The First Month Apart

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October arrived with cooler weather and the settling of routine.
Airi had been at Tokyo University for six weeks. Six weeks of adjusting, struggling, and slowly finding her footing. The campus that had seemed impossibly large now felt navigable. The workload that had overwhelmed her was now just... manageable chaos.
And the distance from Ren—while it never stopped hurting—had become something she could live with.
They'd established their rhythm: nightly video calls at 10 PM, longer Sunday afternoon conversations, alternating weekend visits. It wasn't perfect, but it worked.
Most of the time.
"I can't believe you have to cancel this weekend," Airi said during their Thursday night call, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice.
"I know. I'm sorry." Ren looked genuinely miserable on screen. "But this anatomy practical is worth 30% of my grade. If I miss it, I fail the course."
"I know. I understand. It's just—" She sighed. "I was really looking forward to seeing you."
"Me too. But hey, we'll still call. And next weekend, I promise. I'll come to Tokyo and we'll do something special."
"Okay." She managed a smile. "It's fine. We're fine."
"Are we?" He looked worried. "You seem... off lately."
"I'm just tired. Midterms are coming up."
"Airi—"
"Really, I'm fine. You should study. I should study. We both have exams."
"Okay..." He didn't look convinced. "I love you."
"Love you too. Goodnight."
She hung up before he could say anything else, immediately feeling guilty. She wasn't fine. She was exhausted and stressed and missed him so much it felt like a physical ache.
But telling him that wouldn't change anything. It would just make them both feel worse.
---
## 📚 Study Group Dynamics
The next day, Airi met her study group at the library—Daichi, Saki, and two others from their psychology class.
"You look exhausted," Daichi observed, setting down coffee in front of her. "Rough night?"
"Thanks. Yeah, just... stressed about midterms."
"Aren't we all." He opened his textbook. "Okay, cognitive behavioral therapy. Who wants to start?"
They studied for three hours, quizzing each other, debating concepts, sharing notes. Daichi was a good study partner—focused, intelligent, and patient when explaining difficult concepts.
"You're really good at this," Airi said as he broke down a particularly complex theory.
"Thanks. You too. We make a good team."
Something about the way he said it made Airi uncomfortable. Not because it was inappropriate—it wasn't. Just because it reminded her of what Ren used to say.
*We make a good team.*
"I should go," she said abruptly. "I have another assignment."
"Already? We just started the next chapter."
"I'll catch up on my own. Sorry."
She left before he could protest, feeling guilty but needing space. Daichi was nice. Just nice. But lately, she'd noticed small things—the way he always saved her a seat, how he brought her coffee without asking, the way he looked at her sometimes.
She wasn't imagining it. He was interested.
And she needed to shut it down before it became a problem.
---
## 📱 The Missed Call
That night, Airi was so deep in studying that she didn't hear her phone ring at 10 PM. When she finally checked—10:47 PM—she had three missed calls from Ren and several texts.
**Ren**: *hey its 10. you there?*
**Ren**: *airi? everything ok?*
**Ren**: *getting worried. call me when you can*
Guilt crashed over her. She called immediately.
"Thank god," Ren answered. "I was about to call your roommate."
"I'm so sorry. I was studying and had my phone on silent and—"
"It's okay. I was just worried something happened."
"No, nothing happened. I just lost track of time."
"Airi, you sound exhausted. When's the last time you slept?"
"I... I don't know. Tuesday?"
"That was three days ago!"
"I have midterms, Ren. I can't afford to sleep."
"You can't afford NOT to sleep. You're going to make yourself sick."
"I'm fine—"
"You're not fine. You missed our call. You're running on fumes. This isn't sustainable."
"What do you want me to do? Fail my classes?"
"I want you to take care of yourself!"
"I am taking care of myself!"
"By not sleeping? By pushing yourself until you collapse?"
"You don't understand the pressure I'm under—"
"I'm under the same pressure! I have midterms too! But I still make time to sleep and eat and take care of myself."
"Good for you. Not all of us are naturally balanced."
"That's not fair—"
"You know what's not fair? You canceling this weekend when I really need to see you. You telling me how to manage my time when you're four hours away and have no idea what my life is actually like here."
Silence on the other end.
"Airi—"
"I need to go. I have to study."
"Don't hang up. Please. We need to talk about this."
"There's nothing to talk about. I'm stressed. You're stressed. Distance sucks. What else is new?"
"Airi—"
"Goodnight, Ren."
She hung up.
And immediately regretted it.
Her phone rang again. She didn't answer. It rang three more times. She turned it off.
Then she put her head down on her desk and cried.
---
## 💔 The Fallout
The next morning, Airi woke up to seventeen missed calls and a dozen texts. The most recent was from 2 AM.
**Ren**: *i know youre mad. i know youre stressed. but please talk to me*
**Ren**: *we promised wed never go to bed angry. were breaking our own rules*
**Ren**: *i love you. im sorry for pushing. please just let me know youre ok*
Guilt settled over her like a blanket. She'd been unfair. Taken her stress out on him. Said things she didn't mean.
But she was also still angry. Angry at the distance, at the pressure, at the fact that he'd canceled their weekend when she needed him most.
She texted back:
**Airi**: *I'm okay. Just needed space. Can we talk tonight?*
**Ren**: *yes. please. i miss you*
**Airi**: *Miss you too. I'm sorry.*
**Ren**: *me too. see you at 10*
But when 10 PM came, Airi was in the middle of a study group session that ran late. She texted Ren at 10:15.
**Airi**: *Running late. 30 minutes?*
**Ren**: *ok*
When she finally called at 10:47—the same time she'd missed the night before—Ren answered immediately.
"Hey."
"Hey. I'm sorry. Study group ran over."
"It's okay." But his voice was flat.
"Are you mad?"
"No. Just... tired."
They talked for fifteen minutes—stilted, awkward conversation that felt nothing like their usual ease. Both were exhausted. Both were stressed. Both were too proud to be the first to really apologize.
"I should let you sleep," Ren finally said.
"Yeah. You too."
"Love you."
"Love you too."
They hung up, and Airi felt worse than before. They were supposed to be good at communication. That was their strength. But lately, every conversation felt like walking on eggshells.
---
## 🎓 Midterm Week
Midterms arrived like a storm—five exams in four days, papers due, presentations to give. Airi barely slept, barely ate, barely existed outside of studying.
Her calls with Ren became shorter, more sporadic. Sometimes she was too exhausted to talk. Sometimes he was. Sometimes they just sat in silence, both studying, the video call open but muted.
It wasn't what they'd planned. But it was all they could manage.
On Wednesday, in the middle of her hardest exam, Airi's phone buzzed with a text from Daichi.
**Daichi**: *good luck on the exam! you've got this*
It was sweet. Thoughtful. The kind of thing a friend would do.
But it also made her feel guilty. Because Ren hadn't texted. Probably because he was taking his own exams. But still.
After the exam, she found Daichi waiting outside the hall.
"How was it?" he asked.
"Brutal. You?"
"Same. Want to grab coffee? Decompress?"
She should say no. Should go back to her dorm and call Ren. But she was exhausted and stressed and Daichi was right there, offering easy companionship.
"Sure. Just for a bit."
They went to a nearby café, ordered drinks, collapsed into chairs.
"I thought that was never going to end," Daichi groaned. "Three hours of hell."
"At least it's over."
"Two more to go tomorrow, then we're free." He looked at her. "You doing okay? You seem... stressed."
"Just exams. And long-distance relationship stuff."
"Your boyfriend's in Kyoto, right?"
"Yeah."
"That must be hard."
"It is. But we're managing." She sipped her coffee. "We knew it would be difficult."
"Still. Being apart from someone you love..." He shook his head. "I don't know if I could do it."
"You do what you have to do."
"I guess." He was quiet for a moment. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Why did you choose distance? Couldn't one of you have gone to a school closer to the other?"
"We both have our dream schools. We refused to compromise either our dreams or our relationship."
"That's... really mature, actually." He smiled. "Most people would've chosen one or the other."
"We're not most people."
"No, you're not." The way he looked at her made Airi uncomfortable again. "You're pretty special, Airi."
"I should go," she said abruptly. "I need to call Ren."
"Right. Of course." He stood with her. "Good luck on the rest of your exams."
"You too."
As she walked back to her dorm, Airi felt unsettled. Daichi was a good friend. Just a friend. But the line felt blurrier than it should.
She needed to talk to Ren about it. Needed to be honest.
But when she called him that night, he was in the middle of studying.
"Can this wait?" he asked, distracted. "I have my last exam tomorrow and I'm barely prepared."
"It's... it's not urgent. We can talk after exams."
"You sure?"
"Yeah. Good luck tomorrow."
"You too. Love you."
"Love you."
---
## 🌧️ After the Storm
When midterms finally ended, Airi slept for fourteen hours straight. When she woke up, she had messages from everyone—Saki, her study group, her parents.
And one from Ren.
**Ren**: *midterms over. survived. barely. can we actually talk tonight? feels like its been forever*
**Airi**: *Yes. Please. I miss you.*
**Ren**: *miss you so much. 10pm?*
**Airi**: *I'll be there.*
At 10 PM exactly, Airi called. Ren answered immediately.
"Hi," he said, and just seeing his face made her want to cry.
"Hi."
"God, I missed you. Like, really missed you. Not just the 'we talk every day' missing, but the 'I need you' missing."
"I know. Me too." She wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry about last week. About snapping at you. About missing calls."
"I'm sorry too. For pushing. For not understanding how stressed you were."
"We both were. Are."
"Yeah." He ran his hand through his hair. "That was hard. Midterms plus distance plus not really talking. I didn't like it."
"Me neither. But we got through it."
"We did." He smiled. "And now we have a break before finals. Which means—"
"This weekend?"
"This weekend. I'm coming to Tokyo. We're spending the entire weekend together. No studying. No stress. Just us."
"That sounds perfect."
"I need to tell you something," Ren said, suddenly serious.
Airi's heart dropped. "What?"
"During midterms, when we weren't really talking, I felt... disconnected. Like we were drifting." He met her eyes through the screen. "It scared me. Made me realize how easy it would be to lose this if we're not careful."
"I felt it too," Airi admitted. "The distance felt bigger. Like we were becoming strangers."
"We can't let that happen."
"We won't. But Ren, we need to be realistic. There are going to be times when we can't talk as much. When exams or projects take priority. We need to be okay with that."
"I am okay with that. I just need to know that when the chaos ends, we come back to each other. That we don't drift so far we can't find our way back."
"We won't. We have our compass." She touched the bracelet on her wrist. "We always find our way back."
"Always," he agreed.
They talked for two hours—really talked, like they used to. About midterms and stress and the fear they'd both felt. About missing each other and the little jealousies and the exhaustion.
"I need to tell you something too," Airi said. "About Daichi."
"The study partner?"
"Yeah. He's been... I think he might have feelings for me."
Ren was quiet. "Okay. What makes you think that?"
"Little things. The way he looks at me. Comments he makes. Nothing overt, but..." She sighed. "I think I need to put some distance there."
"Do you want to?"
"Yes. Because he's crossing a line. Not obviously, but enough that it makes me uncomfortable."
"Then trust that instinct. Set boundaries." Ren paused. "Thank you for telling me."
"Of course. Transparency."
"Always transparency." He smiled. "Anything else I should know?"
"That I love you. That this month was hard but we survived it. That I can't wait to see you this weekend."
"Same. All of that. Same."
When they finally hung up, Airi felt lighter. They'd been through their first real rough patch. And they'd come out the other side.
Bruised, but intact.
---
## 📔 Journal Entry
*Dear Future Me,*
*The first month of university is over. Midterms are done. We survived.*
*But barely.*
*This was harder than I expected. The distance felt bigger. The communication harder. The jealousies sharper.*
*Ren and I had our first real argument since starting university. Our first disconnect. Our first moment of wondering if this was sustainable.*
*But we talked. Really talked. And we're okay.*
*I learned something this month: love isn't just about the feelings. It's about the choice to keep showing up, even when you're exhausted. Even when it's hard. Even when distance makes everything complicated.*
*We chose each other again. Through the stress and the distance and the doubt.*
*Three more years to go. If the first month was this hard, what will the rest be like?*
*But we have tools now. We know our weak points. We know that disconnection is possible and we need to guard against it.*
*This weekend, I get to see him. Hold him. Remember why we're doing this.*
*And that will be enough to carry me through the next two weeks.*
*One month down. Forty-seven to go.*
*Love,**Present Airi (tired but determined)*
*