The Second Heroes

Kanie and Eric looked at each other for a moment.

“Save a world from destruction?” Kanie asked. “There are other worlds out there besides Earth?”

“Of course,” said Nyle. “If that garbage planet was my only creation, I don’t think I’d be fit to call myself God.”

Now that you mention it, that definitely tracks. Kanie mused. If God is as powerful as they say, surely that piss-poor world-building was just a Monday morning warm-up for Him.

“Five thousand years ago, I created a beloved world named Jandariu,” Nyle continued. “Beautiful as it was, it was a chaotic, uninhabitable place.”

“To tame its elemental regions, I birthed five glorious dragon queens and assigned them each to a different region—giving them power over their respective domains.”

“Over time, the balance enacted by the five queens gave birth to various life forms—plants, animals, and eventually—humans, who propagated and formed a kingdom in the very center of the world.

Life flourished throughout Jandariu—with the dragons in their kingdoms, and the humans in theirs—until one fateful day about a hundred years ago…”

Nyle paused, and Eric looked up at him.

“What happened a hundred years ago?” he asked, curious.

“A series of five earthquakes shook the world in succession; it was an omen of an impending cataclysm. Over their long reign of Jandariu, the queens had grown jaded in their roles.

Their lack of passion caused an imbalance in nature, and exactly one year later, they lost control of themselves and combined to form Zarcothida: the Dragon of the End.”

“I have a bad feeling about how this story is going to end,” said Kanie.

Nyle resumed his explanation.

“A mindless beast with many eyes, Zarcothida laid waste to Jandariu, destroying everything in its path and mutating surrounding life forms into monstrous beings.

The people despaired at the sight of Zarcothida reaching their kingdom and wished to the heavens that the violence and destruction would cease. Their prayers resulted in the appearance of two powerful heroes: a swordsman and a witch.

However, even their combined strength was not enough to defeat Zarcothida. In a last-ditch effort to stop the beast, the swordsman used every ounce of his magic to destroy the monster’s body, and the witch did the same—burning through the entirety of her magic supply to seal the dragon queens back to their respective domains and reset their apathetic minds.

Having spent their strength, the heroes tragically passed away on the battlefront.

—Indeed, they had brought peace to Jandariu, but at great cost. Though Zarcothida’s rampage was thwarted, it had succeeded in eradicating over seventy percent of all life on the planet. And now, only one hundred years later—”

“…I just received word that five earthquakes have struck Jandariu again. Zarcothida will return one year from today—and this time, it’ll easily wipe out the rest of the world.”

“Dude, those are some wicked storytelling skills you’ve got there, Nyle!” exclaimed Eric. “But, what exactly are you proposing here?”

“It’s simple, really. I’m going to have you guys save the planet,” Nyle said. “I can only summon new heroes to this world when humanity despairs—I’ve written it that way. And you’re in luck, because despair they have—and you two morons are the only candidates I’ve got to send in at the moment.”

Kanie and Eric hung their mouths open with a unified “huh?”

“Um, excuse me, but how the hell are we supposed to do that?” questioned Kanie. “The last two heroes sounded like total badasses, and you just said they weren’t strong enough to stop that Zarcothi—whatever you call it. What makes you think we can?”

Nyle grinned mischievously.

“For a long time, even I, as the creator of Jandariu, struggled to understand the nature of Zarcothida’s existence…but now I know how to stop it for good,” he said. “And that’s—”

He thrust his pointer finger high into the air.

“…Love!”

“—What!?” Kanie and Eric blurted in harmony.

“Now, then, gentlemen. Your mission, should you accept it, is straightforward—become the new heroes of Jandariu and ‘rizz up’ its five dragon queens within a year, or the world will end!

Oh, and the queens are straight, so the swordsman will be the womanizer, and the witch will serve as a supporting companion. So, are you in, or out?”

“Ooh, ooh! I call dibs on the swordsman!” said Eric, raising his hand.

“Tsk tsk tsk. I think not, Eric-boy. I just checked your data, and it said you’ve already had seventeen girlfriends by the time you died today. Between that and the whole ‘manslaughtering your roommate’ incident, I’d say we ought to give that role to Kanie here—it’s only fair.”

“—What!? You’re going to leave the fate of your world to this guy!?” Eric pouted, pointing at Kanie. “He’s never even hugged a girl before! How the hell’s he going to get five queens to love him?”

“…Hey,” said Kanie with a frown.

“Easy. You’re going to help him,” Nyle said. “Your experience with girls will come in handy in our little dating sim adventure here. It’ll be perfect! And as for Kanie…”

Nyle shot him a thumbs up.

“How about it, my man, my eighteen-year-old virgin? Feel like giving the swordsman role a shot? It’ll be really fun, you know?”

“Nyle… I can’t believe you’d trust me as the swordsman,” said Kanie with puppy eyes. “After having delegated me to that life of sexlessness back on Earth, I thought for sure you’d humiliate me further by giving my ex-frat boy roommate the role instead.”

“I’m a god, not a dick,” said Nyle dryly. “By the way, I haven’t heard your answer yet.”

“I’ll do it,” said Kanie. “As much as I’d hate to fail the mission and die in an apocalypse, I’d still take a chance to romance some dragons over being a virgin forever after in heaven any day. No-ho-ho way, man.”

“Me too,” Eric added from beside him. “I’m not crazy about being this guy’s wingman in a worldwide crisis-type mission, but it sure beats spending an eternity in hell. I’m in.”

Nyle grinned as he materialized a golden heart-shaped locket. He tossed it to Kanie.

“Don’t lose that,” he said. “That locket will let you track your romantic progress with each queen. Once the meter reaches one hundred percent by a queen’s icon, they’ve fallen for you.”

Kanie just smiled awkwardly with a nod of acknowledgment and an “O-okay. Got it.”

“Alrighty, then. Off you go!” said Nyle after rapidly typing something into the laptop in his hands. “Make me proud, second heroes of Jandariu—the world is counting on you! A~hahahaha~!!!”

God’s mischievous laugh was the last thing Kanie and Eric heard before they vanished in a burst of bright light.