New Year Same Me, Pt. 1

I woke up to my alarm blaring. Reaching over, I turned it off before lying there for a few minutes, treading that thin line between asleep and awake.

Always a risky move, but never have I declined the challenge.

Once I was slightly more awake, I crawled out of bed and into the bathroom. After my morning routine, I got dressed, slipped my bag on, and made my way outside.

"Phew... It's warming up a bit," I said, watching the blooming leaves blowing gently in the wind. "Looks like spring is on its way."

I descended the staircase of the apartment complex, following the sidewalk for my twenty-minute walk to campus.

Of course, not without stopping at a local shop to pick up an onigiri. After paying for it, I pushed the door open and turned to say, "Thanks, Granny! Have a good day."

"Hoho~ You as well, Taka!"

That took about three minutes. I checked my phone. Only about twenty-five minutes left before my first class, so if I wanna make it in time, I'm gonna have to make a run for it.

I knew that staying in bed for that extra five minutes was a bad idea. At least, it wouldn't have been if the actual time I spent playing dead was over ten minutes...

"Oh well," I sighed, hovering the onigiri in front of my mouth. "It's not like it'll be my first time showing up late."

But then, I stopped in front of a window of an electronic store. They had a massive television on display, but what really caught my attention was the news it was playing. A woman was interviewing some old guy on a set. There was a poster behind them — an advertisement for a new drama that just came out. And on that poster... was Megumi no Hana.

"It's quite impressive, director," said the lady. "Even amid all the backlash that Megumi no Hana has been subjected to over the last few months, you still chose to cast her as the female lead. Can you shed some light as to what drove this decision?"

"Well, frankly, the backlash is but a secondary aspect for me to worry about," the director replied. "What I really care about is Miss Megumi's acting skills, and allow me to take this opportunity to say that I truly believe she has outdone herself with this one."

"There you have it, folks. Fans should look forward to the new drama show, which will be streaming starting tonight."

I paused as the network transitioned to a commercial. My mind went completely blank. Even when my phone rang with a text, I just... stood there.

"Well, would you look at that? You're... You're doing just fine without me... aren't you? Megumi?" 

 Slowly, I took a bite out of the onigiri, but it didn't taste as good as I remembered.

With that, I continued my early morning commute till I finally made it to my classroom. The door was still open, which was always a good sign. It meant the professor hadn't yet arrived.

I walked down the aisle and sat down. Koga was already there, clearly bored out of his mind because he was stacking pens into a pyramid.

"Hey, Koga."

"Oh. Morning, Taka. How's it going?"

"It's going well. For now, anyway."

"I hear ya. Just wait till we get our grades for that test we took last week."

"Please, don't say that. I don't even wanna imagine what I got. Most of the shit I wrote down could be passed off as caveman scribble."

"Caveman scribble? At least that's legible. Mine was straight up hieroglyphics."

"Pfft, that's so stupid."

"I mean, it's the truth. Anyway, settle in. It's time for me to be the gossipy asshole that I am."

"Hmm? Did something happen?"

"Oho, yeah. You've no freaking idea."

He eyeballed the front row, where Chiaki was sitting with her friends.

"You know Chiaki's boyfriend, right?" he whispered.

"Kousuke Haru? Yeah," I replied. "What about him?"

"Well, I'm sure this comes as a surprise to no one ever, but he got caught cheating."

"H-huh? Really?"

"Yeah, dude! It's freaking crazy! Apparently, he went to some club's social gathering, got way too freaking drunk, and did the deed with a girl he met that same night."

"W-wha—?! Seriously?" 

"My reaction exactly."

"Damn... That's freaking disgusting."

"I know. As much as I don't like Chiaki, no one deserves to get cheated on like that."

"Agreed."

The class went by just as slowly as it took for the seasons to change. Our next class, chemistry, was no different. And just like every other day, we used our short break period to rot in the campus café.

"Hey, Koga..."

"Yeah...?"

"Chemistry is science, isn't it...?"

"Yeah..."

"So why is so much math involved...?"

"You're asking me, man..."

We both sighed at the same time, and that was when Yue caught us lacking, just like she always did.

"Like, why?" she sighed. "Does a day ever go by where I don't find you two practically dead after only the second class?"

"It be like that sometimes," Koga mumbled.

"It really do," I said, nodding along.

"Seriously... You guys are something else. On a side note, I don't think I can ever get used to that, Taka."

I glanced up.

"Huh? Get used to what?"

"Your hair. Ever since you cut it, I've been tripping up every time I see you. That majestic ponytail... gone... in a flash..."

"It's been a month since then, dude. Start getting used to it, because the long hair isn't gonna come back for another year or two."

She threw herself onto a seat, crossing her arms with a click of her tongue.

"Anyway, did you guys hear about the new drama that's coming out tonight?" she asked.

"Oh! Yeah!" Koga exclaimed, his soul seemingly returning to his body. "The one—"

He stopped mid-sentence, and I already knew why. Saw it coming as soon as Yue mentioned something about a drama.

"It's fine, guys," I scoffed. "You can say her name. I'm not gonna bite."

"Yeah, but... I know it's been a while, but are you really okay?" Yue mumbled.

"Of course. Like you said, it's been a while. I still think about her from time to time, but I can handle hearing her name every now and then — especially because my two best friends are massive fans of hers."

"Hah! You can bet your ass we are," Koga chuckled. "So~ Watch party at my place tonight?"

"Uhh..."

"Pfft, what? Having second thoughts after all that bravado just then?"

"Hey. I said I can handle hearing her name, not watching a whole ass show with her as the star. A-and besides... It's a drama, isn't it? That means..."

I didn't even finish the rest of that sentence, yet Yue was already locking her eyes onto me with a snarky smirk.

"You don't wanna see her kissing another guy, huh?"

Again, I remained silent.

"Haha! You're such a child sometimes, Taka. It's almost cute."

"S-shut up..."

"My bad, my bad. Well... I guess that answers a subtle curiosity I wanted to ask, but never did. Taka, you... It's been three months, but you still have lingering feelings for her, don't you?"

I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but the words were caught somewhere deep inside me and refused to come out.

"I... I won't deny it. But there's no point in dwelling on it any longer. It sucks, but it is what it is. Besides, she's a whole damn celebrity. She belongs up there with all the other stars, while I... was never good enough for her anyway."

"What? Don't say things like that, Taka," Yue muttered.

"It's whatever. In any case, thanks for the offer, Koga, but I'd rather sit this one out."

He shrugged.

"Suit yourself, man. If you end up changing your mind, you know where to find me."

"Hah. Yeah."

I leaned back on my chair, staring at the ceiling. 

Ever since that day, I couldn't go a single night without her crossing my mind. I replay it over and over: the choice I made, the sound of my own voice telling her to leave, and the look on her face when it finally sank in.

The shock.

The hurt.

And the tears that I know, no matter how much I try to justify them, were caused by me.

One day, I'll move on... but I'll never forget her.