Separate Worlds, Pt. 5

For the rest of the day and the next, I stayed on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. My eyes were closed, but sleep never came. The cold seeped into my bones, but I didn’t bother to move or reach for another sheet. I just... couldn't bring myself to care.

Last night, Yue and Koga came to visit. They even bought a bento box from one of my favorite restaurants, but I only managed a small bite before I wanted to lie back down.

This morning, they came again, this time with some breakfast before our first class. They tried to get me to eat something — anything — but I couldn't. My appetite was nonexistent, I guess.

I even ended up skipping all of my classes today. Didn't have the mental capacity to sit through hours of lectures and assignments.

Still on my bed, I pulled out my phone and searched for 'Megumi no Hana'. Nothing came up except for all those news articles talking about the photo. So I put my phone down and shut my eyes once more.

The next morning, I decided to finally get out of bed. Ten minutes into class, I opened the door into the lecture hall and walked in. Thankfully, the professor didn't care. He just driveled on as if nothing had happened.

Sluggishly, I made my way down the aisle and took my seat next to Koga, who was more or less surprised that I even showed up.

"H-hey... Are you... okay, dude?" he whispered.

"As okay as I can be," I mumbled back.

"Don't you think you should've stayed home and rested a bit more?"

"And what good would that have done me?"

"I'm just saying. It doesn't look like you should be out and about right now, much less keep up with a calculus lecture."

"Don't worry, Koga. I'll be fine."

Lie of the century, that one. I wasn't fine at all. Just as he said, I couldn't concentrate on a single word the entire lecture.

When the class ended, I grabbed my bag and promptly left, leaving no time for another one of Koga's wellness checks. Through the hallway, out the doors, and onto the courtyard. But I didn't make it far when someone else called out my name.

"Taka."

I turned, and of course... It was the only person in the world I really didn't wanna see right now.

"...Chiaki. What can I—"

"Megumi no Hana," she said, interrupting me. "That's who you were with at the mall last weekend. Right?"

I didn't even have it in me to react. Confused? No. Surprised? Not really. Annoyed? Just a tiny bit.

"Yeah. That's right. The girl I was with was Megumi no Hana."

Chiaki took a step back, seemingly unsure of what else to say.

"How come you didn't tell me? Why did I have to find out from the internet that you—"

"Was there a reason for me to tell you?"

"A reason...? Do I need a freaking reason for you to tell me that you were with the Megumi no Hana?! You know I'm such a big fan of hers! Wait— Before any of that, how do you even know her?! I mean, she was clinging onto you, and she said... s-she said that was your..."

I didn't answer. Truthfully, I didn't even wanna think about that day, or any other day for that matter. If I do... I'll keep remembering those times and how much I want them... want her back.

"Look, Chiaki... I'm not really in the mood today. We'll continue this later. For now... I just need to be left alone."

"Huh? B-but..."

Before she could say anything else, I turned and walked away. I didn’t stop. Didn’t slow down.

I told myself it was better this way. Maybe even a bit easier. And yet, with every step, the weight in my chest grew heavier, familiar and unforgiving. I was already tearing myself apart again.

"I want her back, huh?"

The thought alone feels absurd — almost cruel. How could I dare to want that? I was the reason she left in the first place. I let her in. I let myself fall for her. And then... I pushed her away.

I kept telling myself it was necessary. That it was for her sake. That walking away was the only way to keep her safe and her future intact.

That's the lie I repeat, over and over, like a prayer I'm hoping will finally come true. And still, in quiet moments, I find myself dreaming of what could never be. As if I even have the right to imagine a future where she's still here.

But I don't have that right. I never did. She and I don't belong in the same world. Even if we tried to make it work, it would've shattered eventually. The ending was always waiting for us.

So this is the only way.

Walking away... and living with it.

The clouds rolled in like clockwork. By the time I crossed the bridge back to campus, the sky was already covered in clouds.

I didn't have an umbrella. Didn't care enough to bring one.

The city lights below blurred behind the gloom, and my footsteps echoed off the soaked pavement like a metronome. I was angry. Angry at myself, but for what?

What could I have possibly done in that scenario?

That's just it. There was nothing more I could've done, and that was the worst part.

I stopped at the center of the bridge, then gripped the railing with wet hands and leaned forward, watching the river churn below.

"Guess I was right all along. Love... just isn't for me."

For a while, I just stood there. Eventually, the rain came pouring, but it didn't bother me. My mind was already fully occupied.

This bridge... was where I first met her.

I still vaguely remember our conversation.

Well... Conversation is a loose term. It was more like her trying to sell me the idea of suicide. She must've been in a really dark time in her life. I guess I got to see some of why that was, but it was probably nowhere close to the full story.

Thinking back on it, it's kind of funny. Now that I know what Megumi is truly like behind all the fame and glamor, it's hard to believe that she entertained herself by saying those things so casually.

I took a deep breath and looked up at the dark clouds.

I wonder how she's doing right now. Is she... handling this better than I am?

"Hah, fuck... Why am I making it seem like we broke up? We were never even a thing, and yet..."

Yet, this hurt more than all seven of Chiaki's rejections combined.

With one last look at the flowing river, I let go of the railings and turned back. Through the rain, I walked away... just like I did to her.