Aika - Do Not Interact

I was absolutely going to avoid this man.

I made this decision before I even stepped back into the café. It was the only thing in my mind as I adjusted my apron and shoved my hair behind my ears in a panicked attempt to look like someone who didn’t spend the morning feeding cats and running from attractive strangers who accidentally called her “my love”.

I was going to avoid him. Avoid his face. Avoid his voice. Avoid his entire existence. I even repeated it under my breath as I wiped the counter. 

‘Avoid. Avoid. Avoid. Like he’s gluten.’

But of course, the universe hates me.

Two hours into my shift, the café suddenly filled with noise louder than the gentle murmur of elderly regulars discussing weather and arthritis. The sound of young men crowded in through the door.

Great. The new batch of seminary trainees must have decided that today is the day they all invade the cafe. Hooray. Yey me. .. They already managed to stay away for a month. Or at least come one at a time. Why is everyone gathering now?

There were eight, maybe nine of them? All loud, cheerful, hopeful boys who looked like they believed in eternal life and that their skin would never age if they prayed hard enough for it. Lucky them.

They took over three tables. They ordered enough pastries to have us close early for the day. They laughed like they thought they were in a commercial for fellowship.

And in the middle of them, him. Caleb. Looking far too handsome for someone who should be studying Scripture, not starring in a skincare or hair commercial.

Why are they loud anyways? Laughing like they own the place…

I ducked behind the espresso machine. Professional. Composed. Invisible. 

I managed to stay low for almost two years now, moving city to city, village to village. Don’t let Mr. Guardian Angel over there be the end of your peace.

Professional. Composed. Invisible. I repeated after myself.

But somehow, my eyes kept drifting toward him. He sat with perfect posture, listening to one of the trainees talk with full attention. His smile was soft. His eyes were warm. He looked sincere, patient and present.

Why, he doesn’t even need to be media trained! He was just naturally graceful. Talent scouts would go crazy over him.

He really stood out. A bit because he looked foreign. He’s definitely a half Japanese, half something else. He was just too tall. He also carried a lightness that made everyone near him look brighter. He was shining but he also made sure the people surrounding him received his warm light.

I scrubbed the same spot on the counter for so long it nearly turned into a hole.

Do. Not. Look. At. Him. I looked at him again.

He laughed at something someone said, head tipping slightly back like a natural in filming a TV commercial for a cup of tea. Whole face doing unnecessarily photogenic things. Unfairly candid things at it too.

I forced my gaze down. I focused on wiping a spoon. Then the spoon’s reflection betrayed me by showing his blurry face again. I flipped the spoon over aggressively.

Absolutely not. No way. I was not doing this. So what if his innocence looked like a money maker? He is too handsome I could make a living being his talent manager without ever showing my face to anyone.

But then, before I could look away, he glanced up. For one horrifying, stomach-lurching second, our eyes met. I yanked my gaze away so fast I nearly gave myself whiplash.

Play it cool, Aika. Pretend the napkin dispenser needs rearranging. Pretend the floor needs sweeping. Pretend you are a dust particle drifting through life. 

I escaped toward the back counter and grabbed a tray like it was a shield. The tray was empty. And I had no idea where to go with it. The head waitress, Miho-san, noticed.

‘Aika, dear, are you alright?’ she asked.

‘Yes.. I’m… tray-ing something.’ I lied.

Miho looked bewildered. ‘Tray-ing?’

‘Yes,’ I said again as I fled further into the back.

Ok, so what if I overheard what he said to the cats after I left? What if I saw them opening up their bellies for rubs, to this man they just met? When it took me weeks of gaining their trust…

I actually didn’t mind having a human friend too, to be honest. Someone to talk to other than cats. Someone who kept trying to search my face to meet my eyes, not searching my chest to meet my oppai. I wanted a silent life, but in all honesty, I yearned for someone to rely on.

I pretended to be busy in the back as long as I could. However, I eventually had to take a turn on the register. Upon reentering the dining room, I immediately felt his presence. It was like warm gravity. He sang beautifully. He played the guitar impeccably. He was just amazing. I was in awe.

‘Is there nothing he can’t do?’ I whispered to myself.

Do not look. Do not look. Do not …I looked.

He wasn’t smiling this time. Just watching the room thoughtfully. Looking around, trying to learn the layout of everything. And, as if he sensed the exact moment my gaze hit him, his eyes slid toward me. 

He looked soft, curious and a little shy. He didn’t stare rudely. He didn’t do the confident thing handsome men always do. He just acknowledged me gently by nodding very lightly. As if saying, I remember you.

Heat climbed up my neck so fast I nearly set myself on fire. Well ok I see what the fuss was all about… He really is angelic looking… With his green eyes and all.

I snapped my attention back to the register, typing random numbers like I was hacking into the Pentagon. Shit shit shit. I can feel it on my skin. Don’t look up Aika.

The group eventually quieted down. Some of them left. Some stayed for tea. Caleb remained seated and flipped through a notebook.

Maybe a sermon draft or study notes? Do that in your church! Go home!

He looked very dignified, even when he was doing the mundane. I forced myself to breathe normally. 

A kind man. A gentle man. A dangerously attractive man with petting-the-cats charm.

A chair fell down and the following crashing sound reminded me of things done to me. I wasn’t treated very well by some men 

Caleb looks nice… But still, just another man. He lifted his head again. Our eyes met a second time. This time, I looked at him like I was disappointed in him. I spun around and pretended to reorganize sugar packets.

Absolutely not. Never again. No way was I letting someone like him into my life, as much as I wanted a friend.

I slapped my face to reorient myself to time, place and person.  A man like that only belonged in bright places. Holy places. Places untouched by people like me.

He was just a man. Just a church worker. Just passing through. I, on the other hand, am the ex-idol here. I should know how it feels like being gawked up on. Stop staring and have some self-respect. Well, I don’t actually. Not anymore really… 

When my shift ended, I grabbed my bag, bowed to Miho-san, and slipped out the back door as fast as humanly possible.

As I stepped outside, I made a promise to myself.

‘I won’t become his friend. Not even accidentally.’