Why?

My back was supported by the wall. I was outside the school waiting for Uragao-san and others while reliving the hell I suffered in the previous 4 days.

The chills still run down the spine remembering the things that happened. The body trembles as the mind flashes every painful event I lived through.

“Mae-kun!” calling me out, Fumiko-san and others headed towards me.

“Let's go.”

We haven't been walking home together since the start of the exam day. Uragao-san was walking with her other friends and Fumiko and Kiyoko-san were busy with other things. Since we finally got free today, we made plans to wake home together during lunch break.

“So how did it go for you?” I wasn't paying attention to their conversation until Kiyoko-san asked me.

“Huh!..H-How did what?”

“I am asking about the exams.”

“Yeah, did you bomb it or it bombed you.” asked Fumiko-san.

“I…I think I did pretty average.”

“Then, same as us. Ari-chan is the only one who performed well.”

“I wouldn't say I performed better than you guys. The level was hard.”

“Don't fool us. When results are up after Sunday we will be seeing the name URAGAO ARI in the top ten.” Fumiko’s words stated her doubt based on experience.

“I am not sure this time, seriously believe me.”

“Yeah we will when we see the rank list.” Kiyoko-san sided with Fumiko.

Seeing how little she was trusted, Uragao-san matched the pace while sulking.

“So, are we going to the karaoke?” Changing the topic, Fumiko-san asked about the recently planned event by the class students.

“It's on Monday right ? The day summer vacation starts.”

“Yeah, you can say that.After the end of term ceremony we are free.”

Karaoke…

I don't have any intentions to go. Everyone from the class will be there… including those guys.I don't know what kind of trick they will try to humiliate me this time, my knee still hurts from yesterday's injury.

These past few days… hurts unfathomably.

“Hey!!Mae-kun!!” The voice pierced through my ears to grab attention.”Where are you lost?” Kiyoko-san was repeatedly calling my name.

“S-Sorry Kiyoko-san. I was lost in thoughts.”

Kiyoko-san stared at my face for a second and swallowed the words she was about to say. Once again opening the mouth she said this time,

“Are you going to karaoke then?”

“I… I don't think I should. I will be alone and I am not a good singer. I will be just sitting in a corner ruining the mood.”

“Who said you will be alone? We will be there with you.”

“Yeah.”

“And if you don't want to then don't sing. We can enjoy it even without singing or can go in a separate room to enjoy the four of us.”

“Yup. And I don't think you will be as terrible as Ari-chan.”

“I am not bad… Or maybe I am.”

Hearing their words my heart wanted to go with them a little. I don't know what the future awaits there but surely not everything will be painful.

<>

Having a shift at cafe today, my hands were bringing the order for some boys from my school.

4 boys who seemed like my senpai from school ordered parfait. All four of them were maybe in a club, that’s why they came while in their uniform after school hours.

They didn't stare at my bangs when I went to take their orders. I don't want to be found out as their Kouhai, who knows what will happen. The long stare at my looks have been increasing the past few days. Not sure if i am overconscious or it really is.

So is increasing rude behavior. Not to talk about the incidents from school. It's like someone flipped a switch against me.

Gracefully putting down the parfaits on the table, I turned back and walked toward the counter hiding the stinging pain around the injured knee behind the straight expression.

No other customers were present in the cafe excluding those 4, so their voices could easily reach my and Sachi-san's ears.

Seeing them eat the parfait while complementing its taste made Sachi-san say,

“Ah, to be young. I remember enjoying the after school hours with my friends in high school. I wish I could relive it.”

“Can't you still meet them?”

“I can but… the time of high-school is what I miss more. The time of life which can be said to be the starting phase of spring in life.”

“...Really?”

The feeling of so-called spring is surely unknown to me. I can't relate with what Sachi-san is trying to say, I can only guess the bits of it. It's not like my life is entirely grey, but a major part of it is.

“Don't you love it when you hangout with your friends like them.”

I turned and looked at their laughing faces as they joked around. The thing my life lingers for is the type of feeling that hit me.

“I… don't know. Never went somewhere with a group of friends. But maybe I will understand soon.” trying not to make the atmosphere heavy i added the last part in.

“Soon?”

“Yeah, our class is going to karaoke on the last day of school.”

“Oh,nice! How’s your singing?”

“Um.. don’t know never sing aloud or rather i can't.”

“... is it because of the burn mark?”

Touching the side of my cheek I said “Yes. Speaking loud, yelling or singing if i do anything which can stretch the facial skin it hurts a lot. But I can hum and sing in a low voice.Anyway, how is your singing sachi-san?”

“ I am pretty good at it. I have charmed many by my singing in college though after that I had a hard time declining the invitation to karaokes by many boys.”

“Haha.As expected, your voice does sound sweet when you talk, sachi-san.”

A moment of daze and she replied,

“...You sure caught me off guard.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing. Can you clean that side?” Pointing at the corner where dust gathered Sachi-san handed me a cloth.

After wiping it clean I handed it back and sat on the stool beside Sachi-san.

Rather than scrolling through the phone we both were just casually talking until a talk from those boys stole Sachi-san's attention.

“Hey, Shinji. What happened to that girl?”Guy A asked.

“Which?”

“The one who confessed to you like…three or so weeks ago.”

“Oh ya! What happened after that?” Guy B showed his interest as he asked.

“ Yeah, you didn't tell us that time either.” Guy C joined in.

Giving in the pressure he told,

“I… I didn't answer her.”

“Eh!!? Why?!”

“I asked for more time to think about it.”

“Was she not beautiful enough for you?” Guy c asked.

“Nah ah, she was hot.”

“Then why?” Guy B was somehow too interested in it.

“Ah, actually at that time things were not going well with my girlfriend, as you know we broke up just yesterday. I was thinking if things went well with her then I could just reject her and if not I could accept her.”

“Oh so that's why your face had a slap mark yesterday.”

After getting angry at his remark while the other two laughed he continued,

“She also invited me to a date but I couldn't go.”

“Stop, I regret I asked about it. Don't brag anymore.” Guy A tried to stop him while pointing the spoon at him.

“Can’t help that I am so popular.”

As those three laughed at it Sachin-san furrowed her brow in exasperation at them.

“Young age sure is a crucial phase of life. Don't be like them, Mae-kun.” Not correcting her that I am not Mae-kun, I just firmly nodded in agreement. “Whenever someone loves you don't play with their feelings.”

Love huh..

“Ah that reminds me! Did you figure out what your feelings were?”

“...No… I still didn't.”

Sachi-san fell silent and stared at me. After maybe having thought throw something she said,

“Don't rush, but when you find the answer don't wait to act accordingly.”

“...Sure.”

<>

At home as the bed sank me in, the thought and flashbacks came back to haunt me. It is impossible to escape those thoughts even if the brain is mine. The past few days even the eyes staring at me have increased. Those boys started doing those things again.

On the first day of the exam my pencil, eraser and other things were stolen.

After lunch on the same day my bag was filled with garbage.

On the second day of the exam someone hid some cheating slip in my desk. Out of pure luck I found it and throwed it away. After lunch my bag went missing. Just a minute before I somehow found it and managed to get back before the exam started. Walking out of the classroom I was repeatedly cursed and badmouthed as they followed me till we came out of school.

On the third day on the way to school a bucket full of some type of sticky liquid was thrown at me around a corner by the boys. Had to run back all the way back and come back.Managed to reach a second before I saw them closing the gate. In panic I didn't remember most of the things and wasted around 10 minutes. When the hand started to move I was already pretty behind than others. The anxiety kicked in as the eyes watched second hand skip spaces every time I looked at it.

On the fourth day returning back after spending hours finding my shoes which were floating in the toilet the moment I found them, I was pushed from behind. The knee was scraped badly enough that every step I took it felt like needles were peeling off the skins.

Why? Did it do something to them?

Why? Why am I being targeted?

Why? I bear no ill towards them, so why?

Why?

Why?

Why?

Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? why?

As the tears ran down and merged into the bedsheet without the cry coming out, I fell asleep repeatedly asking the same question.