Chapter 20: But in my arms till break of day, let the living creature lie

Time, as well as the tide, was waiting for me today. The ebbing and flowing waters of the turquoise blue sea sparkled like stars upon the waves from the distance. The gentle saline lapped against my feet that were starting to sink against the coarse wet sand. This moment right here was like a pause button that had been pressed on the videotape of my life.

The salty sea breeze against my face that lightly blew my hair back, the gentle sound of the retreating waves, and the cry of the sea gulls. It all felt so real, despite my acute awareness of the situation.

William Korspole stood beside me in silence.

“Will…” I said.

He looked the way he always had, the sleeves of his freshly ironed light blue shirt rolled up, his hair uncombed like usual, and without a fatal wound that gushed blood.

“Liahan,” he replied.

I looked at him, then back at the sea. It really looked beautiful. So pure and untainted. The scenery here was the very definition of serene. A perfect fit for someone like Will.

“Is this hell…?” I said, after a prolonged moment of silence passed.

Will snorted in laughter as he said, “Well, that’s quite the rebranding if it is.”

His voice, his laugh, his words… The pain in my chest seemed to increase as the knife stab dug deeper and deeper. My fingers tightened as they clutched over my heart. Had the wound been literal, it would’ve gushed out enough blood to paint the green sea… what was the word…? Incarnidine?

“Gah!” a cough seemed to force its way out of my throat, all of a sudden, as tears began to stream down my eyes. I fell to my knees, as I said, “Fuck… Will… I’m so sorry… I- I let you die. You trusted me… And I let you die like that… I let you die like that.”

I looked up to face him, his face held no emotion. It was unlike the Will I’d known. But that Will was no longer there. I had killed him. Part of me was relieved to not see resentment in his eyes, because only God knows I wouldn’t be able to take it if there had been.

“Sorry, huh…? You keep saying that a lot,” he said.

“And I will. Another hundred times. Another thousand, if needs be.”

“That still won’t change what has already happened.”

“I know…”

“It’s not your fault Liahan. Stop blaming yourself.”

“Were you able to stop blaming yourself?” I said. “Maria. You blamed yourself for what happened to her.”

“I did…” he replied, his voice sombre, “But I had a realisation, after the bullet hit. I had many realisations after the bullet hit… Strange, isn’t it? My time in this world came to an end, and yet now I have all eternity for myself. I have all the time I could’ve ever wanted.”

“What realisation…?” I asked.

“The wise never grieve for the living, nor for the dead. There was no time in the past when I was not, neither were you, nor these rulers of men. Nor, verily, shall we all ever cease to be hereafter.”

“What…?” I blinked, as I tried to register what he’d just said. It sounded deep and meaningful, but I didn’t really understand it.

He chuckled, “It’s from the Bhagavad Gita. Don’t worry, I didn’t really get it either. Not until I was dead anyway. By then it was too late. But… I did forgive myself in my final moments.” He nodded, before he turned to look at me, “And, I forgave you. Before you even had the opportunity to apologise.”

I had to look away. His face seemed to be as blinding as the rays of the sun that shone brightly against our faces. I had never seen William so mature… Perhaps, I had never tried to really know him either.

After all, I had never expected to form any kind of bond with my supposed target within a matter of literal days.

“I never took you to be much of a religious guy,” I said.

“Oh? I loved to read on religion and philosophy. The Bhagavad Gita was a formative read, for sure. Although I still don’t understand most of it.”

“So, is this it…? Is this what waits for us after death?” I asked, after a small moment of quiet, “It doesn’t seem too bad.”

“Death is whatever you want it to be,” he shrugged. “Maria may have died, but she stayed with me. Every second.” He turned to look at me again, “I’m sure I’ll live with you too.”

I snickered. “I mean, I’m here now… Aren’t I?”

He looked at me with a raised eyebrow and a curved smile on his lips as he said, “Umm no? Dude. You still have a lot to live for. This isn’t where you die. No way. I won’t let that happen.” He inched closer to me.

“What for? So many fuckin’ people died because of me Will. Even if you forgive me, there’s an entire graveyard of others who’d beg to differ.” I said.

“The bodies of the incarnated Self might have an end, but the Self is eternal. Indestructible, and incomprehensible. Therefore, keep fighting. He who thinks he’s the slayer, and he who thinks he’s slain, neither knows that he slays not, nor is slain…” Will closed his eyes as he recited the lines.

I closed mine as well. In the darkness behind my lids, I saw myself. Waking up in bed next to Jamie, getting a coffee with Elise, bickering at work with Kyd, going out on patrols with Lupin, having a beer with Mark. I knew there could have been a future where Will could’ve been part of it. But as I opened my eyes again, the regret and remorse seemed to wash away like the waning tides in front of me. I was filled with a strange feeling of comfort.

“No one is born, no one ever dies. Even after death, he doesn’t cease to be. He’s unborn, eternal, changeless, and ancient…” the words seem to flow out of my mouth. I surprised myself. The puzzled look on my face must have been evident, as William giggled.

“Guess it’s started…” he said, as he looked up at the sky.

“I… I never read it… But those lines, how did I know them? What’s happening…?”

“Do you accept me Liahan?” he asked.

“Accept…? What are you talking about…?”

“Forgive yourself. I want to hear you say it out loud.”

“I don’t understand…”

The world around me seemed to fade away into black once again.

“Quickly. There isn’t time!!” Will said with an urgency in his tone.

“I… I…” I breathed out. “Yes…” I continued, steadying my voice, “I forgive myself. And I accept you fully, William.”

He smiled at me, I could see the white of his teeth between the arch of his lips.

The world around me blurred, like a crossfade transition in a movie, into the realm of the living. The weathered buildings of Crater City stood around me. I could see Roplock’s troops not too far away from where I was. But before I could do or say anything, I felt a sharp pain against my head as consciousness slipped away from me.

“Liahan! Liahan! Are you okay? Hey, hang in there! Stay with us. Liahan!” I could faintly make out the sound of Roplock’s panicked voice, and I felt his hands trying to shake me awake.

And then, nothingness.

“Liahan… Liahan!”

This voice was different. Even in the dark abyss of my subconscious, I could recognise it. William. But unlike before, I didn’t feel him beside me. No… I felt him within.

Okay… This is weird…

“I told you I’ll live with you.”

I thought you were being… I dunno, metaphorical maybe…

“Afraid not. You’re stuck with me inside your head until the moment you die.”

That doesn’t sound too bad…

“You sure? I have access to all of your thoughts and memories now…”

Oh fuck off…

“My, my… You have some crazy stuff in here. Woahhh! No way you actually did that… Three at once???! Liahan, you dirty dog!”

Get out of my… Well, I guess you can’t… Just shut up for a bit, okay… I need some quiet.

“Right. I’m sorry. You should rest now. I’ll let you be.”

Thank you…

“Want me to sing you a lullaby?”

Fuck off.

> To be continued

Author's Note:
Five more chaps to gooo!!!! Ohhh it's finally coming to an end. It feels unreal.

Working on the next chapter like... right now. It'll come out tomorrow, fingers crossed!