God’s a Child!?

“…This place…where am I?”

Eighteen-year-old Kanie Misawa awoke to find himself seated on the ground in an unfamiliar, neon-lit place. Positioned directly in front of him was a young child in a gamer’s chair. The child looked to be no older than twelve. He had a pair of glowing cyan goggles on and was busy typing away at several colorful laptops that floated all around him.

“Bam! You’re dead,” the child said to him with a laugh. “—And before you sits divinity. I’m God, you see. Think it an honor to bask in my holy presence!”

His voice was high-pitched, reminiscent of an elementary schooler’s.

“Huh? I’m dead? How the hell did that happen?” asked Kanie, confused. “Oh, wait a sec! It’s all coming back to me now!”

The last thing Kanie remembered before coming to was lying helplessly on his back for hours—alone—on the floor of his college dorm room. He had hit his head after slipping on a puddle of soapy water in front of his bed, suffering a cranial injury so extreme that he couldn’t get up or call for help.

“Hahahaha! Oh, I’m sorry for laughing, but your death was just so damn ridiculous,” the child said hysterically, clutching his stomach. “Your roommate put that puddle of water there for some light revenge, but it actually ended up killing you!”

“Hold on, I’m not sure I follow,” Kanie said, unamused. “What are you talking about?”

“Your roommate was pissed that you told the RA on him for having sex in your bed when you were out one weekend. He put that soapy water in front of your bed earlier today before leaving for class hoping you’d slip and fall.”

“—That cheeky bastard!!!” Kanie sputtered, clenching a fist in disbelief. “Damn you, Eric! You actually killed me in my first semester in college!”

The child struggled to keep a straight face when his VR goggles started flashing red with a series of beeps.

“Uh-oh! Looks like we have someone else who just died!” he said. “They’ll be joining us for our little post-death convocation here.”

Kanie glanced to his side as a flash of light appeared right beside him. From this light emerged a person, who fell flat onto his face with a loud groan.

“Ungh…” exclaimed the person in pain. “Where is this place?”

A look of utter shock formed on Kanie’s face when he saw who it was.

“…Eric?” he said, surprised. “What are you doing here?”

“Kanie?” Eric replied, equally as confused. “—No, it’s nothing. I-I was just…I mean…”

The child broke into a bout of uncontrolled laughter, leaning back into his gamer’s chair.

“A college virgin gets killed by his roommate in a petty prank, and in fear of a manslaughter charge, that same roommate takes a swan dive out of a seventh story dorm window! Two idiots dying just minutes apart from each other in the most asinine way imaginable!” he choked. “This is a cinematic masterpiece! I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything this hilarious in all the time I’ve been doing this job!”

Kanie could feel his face go red with embarrassment.

“…Hey, why must we go there about my virginity?” he interjected, mildly unamused. “I feel personally violated right now.”

Eric was also blushing out of pure humiliation. He looked up at the child.

“Dude, come on—show a guy a bit of mercy, would you? I had to off myself—my ass would not have done well in jail,” he said, crying pathetically. “I mean that literally.”

He continued.

“And wait—job? Who are you, kid?”

“Apparently, this is the afterlife, and that’s the God,” said Kanie, pointing to the child spinning around in his gamer’s chair.

“Hey there~. The name’s Nyle. How ya doin’?” the child said, waving playfully.

Kanie and Eric looked at him with exasperation.

“—So, what happens now?” Eric asked with a gulp.

Nyle scratched his spiky hair.

“Well, let’s see,” he said. “Kanie, was it? You never did anything too messed up during your time on Earth, so you’ll be off to heaven.”

He didn’t even know my name, thought Kanie, displeased.

“What kind of place is heaven?” he asked.

“Oh,” Nyle replied. “Just a place of eternal peace. No aging, no worries, no enemies—but it’s also boring as hell there. Copulation and sexual urges don’t exist in heaven.”

“…No. I can’t believe it,” Kanie said. “I died a virgin and will never experience a girl for all eternity!”

“Haha! Sucks to be you, eh Kanie?” Eric beamed. “At least I had a great time when I was alive.”

Nyle looked in his direction and crossed his arms.

“Eric, your name was?” he said. “I wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you. Accident or not, you’re still guilty of killing a person. That means you get the hell treatment.”

“Aw, man…” Eric said, slumping his shoulders. “If I knew this would happen, I’d have just taken dropping the soap instead!”

“Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I’ll see you suckers later. Sayonara~” Nyle said, when something caught his attention.

“Hmm?”

A red exclamation mark started to flash on his VR goggles with a series of beeps.

“…This isn’t good” he remarked with a sour expression. “It seems another one of my worlds is in danger. —Rats, and I liked that one a hell of a lot more than Earth.”

He started to operate the glowing laptop in front of him.

“This seems a bit crazy, but who knows? It might actually work,” he whispered before turning his attention toward Kanie and Eric.

“Today is your lucky day,” he said to them. “I have a deal to offer the two of you.”

“A deal?” replied Eric. “I’m all ears.”

Nyle smiled.

“Would you be interested in saving a world from certain destruction?”