher. There's a difference."
"You're both." He kissed her cheek. "Thank you. For not making me feel dumb."
"You could never be dumb. Your brain just works differently than mine. That doesn't make it worse. Just different."
Later, when Airi was stuck on an English essay prompt, Ren returned the favor. While she overthought the structure and organization, he helped her find the emotional core of the argument.
"You're so focused on making it perfect that you forgot to make it real," he said. "Just write what you actually think. Not what you think they want to hear."
"But what if what I think isn't good enough?"
"It will be. Because it's yours. Your thoughts, your voice, your perspective." He smiled. "That's what makes it valuable."
They worked together until evening, taking turns teaching and learning, supporting and being supported. And Airi realized this was what their future would look like—not one person carrying everything, but both of them sharing the load.
Partners. Equals. Together.
---
## 🌙 The Breaking Point
Two weeks later, Airi hit her breaking point.
It was after midnight. She'd been studying for sixteen hours straight. Her eyes burned. Her head pounded. And she still had three more practice problems to solve before she could sleep.
She picked up her pencil. It slipped from her trembling fingers. She picked it up again. It fell again.
And suddenly, she was crying. Not quiet, dignified tears. Full, ugly sobbing that she couldn't control.
Her phone buzzed. Through blurry vision, she saw Ren's name.
**Ren**: *you awake?*
With shaking hands, she called him instead of texting.
"Hey—" Ren started, then stopped. "Airi? What's wrong?"
"I can't—" She gasped between sobs. "I can't do this anymore. It's too much. I'm not strong enough."
"Where are you?"
"Home. My room. I'm fine, I just—"
"I'm coming over."
"Ren, it's midnight, you can't—"
"Watch me."
He hung up. Twenty minutes later—he must have run the entire way—he was outside her window, carefully climbing the tree she'd never noticed was close enough to use.
"You're insane," she said as he climbed through.
"For you? Absolutely." He pulled her into his arms. "Now tell me what happened."
"I can't turn it off. My brain. The pressure. The fear. It just keeps going and going and I can't make it stop." She clutched his shirt. "What if I'm not strong enough for this? For university? For us?"
"Then you don't have to be strong right now. That's what I'm here for." He guided her to sit on the bed, keeping his arms around her. "You've been carrying everything alone. That stops now."
"But I have to—"
"No. You don't have to do anything except breathe right now. Can you do that? Just breathe with me?"
He guided her through breathing exercises until her sobs subsided into hiccups. Then he held her while she talked—about the pressure, the fear of failing, the weight of everyone's expectations.
"Your dad's test," Ren said eventually. "That's part of this, isn't it?"
"I'm terrified of letting him down. Of proving him right that we're too young for this."
"We're not too young. We're exactly the right age to be figuring this out." He pulled back to look at her. "And here's what I know: four years from now, we'll still be together. Not because we're trying to prove something to your dad, but because we choose each other. Every day. Even on days like this."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know us. I know you. And I know that what we have is real." He wiped her tears gently. "We're going to stumble. We're going to have bad days. But we're not going to quit. Either of us."
Airi leaned into him, exhausted but calmer. "Will you stay? Just for a little while?"
"As long as you need."
He held her while she finally slept, her head on his chest, his heartbeat steady and sure beneath her ear. And for the first time in weeks, Airi slept without nightmares.
---
## 📔 Journal Entry
The next morning, Airi wrote:
*Dear Future Me,*
*Last night I broke. Completely, utterly broke down.*
*And Ren climbed through my window at midnight to put me back together.*
*I've spent my whole life being strong. Being perfect. Never showing weakness. But last night, I couldn't maintain the facade anymore.*
*And you know what? The world didn't end.*
*Ren didn't leave. Didn't think less of me. He just... held me. Let me be broken for a while.*
*Maybe that's what love really is. Not finding someone who keeps you from breaking, but finding someone who helps you put the pieces back together when you do.*
*The entrance exams are still terrifying. The pressure is still overwhelming. But I'm not facing it alone anymore.*
*We're in this together. Through everything.*
*Even the breaking points.*
*Love,**Present Airi*
**Ren**: *you doing okay today?*
**Airi**: *Better. Thank you for last night.*
**Ren**: *anytime. literally anytime. window climbing included*
**Airi**: *My parents would have a heart attack if they'd seen you.*
**Ren**: *worth it. you needed me*
**Airi**: *I always need you.*
**Ren**: *good thing im not going anywhere then*
**Ren**: *also. study break today. mandatory. were going to the shelter*
**Airi**: *I have practice tests—*
**Ren**: *which you can do better after taking care of yourself*
**Ren**: *plus kuro has been asking about you*
**Airi**: *Dogs can't ask about people.*
**Ren**: *this one can. trust me*
**Airi**: *Okay. After school?*
**Ren**: *after school. and airi?*
**Airi**: *Yes?*
**Ren**: *im proud of you. for keeping going. for letting me help*
**Ren**: *youre stronger than you think*
**Airi**: *We're stronger than we think.*
**Ren**: *exactly. now go eat breakfast. and actually eat it. not just coffee*
**Airi**: *You're bossy.*
**Ren**: *and you love it*
He was right. She did.
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