Freudian Sleep

The class gradually came back to their seats. Two girls still cried in the corner. Tetsuo hadn't dared to sit back in his chair and reportedly had his mother take him home. Kanji stared out of the window, feeling as if he’s watching himself in his body. He wanted to puke. The rain of pressure in his chest turned and rippled.

It’s all my fault.

What happened to Yuki…

The fact that we killed a man…

Even that Sollenberg died.

If I hadn’t stuck my nose for once where I shouldn’t have, if I for once stopped questioning every little thing…

The guilt felt so immense that he didn’t feel like Kanji was enough to experience it; and strangely, the more the guilt grew, the less he felt it.

I can’t be here anymore.

Kanji raced out of the classroom.

Panting. All faces went blurry. Door sliding. Shoes squeaking. Hallway. Hallway. Turning. Hallway. Panting. Door sliding.

Kanji reached an empty classroom and slammed the door shut.

Tears ran down his face. He wiped them with his sleeve.

As he raised his head, he saw a painting of a mother and daughter holding hands, which looked like it was drawn by a middle-schooler.

The Arts Club. I didn’t think it would ever be empty.

Kanji sat next to one of the side-by-side desks stretching along the wall, head on his hands.

What should I even do now? My life is not in danger anymore, but who knows what happened to Yuki? First and foremost, I have to save her. And after that… After that I have to atone for all the harm I’ve caused. I’ll turn myself in, I'll volunteer every last minute of my time to the poor and sick, I’ll do everything it takes.

He wiped the tears again, and as he moved, his bag fell from the chair to the ground, making the hammer slide out of it. It stared at him menacingly, malevolently, as if telling him, “remember who you are.”

Kanji picked up the hammer, it felt so light and heavy in his hand. Wobbly.

Why? Why did I get you? What are you even supposed to be?

And he remembered Sollenberg.

Japan is dying, and the remedy is in my hands.

Kanji took the hammer because he was certain, so certain he could use it to save Japan. Certain that he could take action, instead of tiptoeing at the door like that masked freak.

And there it was. A way.

All he has to do is save Yuki, and save Japan. And he could deserve to live again.

Kanji takes hammer.

*****

“Bee… Beco… No, that’s not right. Beyond… Beyond Not? Beyond Rot? No, it’s Beyond Not. What the hell does that mean?” Kanji scratched his cheek as he examined the label on the hammer, “What’s beyond not? Yes? Maybe?” He scanned every bump and surface; he tried to swing it hitting objects with it; even to pray using all his might for it to do what it’s supposed to do; but nothing happened.

There’s only one way to find out what it does.

The door slid open. Kanji jumped, and immediately hid the hammer in his bag. “H-hello, sorry, I was just here to…” he said shakily.

“Found you!” It was Yuki, hands behind her back, with a kid-like grin.

“Y-yuki? What happened? Did you get expelled?”

“Nope.” She got closer and plopped on the chair beside him.

“How?”

“I convinced them not to. I can be convincing when I try!” She crossed her legs on the table, sitting in an upwards angle.

“C-Convinced them?”

“Yes. I have my ways…” she giggled, “what are you doing there all sneaky? Are you looking at the hammer?”

“Yes. I was hoping that maybe… you could tell me more about it?”

Yuki touched her lip with her finger. “Tell you more? I don’t know anything about it.”

There’s not a sliver of a doubt Yuki has been possessed. If that thing is in there, it has to know something.

“And during that time, since you choked, have you learned or seen anything strange or unlikely?”

“Hmm… not really. Maybe confidence? Or more like, I just don’t really care as much. But not anything more than that.”

It’s pointless, it won’t cooperate… Kanji leaned back in his chair.

“What does the label on the hammer say?” Yuki asked.

“It says ‘beyond not.’”

“Beyond not?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Like, a maybe?” She laughed.

Kanji’s eyes widened. He had a crazy idea.

“Yuki… do you want to play a game?”

“A game?” She smiled widely, “Sure! What game?”

“An association game. I say something, and then you say the first thing that comes to your mind.”

If the creature has a mind in hers, and it’s holding something back, there’s a chance something will leak!

“Eh? That’s a strange pick. But I’ll give it a go!” She leaned back, “you start.”

“Bird.” Kanji said, tapping his curled finger on his knee.

“Cage.” Yuki replied.

“Pickaxe.”

“Hammer.”

“Curiosity.”

“Horror.”

E-eh?

“Dr. Sollenberg.”

“Dead.”

“Red.”

“Dream.”

D-dream?

“Water.”

“Destruction.”

“Power.”

“Revolver.”

“Can I ask a question?” Kanji said.

“Yeah?”

“Why… Why did you say dream after I said red?”

“Is that strange? What else would you say?”

“I don’t know. Blue? Rose?”

“Oh… dream just makes sense to me,” she said, standing up, “Come on. Let’s go.”

“Where to?”

“To your house. I’m staying overnight.”

Huh?

“Excuse me?”

“Hmm? I said, to your house, I’m staying overnight.”

“What? Why would you stay overnight?” Kanji said. She had never visited his house before, nor had they ever met once outside of school, apart from the Awaji trip, and he needed to write the associations down as fast as possible without her seeing. Kanji’s heart started racing.

“Intuition,” she said, “I just know I need to be there.”

“Intuition? You want to stay overnight at my house because of intuition?”

“Yes.”

Kanji blinked and raised his eyebrows. “Well… I’m not sure its a good idea… It’s a small studio apartment, I could set a few blankets on the floor for myself, and you can sleep on my bed.” He knew he had to keep her at bay, but something, like an invisible string, kept pulling him to not reject her completely.

“No need,” she said, “I’m not going to sleep.”

Eh???

“I’ll sit on a chair, I don’t really sleep anymore. Why are you blushing? Did you get any funny ideas? Pervert.”

“No…”

“Then, let’s go.” She picked up the revolver and pocketed it. As she exited the room, Kanji picked up his notebook and quickly wrote down every association of hers he could remember.

******

The clock in Kanji’s room read 11:30 pm. Yuki leaned against the wall next to the square glass window, staring through it. Since they arrived, her attitude changed completely. She was quiet, serious without the slight of a smile, and rarely talked at all.

“I’ll be closing the light now.” Kanji said.

“Go ahead.” Yuki said.

Kanji turned off the light and tucked himself under the blanket with his notebook. He lit the lamp.

These words… Cage, Hammer, Horror, Dead, Dream, Destruction, Revolver… There’s a clear bleak pattern. The only words that don’t fit the pattern are Hammer and Dream. I guess a hammer could be a murder weapon… but a dream? It was her association for red too. Was the red world a dream? That would contradict me bringing the physical hammer from there. Or does it? No, I can’t think conspiratorily. I have to assume everything is real. Then what if…

Kanji took the hammer out of his backpack by the bed, and turned off the lamp.

“Figured something out?” Yuki said.

“Maybe.” Kanji said, “What are you looking for out there anyways?”

“Bunnies,” she said.

“Bunnies? Have you seen my Shiba Inu plushie?” He lifted it in the air to show her, “He’s so cute!”

“Be quiet, Kanji-kun.”

He rolled his eyes. “Good night,” he said as he cuddled with it.

“Night.” She responded.

He stared at the ceiling and breathed deeply.

Should I really have let her stay here? What if she murders me as I sleep? He gulped.

It must have been a few hours until he fell asleep.

*****

His feet stood over the cold rocks. The pajamas barely warmed his skin, the cold wooden handle of the hammer in his right hand and even the Shiba Inu plushie in his left hand were not much help. He was on a cliff. The sky was cloudy, and the double helix towered in the far distance.

What is this? Am I dreaming?

Plushy under armpit, he pinched himself as hard as he could. It was painful, but he was still on the cliff.

Is this the same place from Awaji? headed towards the edge of the cliff, which was surrounded by red water. An ear screeching roar thundered, making the ground shake around him. A floating, elongated snake-like creature, with its eyes staring towards the back of its body. It was chasing two bat-like creatures flying sporadically. The snake must have been as big as Kanji’s school building.

Yokai?

The fish leaped, trapping the two creatures in its mouth. A giant spider with disproportionately long legs walked on the water without a care for the nearby struggle. The snake proceeded to spin in the air vertically, biting on its own tail.

A zap sounded alongside a beating hammer from a higher spot on the rocks. Kanji headed towards the sound, climbing the smooth terrain.

As he reached the top spot, he froze. What? How is this possible?

It was Dr. Sollenberg.

Dr. Sollenberg turned to face him, his expression blank behind the mask.

“Okimoto Kanji! It’s about time we met again. There’s something important I wanted to tell you!”

Dr. Sollenberg stepped closer to him, still wearing those boots, making that sound which made Kanji shake. No… Not like this… He was just a meter from him.

He extended his leather gloved hand. This must be the end… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry….

“Thank you!” Dr. Sollenberg said, “Thank you for bringing about my death! Well, not directly, but I am sure you had some influence or another on Sarah’s mishaps. It’s thanks to you I have finally made the leap, and started studying this place from within.”

Kanji shook his hand. “You’re… welcome?” He said shakily. His heart dropped to his knees. “Are… are you really alive?”

“Alive, well, sort of. I’m merely a guest where competent mages go when the world wants to forget them. I see you have that hammer with you! Then I am happy to only be here and not out there.”

Kanji decided to push. “Why? Do you know what this hammer’s supposed to do? It seems to be mostly an ordinary hammer.”

“What does a hammer do? Have you never used a hammer, Kanji? Were you lacking a father figure perhaps?”

Kanji gulped. “You know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh, that’s right. You are completely unfamiliar with magic, aren’t you? My apologies. I’ve been around magic users for so long, I forgot there are others.”

“Yes.”

“Well, in practice, it all comes down to a simple principle,” he turned to the cliff and raised his hand towards the giant spider. He closed his palm, and opened it again in front of Kanji. Inside was a small spider, made out of red water.

“Inspiration,” the spider walked up Sollenberg’s arm.

“How? How did you…?”

Gunshot. Kanji woke up, breathing heavily.

“Kanji-kun! A bunny!” Yuki yelled.