In my eyes.Event,Part two.

Kenshin spots me just before I can breathe in a steady breath and like a lovely thief,my breath is utterly taken.

 I smile hoping to melt a bit of tension from him like a rush of cool air,which is where he actually leads me.
He leads me on and past many of the higher society members who after a moments glance from both Kenshin and Mr Ito,become as though people that regard rather than IGNORE me.

Unique sensation.

"I have a surprise later on after the event.Much more fun than this bore of an evening I promise,Grandfather helped me plan,he is much more smooth than I ever could be so it is going to be worth the bore of this night Lovely,promise."

His arms are around me,I hold to the feeling.

Is this what love is supposed to feel like or is this only infatuation?
Trust or lust?
Belief or misguided hormones?

"Why are you so stiff suddenly?"
"Hmm?"

I hadn't realized but I had begun to hold him tightly around his arms, my body became so stiff as I questioned and questioned.

I lean my head back into his chest and I feel how his heart rate,normally picking up greatly at this point isn't.

"You are still so fearing .Aren't you?"

I...
I freeze.

"What are you hiding from me that has you so frightened?Is it really the party?Is it something I did or something the publ-"
"Later,I am trying to figure out what exactly is what I am feeling.You are an absolute dream.Nothing about what I am feeling is about you...."

I pull myself away from a grasp that is slightly unwilling,I put a hand to his cheek and try to comfort him with what little calm I have until I hear someone yelling.

"Get that killer out of here!Get her out!"

Kenshin tries to shield me but fails as the woman rushes towards me.
She looks like a waitress and tries to punch me but is grabbed by some security,pulled away screaming and when I lock eyes on her she looks so terribly familiar and her scream.

Just like the screaming heard before my entire life changed forever.
She is the mourning mother that affected my dreams and made me want to die over and over.The reason I almost went through with it,if GOD had not had my parents call and Uncle Goji appear at the moment the pills touched my tongue...

I wouldn't be here now.

Somehow.
Kenshin knows and looks at me like the subject is dropped.

For now.

He guides me in and keeps a hand to the small of my back.
A small comfort but not enough to keep that scream out of my head,or stop the little murmurings swarming like flies all round me.
I hear my name being called to the stage as planned and a glance from Mr Ito silences every ill murmur,I try to move and almost fail but I get a feather touch from Kenshin,his finger tip to mine.

Enough.
Enough for me,right now anyway.

I see Kaigo as well as more members of a band,I reach the stage seeing very little little but a crowd of people becoming falsely quiet,my eyes see no allies except Kenshin who though try as hard as he can...
Trying so hard too.

He can't seem to save me and he knows it,his eyes look so weak so quickly and I feel even weaker still.

"You can not survive this world if you are unable to brave a storm as small as this.You became a better person after what you did right?I tried too as well.Now we're trying to make a difference!Do not let this group affect a shared dream.Let us be swords against armor made of weeds."

I would have never in all my wildest dreams would i have assumed that the young man I feared and hated so much would be the only one who could somehow reach me so profoundly.

He really should be the writer far more than I.

"Do not waste such words on being just anything that will have you,Kaigo.You have a gift far surpassing mine and it should be cherished,honed to a sharp and beautiful sword itself."

Strange how shared minds can somehow complete one another in a way.

Not a word is spoken,a young member of the half dozen group of musicians hands me what could make or break what has become in less than an hour,a mess of an event.

Kaoru's shamisen.

I have been practicing since she and Oiha moved in together and I could stay there when Uncle Goji would be working late.

I wanted to be more.
To be better.
Worthy enough to be here,to be with him.

I want to be the more I need to be,for him.

I try to not keep my eyes averted.
Such a bad habit Kaoru said.

"If you want to become a leader,a showman or a wife.You can not shy away when in the light.Use the light and light the way for you,for another,for everyone.Be brave,be the heroine."

One exhale.
Two inhale.

My eyes find him,the one I wrote this with Kaoru,for.

Fingers begin to strum a beat I had playing in my head since I was six years old,the others having been given the music by Kaoru follow beautifully enough that playing this has my eyes beginning to run.

Kaigo follows with a mournful style guitar rift that makes this song become alive with my heart.

Barely yet I do capture it,even though the lights were dimmed so that only us are visible but,My eyes actually capture the sight of Mr Ito-San and Mrs Ito-San looking from Kenshin to me and back again over once more.

Almost...
Sadly.

Behind me the whole moment changes.
The brief respite becomes something else,like a living being made up of wrath in the form of a mothers grief on a large screen.

The video is playing behind me,the very night that changed my life.

"I never meant for-"
"YOU NEVER MEANT FOR WHAT?!TO END MY LIFE?DO YOU REALIZE THAT MY FATHER GOT FIRED!MY MOTHER LEFT WITH THAT MAN YOU SHOWED ME IN THAT VIDEO,MY FATHER WAS ACTUALLY CAUGHT ATTACKING HIM......now you,YOU,are sorry?"
"I just wanted to give you what you gave me I had no.....NO DON'T!Please....I will try to talk to them or,or maybe see if I can help your father with a job??Just please don't jump...Please."

It is somehow more terrifying the second time around,her scream,mine right after as she jumped.
I meant what I said.
On my life, I meant it.

Kenshin is yelling over her screams to have the video turned off,Either Ito dare not speak nor move but look at me now.

'What are you going to do?'

Mrs Ito-San mouths to me.
Mr Ito-San crosses his arms,he appears like he had expected this,he seems to know my next response.

He doesn't.

"I should have died that night.In my eyes I failed to be good like I want to be,like I thought I was.I know better,do you want me to die now?Before your eyes?Very well ,if you wish but if I do whatever I could be and do will end with me.Have your laughs,I am not leaving with my song unfinished.It will be played,in honor of her-"

I say this,pointing to the screen and looking at the girl I killed.
I say this,looking at the crying woman who stares at the daughter she could not reach to tell  her she came home,made things where her father could work again.
I say this,pointing at myself too.

I have a song that is not yet finished.

Each person either scoffed or laughed,some called me a little devil and others a stain on a family name I do not even have yet.

I know what I am,in my own eyes I am awful and trying to be better.
I know I do not belong here but I want to be here only for a tall swordsman who seems so lost suddenly and he never is.

My song is now finished.

Kaigo asks me if I would like to leave with him and the rest of the musicians but I only nod at him telling him another time,I even say it aloud he is my friend and my ally in this program by words and deed.

Why for some reason do I allow the thought that it will impact anyone? My words, but I do it anyway.
Why do I look and force myself to look away at each phone showing videos of me.

Two shots of me walking out of school on windy days and my underwear becoming a tabloid debate on if I really should wear bikinis if I want to keep a prince.
Another of me just out of the shower and my scar from the incident fully visible.

Even some of me buying sanitary pads.....

My feet are calm as I leave but my heart.

It is not.
Not at all.