New Year Same Me, Pt. 2

I made it back to the apartment and shut the door behind me in one fluid motion — bag slipping from my shoulder, lock clicking into place.

"Hmm… what to make, what to make..."

I scanned the counter. A few leftover pastries from the bakery, but nothing else worth considering. I'm not really feeling bread tonight, so I reached for the fridge—

"Why are you even thinking about it?"

The voice stopped me cold. Sweet. Playful. Far too familiar.

"You already know what you want, don’t you?"

A chill crawled down my spine. Slowly, I straightened and turned. Beyond the kitchen counter, a pair of legs swung lazily from the couch.

There she was, Megumi no Hana, in all her glory. She lay there like she owned the place, propped on one elbow, smiling at me as if she'd never left.

"Hehe~ Still stuck? Okay. I guess I can give you just a tiny hint. Crunchy. Flaky. Filled with something savory. Shaped like a ball. Well? Care to take a guess?"

My throat locked up. I tried to step forward, but even lifting my arm felt impossible.

"Meg... M-Megumi—"

I blinked.

The couch was empty. The apartment was quiet. Just me... alone.

She's not here. Of course, she isn't. She's gone, living the life she was meant to live. In her own world. Not mine.

I did that for her. It was for her sake.

Did she see it that way? No. Probably not.

And still, I tell myself it was the only thing I could do. That I made the right choice.

So why... Why am I crying right now?

After collecting myself, I leaned in front of the sink to wash my face. Then... I just stood there, leaning against it.

"Hah... What is this? Am I really hallucinating? So stupid..."

If Megumi were here right now, she'd wholeheartedly agree while twisting the knife with some extra insults to top it off.

I glanced behind me to see a couple of ingredients, and among them were a bag of onions and a box of panko crumbs. I should also have some leftover chicken in the fridge.

"Guess I know what I'm gonna make tonight."

For the half-hour, I prepped the ingredients. The longest part was definitely waiting for the dough to rise, which was just over a full hour. While that was going, I cooked the curry in a pot. Once the dough was done, I spread it out into bowls, poured a scoop of curry in, then shaped them into balls.

"Into the fryer it goes."

I don't actually have a fryer. Too broke for that. So, I improvised with a pot of boiling oil.

"And done," I said, resting a plate of four curry bread cooked to perfection on the table. "Hey, Megumi! Come eat—"

By the time I realized it, I was already looking at an empty living room.

"...Seriously...? What the fuck is wrong with me?"

Without wasting another second, I sat down and bit into the bun. A few bites, move around a bit, then swallow.

Usually, my cooking never fails to impress me, but this time...

I dropped the bread onto the plate, leaning back.

"It tastes so bland."

Leaving the plate on the table, I went over to grab my phone before plopping down on the couch. Didn't even realize that I had pulled up my old messages with Megumi.

From the very top, I read.

[Megumi]: "Don't forget about my photoshoot!"

[Shohei]: "Don't worry. I didn't forget."

[Megumi]: "You'd better not have. I won't take any excuses, okay? I swear, if you miss the entire shoot and happen to show up at the last minute like some kind of main character in a drama, I'm gonna punch you."

[Shohei]: "We'll just have to wait and see. I still have two more classes to get through."

[Megumi]: "Boo..."

[Shohei]: "I have to go home for a bit, too. And if I see a messy apartment, I'm gonna have to rethink my choices."

[Megumi]: "Hey! I've been good today. You'll see. I even cleaned up a bit. Promise, once you get home, there won't be a single speck of dust."

[Shohei]: "I'm gonna hold you to that."

I found myself laughing a bit. This was when she told me to come along to her photoshoot. I had listened in on something I probably shouldn't have, but it gave me insight as to what really happens when the cameras are off.

And yet, despite everything she had to go through, she still managed to smile. Every morning, I woke up to the chaotic mess that was her. Before everything else, she was just a girl craving something normal for once, and in doing so, she brightened my world in a way I never knew was possible.

My head began pounding. My breaths grew uneven. And my chest... God, it hurts.

I quickly closed the message app and dialed Yue's number. It took her not even a second to pick up. Her voice was small and soft, as if she already knew what was going on with me.

"Taka?"

"Hey, Yue."

"Sup, man. You... alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just... I'm sorry to take up your time like this, but do you think you can stay on the phone? Just for a bit."

"Of course, Taka. And don't apologize. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, I'll be there. Always."

"...T-thanks, Yue."

For a while, I lay there on the couch with an arm over my eyes, fighting back something that was trying to claw its way out. Didn't say a word, and neither did Yue. The savory smell of curry bread eventually began to fade. Through the phone, I heard Koga saying something to Yue. They must be getting ready to watch the drama.

"Alright," I muttered, pulling myself up. "I think I'm steady now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"Any time. But, um... Listen, Taka. Why don't you come over for a bit? Clear your head. Hang around with us instead of being holed up alone."

"Nah, it's okay."

Just when I was about to say goodbye and hang up, Yue called out my name, "Taka." Unlike before, it was stern and almost harsh.

"Y-yeah?"

"I..."—she let out an audible sigh—"Look, I'm gonna be one hundred percent honest with you. I prefer to tell you this in person, but I think it's something you need to hear right now. Promise me you won't take it the wrong way."

"That doesn't... sound ominous at all."

"Just promise me."

"Okay, okay. I promise I won't take it the wrong way."

"Alright. I guess, to start... I don't mind being there when you need me. Koga, too. We care about you a lot, so we're ready to commit that much. But it also hurts us so much seeing you in pain. You understand all of this so far?"

"...Yeah."

"At some point, you're gonna have to come to terms with what happened. You told her to leave, and she did. That's fine, but you chose that route. It hurts, of course, but that's the reality."

"I... I only..."

"I know you only wanted what was best for her, but that's not what's important."

"What? What could be more important than that?"

"Don't misunderstand, Taka. You worked with what you had, you did all you could, and you had her best interest in mind. I get that. But look how it ended. You're regretting it. You're constantly in so much pain. And... if Megumi felt the same way about you as you did her... I'd imagine she's going through the same thing."

I slouched forward on the couch, burrowing my elbows into my legs and burying my head in my hands.

"H-her future... was at stake. I... I didn't want to. I had to..."

"I know. But again, that's not what's important. The most important thing... is that you decided for her."

The realization hit me harder than I expected.

Thinking back on it — to that day, and every single day since — I've repeated the same thing in my head as if it were some sacred mantra.

I did it for her sake.

It was necessary.

There was no other way.

I said those things. Me... Not her.

"Taka," Yue mumbled. "I'm not saying that you should've been selfish and sacrificed her future for your own happiness. That's not it at all. What I'm trying to say is... she had a choice, too. Either do or don't. Two options. If she wanted to choose you over her future, then so be it. But that's a very different story from you making that choice for her, essentially locking her into only one. Do you understand now?"

My mouth was clamped shut. Couldn't answer her even if I wanted to, but even if I could, I wouldn't even know what to say.

For a while after, I just sat there. And Yue stayed with me the entire time.