Chapter 13

They knocked on the balcony door soon after I had finished my breakfast, and I made hot chocolate that listed neither milk nor actual chocolate as an ingredient, but it was way too early for a third coffee.

I tried to gather my thoughts as I stood there in the kitchen. Even though I had invited them after she handed me my jacket, it didn’t mean I knew what to do now. It was the first time someone had visited me since I’d moved to Japan, and even before that, my social life had been limited to hanging out with my squad. But we’d done things I was sure they wouldn’t enjoy, like drinking, playing bastard and gambling cigarettes. I shook my head.

I walked back to the living room, handed them the steaming mugs, and sank into the sofa. We sat squeezed together, but sitting on the floor, as they used to, would be weird. What now? Part of me welcomed this forced closeness, even if it felt weird, but trying to speak with her felt like willingly walking into a minefield. There was so much none of us wished to remember, not to mention talk about.

“What do you do on weekends?”

An’Ri rested her head on my shoulder, peering at me with curiosity.

“Nothing really.”

Great… I glanced at them. At least Mai’Ri didn’t seem bothered by the silence, but still… Maybe I should make us a coffee? I glanced down at my mug. It was still half full. So, then what? I really didn’t want them to go… Should we watch a movie? 11th Squadron was fun, but it probably wasn’t the best choice to watch together.

The Unity site was full of options, and even I, despite my best efforts, was aware of their new, super cringy ‘Town of Blooming Flowers’. Two families, Human and Ta’al, moving into a rebuilt town in Germany and setting out to make it beautiful by growing exotic flowers. It was cringy, but at least we could watch it together. I blinked. Was that the reason the civis had made that crap?

I glanced at her, and our eyes met. Had she been watching me when I zoned out?

“We... could watch a movie if you want”, I said quickly and reached for my laptop, trying to avoid her gaze.

“Watch a movie?”

An’Ri leaned into me, trying to peek at the screen, her ears raised.

“Which movie?”

I glanced at Mai’Ri, trying to judge what she thought about, but like always, I found it almost impossible to read her expression. At least she didn’t seem totally against the idea.

“It’s a story about two families moving into a newly rebuilt town. They are almost like us.”

“That’s nice, let's watch it!”, An’Ri beamed.

I loaded the movie onto the screen hanging on the wall, and An’Ri huddled between us as we started to watch. It wasn’t as cringy as I’d expected. Actually, it was quite nice. They also struggled to understand each other at first, considering the other weird, but over time they found their way, so maybe we could too…? At least it gave me some idea of how to navigate this minefield. Maybe this unity crap wasn’t as bad as I thought.

I glanced at her, and our eyes met. It was the humans who made the first move in the movie. Was she waiting for me to take the first step, too? I was curious what it would lead to, but I didn’t want to make any more fuck-ups… But what if she wanted me to do it now? Fuck, it was so weird. Most of their interactions meant invading someone’s personal space, so I guess it wasn’t surprising if she waited for me to make the first move. My body tensed as I leaned my head towards her. What if I fuck up again?

To my relief, she mirrored my movement, and our heads came to a rest against each other. I felt An’Ri adjusting her seat, making us more space. I knew that for her, it was just a sign of friendship without any deeper meaning, but for me, it just felt weird, even if part of me liked it.

We stayed like that even after the movie had ended.

“It was a nice story”, An’Ri sighed quietly, half asleep between us.

“It was.”

I smiled. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so relaxed and at peace.

“We could try to grow flowers too, we could get some seeds on the market...”

“...and make our city beautiful.”

Mai’Ri smiled.

“Mum liked flowers.”

“She did.”

Did she mean…? I glanced at them. I didn’t ask, but I didn’t need to. Mai’Ri wrapped her arms around her, pulling her closer. Had I fucked up by choosing this movie? I took the girl’s hand and glanced at Mai’Ri. She gave me a sad smile. I looked down. Did we…? Had I...?

Fuck, suddenly my small flat felt suffocating. I needed some air. But before I could get up, Mai’Ri rested her head on my shoulder, a small gesture of comfort that meant everything at that moment. I sighed, wishing I could say something, but my mind stayed blank. Was this why she was always so silent? If so, we weren’t that different.