Chapter 15

Nina

Dear diary,

Where shall I begin? So many things have happened in the last days that I barely know up from down. I will tell you from the beginning, because that is the only way I can make sense of my thoughts.

I met Mel when I was out shopping. It was such a shock, and I wish I had looked where my feet were going, but I didn’t, and I stumbled into her. My mind went blank when I saw her, and I didn’t know what to say. I thought she would simply leave after that. After all, she hasn’t texted me back, but for some reason, she asked me if I wanted to have a coffee.

I was so surprised, and my mind was racing with thoughts, but I heard myself say yes. I shouldn’t have done it. I’ve already proven that my decisions never lead anywhere good, but it was too late, and I regretted it the whole way to the café.

I guess you can already imagine that I had nothing interesting to say, and so I sat silent. Only when she mentioned her paintings could I think of something to offer. I didn’t give any interesting input, but at least I managed to say a full sentence, even if it wasn’t a very noteworthy one.

Oh, why do I always make a fool of myself? I should have just said no and remembered that that kind of life is no longer mine. I am no longer someone who can make friends and not someone anyone would like to be friends with.

I don’t know if it was luck or a curse, but soon after, the waiter told us they were closing. She left after that, and I could no longer remember what I would buy, so I simply went home.

She’s out of my life now, and I should just leave it, but I never thanked her for the coffee. After all the mess I’ve made, that’s the least I can do. It will not change her views on me, but it will leave me with peace of mind that I at least behaved like a normal person in the end.

I did it. I texted her to say thank you for the coffee. It will be the last I hear from ….

She replied to me. I didn’t think she would. What shall I do? I should simply leave it and go on with my life. But it would be impolite not to answer her. Oh, what should I do? I do not want to make a fool out of myself again. And even so, what should I tell her? I could ask her something. Ask her about her day. Isn’t that what normal people do?

I texted her back. I think I’ve made a mistake, but it’s too late now.