Caleb - Too Visible for Comfort

If I had to describe my first month in Izu, I would say it was humbling. Not spiritually, as one would hope, but socially.

Apparently, I was deeply unpopular with the local cats.

Yesterday, they hissed at me before coming closer. Today, they swatted at my ankles before eventually allowing me to pet them. Progress, I suppose.

I suspected it had something to do with the girl from the café. Animals reflect the emotional weather around them, and if the cats were this irritated with me, I dreaded imagining what she must be feeling.

The café was bustling when I walked in with the other trainees for morning tea. I did not expect this. Izu rarely “bustled”, yet there we were, packed into the little shop as if it was the last café on earth.

‘A lot of people here today,’ one trainee whispered.

‘Because you’re here,’ another said. 

‘You know why.’ One more added.

I groaned internally. I hoped my popularity had died at the city limits.

But then the barista, Miho-san, beamed at me. ’Ahh! Thatcher-kun! The usual seat?’

The usual? I had been here only once.

Before I could politely decline, one of the trainees nudged me.

‘Look at him. Already has a fan club.’

‘I absolutely do not,’ I muttered.

‘You absolutely do,’ another whispered. ‘Miho-san winked at you.’

‘She blinked.’

‘No. That was a wink.’

I sighed and communicated my disappointment through prolonged eye contact. It failed to shame him.

‘Aika-chan please clear that table over there.’ Miho-san instructed.

‘Hai.’ The mystery girl said.

Oh, so that’s her name!

She was standing behind the counter and was very deliberately not looking at me. Her shoulders were obviously stiff. Her eyes glued to the register. Her hair falling like a curtain she could hide behind.

So, she was avoiding me. Fair. My introduction yesterday had been… enthusiastic and inappropriately affectionate.

Miho-san called for help carrying a tray to our table.

‘Aika-chan, help me with this?’

Aika froze. It wasn’t even subtle. She was absolutely frozen on the spot. She then nodded like someone heading to their execution. She grabbed the tray and walked painfully slowly toward us. She placed the cups carefully, never looking at me. Never even turning my direction. Her hands trembled once when she set down the sugar bowl.

One of the trainees leaned forward, pretending to whisper by covering his mouth but said it loudly anyways. ‘Caleb… are you scaring the café girl?’

I kicked him under the table “lightly”. He yelped, much to my dismay. Aika stiffened after realizing what was going on.

‘I’m not scared,’ she said quickly but still not looking up.

Her voice was soft and small. Like she was trying to convince herself.

Another trainee grinned. ‘You sure? Because our dear Caleb has that effect sometimes.’

I kicked him too. “Lightly”.

Aika set down the last cup and dipped her head. ‘Please enjoy.’

She turned to leave.

‘Wait!’

The word escaped before I could stop it. She froze on the spot again. I felt eight pairs of trainee eyes burn into the side of my face. An elderly couple also looked our way.

Say something normal, Caleb. Something human.

‘I, uh… yesterday. I’m sorry if I startled you. I tend to ramble when shocked.’ I explained.

Her lips twitched as if suppressing a smile.

‘It’s fine,’ she whispered before she walking away.

The moment she disappeared behind the counter, the table burst into chaos.

‘So we were right? You did scare her!’

‘Ohhhh! Our future bishop likes the café girl.’ one trainee teased,

‘I do not,’ I said quickly. Forgive me Lord for I have been ideas towards my pals now.

‘I respect her. That’s all.’ I added.

Another smirked. ‘Respect? Is that what they’re calling it these days?’

‘Shut up,’ I muttered.

They laughed and teased as if we were young boys not bound to celibacy.

‘Look at him blush!’

‘He’s doomed.’

‘Poor girl, she looks terrified.’

‘He looks more terrified.’

Unfortunately, they were right. I was terrified. Not of her, but of how I noticed her. How she moved so gently. How she tried to disappear but still shone in tiny, quiet ways. How her ears perked up when someone played a song. How she was compassionate not only to the cats, but to the slow and hard of hearing elderly folks as well. How the more she tried to disappear, the more I noticed her. Also, I couldn’t get over her beautiful voice from yesterday.

Ridiculous thoughts. Inappropriate thoughts. Thoughts a man of God should not let linger. But I didn’t know how to unthink them. I should pray on this…

One trainee changed the subject suddenly. Thanks God, that was a fast response. You’ve done me a solid as always.

‘So, Caleb, is your guitar fixed now?’

I nodded. ‘Yes. Why?’

‘We heard your new hymn draft. The melody is beautiful. You should finish it here.’

I shrugged. ‘We can try, but only if it won’t bother anyone else in the cafe.’

Miho-san and the other customers nodded, clearly listening in the whole time. As I was taking the cover off from the guitar, stupidly, my eyes drifted toward the counter. Towards Aika.

A foreign thought hit me. Maybe I wanted to write something beautiful because of her.

I had a sudden feeling that she’d appreciate the music. No. No, no, absolutely not. That was sacrilegious. And insane.

I swallowed hard, regained my composure and forced my attention back to the table. All chipped in the new hymn until we made a whole song, save the last part of the chorus.

Eventually the group left. I lingered behind, returning my tray and tidying a bit after us. Because despite being raised in a well-off family, my mother raised me properly. I thank God everyday for her.

When I stepped outside, the cats were waiting. They circled my legs, demanding attention.

‘Oh, now you like me again?’ I teased.

A faint voice answered from the side of the café.

‘They like anyone who brings them food.’

I turned excitedly to the source. She was crouched with the bread crumbs again. Aika looked startled that I caught her speaking, as if her words had escaped accidentally.

I approached slowly, making sure she saw me. Making sure I didn’t startle her again.

‘Do you…’ I hesitated, ‘mind if I join you?’

Her breath hitched. She looked at her bread. At the cats. At me.

‘You can sit,’ she whispered.

Not “I want you here”. Just “You can sit”. But at least it felt like permission. Good progress.

I sat beside her as she fed the cats in silence. A strangely peaceful silence indeed.

After a while had passed, when it felt like it was safe to do so, I tried speaking again. ‘Thank you.’

She was genuinely surprised. ‘For what?’

‘For letting me sit.’

She looked away. Not before I saw it. A shy, startled flush colored her cheeks as she tucked her hair behind her ear.

‘…Don’t thank me… It’s just cats.’ She said.

I could only smile politely for now. It’s not the cats. It’s you.