Hidden self

Junepai stood before the mirror again, lights humming silently, blending with the sound of his running faucet. He was wearing a plain white tee and red pajama pants, matching his hair. He continued to stare at himself, a strange sensation welling in his chest.

“It can’t be true.” He muttered to himself. She can’t be alive; it just wouldn’t make any sense.

“She wouldn’t have left me behind. I refuse to believe it.”

He winced in pain, a sudden ache throbbing around his head. He swore he could feel a heartbeat pounding from within his skull.

Get out of my head! His thoughts roared.

“What are you saying? That statement makes zero sense.” A distorted voice chimed back.
Everything surrounding him had been consumed by black; all that remained was the mirror, floating in place.

“The way you say ‘get out of my head’ makes it seem as if I’m a foreign entity here.” His own reflection spoke to him.

“Why won’t you leave me alone?”

“Because I’m trying to save you from your despair! What are you fighting me for?”

“Just get out of my head!” He turned away from the mirror and began to walk off, a sudden, heavy pressure holding him down. The other appeared beside him, its hand on his shoulder.

“You keep saying that as if we aren’t one and the same. Do you really think ignoring this part of yourself will do you any good?”

Junepai swatted the other's hand away, tightening his fists and clenching his teeth.

“You aren’t me! You think I’m some idiot? I know you’re the shadow beast!”

The other snorted before bursting into laughter, its distorted voice constantly echoing against itself. “Is that truly what you believe? That I myself am the shadow beast? That’s honestly hilarious.” It continued to laugh.

“What’s so funny?”

“It’s just, you truly believe that the version of yourself standing before you doesn’t exist, that I was created by the shadow beast. That belief couldn’t be further from the truth. While my being here in this form is a result of its power, I’ve existed inside you for quite some time now. You created me, the shadow beast brought that creation to light.”

Junepai looked away from his other self, eyes stuck on the void of darkness beneath them.

“We both know it's true. I am your suppressed self personified! A culmination of everything you tried to bury! But thanks to the shadow beast, I’ve been brought to life!”

“I reject you! You aren’t me!”

“We are sad, lonely, pitiful, nobody cares about us! But if you were a part of it, you could be something greater, you could be loved, you could have a much greater purpose in life. Let us be one with the shadow beast. There’s no point in rejecting what we are any longer. A sad and pitiful existence. Our lives have no meaning to anyone, we serve no purpose in this world, the way we are now.”

“I would never think something like that, I have a purpose, I have a dream!” Junepai shouted back.

The other burst out laughing once more.

“That dream? The same dream our father followed? The dream that ended with her leaving us behind?”

“She didn’t-”

“She did! She hated us both, us and Dad! That dream will get you nowhere.” The other held out its hand with a solemn expression. “Save yourself from the pain that is our existence.”

Junepai shuddered a bit, hand held tightly to his chest, taking a reluctant step forward. He too stretched his hand out, getting closer and closer to the other. Then, he stopped.

“What are you doing?” It sounded more agitated.

“I can’t. Not now.” He slunk away.

“Why not?”

“There’s something I need to see for myself first.”

The sound of running water became ever louder, the dark void surrounding them being drowned out by light.

“I’ll be waiting, Junepai.”

He was standing before the sink once more, the water still running, and the lights still humming. He splashed his face with water and turned everything off, heading into the dark hall, the sound of chatter echoing toward him.

He peeked into the living room, watching silently as Sylvie lay herself out in an uncomfortable-looking position. She was fast asleep and snoring. He ducked back into the hallway, heading toward his room.