Aika - The Space Between Intention and Impact

Panic exploded through me. I was yanked backward so powerfully my feet left the ground.

No no no!

My body reacted before my mind could reason. I kicked, thrashed and tried to bite. The hand over my mouth tightened just enough to stop sound without crushing me.

‘Quiet! Aika. Quiet.’

That voice… I didn’t process it.

Fear doesn’t care about familiarity.

I was lifted fast and carried purposefully. No hesitation and fumbling. Whoever had me wasn’t guessing where to go. They were familiar with the place.

I was hauled around the corner and out of sight of the building entrance. My heart pounded so hard it started to hurt. My vision blurred. My lungs burned. Every nerve screamed ‘’please not again’’.

We stopped at a dark corner. The hand over my mouth loosened. Air rushed into me in a broken sob.

‘Aika,’ the breathless voice said again. But I was far too gone to register it.

‘It’s me. It’s me.’

Caleb’s figure filled my blurry vision. I was shaking so bad I thought he was the one shaking.

‘Aika!’ He held one hand to his mouth in utter shock.

My body free-fell. I collapsed against him. My hands clawed at his coat.

‘Hey!’ Another voice behind us cut in. It sounded like an angry male.

Caleb reacted instantly. He turned and placed himself between me and the stranger in one smooth motion, one arm coming around my shoulders.

‘Leave,’ he spat.

I didn’t see the man clearly. Only the shape of him under the streetlight. And the way he hesitated when Caleb stepped forward. The way his gaze flicked to me, then back to Caleb.

‘Mind your business! Just want that girl.’ The stranger muttered.

Caleb didn’t move.

‘You’re on private property,’ he said with a cold voice I have never heard before.

‘And you’ve been following her. Along with a few of you there in the shadow behind you.’ Caleb’s hold on me tightened.

‘Are you the one on the news yeah? Thank you for bringing her out. We’ve been looking for her for such a long time.’ The stranger continued.

‘If you know that to be the case, then you should know that I have paparazzi following me 24/7, your face would be up in the news tomorrow.’ Caleb threatened.

Silence, followed by retreating footsteps. After they’ve well and truly gone did Caleb turn back to me.

His face had drained of color. He pulled me fully into his chest. Relief must’ve crashed through him so hard as I felt his knees wobble. He hugged me protectively while trembling at the same time.

‘Thank God,’ he whispered into my hair.

I didn’t return the hug. I couldn’t. My body hadn’t caught up with the truth yet.

The world had narrowed to sensation and pressure. To the memory of hands and fear and being unable to breathe.

Caleb realized immediately. He pulled back and saw my face and the way I was trembling uncontrollably. The way my eyes were unfocused. My hands were clenched so tightly my knuckles had gone white.

His breath hitched. ‘No… Aika, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that. I should have—’

He dropped to his knees in front of me, with his hands only hovering. He was too afraid to touch me again.

He explained with shaking voice. ‘I saw him watching you. Then there were a few of them. I didn’t think. I just—- I needed to get you away. I didn’t think about how it would feel. I didn’t think about—’

He swallowed hard. ‘I scared you.’

Unstoppable silent tears streamed down my face.

‘I would never hurt you. I swear it. I swear to God, Aika. I would rather die than—’ he explained desperately.

‘I know… I know why you did it.’

I shook my head and hugged myself, but that didn’t make my body stop shaking. Caleb bowed his head in defeat.

‘I forgot that saving someone isn’t just about getting them away from danger. It’s about how you do it.’ He whispered.

Bingo brushed against my legs, grounding me inch by inch back into the present. Caleb stayed where he was. He didn’t touch me again. Only Bingo purred as he moved between us both.

The space between us was heavy with fear and intention and consequence. He had saved me, and he had also hurt me. And both of those things could exist at once. I was saved, but that would put him back into further scrutiny.

More than the media spotlight on us, and more than his calling being in jeopardy because of me, it was my unhealed trauma that made loving Caleb far more complicated than either of us had prayed for.