: Finding Ourselves

---
November brought a shift in energy.
After the stress of midterms and their first real rough patch, Airi and Ren had found their footing again. They'd learned from their mistakes, adjusted their expectations, and recommitted to making it work.
But something else was happening too—something quieter, more subtle.
They were both becoming themselves. Not just "Airi and Ren, the couple," but individuals with their own lives, their own friends, their own identities separate from each other.
It was necessary. Healthy, even.
But it was also terrifying.
---
## 🎓 Airi's Growth
"I'd like to nominate Airi for the undergraduate research assistant position," Professor Nakamura announced during their psychology seminar. "She's shown exceptional understanding of adolescent development theory."
Airi's head snapped up. "I— What?"
"The position involves helping with my research on teenage anxiety and social media. Ten hours a week, paid, looks excellent on graduate school applications." Professor Nakamura smiled. "If you're interested, come see me after class."
After class, Airi approached the professor's desk, heart pounding.
"I'm interested. Very interested."
"Good. I thought you might be." Professor Nakamura handed her a folder. "Read through this—it's an overview of the research. If you're still interested after reviewing it, we'll set up an interview."
Airi walked out of class in a daze, clutching the folder like treasure. A research position. With a professor whose work she admired. This was huge.
She immediately texted Ren.
**Airi**: *Big news. Call when you can?*
**Ren**: *in class for another hour. 430?*
**Airi**: *Perfect.*
When they called that afternoon, Airi could barely contain her excitement.
"I got nominated for a research assistant position! Well, nominated. I still have to interview, but—"
"Airi, that's amazing! Tell me everything!"
She explained the project, the opportunity, what it would mean for her future. Ren listened with genuine enthusiasm, asking questions, celebrating her achievement.
"I'm so proud of you," he said when she finished. "You're going to be incredible at this."
"I haven't gotten it yet—"
"You will. Because you're brilliant and passionate and this is exactly what you should be doing."
"Thank you. That means everything." She paused. "How's your week going?"
"Good, actually. Dr. Yamamoto asked if I wanted to assist with surgeries. Just observing at first, but eventually I'll get to help."
"Ren! That's wonderful!"
"Right? It's terrifying but exciting. I'll be working with real animals, real procedures." His eyes lit up. "This is what I came here for."
They talked about their opportunities, their excitement, their futures. And Airi realized something: they were both thriving. Separately. In their own worlds.
It was beautiful.
But it also highlighted how different their lives had become.
---
## 👥 Setting Boundaries
On Monday, Airi met with Daichi at the library. But this time, she came prepared.
"Hey," she said, sitting across from him instead of beside him like usual. "Can we talk?"
"Sure. What's up?"
"I think we need to set some boundaries. With our friendship."
Daichi's expression shifted—surprise, then understanding, then resignation. "Because I've been... I haven't been subtle, have I?"
"No. You haven't." Airi kept her voice gentle. "You're a good friend, Daichi. But that's all we can be. I'm with Ren. That's not going to change."
"I know. I knew from the start, actually. But I thought maybe..." He sighed. "It doesn't matter what I thought. You're right. I've been crossing lines I shouldn't have."
"I still want to be friends. But I need you to respect my relationship."
"I will. I am." He met her eyes. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention."
"I know. But intentions matter less than impact."
"You're right." He closed his textbook. "Can we... can we still study together? With the group, I mean. Not just us."
"Group study is fine. I'd like that."
"Okay." He stood. "Thanks for being direct. A lot of people wouldn't have been."
"I've learned that honesty, even when it's hard, is better than letting things get worse."
After he left, Airi felt relief wash over her. The conversation had been uncomfortable, but necessary. And she'd handled it well.
She called Ren that night to tell him.
"How do you feel?" he asked.
"Good. Relieved. Like I did the right thing."
"You did. I'm proud of you for addressing it directly."
"Were you worried? About Daichi?"
"A little. Not that you'd do anything, but that it might create tension. But you handled it perfectly." He smiled. "That's my girlfriend. Strong and clear and not afraid of difficult conversations."
"I learned from the best."
"We learned from each other."
---
## 🏥 Ren's First Surgery
Two weeks later, Ren called Airi right after his first surgery observation, his voice shaking with excitement.
"Airi, I just watched a surgery. Like, an actual surgery. Dr. Yamamoto let me stand right there, watch the whole thing."
"What was it?"
"A dog with a tumor. Complex procedure. Three hours long. And I watched the whole thing." He was talking so fast he barely paused for breath. "The precision, the care, the way they saved this animal's life—it was incredible. This is what I want to do. This is exactly what I want to do."
"I'm so happy for you." Airi could hear the pure joy in his voice. "Tell me everything."
He described the procedure in detail—probably more detail than she needed, but she didn't stop him. This was his passion coming alive. His dream becoming reality.
"Dr. Yamamoto said if I keep showing promise, I can start assisting with basic procedures next semester. Actually helping." He laughed. "I can't believe this is my life."
"You earned it. You're exactly where you're supposed to be."
"So are you. Research assistant Sato."
"I got the position!" She'd interviewed that morning. "Professor Nakamura called an hour ago. I start next week."
"That's amazing! We're both doing it. Living our dreams."
"We are." Airi smiled. "Different dreams, different cities, but both of us moving forward."
"Together but apart."
"Together but apart."
After hanging up, Airi sat with that feeling—pride in both of them, joy at their success, but also a twinge of something she couldn't quite name.
They were building incredible lives. Just not with each other.
Not yet.
---
## 🎄 Holiday Plans
As Thanksgiving approached, they had to navigate their first holiday apart.
"My mom wants me home," Ren said during their Sunday call. "She's working Thanksgiving Day, so we're doing our celebration the day after."
"My parents want me home too. For the actual day."
"So we'll both be home. Just different homes."
"Different homes." Airi calculated the distance. "We're only forty minutes apart when we're both home."
"We could see each other. Saturday, maybe?"
"Saturday works. We could meet in the middle. There's that park we used to go to."
"Our park." He smiled. "I like that. Feels full circle."
"It does."
They planned it out—Saturday afternoon, their old park, a few hours together before returning to their families. It wasn't perfect, but it was something.
"Only three more weeks until winter break," Ren said. "Then we'll have a whole month."
"A whole month of you." Airi smiled. "I can't wait."
"Me neither. We can actually be together. Not just calls and weekend visits, but real time."
"It's going to be perfect."
"It is." He paused. "Hey, Airi?"
"Yeah?"
"Are we doing okay? Like, really okay?"
"I think so. Why?"
"I don't know. Sometimes I feel like we're living such separate lives. Like we're both succeeding and growing and that's good, but... are we growing together or just parallel?"
The question hit close to Airi's own fears. "I've wondered the same thing."
"And?"
"And I think... I think it's normal. We're supposed to have our own lives. Our own friends and achievements and identities. That's healthy."
"But how do we make sure we don't drift so far apart that we can't find our way back?"
"We keep talking. Keep being honest. Keep choosing each other even when it's easier not to." She touched her compass bracelet. "We keep using our compass."
"I love you," he said suddenly. "I need you to know that. In the middle of all this growth and change and separate lives—I love you. That hasn't changed."
"I love you too. So much. That will never change."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
---
## 🏡 Thanksgiving Break
The week of Thanksgiving, Airi went home to find everything exactly as she'd left it. Her room was untouched, her parents were the same, the town was unchanged.
But she had changed.
She noticed it in small ways—how her room felt smaller, how her mother's concern felt suffocating, how the town felt limiting after the vastness of Tokyo.
"You seem different," her mother observed over dinner.
"Different how?"
"More... independent. Confident." Her mother smiled. "It suits you."
Her father was quieter, watching her with an expression Airi couldn't read. Finally, at dessert, he spoke.
"How's school?"
"Good. Great, actually. I got a research assistant position."
"That's excellent. Your mother told me." He paused. "And Ren? How is he?"
"Good. He's doing really well at Kyoto. Got to observe his first surgery."
"You're both thriving. Separately."
"Yes." Airi met his eyes. "Is that a problem?"
"No. It's what I hoped would happen, actually." He set down his fork. "Independence is important. You can't build a life together if you don't know who you are as individuals."
"So you're... approving?"
"I'm observing. You have three more years on your test." But his expression softened. "But I'll admit, I'm impressed. You're both succeeding while maintaining your relationship. That's not easy."
"No. It's not. But it's worth it."
"I'm beginning to believe you're right."
---
## 🌳 The Park
Saturday arrived cold and clear. Airi drove to their old park, arriving ten minutes early. She sat on their usual bench, watching the entrance, waiting.
Then she saw him—Ren, walking toward her, hands in his pockets, breath visible in the cold air. When their eyes met, both of them smiled so wide it hurt.
"Hi," he said, sitting beside her.
"Hi."
For a moment, they just looked at each other. He'd changed too—seemed older, more mature. His hair was longer. There were shadows under his eyes from studying. But he was still Ren. Still hers.
"Come here," he said, pulling her into a hug.
They held each other for a long time, not talking, just existing in the same space for the first time in weeks. When they finally pulled apart, both had tears in their eyes.
"I missed you so much," Airi said.
"I missed you more."
"Not a competition."
"I'd still win."
They spent three hours together—walking through the park, talking about everything and nothing, holding hands like teenagers, stealing kisses when no one was watching.
"Your dad talked to me," Airi said as they sat on their bench again. "He's... warming up. I think."
"That's good. My mom asks about you constantly. Wants to know when you're visiting again."
"Winter break. I'll come to Kyoto for a weekend."
"Good. She wants to cook for you." He pulled Airi closer. "These three hours aren't enough."
"I know. But it's what we have."
"Winter break. One month together."
"One month." Airi looked up at him. "We're doing okay, right? Despite the distance and the separate lives and all of it?"
"We're doing more than okay. We're doing it. Actually doing it." He kissed her forehead. "I'm proud of us."
"Me too."
When it was time to leave, they held each other one more time.
"Three weeks," Ren said.
"Three weeks until winter break."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
They kissed goodbye, and Airi drove away watching him get smaller in her rearview mirror. But this time, it didn't feel like losing him.
It felt like a pause. A necessary separation before coming back together.
They were finding themselves. Separately.
But they'd find their way back to each other.
They always did.
---
## 📔 Journal Entry
*Dear Future Me,*
*I'm three months into university. Three months of long-distance. Three months of learning who I am without Ren beside me every day.*
*And here's what I've learned: I like who I'm becoming.*
*I got a research position. I'm making friends. I'm succeeding academically. I'm building a life that's mine, not just "our" life.*
*Ren is doing the same in Kyoto. Finding his passion, his purpose, his path.*
*Sometimes that scares me. The more we build our individual lives, the less we need each other for our daily happiness. That feels dangerous.*
*But it's also beautiful. Because when we do come together—like today at the park—it's not out of need or dependency. It's out of choice.*
*We choose each other. Not because we can't survive alone, but because life is better together.*
*I set boundaries with Daichi. Ren is thriving in his program. We're both growing.*
*And in three weeks, we get a whole month together. To remember why we're doing this. To reconnect. To be us, not just separate people on phones.*
*I can't wait.*
*Love,**Present Airi (growing, thriving, still in love)*
---
*