Chapter 4:

I Must do It - I

I Can Hear You

Knowing that you can do something that no one else can do should be awesome, a thing that you would like to brag about with your friends, something like singing really nice, dancing like you had no bones, heck even being good at a game or just being that one person who knows everything about a film; I think that I may have something special, but it is really like that? Maybe I’m just going crazy, looking at spirits and talking to them sounds stupid, maybe stupidly cool for some people, but is impossible to prove that what I saw was real…

I’m most likely just passing through a really stressful moment, just started working on what I like, started living completely alone in a city that I know nothing about, the only people I know are my co-workers who I know nothing, and well, someone died on my first day, it makes sense that I’m stressed out, even if I’ve worked only for little more than a week…

Well, I thought that Miguel could be a sort of “mentor” for me, the man was quite cool, but he already turned himself, so following him as this sort of mentor would be completely stupid, even if he didn’t seem like a bad person at the end, he ended doing something that he shouldn’t have done, or that at least that I think he shouldn’t have done.

Looking at my clock, I’ve just realized that it’s too late for me to be awake, 2:00 am, and I need to go to the hospital so damn early. I haven’t been able to sleep well since Ms. Sara died, no, I’m wrong, it’s not her death that disturbed me, it clearly wasn’t just that, it was what I heard, her voice.

It’s weird, I don’t even know what it actually was, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about it, it almost made me drop my job, but thanks god I only talked with Miguel about that, or I would be suffering from my reckless stupidity right now. I’m not even sure that what I heard was Sara’s voice, not like it didn’t sound like hers, but how could it be possible, how did I see her, I’m sure that it was her, both with the box that had her photo and when Miguel confessed everything, I’m sure that she was there, or at least something that looked a lot like her.

Now that I think about it, I could make a living out of it, talking to deceased people sounds like a nice way to win money, families would come from any crazy place to talk with me about someone who died, I could put some decoration on this little apartment and become something like a medium, there are people who do it already, but most of them surely are scammers, mine could be a real thing unless I’m just going crazy obviously, but “Adam, the Magnificent” could be the real deal if I really saw that, it would be nice… But I know that it would be wrong, I saw what happened with Miguel, I ended discovering something that I would’ve liked to never know.

Now he must be suffering, he will never be able to work as a doctor after all that happened, it’s surprising that the hospital has even managed to work out of it as they’ve done, as horrible as Abraham may seem, he really knows how to talk to all those crazy journalists that appeared after the case became public, but even if he wasn’t able to control all that’s happening, the worst part would still be Miguel’s life from now on, “what will he do?” is a question that I’ll never be able to take out of my mind. As far as Lisa and Tony knew, he didn’t have anyone but his siblings, who live too far away to even come and know exactly why he did that, everyone knows him as nothing but a killer after all…

Maybe I should go and talk to the media instead of him, say why he did that! But it wouldn’t change anything, he would still be the stupid doctor who killed the woman he loved, even if he did it for an understandable reason, even if she realized it and didn’t want him to suffer alone, even if she left a letter saying that she was fine with it, that she didn’t want to suffer anymore, he would still be nothing but an “Angel of Death”, but maybe that could suit him, she was also an Angel for him, now she’s just waiting for him to take flight and go see her, to the heavens where they could live together… Hopefully, a place like that really exists… Please, it *yawn* must exist…


-The next day-

I fell asleep thinking about those dumb things, I will end going crazy if I keep talking about those things only with myself as a company, if I really have these weird powers, I could at least become a complete warlock and get something like a talking black cat to talk with me, it would at least be a way to wake up earlier, the cat would be better than my clock alarm working me at 6:00 am, thirty minutes aren’t enough to eat well and take a proper shower, let’s not even talk about taking the bus to go to the hospital.

Now I needed to run like crazy, my apartment was properly closed, turned everything off before going out, my phone and keys are in my pocket, enough money to take the bus and eat something nice; If only I didn’t need to run while dressing these damned work shoes, they clearly weren’t made for it.

As soon as I went down the stairs and started walking through the street, this guy appeared out of nowhere, on a damn cool motorcycle and almost over the top speed, if I had been here a bit early the crazy-moto-guy could’ve run over me, not a nice way to start the day, but what happened after that was even worse, I had to hear this horrible sound, a crash, if I had been here a bit earlier the motorcycle could be over me, but maybe he wouldn’t have crashed with a car a bit after that…

I tried to help the guy, but even a proper doctor who has been working for more than a week would be scared, so much blood, an arm that shouldn’t twist like that, his cries for help out of sheer pain and the destroyed motorcycle that only made the place look like hell with the sounds and the smoke, maybe it was actually hell on earth that I was watching; the people on the car he crashed weren’t harmed, but as soon as someone went to see how they were, the driver went full throttle, the accident could’ve been avoided if the moto-guy was going slower, but the car came from a wrong direction, even I, a person who knows nothing about cars and driving could see that the car was the main responsible here, as a doctor is easy for me to dislike people who don’t care about other’s life, but is even worse when you could damage someone like that, when you could kill someone, and you don’t take any sort of responsibility, I would love to pursuit them, the person in the car, but I can’t, my priority is saving this life, this guy must live, please.

Shortly after that, the ambulance came, I went with them since I was stabilizing him, I couldn’t let him die, the driver of the ambulance, Samuel, was one of Abraham’s most trusted persons in the whole hospital, he let me go with them knowing that I’m a co-worker and trusted in me to save this guy’s life, I hope I can live up to that, I just want to save this one life, not only because Samuel believes in me right now, but because I don’t want to see another death, not only is it harmful, but I also think that I may be able to see something after someone dies, and I just want to be normal, maybe “Adam, the Magnificent” sounds nice as a delusion, but I don’t want to see a weird thing, I don’t want to see this guy’s face once again if he dies, I don’t want to accept that what I saw was more than a crazy stress moment…

We arrived at the hospital, we rushed through the whole place until we arrived at a place where we could save him, they took out the part of his clothes that I couldn’t bring myself to try, I feared that if I moved him he would die from blood loss, that he would have a stroke or even just a natural thing, I didn’t want to take any risk, but here they know what they’re doing, they will save him!... That’s what I would’ve loved to say, just ten minutes after we arrived, he died, his name was Zack Medina, a car crashed him and then didn’t care about helping him. Zack Medina died at 22 years old.

I couldn’t bring myself to accept it, I almost did it, I almost saved him, I was sure about it, I did all that was on my hand to save this poor guy… I really tried… *sob*

“Take this, a coffee will surely help you to stand up again” – Tony was extending his hand to me, I really wanted to say something, at least a meaningless “Thank you man!” or some upbeat thing like that, but I couldn’t, my voice wouldn’t come out…

“When I started working here we had two patients who we needed to save, a terrible accident happened out of the hospital, and no one knew what to do with these two who were most likely going to die” – At the start, I just couldn’t bring myself to care about whatever he was talking about, not because I didn’t respect him or anything, I just couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened, about what I was feeling, but then I saw the grieving on his face, he was talking because he wanted to help me, I couldn’t let a nice guy like him be ignored, I couldn’t bring myself to ignore a friend like that.

“At that time no one could help them, they looked horribly bad, but then Mr. Abraham came running down from his office, he took a group of people, including me, and rushed to help them, he didn’t care about why they were like that, about who they were, he just wanted to save them, at that moment I asked something to him, nothing meaningful, just wanted to know what their names were”

“It makes sense, but what he answered must’ve been important for you to include it on the story, am I right?”

“You’re right, he didn’t move his eyes out of the patient and said “If you want to know their names, you should ask themselves when they wake up”; I understood what he meant, a doctor’s mission isn’t to serve a person because of who they are or what they did, is just save people, to keep them safe so they can do whatever they want to do with their life; What you tried to do was trying to save a person’s life, and you couldn’t, but you tried with all your soul, right?”

“Um, well… Yeah, I assume that I did that, but-“

“That’s all you needed to say, that’s all that means something, you can suffer if you fail, but then you must stand up again”

“Tony, tell me something, did Mr. Abraham save those patients on your story?”

“He tried with all of his soul on the work, just like you, but he failed, both of them died”

Mr. Abraham was weird, he didn’t care about how many die every day, but then Tony says that he never stops trying; All that matters is that I must do the same thing he said, keep trying until I’m sure that I can save them or until I just can’t do anything else until my patients can’t beat anymore or until they can smile again, that’s all I must do, and that’s where people failed before myself.

I had to stand up again, and then I saw it, a man with a face I had just seen was standing next to the deceased Zack, dressed in the same fashion and with a grieving face, trying to take something out of his leather jacket’s pocket, but he couldn’t do it, his hand couldn’t touch the jacket.

The man stopped trying, the jacket was lying next to the corpse, and this man was standing there, trying to put his hand inside, he couldn’t do anything.

I walked towards him, took something out of the jacket, a little ring box was inside the jacket, I showed it to him, and then I knew that I was right, standing next to Zack Medina’s deceased body, the man who couldn’t touch the jacket was none other than Zack himself, now I knew that I can do something that no one else could, I can help people, I can help them even if it means accepting that maybe I am really going crazy.

N. D. Skordilis