Hidden Smile

October 6th - Kimura Kiyomi

I woke up early the next morning and at the breakfast table everything seemed normal, although I could feel a certain tension in the air, but maybe I was just imagining things. My mother didn't bring up the previous evening and neither did I. When I went on my way to school I was walking down the streets of our neighborhood and I wondered where Suzuki might live or how he got to school. I noticed that I was thinking about him a lot in general and I could feel my face getting hot. What was this sensation? Was I also... What would my mother think about that? But I couldn't help but be fascinated by him. As I pondered these thoughts I looked up and saw no other than Suzuki standing at the next street corner. That stopped me in my tracks. So was he living close by? And was he waiting for someone? Me, presumably? I had to stop for a second. Even though I knew I would be meeting him today, seeing him now made me aware of how unprepared I was for the encounter.

But it couldn't be helped. Although my body was reluctant, I forced it forward and when I came closer Suzuki seemed to notice me and looked in my direction, still no visible emotion on his pretty face. Wait, pretty... where was that coming from now...

“Good Morning Kimura,” Suzuki said when I reached him and we started walking towards school.

I tried and failed to feel out how he felt about yesterday.

“Sorry about yesterday,” I said. I felt the need to address it right away. “You came all the way to bring me my bag and my mother made such a scene.” Like mother like daughter I added in silence.

“Don't worry about it,” was Suzukis answer. “Did she tell you anything afterwards?” Straight to the point again.

“Yes, she told me about her past and roughly what this might be about,” I answered.

“So you don't mind me talking to you again?” He asked me. Now I felt my face turning red.

I did ask him to never speak to me again. Like ever. Sayonara and all that.

“Sorry about that. I was so confused by your behaviour yesterday. I didn't know this was something so serious,” I answered truthfully. You still deserved that reaction I added in my mind.

“But you are willing to hear me out now?” He continued. I braced myself before I gave my answer.

“Yes, I want to know more about this whole thing. And what we can do about it.” After I said that he didn't give an answer right away and as I was somewhat surprised I looked over at him and something that disturbed me quite a bit was going on. Was he... smiling? What was happening now?

A couple seconds later he seemed to notice that I noticed and the poker face was up again. But wait a minute sir, you aren't getting away that easily. I stopped on the street and some people that were walking behind us almost bumped into me and I heard some suppressed curses, but I didn't really care about that at the moment. Suzuki seemed to notice me not walking anymore and turned around to face me.

“What is it Kimura?” he asked. His face was totally emotionless again, but I knew what I saw.

“You just smiled, didn't you. Why do you act like a robot when you clearly have emotions?” I didn't even know why it was so important to me to probe him about that now, but now I started it.

“I don't know what you mean Kimura,” he answered. Was he playing dumb with me?

“Don't try to gaslight me over something like this man. I am supposed to trust you, right? So tell me why. Right now.” I felt my face getting hot again, but this time from anger. He was so annoying.

He obviously knew a lot about this situation and it just felt like he was giving away as a little as possible to string me along. But I wanted to at least know what this whole smile thing was about. Because it kinda made my heart explode when I saw it. Not that I would tell Suzuki that. But he was like so good looking when he smiled I could hardly take it. I never felt anything like that when looking at a guy before and of course my mother telling me about her falling in love with a pretty much identical looking person was also in the back of my mind. For a couple seconds he Managed to maintain his poker face and looked straight at me, but this time I didn't give in and finally he turned his head and looked away. Was he embarrassed after all? Now I was hesitant again. I didn't want to make him feel uncomfortable. I guess I did in a way, but seeing him like this now didn't feel like I achieved a great victory in the battle of the minds.

“Sorry Suzuki,” I said ruefully. “I didn't want to embarrass you.” He still looked to the side.

“It's okay,” he answered, “I just was very happy for a moment.” That blunt admission took me by surprise. Why was he happy about it? Because he could fulfill his mission now? That was it, right?

“So what made you so happy about it?” I asked. Did I even want to know? “Was it because we could do the mission thing now or...” Help me, please stop yourself. What was I even asking him? I felt like I was handing him the biggest chocolate heart in the world on valentines day.

“Well yes, but also...” Nope, that was it. I couldn't have this conversation right now. Suzuki was standing in front of me and I was rushing past him, my face as red as a brick wall. I wasn't prepared for whatever he was actually about to say there.

“It's okay Suzuki. We need to get to school. We will be late.” I grabbed my bag very tightly like it was the anchor in my see of emotion that was very rough right now and I basically ran the rest of the way to school and I could hear Suzuki directly behind me. I didn't see his face of course, but in my mind he wore the biggest smile anyone ever had.