Authentic Vampire Experience

The ad promised an "authentic vampire experience." The reviews were enthusiastic: five stars, mostly. The business license was legitimate. The reported incidents amounted to consensual bitemarks and temporary memory gaps.

In other words: nothing serious. A job nobody wanted. Which meant it landed on Akira's desk.

He stood before the converted Victorian mansion in the historic district, nestled between a convenience store and a trendy cat café. The building itself was beautiful: traditional architecture, well-maintained gardens, those elegant sloped roofs that screamed "cultural heritage site."

And completely ruined by the neon sign in the window: VAMPIRE EXPERIENCE - BOOK NOW!

Akira pinched the bridge of his nose. Government work, he reminded himself. Stable income. Benefits.

He knocked.

The door swung open to reveal a vision of elegance: a vampire with perfect winged eyeliner, flowing traditional robes that somehow looked both ancient and fashion-forward, and a ring light positioned behind them for optimal angles.

"Welcome!" The vampire struck a pose. "I am Reina, and you've just entered…" They paused, looking Akira up and down. "Wait. You're not a customer."

Akira held up his badge. "Supernatural Investigation Office. I'm here about your business operation."

"Ah." Reina's dramatic expression didn't waver. "Momo! We have an investigator!"

"Is he here for the premium package?" A second voice called from somewhere inside. "Because bitemarks are extra…"

"He's from the government," Reina said.

A small figure appeared beside Reina, a girl who looked maybe twelve, with a perpetually smug expression and a phone in her hand. She looked Akira up and down and smirked.

"You look like you still use Facebook," she said.

"I…what?"

"Boomer energy. I can sense it." She turned to Reina. "He definitely doesn't know what TikTok is."

"I know what TikTok is," Akira said defensively. He did. Sort of. People did dances on it, right?

The small vampire, Momo, apparently, held up her phone. On the screen, numbers climbed steadily. "Three million followers. Verified. Blue checkmark." She looked at him expectantly.

"That's... nice?"

She sighed like he'd personally disappointed her. "Boomer confirmed."

Reina led him through the mansion, and Akira tried not to stare. Every room had ring lights. Multiple cameras on tripods. Aesthetic backdrops that looked like they cost more than his monthly rent. In one room, someone was filming what appeared to be a makeup tutorial. In another, a carefully arranged "spooky Victorian vampire lair" complete with fake cobwebs and designer furniture.

"So," Akira said, pulling out his tablet. "Your business model is..."

"Blood tourism!" Reina said brightly. "Humans pay for an authentic vampire experience. We provide ambiance, entertainment, and yes, with consent and proper contracts, minor blood extraction."

"You bite people."

"We provide a service," Reina corrected. "They get the thrill of a lifetime. We get compensation and, well, blood. Everyone wins."

"And the memory loss?"

"Mild calming spell. Disclosed in the contract, section three, paragraph B. Helps with the needle anxiety…I mean, fang anxiety."

Akira had to admit, it was... surprisingly well-organized? The contracts were actually legitimate. They paid taxes. They had liability insurance. It was weird, but not illegal.

"So who runs this operation?" he asked.

Reina and Momo exchanged glances.

"Our coven lord," Reina said carefully. "Mio. She's... brilliant. Revolutionary, really. Changed how vampires approach human interaction entirely."

"She sounds impressive."

"She is!" Momo said. "She's also been in her room for three months and won't come out."

"...What?"

"She's a shut-in," Reina explained with a sigh. "Gaming addict. Social anxiety. You know how it is."

"I really don't," Akira said.

They stopped in front of a door covered in anime stickers and a "DO NOT DISTURB - STREAMING" sign.

Reina knocked. "Mio? The investigator is here."

No response.

Reina knocked again. "Mio, we need you to come out."

Faint sounds of game music leaked through the door.

"She has noise-canceling headphones on," Momo said. She proceeded to kick the door. "BOSS! GOVERNMENT INSPECTION!"

The music stopped abruptly.

After a long moment, the door cracked open. A pair of eyes peered out from the darkness, partially hidden by long bangs.

"...Investigation?" The voice was barely above a whisper.

"Nothing serious," Reina said soothingly. "Just standard business verification. This is Akira-san from…"

"Okay," the voice said. The door opened a bit wider.

Akira blinked.

The "coven lord" was... tiny. Drowning in an oversized black hoodie with cat ears on the hood. She looked maybe twenty, twenty-two at most. Her hair was messy, her room behind her was a disaster of cables and computer equipment, and she was currently trying to hide her entire body behind the door frame.

This was their leader?

"Um," Mio mumbled, not making eye contact. "Come in? Sorry about the mess. I was in the middle of a raid and…"

"She's been farming this dungeon for six weeks," Momo supplied helpfully.

"It has good drop rates," Mio said defensively, face flushing.

Akira carefully navigated the obstacle course of Mio's room. Cables everywhere. Empty energy drink cans. Merchandising boxes stacked in corners. Three monitors displaying what looked like a fantasy game with incredibly detailed graphics. The only light came from LED strips and the computer screens.

Mio settled back into her gaming chair, pulling her knees up to her chest. "So, um. What do you need to know?"

"The business model," Akira said, trying to find a clear spot to stand. "How did you develop…"

A figure phased through the wall.

Akira yelped, stumbled backward; his foot caught on a cable, and he crashed into the desk.

The figure didn't even glance at him. Walked straight to a mini-fridge in the corner, opened it, pulled out three blood bags, and tucked them under one arm. Then he looked at Mio, gave a single nod, and phased back through the wall.

Complete silence.

"What," Akira said, heart hammering, "the hell was that?"

"Oh." Mio blinked, like she'd already forgotten about it. "That's just Ren. He's on payroll."

"He walked through the wall!"

"Phasing vampire. Very convenient for his line of work."

"His line of work?!"

"Security. Mercenary. He freelances." She said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. "He stops by for payment and blood bags. Very professional."

"He could be anywhere," Akira said, looking at the walls with new suspicion. "Just…phasing through…watching…"

"He's not watching," Mio said, unpausing her game. "He's probably already on another job. Very busy. Anyway, you were asking about the business model?"

Akira stared at her. Then at the wall. Then back at her.

"Your life is insane."

"Mm." She didn't look away from her screen. "So, the business model. It started because…"

His foot was still tangled in the cable. When he tried to shift his weight, pull free…

The cable unplugged.

All three monitors went dark.

Silence.

Mio stared at the blank screens. Then at Akira. Then back at the screens.

"Did you just," she said, voice very quiet, "unplug my PC?"

"I…" Akira started. "I didn't mean to…”

"During the raid," Mio continued, her voice getting slightly higher. "The six-week. Raid."

"I can plug it back…"

"I was three percent away from the achievement."

And then she screamed.

Akira had investigated a lot of supernatural incidents. He'd seen werewolf transformations. Witnessed poltergeist activity. Once got caught in a kappa's territorial dispute.

Nothing prepared him for an enraged gamer vampire.

Mio moved fast. One moment she was in her chair. The next, she had him pinned against the wall, fangs bared, eyes glowing red in the dim light.

"Six weeks," she hissed. "SIX. WEEKS."

"I'm sorry…" Akira managed.

"Do you know how long it takes to farm that dungeon? Do you have ANY IDEA…"

Her fangs sank into his neck.

The pain was sharp, bright, and then everything got fuzzy. A strange pulling sensation. Warmth spread through his body, then cold. His knees went weak but he couldn't fall because she was holding him up, pressed against the wall.

Mio made a sound against his neck. Something between a gasp and a sigh.

His vision started going dark at the edges.

She pulled back, his blood on her lips, eyes half-lidded and dazed. She looked... satisfied. Content. Like she'd just had the best meal of her life.

"Oh," she said, voice dreamy. "That's... wow."

Akira tried to speak but his legs gave out.

Mio let him slide to the floor, still looking dazed. She licked her lips absently.

"Your blood tastes like depression," she said, tilting her head. "And coffee. And... is that instant ramen? Do you only eat instant ramen?"

"I…" Akira's vision was swimming. The room tilted.

"Interesting flavor profile." She crouched down, studying him with curious, unfocused eyes. "Very human. Very tired. You should probably eat better…"

Akira's world went black.

When he came to, he was on a velvet couch. Someone had hooked him up to a blood bag. The room was too bright and his head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.

“...completely irresponsible!" Reina's voice, sharp and dramatic. "He could have died, Mio!"

"But he didn't." Mio's voice, defensive but quiet.

"That's not the point!"

Akira tried to sit up. His head spun and he immediately regretted it.

"Oh good, you're awake!" Reina appeared in his field of vision, looking relieved and exasperated in equal measure. "Don't move. You've lost a significant amount of blood.”

"What..." Akira touched his neck. Bandage. His hand came away clean but he could feel the wound underneath, already healing thanks to whatever vampire magic was involved.

"You passed out," Momo said helpfully, appearing with another bag of merchandise. "Boss went full feral mode. It was kind of impressive, actually. I got some of it on video before Reina made me stop."

"You did what!" Reina started.

"For documentation purposes!" Momo said innocently.

The door to Mio's room was cracked open. Akira could see a sliver of darkness and the glow of computer screens, back on, apparently. But no sign of Mio herself.

"Where is she?" he asked.

Reina and Momo exchanged looks.

"Hiding," Reina said with a sigh. "As usual. When things get uncomfortable, she retreats." She raised her voice slightly. "Which is very mature and leader-like behavior!"

No response from the room.

Reina sighed again, deeper. "Mio. Come out here."

"...No."

"Mio."

"I'm busy."

"You are not busy. Your game is on the respawn screen. I can hear it from here."

Silence.

"Mio," Reina said, voice taking on a stern quality. "You owe this man an apology. A real one. Not whatever that was when he was bleeding out on your floor."

More silence.

Then, very quietly: "I know."

"Then get out here and say it."

The door opened a crack wider. Mio's face appeared in the gap, just her eyes, the rest hidden by the doorframe and her hoodie.

She looked at Akira. Her eyes were normal now, no red glow, but there was something in them. Guilt? Fear? It was hard to tell when she was barely visible.

"...Sorry," she mumbled.

"Mio." Reina's tone could have cut glass.

"I'm sorry," Mio said, slightly louder. "For attacking you. And drinking your blood without permission. And saying your blood tastes like depression."

"It does though," Momo muttered. Reina elbowed her.

"And for making you pass out," Mio continued, still mostly hidden behind the door. "And for. Um. Everything?"

She looked miserable. Small. Nothing like the terrifying creature that had pinned him to the wall.

"I'm really sorry," she said again, even quieter. "I haven't lost control like that in... a long time. I was just so angry about the game and hungry and…but that's not an excuse. I hurt you. I could have killed you. I'm... I'm really, really sorry."

Akira looked at her. This tiny vampire, hiding behind a door, genuinely devastated about what she'd done. Who'd gone from scary to vulnerable in the span of a blood bag and a lecture.

"It's..." He paused. Was it okay? Not really. Should he file charges? Probably. Should he ban their business, mark it as dangerous? By all protocols, yes.

But he looked at Reina's protective stance, at Momo's unusually quiet demeanor, at Mio's barely-visible face in the doorway.

"I accept your apology," he said finally.

Mio's eyes widened slightly.

"But," he added, "we need to talk about safety protocols. And contracts. And whatever the hell just happened."

"Yes!" Mio nodded eagerly, the door opening slightly wider. "Absolutely! I'll show you everything. All our contracts, all our procedures…we have so many procedures, this was just me being terrible…"

"She really is normally better than this," Reina said. "She's been a shut-in for so long she forgot how to interact with people without a screen between them."

"I'm in the room," Mio muttered. Reina ignored her.

Akira was almost to the door when he felt something tug on his sleeve.

He turned. Mio had emerged from her room, barely. One hand stretched out, gripping his jacket, the rest of her still mostly hidden by the doorframe.

"Um," she said, so quiet he almost didn't hear it. "Akira-san?"

"Yes?"

She stared at the floor. Her hand was shaking slightly. "Your blood. It was. Really good."

Akira waited.

"Like. The best I've had. In centuries." She still wasn't looking at him. "And I know I shouldn't ask. I know I just attacked you and you should probably never come back here but…"

She took a breath.

"Can I drink it again?" Her voice barely above a whisper. "Your blood. I'll pay you. Proper rates. Contract. Whatever you need. I just…" She finally looked up, desperate and hopeful. "Please?"

Akira stared at her. This tiny vampire, still hiding mostly behind the door, asking so carefully for something she could easily just take.

He should say no. This was absurd. Dangerous. Definitely against some protocol in his employee handbook.

But he looked at the expensive food. The luxury mansion. The successful business these vampires had built. And then at Mio, small and anxious and so earnest.

He thought about his rent. His loans. The look in her eyes: wanting but not demanding.

"How much are we talking?" he asked.

Mio's eyes went wide. "You…you'd actually…"

"In this economy?" He shrugged. "Why not. But I want a proper contract. Safety protocols. Everything legal."

"Yes! Absolutely! I'll…" She stepped fully out of her room, hands clasped together. "I'll draw up everything. Fair rates. Better than fair. Whatever you need. I'll…"

She paused, face getting red.

"Thank you," she said softly. "For saying yes. For... giving me another chance."

Akira looked at her. At the genuine relief and joy on her face.

What am I getting into?

But also: Too late to back out now.

"Let's talk terms," he said.