The Ideals of Hiiragi Yuuto

 I sat silently in my classroom, contemplating my life while gazing out the window. I knew there was a lesson demanding my focus, but I shrugged it off in favor of my favorite school pastime: daydreaming. I found myself diving deep into the events of a week ago. I slowly began to fully disconnect from the world, the sounds of the busy classroom gradually fading into white noise.

I turned 18 not long ago. I’m already into my last year of high school, but despite that, I still have yet to experience the youthful love that seems to define this time of life. I’ve played, seen, and read countless games, anime, and novels- many of them portraying a magical teenage love blooming throughout a lively school life. People frequently tell me that those depictions of love and youth aren’t reflective of real life in the slightest, but even so, I’ve admittedly always wanted my life to be like that.

Of course, I’ve spoken to some of my friends about my concerns.

Case one, Kitazawa Mayu. A girl I met back in my first year of high school, she’s a well-liked girl with a lot of friends. I wasn’t exactly interested in her, per se, but I did want to know what kind of social life she had outside of the time the two of us had spent together. I broached the topic of relationships to her in hopes that her own experiences would help me recognize where to find them. I didn’t get to speak with her for long, though, because shortly after I brought up the subject of love, she looked like something had hit her and excused herself.

Case two, Tendou Saitou. He’s a longtime school friend of mine. When I inquired about the topic, he curtly told me to not worry about it. He wasn’t worried about all that himself, considering the fact most high school romances fizzle out rather fast. Rather than worry about love, he decided to put more focus on his grades and part-time work. He wanted to use his youth simply to prepare for adulthood. Truthfully, I didn’t think less of him for it, and in fact, I respected his choice. I just concluded that he just has a totally different view on life and youth than I.

Case three, Tsukiyuki Fuyu. She’s a family friend who always seems to go out of her way for my sisters and I. I assumed she was a bit more of a dreamer than Saitou, and so I consulted her hoping she could offer ideas or answers that resonated with me more. When I asked her, Fuyu just responded with “you have options, you know”. She said it in such a way that it felt like a no-brainer, and at first I didn’t really grasp what she meant by that. However, it did not take like before my thoughts drifted towards my best friend: Hyoudou Rinne.

I liked Rinne a lot, we shared a wavelength and had each other’s backs for around a decade. In fact, we talked all the time about romance novels and the like. I felt confident that she, if no one else, could understand my desire for a romance that felt “magical”. I knew without a doubt she cared as deeply for me as I did her. After all, we’re childhood friends. We were set up to be together from the very beginning, right?

~

Rinne looked me dead in the eyes as I sat next to her on the rooftop. Classes had let out a few hours ago, and knowing she had after-school activities, I chose to wait for her to finish to have this time for just the two of us. Her serious expression colored by the setting sun was burned into my mind.

“...I can’t think of you like that, Yuuto.”

Admittedly, I didn’t expect this to turn out this way. I clenched my fist with resignation. “You’re serious, aren’t you..?”

“Yeah. Yuuto, there’s actually been something I’ve been keeping from you and everyone else for a long, long time. I’ve been on the fence about it for way too long, and I just can’t fool myself or pretend anymore. I need to tell someone. Since you’re someone I trust more than anyone else, maybe it’s best I tell you first, even if it might be a painful time to admit this.”

“Rinne, if I didn’t care about you enough to hear you out, I don’t think I would be confessing to you in the first place. Our friendship comes first. Don’t worry about the timing, I really want to hear you out if this is something you’ve had on your mind for a long time, since I’m your friend.”

“...I don’t think I like men. At least, I don’t think I like them romantically. My family, my other friends, and my peers just sort of, well, expect me to get a boyfriend. I wanted to live up to what was wanted from me. I thought about other guys, and I even thought about you- I couldn’t see myself making it work out with any of them. For a long time I felt shameful for not wanting that, but now I finally think I accepted that I just can’t feel attraction to boys.”

I couldn’t really muster up anything in response to her confession at first. I was a bit taken aback by her statement even if, truthfully, it made sense. I accepted her, and I knew she could tell I had accepted her. I think we truly had that kind of connection, even if it didn’t involve any romantic interest on her end. I just didn’t want to admit that I think I knew deep down the entire time. The windy rooftop was silent as we stared at each other trying to convey our residual thoughts with our eyes and body language, until Rinne spoke one last time.

“Yuuto.”

“What is it?”

“Do you truly love me like that? Are you sure this wasn’t just brought on in a fit of desperation?”

“...I don’t know.”

She patted me on the back. There was a bit more awkward silence between us, but it wasn’t tense. She likely saw through me from the start- maybe I never felt romantic feelings for her before because there weren’t any in the first place. The weird air between us settled, and we merely watched the now-empty evening courtyard together. Though we didn’t end up as a couple, I did realize we truly were best friends.

~

“Get up, Hiiragi. I’m tired of seeing you doze off during class.”

Not ten seconds passed after those words before I was more rudely awakened. As I finally opened my eyes, I could feel a cold, pulsing pain in my cheek. As much as I was still a bit out of it, I kind of have bigger problems on my plate right now.

…I’m sure there are much better ways to wake up than this.

My vision gradually came back into focus. I could make out a figure that was standing to the side of my desk, crossing their arms while holding a ruler. The sight of that figure, that girl, it caused my eyes to roll into the back of my head. She wasn’t exactly repulsive visually, rather, the opposite. Her features; from her flowing silver hair and piercing sky-blue eyes to her clear skin and flowery scent were indicative of the fact that she was a woman of immaculate beauty who took great care of her appearance. There was no doubt about that. The only issue, however, was the one in regards to the person whom that appearance belonged to.

Takamiya Kisaki.

She’s been in my class for nearly three years in a row, and over these long years I learned that she’s a total pain to deal with. Whenever we spoke, she would just end up lecturing me nonstop about my “behavior” and “setting a bad precedent”. She isn’t just a general nuisance to me as an overbearing peer, but also as the student council president. I’m sure she thinks she’s above me, as stuck-up as she is.

I finally responded to her.

“You think you’re not going a LITTLE too far, using a ruler and all? You can’t just use a rolled up magazine or something..? Do we really have to skip straight to corporal punishment? This has got to be against the rules.”

“I’ll consider it when you can at least show an iota of discipline in your studies, Hiiragi. I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t on the cusp of failing your courses, nor would I have to wake you if you didn’t always doze off during our class time.”

“...Why exactly does that matter to you?”

“Your overall performance and disposition during school hours is not meeting our school’s expectations. Not only that, you are bringing our class average down, and as student council president AND our class representative, I cannot simply tolerate this without at least attempting to rectify it. It is my responsibility, after all, to help guide everyone here to a bright future. Starting today, I will need you to join me after school for remedial lessons, where I will monitor your progress personally. You do want to succeed after graduation, am I correct?”

“I’m really not that worried. I don’t want some boring office job anyway.”

“Your nonchalant attitude towards your work now will reflect on your behavior in the future as well. It isn’t a good habit to have. If I must convince you, I should also mention that you may be suspended, if not expelled, over summer break if your grades don’t improve.”

“Wait, expelled!? Nobody ever mentioned that before!”

“If you read the student handbook, that fact is spelled out very clearly for everyone. ‘All students with a GPA of under 2.0 at the end of the semester will be subject to evaluation which may result in, but not limited to, expulsion.’ I’m aware your current GPA is a 1.76, which is below expectations to say the least.”

“How do you even know about my GPA?!”

“I was alerted to it by the faculty and asked to assist you in any way I deem fit. I will uphold my responsibility as a role model for everyone else by doing my utmost to aid you in improving your grades through tutoring.”

“That’s so troublesome. I’d rather not, if I’m being honest. I didn’t ask for your help anyway.”

“You should be grateful I am going out of my way to help someone such as yourself who clearly has no diligence and no work ethic. You’re beyond hope as far as I’m concerned.”

“Look, I don’t really wanna work with someone as high-strung as you either. I don’t need someone like you looking over my shoulder all the time. I have other things to do anyway, because unlike you, I have a life.”

“You say that, but I’m sure all you do is sit in your room and play video games and watch anime. After all, it seems you would much rather spend your time talking about that during class time instead of discussing the current class subjects or ongoing projects.”

“It must be miserable only focusing on school instead of having an actual hobby. All you do is religiously read the school textbooks and act like you’re better than everyone else! Just because you use fancy words and get high scores doesn’t mean anyone likes you! I’m out of here, screw this.”

“You’re not leaving this classroom until I let you. We’re going to have this tutoring session if you like it or not!”

I tried to get up mid-sentence, but Kisaki reacted instantly to my movement. She put her foot on my desk and cornered me before I could get up. My sight ended up being obscured by her thighs. Despite how much I hated this girl, I had to admit she had… eyecatching legs, to say the least. She was wearing tights to boot, which just happens to be something I’m particularly into.

God, I sound like a perv.

As if she could sense my perverse thoughts, Kisaki shot me a sharp glare as I was eyeing up her legs. I looked away instinctively. My eyes aimed elsewhere, I finally glanced at the clock after all of the arguing. I noticed it was already after school hours- that I slept through our lunch period and the rest of my classes entirely. I felt a little defeated.

Well, I guess I’m already here. I suppose I don’t have any real plans, so maybe I’ll humor her just for today. There’s always a chance we can have a good conversation and she loosens up a bit. After all, she has a nice voice and is very pleasant to look at. All in all, it could be a lot worse. I’ll give her a chance, and find out if she’s more than she seems. If she manages to be easy to work with, maybe everything will go smoothly.

“Fine. I’ll work with you today. I’ll put my faith in you, Takamiya.”

“You’re finally starting to show some resolve. Good answer.”

Her face lit up slightly when I finally gave in to her. It painted her in a different light as I got to get a good and proper look at her smiling face up close. I had a little hope right then that things would turn out for the better with her. Maybe I was even a bit grateful for this kind of opportunity.