I’m Hot Now!

Kanie couldn’t believe his eyes upon materializing on the cobblestone streets of wherever he was. In his right hand was a beautiful blue sword with a golden guard and pommel. Its blade was aglow with a mystical energy.

When the hell did this get here? He wondered. Guess kid-God—er, Nyle, must’ve given it to me when he sent me here.

As he pranced around the street and looked at passersby, he felt something off about his body.

“I feel…taller,” he said.

Upon checking himself out in the windows of a nearby building, he nearly freaked out in excitement.

“I AM taller!” he exclaimed. “—And I’m hot shit!”

Kanie spent some time admiring his new jawline and sharp, golden eyes before a thought pulled him back to reality.

I should probably look for Eric. He did get sent here with me, right? he thought.

“Hey, Eric? Where are you, man?” he shouted, eyes darting around.

“I’m right here,” said a high-pitched female voice from his left. He had to crane his neck downward to see its owner.

“Oh, hey there, Eric. Or should I say, Erika?” said Kanie, fighting the urge to burst out laughing.

“What’s so funny?” Eric asked. “Why do you look so different? And wait—”

“The hell’s wrong with my goddamn voice?”

He scrambled toward the same window Kanie was standing in front of and nearly fainted when he saw his reflection.

“Oh, my, god…” he said weakly. “I-I…”

“You’re a chick!” Kanie said, finally losing himself to laughter.

“I’m short as fuck!”

Seriously!? THAT’s what you’re concerned with? thought Kanie. Not the fact that you have boobs?

Eric recovered upon noticing the staff he had in his right hand; it was a long, fancy-looking metal rod with a magic gemstone on top of it. The stone gave off a radiant glow that matched perfectly with his teal-colored eyes.

“Hey, not bad…” he said, waving it around in the air like a baton. He stopped suddenly when he caught Kanie doing something he shouldn’t have been doing—considering the time and place.

“Ho-ho, holy shit! We have a winner here!” said Kanie, subtly checking out his partner-in-crime. “This is, without a doubt, a triple S-ranked gatcha pull right here—moohoohahaha~!”

“Dude, would you get your hand out of there? We’re in the middle of a town! Quit checking your junk out until we check into an inn or something!” shouted Eric.

But Kanie didn’t hear him. He kept on dancing around the streets of town, openly rejoicing over his newfound ‘powers.’

“Finally, I get to say goodbye to that cursed ten-centimeter. I say, good day, ten-centimeter~” he sang.

Did he just say ten-centimeter? On second thought…I think I’ll let him have his moment. Eric thought. My condolences, Kanie. Even though it was an accident, pun intended—I did you a BIG favor by killing you last lifetime.

A civilian walking near them stopped and looked in Kanie’s direction. It was a tall, bald man wearing a simple outfit.

“Hey, you there!” he shouted.

Oh, now you’ve done it. You’ve gone and done it good, man. Eric mused. We’ve been in Jandariu for what, five minutes maybe? And you’re already going to fail the mission by getting arrested over something ridiculous.

“That sword you’re carrying …” the man said, walking up to Kanie. “And that girl with the hat next to you… Could it be? The heroes of Jandariu?”

Kanie yanked his hand out of his pants and straightened his posture.

“W-why, yes, actually,” he stammered. “Me and, um, Eric—Erika here are here to stop Zarcomida! Yes, that’s it!”

It’s Zarcothida. That’s what that Nyle kid said. Eric thought, facepalming himself. How are they going to trust us if we can’t even get the monster’s name right?

The bald man turned to everyone on the streets and shouted in triumph.

“Did you all hear that? After one hundred years, the heroes have returned to us! They’re here to defeat Zarcothida once and for all!”

A flurry of cheers erupted from everyone in the vicinity.

“Hail to the heroes!”

“Long live the swordsman and the witch!”

“We’re going to survive!”

“G-guess desperation makes people overlook things…” Eric remarked. “Oh well, I’m not complaining. Even after he flubbed the monster’s name like that, these townspeople still want to support us. It’s almost like that mistake didn’t even register.”

“Woah!”

He and Kanie were suddenly lifted overhead by a swarm of people—big and small—and carried over to the adventurer’s guild located in the very center of town.

Once they were seated inside of the guild, the bald man introduced himself.

“The name’s Albert. Albert Zeforya. I’m the headmaster of this here guild,” he said, reaching his hand out.

“K-Kanie Misawa,” Kanie stammered. He took Albert’s hand and shook it firmly.

“Eric—sorry, Erika Chandler,” said Eric, doing the same.

“Kanie, Eric, you couldn’t have come at a better time,” Albert said. “You see, the calamity that nearly ended the world a century ago is about to happen again, and we need your help to stop it.”

He called a waitress over.

“This here’s Marla. Holler for her, and she’ll bring you anything you want to eat or drink—free of charge.”

Well, well, well. I was worried about showing up to Jandariu without money, but that’s out the window, it seems. Kanie thought, smiling internally. VIP treatment is freaking sick! Eric, I was mad before, but—thank you for killing me!

“Um, in that case, can we have everything on the menu?” he blurted. “Me and Eric—Erika have had quite the day today, what with me hitting my head and her taking a dive out of a window.”

Back in his cosmic office, Nyle snickered as he watched from the laptop he was holding.

“Kanie, you sly dog,” he laughed. “Way to take advantage of people. Oh, this is so good.”

Eric asked Albert a question.

“Albert, where are we right now, if you don’t mind me asking? This is our first time in town.”

“This is the capital of Narvec, the human’s kingdom. Put simply, we’re smack in the middle of Jandariu, and probably about five to seven days away from exiting Narvec and entering other regions of the continent—if we went by carriage.”

“Five to seven days,” Eric repeated. “You hear that, Kanie? We need to get moving effective immediately—as soon as tomorrow, if we can.”

Kanie nodded, stuffing his face with a piece of bread and downing it with beer.

“Right, tomorrow. Got it,” he said, words muffled by the food in his mouth. He tossed Eric a thumbs-up sign.

“What’s the big rush?” asked Albert, confused. “You know Jandaliurian history, don’t you? The Story of the End of Days?”

He continued.

“Zarcothida ravaged the lands exactly a year following five consecutive earthquakes. In other words, it’s still going to be a while before it shows up. Shouldn’t you guys be training over the next year so you can kill the monster?”

Kanie swallowed the food in his mouth and spoke up.

“Yeah, about that,” he started. “We’ve got something a bit different in mind.”

Albert perked up, intrigued.

“I’m all ears. What’s your plan, kid?”

Eric gulped in anticipation as Kanie opened his mouth.

“I’m—” he said, flustered. “I’m going to make the dragon queens fall in love with me.”