Chapter 9:

When All You Are Given is Wrong Options

Last Wish

Since that day, I stopped thinking. I stopped feeling. Aiden knew that I was not ready to kill, but I knew that it was not going to stop him. This was no end, just the beginning of the gruesome tasks I had to do. Instead of making me do direct assassinations, he started giving me trap jobs. Like just because I don’t have to directly confront my target would make the killing easier. But I had made up my mind to do anything to survive with my family and this was frankly easier. Hence, planting bombs, artillery and such became my forte. For eight years, I did everything that I was told. I did every job the organization asked of me. And finally after eight years, the time came when the contract that the Gramps and the others had made would come to an end.

It was the summer of my sixteenth year of age. Aiden had called an assembly and announced that we would be moving to a base on the land. And the place that we chose was in the Russian territories.

We had expected to hear an announcement about releasing the contractors but no such announcement was made. But still gramps shrugged it off saying that they were taking us to land after so many years to obviously set them free. So, everyone went to work and in about a week we had our new base set up.

And after everything was set up I was called into Aiden’s new office. A large room with all kinds of furnishes. He sat on a large chair behind a large glass table smoking cigarettes. His thin face looked even thinner with the large furniture.

“Myra,” he said, “as you can see, we have successfully formed our base. There is but one thing standing between us taking control of the whole territory and actually making our base.”

“And that is?”

“The leader of the gang in control. He goes by the name Boris. Not a big name but at least in this small area he has a ridiculous amount of influence.”

“So, you want me to take him out?”

“Yes, but not the usual traps. This fellow can pose a real danger to us. I want you to make sure he bites the dust,” I twitched at his words, “I want you to kill him and bring me his head as proof.”

I wanted to object but all I could feel was the eight year old me staring at my back.

“Now go and prepare for the operation. You leave in the morning.”


The same hurdle was before me once again. Last time I failed completely. But the difference between me, then and now was that she was not a killer and I was. No matter how one twisted it, it was still my traps that killed the targets.

I sat in my room preparing a rifle when someone came in.

“There you are,” it was Gramps, “I was told you were called to Aiden’s office, but you weren’t there.”

“It was just a mission briefing so it was quick.”

“Oh, so they are already sending you out,” his face always went sad whenever I told him I was going on a mission. “They are still using you, huh?”

“Don’t worry about me,” despite my mood, I tried to cheer him up, “Because you have to look forward to the day when your contract ends. It is coming soon.”

“Haha, you knew about that?” I wanted to cheer him up and he did smile briefly before going to an even more sorrowful face than before, “But what about you?”

I had never thought about it but I was not bound by any contract so, “I guess we will be separated.”

“Do you want that?”

“If it means that you are free then-” all of a sudden he grabbed my shoulders and poured his fierce gaze into my eyes.

“Do you want it?” His words demanded absolute honesty from the weak little girl I was.

“Of course I don’t,” I felt tears building up, “I don’t want to leave you. I want to be with you all my life.”

“Good, that is more like the Myra I raised up,” he smiled and patted my head. “You know, if you want. I can always stay here-”

“Absolutely not!” I shot down his wild proposal before it even left his mouth. “I admit I don’t want you to leave. But keeping you here any longer than you need is just cruel. Besides, I told you before. Protecting you and Granny is the purpose of my life. What better way to fulfill it than to get you out of here.”

He heard me with great attention and sighed. He took a seat before speaking, “Myra, in the past years, you have changed. Your environment has changed you. I knew it was inevitable from the start. But you have had a driving force that is still keeping you the Myra you were before. That still makes you act the same towards me. And it is the purpose of life you have chosen for yourself,” he looked at me in the eyes, “I am afraid, Myra. That if we go and you lose your purpose, you will finally drown in the sea of madness around you.”

I could totally understand his concern. I would have definitely gone mad if I didn’t set that goal on that day. And although I was scared to let go of it, it was no reason to steal his freedom away.

“Don’t worry about it, Gramps. You were the one who gave me a reason to live in the first place. Why not entrust me with another one.” I smiled and then chatted with him for a long time about what he should do after getting out. Before long it was way past lights out.

As Gramps took his leave he said some last words, “Myra, you have to get out one day too. And once you do, before you come to us, find your own parents. I heard that you were taken from them. If there is anyone who can make your life better, it's them,” and he left the room without waiting for a reply.


In the morning, just before dawn I was ready to dispatch.

I was passing by Aiden’s office when I heard laughs coming from there.

“So, Aiden,” it was Aiden and his lieutenants, drunk and still drinking, “What do we do about the captives? Do you suspect they might start a rebellion after you refused to free them despite their contract expiring?”

“Do you think they have the balls to do it. I think I made it very clear to them. Live here or die.”

All of a sudden, all I could think of was Gramps. (Did he know about it? Then what about the conversation we had last night. Was he forcing himself to go along with me?) My mind started drifting off, so I slapped both my cheeks to regain focus. I had to address this as soon as possible but not at that time. I had a big mission ahead of me. So, I headed towards my leaving point.

This was a high priority mission, so I was taken in the chopper, straight to the base. The security was not that strict at this time but it was still tight. Hence I was being taken by air to infiltrate the base from above.

I was given a bazooka to blow off the roof and enter. I personally hoped that the bazooka would take him out before I had to do anything.

With this prayer in my heart, I fired the bazooka. The warhead hit the reinforced walls with a bang alerting all enemy forces.

I jumped straight in without waiting for the chopper to lower. I had a belt on me connected to the chopper and it stopped me well before I hit the ground. But the impact was way more than I could handle. All I had ever done up till now was lay traps as I was told. In fact it was the first time after eight years I was given such a mission. And I was not the best at the physical training they gave me. So, clearly I was not prepared for the maneuver I made.

Nevertheless, I made it inside. Luckily the warhead had hit the roof at a peculiar angle and instead of destroying the whole ceiling, it was like mismatched blocks of Tetris. The stairway was blocked out and the only person on the floor right now was Boris.

He must have been asleep when the warhead hit because he was barely dressed.

“WTF! Who are you?”

“Lemah sent me,” I answered, aiming the rifle at him.

“Lemah? Those pesky outsiders. So, Agurashi is trying to remove me!”

Now he was just rambling aimlessly. I decided to complete my task here. But as soon as I put my finger on the trigger, my vision glitched. I saw Mokov Siritsa standing before me. My whole body started trembling. It was as if I was reliving that experience again.

As I was having my internal tantrum, “Wait a minute, you are just a kid,” Boris had enough time to recover his senses from panic. “To think I had been underestimated this much that they sent only a kid.” He regained his composure as he carefully observed me. “You can’t kill me,” he opened his mouth after seeing that I still had not shot him. “You don’t have it in you,” he taunted me.

“Shut up!” I had to do it. If I didn't, history would just repeat.

“Then make me shut up. Shoot!” But I just could not bring myself to do it. “Shoot” his words started ringing in my ears. “Shoot!” he was obviously trying to break me down. “Shoot!” but I could not take it. “Shoot! Shoot! Shoot!”

*Bang* and I shot.

“Haha…… haha……. Ahahahahahahahaha,” he started laughing. Obviously because he had succeeded. The shot went straight over his head despite being shot from a rifle. Not even close. “See, i told you,” he was enjoying the moment before he finally started to take care of me. But I had a different opinion, I just did not beg to differ. I put down the rifle and started moving back while signalling the chopper to pick me up.

“Hahahaa. Where do you think yo-” seeing me leave he tried to come after me. Before a giant piece of the oddly shaped broken ceiling came down on him after being hit by my shot.


“It’s done,” I announced as soon as I entered Aiden’s office to report.

“What exactly is done? Report clearly,” Aiden ordered in his crooked manner.

“Boris is dead.”

“And you brought his head back for proof?”

“For proof, you only have my word. Unfortunately his head was impossible to recover from when he was crushed under rocks.”

“You do remember the last time I gave you a direct assassination, right?,” he was referring to the Siritsa family mission, “Do you think that your word is enough proof?”

“Enough or not. It is the only thing I have. Take it or leave it.” Aiden looked at me. He knew well enough of my track record despite that incident 8 years ago.

“Tch, fine. You are dismissed,” he said before turning his face away from me. I was about to leave but I remembered I had to discuss an important conversation I happened to overhear.

“Aiden, now that I think about it, isn’t the contract supposed to expire this year. When exactly is it?”

“What contract? Did I ever give you any contract?” he tried to play dumb.

“Not mine but the ones that Gramps and the others signed.”

“Like I said, there is no contract,” he still did not give in but I did not have much patience.

I slammed my hands at his table, “Enough of this. I know about the contract. Everyone knows. So tell me, when are you releasing them?”

“If you know, then you should already know that we are already way past the date. Do you really think a worthless contract holds any meaning? This is my kingdom, I make the rules. And the rule is that you will do whatever I say,” he stood up, “and if they want to leave, then I have a bullet for each of them to take a permanent leave.”


“And just so you know, you do not come under the contract. And if I find out that you failed this mission, then you are of no use to us,” he pointed his revolver at me.

I wanted to kill him so bad. Me aside, he was robbing Granny and Gramps of the freedom they deserved. For which they had waited for so long. Patiently dealing with everything he threw at them. And now when it was time for their compensation, he wanted to play God.

The anger accumulated inside me for so long was about to burst out, when “BOOOM* All of a sudden a large sound, followed by tremors, shook the whole building.

Gunshots filled the air. Explosions could be heard in the background.

“What the hell is happening?” Aiden was as confused as everyone else.

“It is an assault, sir. The enemy troops are unidentified. However, they look russian,” a guard reported from outside.

“Russian troops? That could only mean Boris’ men,” he practically jumped at me, “You! You failed your mission again?”

“What the hell are you saying? I already told you, the target is disposed of.”

“Then who the hell is raining bullets at us now?”

“Why don’t you find out?” I pushed him away.

“Tch. All available men, prepare to counter. And you, stay with everyone at the base. No one leaves,” for once I thought he made a sensible choice. Instead of throwing us at the enemy, he for once decided to keep us out of it.

We all dispersed. I did as told and took everybody to the main hall in the base where they would at least be safe.

“Ok, Gramps, Granny. Look after the children for me.”

“Wait, didn’t Aiden told you to stay here?” Gramps objected to my actions.

“I am not going to sit around. I am going to do everything to protect us at least.”

With that, I took off. I had already taken my gun, ammunition and a survival knife.

Outside was an army of armed men waiting for me. They were certainly not holding back in attacking the base. But what I was concerned about was that I could not find our men. Were they already defeated? Either way, I could not give up.

I headed towards the back of the base so I could take them by surprise, all the while staying hidden.

As I headed towards the back, I caught sight of something unexpected. Behind, much farther away from the base, I saw Aiden and our men. He had a pair of binoculars against his eyes. It was obvious that he saw me, but I don’t know if he reacted or not.

All that I could make out at this distance was that he gave a signal to one of the men and the next moment, the base exploded. To me it sounded like he was saying ‘I told you, you and your family are of no use to us.’

Since I was behind, I did not get caught up in the explosion directly. But I was still incapacitated.

That bastard used us as bait to wipe out most of the enemy while our own men had not even joined the battle. How wrong was I to think that he, for once, made a sensible choice. Rage and frustration clashed inside me but eventually, the latter overcame the prior as tears began rolling down my face.

“Aaaaaaaaaaarg! Aiden! You better die before I get you!” I raised my middle finger in the air just trying to channel this frustration somewhere. The only family I had, the only purpose in my life gone. I had nothing to do with this anymore. I did not care who won. The world could’ve just ended for all I cared.


It was absolute chaos. For three days, war waged. And although I just laid on the rubble like a sitting duck, for some reason I survived. Maybe it was due to the fact that I had come under some rubble at some point.

After three days, the sounds of war ceased. But signs of life existed. And finally, someone discovered me. Although I had almost no energy, as soon as they touched me I aimed my rifle straight at them.

“Myra,” only to find a familiar freckled face that I had not seen in so long.

“A-Alex,” my voice was breaking as I called his name.

“Thank God, you are alive. Come now,” he pulled me up and gave me a shoulder. I only realized after trying to move that I had so many body parts that just refused to move. In the end, he had to carry me to the camp. On the way, I saw people lining up. A few of them I recognized from the guards.

“The one who ordered this was Agurashi himself. Aiden broke the code by not fulfilling the terms of the contract. Apparently, Agurashi is a man of his word and he despises no one more than the one who sullied his name,” Alex explained all the situation, but for me only one thing held priority.

“Then is it alright if I kill him?”
“Don’t even think about it,” he immediately answered my cold words, “I know you hate him but there is a line you don’t cross. Just let the organization deal with him. He is dead anyway.”

I just bit my lips on his words.


I was in even worse condition than I thought. My whole body was wrapped in bandages after the doctor was done with me. And now I had nothing to do. Literally nothing. My only purpose in life was living for Gramps and Granny, my family. But now, not only them, but everyone was gone. So, what purpose was there for me to be alive. I felt eight years old all over again. Immediately. I closed my hands in prayer, “(Please. Anything. Just give me a purpose to live another day.”)

And then all of a sudden gramps words flashed in my head.

“How are you feeling,” as I had my closed, I did not realize that Alex had come into the room.

“Well, I feel physically better at least.”

“Good,” he answered a bit awkwardly. Like he was getting ready for a serious talk. “Myra, what are you going to do from now on.”

“I don’t know. This was the only life I had. And I know it is extremely selfish of me, but to be honest I just wanted things to keep going the way they were.”

“You see, my contract ended about a week ago. And I was let go. In fact I volunteered for this whole operation myself. And now that I am free, I plan to go back home. Back here in Russia.”

“I see. Good for you.”

“This was the plan for all of us. But since they are not with us anymore, I want to at least free you from all that’s happened. And if you want I won’t mind taking you with me.”

“I want to do something before.”

“What is it?”

“I want to find my parents,” it was made clear to me from the start that Gramps and Granny were not my parents. That is the reason I didn’t call Gramps father. “They should be in Russia. You are Russian. You can help me find them, right?”

He took a minute to process my crazy request and then asked me, “Let me confirm first. Your full name is…”

“Myra Sirota.”

He remained silent as if hesitating to say something.

“Is something the matter?” I asked.

“Nope. It’s just that I may have an idea where they could be.”


“Yes, but let me do this alone. Once I find them I will tell you.”

With the first request out of the way I proceeded to the second one, “also, I can’t live in Russia. I want to go to Gramps' homeland. I want to go to Japan.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I remember gramps telling me about a church he used to live in Hoshi no machi,” these were the only things I remembered from our conversation on that dark day.

“Then it is fine. Your Japanese is much better than your Russian anyway. I will have the place looked up.”

In a few weeks I was sent to the place. Turns out the church was now an orphanage as well. But it was located outside of Hoshi no machi in a place surrounded by factories. The sister welcomed me and introduced me to the children. I was enrolled into a girl’s school in the city. I was not that much behind in education. But I just couldn’t fit in. Not with my school fellows, not with the children at home. They all radiated such innocence while I felt like a slob of guilt, completely out of place.

I only had one goal: to find my parents. Not to ask them why they ever put me through that hell. I just wanted closure. And maybe that would give me another purpose to live. Maybe finding the truth of my own origin would give me the reason, even if a superficial one, to live on.

And after one year, I finally received Alex’s call, “I found them.”