Even Knowing That

Silence.

Akira didn't move from his spot on the floor. Didn't flinch. Didn't pull away. Just looked at her, standing in the green glow of her monitors, shaking.

"I know," he said quietly.

She flinched like he'd struck her. "How can you just…Don't you understand what that MEANS?"

"It means you're a vampire. It means I'm human." He stayed seated, calm. "It means we're different. Dangerous to each other."

"Yes."

"But that doesn't change how I feel."

She stared at him. "Even knowing I see you as prey? Even knowing that every moment, every second, there's a part of me that wants to…"

She couldn't finish.

Akira stood slowly. Didn't approach her yet. Just held her gaze.

"Do I still love vampires?" he asked. "Do I still love YOU?"

"Yes," she whispered. "That."

"Yes. Even knowing that."

Mio was shaking now. "You don't understand. You CAN'T understand."

"Then help me understand."

"Every time I drink your blood," she said, voice tight, "there's a voice. Instinct. Saying: more. Take more. Don't stop. Keep drinking until…" She cut herself off. "I fight it. Every single time."

"I know you do."

"But it's not easy! It's not automatic!" She was almost yelling now. "It's a FIGHT. Rational mind overriding instinct. And it's constant. Every moment with you."

She moved suddenly, vampire speed, inhumanly fast.

One second she was across the room. The next, Akira was on his back on the cold basement floor, Mio straddling him, her hands pinning his wrists to the ground.

Just like the game rage incident.

But this time, her eyes were clear. Conscious. In complete control.

"See?" she said, her face inches from his. "This is easy for me. You're completely helpless right now."

His heart hammered against his ribs. She could definitely hear it.

"I could kill you," she continued, voice steady despite the tremor in her hands. "Right now. One bite. Wrong place. And you'd be dead before anyone could stop me."

Her fangs were visible, sharp, so close to his throat.

"And part of me wants to," she whispered. "Not because I hate you. Not because I want to hurt you. But because you're prey. That's what you are. That's what my instincts scream at me. And predators take."

Akira didn't struggle. Didn't try to push her off. Just looked up at her.

"I know," he said again.

Her grip on his wrists tightened. "How can you just accept that?! How can you lie there so CALM when I'm telling you I want to kill you?!"

"Because you're also telling me you fight it." His voice was steady. "That you choose not to. Every second. That's what I'm hearing."

"But what if I fail?" Her voice broke. "What if one day the instinct wins? What if I lose control and…"

"Then we deal with it. But I don't think you will."

"You can't know that!"

"No. But I'm betting on you anyway."

She stared down at him. Tears were forming in her eyes.

"I'm so tired," she whispered. "Of fighting. Of choosing. Of trying to be better than what I am. Every moment. Every day. It's so hard."

"I know."

"You don't! You CAN'T!" She was crying now, tears falling onto his shirt. "You're human. You don't have to fight your nature every second. You don't have instincts telling you to hurt the person you love!"

"You're right. I don't." He didn't try to break free from her grip. Just looked at her. "But I see you doing it. Every day. That takes strength I can't even imagine."

"It doesn't feel like strength. It feels like terror."

"Sometimes they're the same thing."

Her hands were shaking where they held his wrists. "Your heart is racing."

"I know."

"You're afraid."

"Yes."

She started to pull back. "I shouldn't…when you're scared…I should let go…"

"Mio." He said her name firmly.

She froze.

"I'm afraid," he said. "But I can be afraid and still love you."

She made a sound: half sob, half disbelief. "That doesn't make sense. Fear means you should RUN…"

"I'm not running."

"WHY NOT?!" She was properly sobbing now, still holding him down, still in the predator position but crying like her heart was breaking. "I could kill you! Don't you understand?! One moment! One second of weakness and you'd be DEAD!"

"I know you could kill me," Akira said gently. "I've always known. From the first day. The game rage. I knew what you were capable of."

"Then why…"

"And I'm choosing to be here anyway." He tried to move his hands, not to escape, just to hold her. She loosened her grip slightly, let him. "You're choosing to control yourself. I'm choosing to trust you. We're both choosing."

"But what if I fail?" she whispered. "What if one day the instinct wins? What if I hurt you? What if I become the monster they say I am?"

"You're trying your best," he said. "That's enough."

"It's NOT enough…"

"It is to me." He managed to free one hand completely, reached up to wipe her tears. "You don't have to be perfect. You just have to keep trying. Keep choosing. And I'll keep trusting. Keep choosing you."

"Every day?" Her voice was so small.

"Every day. Every moment. Even when I'm afraid. Even when you're afraid."

She collapsed onto him then, not holding him down anymore, just holding him. Her face buried in his shoulder, sobbing.

"It's so hard," she said into his shirt. "Every day. Every moment. Trying to be better. Trying to prove we can be different."

"I know."

"What if we can't? What if it's not possible? What if nature is too strong?"

"Then we fail trying." He wrapped his arms around her properly now. "But I don't think we will. I think you're stronger than your instincts. I think we're both strong enough."

She pulled back just enough to look at him. Her face was blotchy, eyes red, makeup ruined. She looked nothing like a terrifying predator. Just a girl who was scared and tired and trying so hard.

"You really believe that?" she asked.

"I really believe that."

"Even knowing what I am? What I could do?"

"Even knowing everything." He touched her face gently. "You're trying. That's enough. It's always been enough."

She kissed him then. Desperate, needing proof. Needing connection. Needing to know this was real.

He kissed back, accepting her. All of her. The predator and the girl and the genius and the coward and the revolutionary. Everything she was.

When they broke apart, both breathless, she whispered: "Can we... can I..."

She couldn't finish the sentence.

Akira understood anyway. "Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Are you?"

"I'm terrified," she admitted.

"Me too."

"But I want this. I need…" She couldn't articulate it. "I need to know this is real. That you're real. That you're not going to disappear."

"I'm not going anywhere."

She kissed him again. Softer this time. Tender.

They were on the cold basement floor, surrounded by computers and maps and the weight of everything she was trying to build. Not romantic. Not comfortable.

But real.

"I don't feel cold," she murmured against his lips.

"I do," he said. "But I don't care."

Later, how much later, neither of them knew, they lay together on the floor. Her head on his chest. His arm around her shoulders.

The monitors still glowed in the darkness. Her life's work watching. Her impossible dream surrounding them.

His heart beat steadily under her ear. Still faster than normal. But calmer now.

"Your heart is still fast," she said quietly.

"Little bit."

"Still afraid?"

"Little bit." She felt him smile. "But not too afraid to stay."

"Good." She traced patterns on his chest with one finger. Abstract shapes. Meaningless and meaningful all at once.

They were quiet for a long moment.

"Even knowing everything?" she asked finally. "That I'm a predator. That I always will be. That this will always be dangerous. That my revolution might fail. That we might fail."

"Even knowing everything."

"Why?"

He was quiet for a moment. Then: "Because you're trying. Because every day you wake up and choose to be better than your nature. Because you're building something impossible and believing it's possible anyway."

He shifted to look at her. "Because you're brave even when you're terrified. Because you fight your own instincts every day and call it weakness when it's actually courage."

"It doesn't feel like courage."

"It is anyway." He kissed the top of her head. "You fight for this dream of yours. This world where we don't have to be afraid of each other. That takes more strength than I can imagine."

She smiled against his chest. "Thank you. For not running. For not giving up."

"On you? Never."

"On us. On this stupid dream."

"It's not stupid." He tightened his arm around her. "I believe in it. In what you're trying to do. In what we're trying to prove."

"That vampires and humans can choose each other?"

"That fear doesn't have to win." He touched her face. "That we're more than our natures. That trying is enough."

She felt tears prick her eyes again. "You really believe that?"

"I really believe that."

She kissed him. Soft, grateful, overwhelming.

When she pulled back, she whispered: "Maybe it's not so stupid. Maybe it's possible."

"Maybe it is."

They lay there in the quiet. The computers hummed. The monitors glowed. Somewhere above them, the mansion settled in the darkness.

"We should probably go back upstairs eventually," Akira said.

"Eventually."

Neither of them moved.

In the basement, surrounded by maps and code and impossible dreams, two people lay together on a cold floor.

Predator and prey.

Monster and human.

Choosing each other anyway.

And for now, that was enough.