Insistence

I kept thinking about Kisaki as I walked my way home. Mayu’s insistence on our common ground left lingering doubts with me. All of that arguing started and concluded before I had a chance to truly talk or think things through. I kept trying to see Kisaki’s good side in things like her reactions to Mayu’s teasing. Something bothered me though.

When Mayu explained her motive of putting us together, Kisaki’s reaction felt a little too… extreme..? There was a genuinely pained expression on Kisaki’s face before she ran out of the room, a kind of emotion I had never seen on her face until now. Everything about it felt almost as if Mayu’s actions dug up something she was keeping down. I wish I knew what it was.

My habit of daydreaming got the better of me again and I flashed back to when we first met, and our first year of high school.

~

The first day of my first year in high school. My 15-year-old self had just finished reading the class assignments as I walked to homeroom. I was kind of nervous knowing I would be in a different class than Rinne, but I did have a bit of hope at a new start here. Finding my classroom at the end of the hallway, I turned the corner and glanced inside for the first time. There were only five or so students in the room already, but I paid them no mind and went to sit down. As I was walking to a desk by the window, my attention was stolen by a beautiful girl with silver hair that was standing at the front of the room. She was marking something on the board, until she noticed my entrance. She quickly walked up to greet me and took my hand to shake it.

“Hello! My name is Takamiya Kisaki! What’s your name?”

“Um, my name is... Hiiragi. Hiiragi Yuuto. H-hello.”

Kisaki was a lot different when we first met. Back then, she seemed much more cheery and outgoing. She was her typical overachiever self in both academics and athletics, but was also charming and energetic enough to win over a lot of people’s trust. It was no surprise to see her become the class rep with almost no opposition.

Of course, I was also different at that time. I was bullied frequently in middle school, which left me very wary of most people I met. Seeing this gorgeous girl speaking so kindly to me was not something I was able to easily process with my mind as it was. I knew I didn’t want to push her away at least with how pure the look in her eyes was- I just wished I had as much to say in return. Back then, my anxious self couldn’t muster much more than a basic introduction or greeting in most situations.

“Nice to meet you, Hiiragi! I’ll be sitting next to you for the year, it seems! I hope we can be friends.”

“O-oh, it’s fine if I sit here? I can move if you don’t want me here.”

“No! It’s okay, I don’t have anyone specific in mind. You don’t seem like someone who would bother me, I think. Personally I think we’ll get along fine.”

I might sound a bit full of myself, but I think she may have had a soft spot for me at first. I certainly knew I had one for her, at least. We sat together for the entire first year as she had said, but I never really spoke to her much during that first term. I was still a huge recluse with a general paranoid demeanor, and that didn’t change until our second term. By the time our second term began, I had finally been shown a measure of acceptance which led to me coming out of my shell. I made a few friends by then with Rinne’s help; Mayu and Saitou for example. Having more friends who genuinely showed passion for the things I liked did wonders for my self-esteem.

Kisaki, inversely, seemed to put up walls around her after the end of our first summer break. I remember I spent the summer finally building up enough courage to speak more to her at the start of that second term. The first time I tried to have a conversation outside of class, however, she had warped into the much more cold and strict girl I know now. That day, she ended up ridiculing my otaku interests while questioning my grades. I gave up on her as a potential partner incredibly fast after that incident, and our relationship turned sour as we began to bicker in class as well- I became the one stain on her otherwise perfect standing as a student because of the fact I caused her to act out. It felt like that initial soft spot she had turned into pure disdain for me, and me alone.

We shared a class again during second year, but we chose not to sit near each other for obvious reasons. I instead opted to sit with Mayu who had been placed in our class that year. Things didn’t change from there, and we went our separate ways- before Mayu decided to arrange whatever THAT was. I wonder though- did something happen to her over that summer that made her change that drastically? That thought always was in the back of my head when Kisaki was on my mind…

~

I shut the door behind me as I took off and put back my shoes. Immediately my older sister Ryou noticed my return and called out to me. The two of us are pretty close, as we have somewhat aligning interests and personalities. Both of us are also particularly protective of our younger sister Yuri, who seems to dislike the both of us (though Ryou to a lesser extent). Ryou is 3 years older than me, and she currently works as a manga assistant- a profession I admire greatly. Yuri is two years younger than me, and she is mostly repulsed by otaku for varying reasons and tries to fit in. I made sure to inquire about her.

“Is Yuri back yet?”

“Yeah. She got back a few hours ago. What took you so long exactly?”

I put off her question as I set my bag down and sat on the couch. I made a deep sigh and told Ryou to join me for a chat. She decided to sit down next to me with a beer can in hand, as she usually does. ...She’s kind of a drinker.

“Ryou, do you know who Takamiya Kisaki is?

“Oh, that girl you hate?”

“Yeah, that’s the one. Get this, Mayu tried setting me up with her by arranging tutoring sessions between the two of us. It went terribly, and when Mayu told us why she asked her to tutor me, Kisaki blew up at Mayu.”

Ryou just sorta looked a bit bewildered... before nodding her head in understanding. She more or less silently acknowledged me, likely because she didn’t have anything meaningful to say.

“God, I have no idea how to approach this tomorrow. I feel like I should talk to Kisaki, but I don’t know how the hell to speak to her normally nowadays. I don’t even really know what I ever did to personally offend her, after all. I can’t believe my detachment from schoolwork could make her resent me as much as she does. I think the worst part is the fact I can see why Mayu thought we were compatible after everything that happened today.”

“I don’t really know much about dealing with people. All I can really say is just do whatever you feel best doing.”

Wow. What great advice.

It’s fine, I didn’t talk to her to get advice. I just wanted to talk about my day to someone, even if she was half-asleep. I went to get a soda and chatted with Ryou about other menial things briefly before I went back up to my room. I was dying to throw myself into playing Etrian Odyssey for the rest of the night to kill time and think about something else.

Immediately as I put my stuff down, as if sensing the moment I was unoccupied, my phone began to ring. Kitazawa Mayu. I can only wonder what this could be about. I picked up, maybe only a little annoyed I was probably about to lose another half hour I could spend gaming.

“Hey Mayu. What’s up? Anything happen?”

“No, I couldn’t find Kisaki after she left. Actually, I was going to ask-”

Hmm. Not sure I’m liking the way this is going.

“Are you willing to give the tutoring another shot?”

“Why do you care so much? It doesn’t concern you, does it?”

“I just think it’ll be for the best.”

“I don’t exactly wanna waste my time trying to get through to a person who has no intention of being flexible. This sort of thing won’t work.”

“She’s been through a lot, you have to consider that.”

“I have, too. I don’t think you were considering her feelings when you decided to set this all up without telling us the true intent.”

“...No, I know what I’m doing- trust me on this one. I think you’ll realize if you try.”

“You can’t tell me now?”

“No. I can’t be the one to say it.”

“I barely even know what you’re talking about anymore.”

“Please just have faith in me and her, Yuuto. I’m begging you.”

I went and plopped down in my bed and let out a deep sigh.

This is a pain.

“Why are you so insistent about this?”

“Because I know it’s best for both of you, even if it seems pointless in the short-term. Perhaps I probably should have known this approach wouldn’t work, though.”

“Yeah, you need to give me some clear incentive. I don’t want to have this be a total waste of time if it falls through, which I imagine isn’t unlikely- provided I do go along with this.”

"I'll think of someth- oh! I actually just thought of something perfect."

~

I took another deep breath. I thought about her offer, which was more compelling than I initially assumed. It was... a fair failsafe, or whatever you want to call it.

“Fine. I’ll ask her again tomorrow to tutor me again- provided she does at least try to be a bit more manageable. I’ll hold up my end and try harder. Just make sure you don’t forget your promise.”

“I won’t. But I don’t think it will come to that.”

“If you say so.”

She hung up after that last exchange. I wondered if tomorrow would be different. In all honesty, her proposition wasn’t a bad one- she knows me pretty well to make such an offer, even if she has to compromise a lot. She really must be confident.