~~Eternal Failure and Despair~

[Disclaimer: This series is 100% made for entertainment purposes and is set in a fantastical world so it doesn’t have any direct connection with the real world.]

[Warning: Suicidal Content: This chapter contains themes related to suicide and self-harm. Reader caution advised before proceeding.]

(Ugh…should I try harder?)

(Even better than last time?)

(My head hurts…)

(Should I get some extra sleep for a minute?)

“I repeat, it’s time for break…”

(Huh?! What time is it…break?)

(Break is time for…eh?!)

(She looks at the board.)

It says, “give the papers to me before the 1st break ends.”

(Tell me this is a lie or dream please.)

As fast as she can, she speedruns the task.

(The last subject before break is…math…this is easy.)

The side effects of falling asleep in class.

(I’m quite good at it, so…should be fast.)

After 24 minutes, she finished.

(Yosh, the teacher’s room…which floor was it?)

(Should I ask a classmate?)

(Nope, it will just disturb their business.)

Shizu quickly runs.

Checking each floors for the teacher.

The bell rings…

(Hah…it’s finally over, who thought his place is on the 3rd floor~)

(Before the next teacher enters, time for a few minutes rest~)

A few minutes later…

“Everyone, put your bag on the front, let’s start the exam. Have you all prepared properly?”

(EHHH?!! What exam?!)

(Curse it all, I’m dying today.)

“Murazuki-san, you studied well?”

(Ugh.)

Shizu froze and just looked at the girl’s eyes.

“Hey, hurry up to your seat, dumb childhood friend,” one of the boys insulted the girl.

“Hah? Who’s dumb?”

“Childhood friend route, I envy him,” the familiar short cut guy said.

“Shut your mouth and pick your bags, my bro,” the weird cut guy said.

In the middle of the test, sleepiness slowly grew stronger.

(I don’t remember any of these.)

(Foreign language, not Engrizu, I’m completely bad at this…why is it even important to learn this thing?!)

(It’s all different from what we’ve learned.)

(Ahhh, it’s my limit.)

(Can’t think of any answers.)

(One minute rest to rewire.)

(Shizu fell asleep again.)

The bell rings once more…

"Everyone...time is over, gather your papers onto the front.”

(Guuuuuuuuuuuugh, this is my actual death…)

Half the sheets are still empty.

(In the last seconds, I’ll just put whatever it is in.)

(Better than none.)

One of the students who gathered the papers walked to her front.

“Murazuki-san, your paper please.”

(A bit more, please…please…)

(I don’t wanna die…)

(Anything please…)

She thought it all in a flat tone.

“Murazuki-san, sensei is waiting, so please.”

(Mou…fine, go take it, gacha is life…)

(Whatever it is…I’m accepting it all…)

Her eyes were filled with tears.

(Ah…I’ve failed everyone’s expectations again.)

(Those old days of good grades…I will never turn back to her.)

(I should stop my tears.)

(I’m not a crybaby, stop it please.)

Flashbacks of her old self filled her eyes with regret.

(Sadness…regret…still can’t break my empty face.)

Slowly pumping up her stress, in mind to use it as a payback.

She hides herself under her hands.

(With this stress…I’ll definitely fall asleep again.)

(I’ve gone a bit sleepy again…NO THIS TIME IT IS MY WIN!!!)

But the loop is…absolute.

(Just a bit…heheh~)

One slack…and it’s game over.

The bell rings again…

“Time for break, I repeat, it is time for break.”

(Huh…did I just fall asleep?)

(Since when?)

(My days are…big volcano boom again…)

Woken up again in distress.

(Ah…my bento…got left on the table…)

(Not like I would ask onee-chan anyways…)

(Our relations are still bad, don’t wanna make her hate me even more.)

(I’ll just throw it all up later to the trash so she won’t know my mistake.)

Shizu continued her sleep then woke up in the last 10 minutes…

(Ugh…my abdomen…hurts…this again…?)

(I’ve lost track…)

She quickly rushed to the toilet.

On her way back, she’s dizzy and her vision is a bit dark.

(My breathing…it’s so…)

(Am I lacking oxygen…?)

(What the…happened..?)

(I feel like I'm losing my consciousness…)

(Quite sure I didn’t pierce any part of my arteries.)

By the time she almost fell down, someone grabbed her by the arm.

"Are you okay Murazuki-san? Sorry about this, but are you alright ?"

"...,” no answer…

“Sure did you’re quite in bad shape today, are you alright?”

(Here it comes…I’m not giving him any glimpse of my situation.)

(But at least…a short answer will do.)

(Please!)

"It’s…prob…probably…just…anemia.”

(I did it, I can speak properly…finally…)

(My will of life is…)

“You should go to the medical room. Should I walk you there or should I search for your sister to do it?”

(…ded…?)

“NO!!!”

Shizu spontaneously pushed him away.

“Eh?” the boy was startled.

"Ah, no, I'm fine. Onee-chan…no need to…her…I don’t, she’s busy…so-“

(I mixed my words up.)

(Not good meee, not good at all!!!)

"Hopefully you’re correct, can you stand?"

"Hmph, okay,” Shizu sighed as she stood.

(I can trust at least a few people.)

(Please do your best, me.)

“If you’re feeling sick, better tell your sister or the teacher, I’m going back to class so bye.”

(No, I hate this guy. Mr. Know-it-all. Mr. Act-kind.)

(Inside he’s not much different from me.)

(Just the looks can be deceiving.)

Her mind betrayed her trust.

(He probably acts popular and all about pride like he’s a model or something.)

(Why was I a bit in the mood to answer though?)

(Ah well, I'm going back too.)

(The pain is still here but it has gone down by a bit.)

(I can just ignore it, it’s just anemia and lack of sleep anyways.)

(I made quite a good one back then though.)

In class…

(I can't sleep....this pain is terrible.)

(I can't even focus.)

(My whole body is in pain and also my neck.)

(What's with this big heartbeat?)

(I got sick often back then, but it’s nothing like this.)

Everytime her heart beats, it’s all pain all over the body, and it’s concentrated on the right side of the neck.

Her eyes, it burns…everytime she yawns, the tears…burn it like fire.

(And I’m starving~)

(Please stop this…)

(If I knew this would come, I could’ve had…)

The morning memories flashed.

She bit her lips…

The last hope she can think of…

(This is the last lesson so I can go home after this then take some sleep.)

(Probably just the side effects of taking less sleep.)

(This can just disappear, right?)

(The anemia and tiredness pain.)

The bell rings…

It’s time…

She quickly put all of the books back in, then she sees Suzu standing in front of her table.

"Etto, Shi...a teacher called me just now. Can you wait for a bit? I think he needs some help, can you wait in front of the school? It shouldn’t take long.”

(The sabotage is not done yet…oh wait, the answer.)

"Em…," Shizu nodded while in heavy pain.

With a bit awkward atmosphere she tried to at least fix her image.

"Thanks, by the way…I’m sorry, I overdid it."

(It’s my chance.)

“No…also sor-…nevermind.”

She failed…again.

(I really hate myself.)

(Could’ve apologized.)

(But she’s her so…even if I didn’t, she would under-)

Shizu snapped…

(Since when I became like this?)

Suzu slowly left.

(Wait, I still have something to say.)

(Please…at least let me be with onee-chan.)

She regrets her choice and went back depressed.

Most of the students have also gone back home.

Shizu waited inside the classroom for a bit.

She can feel that the pain is getting worse and worse.

She is nearly unable to hold it any longer.

Her face looks very pale, her eyes are red, her body is shaking, and she sweats heavily.

(It's already quite long so I better go to the front.)

(I don't want onee-chan to wait for me.)

On her way…

(My mind is still anxious about her forgiveness…)

(I know it’s not the first time for me to act like this.)

(But…I’ve gotten seriously worse today.)

(Is this a punishment for me?)

(Ah…god, please take me back to heaven already…)

(No, if it’s someone like me…I possibly get thrown to hell instead, right?)

(Well anything is fine…in the end I’m just trash…even more than the glitchy broken failed beta world itself hehehm~)

The desperations grew into a worse mindset.

Shizu managed to arrive at the front school field and she didn't see Suzu anywhere.

(Onee-chan is not done yet?)

(This is bad, I'm feeling like I would burst and collapse.)

Just as she thought of it a group of boys from the high school next door got in front of her.

"Yo little girl. You waiting for someone?" a big guy started the talk.

"Hihihihihi, she looks alone,” the tall thin guy continued.

"It's pretty late, you know. Standing alone at this late, do you know what can happen?" the guy with orange hair asked.

(Some high school guys, shall I ask-)

(Oh, nevermind…they’re those thugs kind of high schoolers.)

(I’ll end up even worse.)

She thought of running away, but…

(Wait, I can't even react.)

(I froze again.)

"Ohoho she's quite a chick, don't you guys think?" a shorter guy said.

The others laughed.

"If you look closely at her, isn’t she kinda looking bad? Sweating hard for no reason,” the tall guy said while observing closely.

"Shut your mouth, don't talk that big. She’s just amused, this little girl is my prey,” the big guy claimed, like some sort of food.

(Ah yes this cliche, I've seen this a lot from mangas and anime.)

(Boring troupe…)

(Five thugs trying to uh hit on a harmless school girl, but this is reality.)

(There are no superheroes or handsome boys/princes to save me.)

(Only your own self can deal with these.)

(But…with this body it's not possible to fight back or run away.)

(This is the end I guess.)

(Praying for the title “A Group of High School Thugs Picked on Me but Instead of the Main Love Interest Comes the Big Truck-kun so I Got Transported to Another World as a Thug” isekai title.)

(Oh wait, where did it went to?!)

(Thug lookin OP boy but actually a girl middle schooler inside, I gonna bang sum chicks with dis new body guryahahahaha~)

"Oi brother, he’s right. This girl is sweating so hard. Look at her face, it's all red. School girls these days…,” the orange hair said.

(You’re right, senpai.)

(Your cute kouhai has lost her insanity to some isekai synopsis.)

[Note: “Senpai” = “Senior”, “Kouhai” = “Junior”)

Her weeb otaku personality never fades…

"Hahahahahah, no probs. Just wait a moment, we'll take care of you just fine."

"That's right that's right.”

"Let's have fun together, shall we young lady?"

One of them pulled out some kind of object from his pocket.

"Not looking bad, what kind of face is hiding behind those long hairs? Let’s do it at once.”

(Back to the topic, how much is the RNG for someone to spot me…?)

(Even though it's not possible for fictional stories to happen.)

(This is reality, not some romcom or superheroes or shoujo stories.)

(Everyone has gone home.)

(Ahh…sorry onee-chan...ah that’s right, onee-chan, if she’s here, if only she’s here.)

(But, even if she’s around…will she save me?)

(An emotional brat like me…I’m no worth as her little sister.)

(I don’t think she’s brave enough to face off against 5 thugs anyway.)

(Only if she brings a teacher.)

(Ahh, nevermind…this is my punishment…)

(I never hoped even once for salvation.)

(This is game over….)

The high school thug grabbed Shizu then started to get close to her face.

“Let’s see what kind of cutie is behind this hair.”

“Don’t worry little girl, we’ll do it gently.”

(Hurry up and isekai me as a thug~)

“He’s right, it’ll only hurt at the start.”

But suddenly…

A palm reached out and grabbed onto his hand…

It severed the thug’s vision between his and my face.

"Can you guys just leave her alone?" the unexpected guest said.

(Eh…? There is actually someone…? Uso…)

(This voice...I ever heard this…)

(But…I can’t remember it well…)

(I can’t even look at his or their face properly.)

[Note: “Uso” = “Lie” as in “You kidding?!”]

(It must’ve been a dream…)

(Someone stepped in to save a random nobody.)

(Instead of faraway, taking videos and posting them online…)

(Not even searching for help or doing it themselves.)

(And what about my isekai scenarios?!)

(Ah…are you perhaps a saviour sent by the gods..?)

(Are you those handsome princes from the stories…?)

(Am I still worthy of forgiveness?)

(Am I still able to be saved…?)

(Can I….change…?)

(Hell nah…snap back to reality…Trashizu!)

“Leave it to me…,” the boy whispered.

With one exposed naked eye she witnessed her saviour…

The fictional romance stories she loves…

She’s there to experience it herself in reality…or not.

That day, Murazuki Shizu’s lifelong black lines glitch faded for the very first time…

A rotten mind inside and a gloomy student outside.

A simple meetup but the chain-reaction is inevitable.

To be continued…

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!