Ch-17: A Minor Inconvenience

It’s morning again. I am bored again. In fact, I am tired again – and I blame the author.

It’s bright outside. Ergo, I am staying inside. I prefer the dark over the light for some reason, probably a result of growing up in a workshop with the ultimate procrastinator in history as your mentor who is simultaneously the greatest genius ever.

Oh ita, buckle up, because in this chapter I am going to self-analyse myself and narrate the events around Six and Nine and others alongside that. This chapter probably has a tone that is a bit different than other chapters with me as the narrator because my head is kinda messed up at the moment.

Anyway, let me just continue with the story.

After I presented Thena to the main gang, I headed over to the Sun in SAMAverse-β to have the Auto-Diary record the details of the place. I have set the description settings to ‘high science fiction’, so it shouldn’t be too ‘plain’:

*The thrusters and the beams form an orderly spherical network, stabilising the meshwork of repulsors that equalises the gravitational force pulling it towards the centre. The occasional flares and bursts, the dark sunspots dispersed throughout the illusory surface, the multi-spectral emissions in the perfect ratios, the conceptual barrier thwarting outside influence, the artificial gravity machinations mimicking the real gas mass, and hundreds of millions of screens placed throughout 6.09 trillion square kilometres in perfect spherical alignments – all created and redoubled the presence of a false Sun at the centre of the Solar System in a collapsing universe. Inside the Helios (Sun in Ancient Greek), dwelled the Ancient Gods of Mount Olympus – masquerading their newly settled home as a middle-aged yellow star that once truly existed there. These ‘Settlers of the Sun’ called themselves Heliokatoikoi or Ïliokatoiloi, as they spent their eternal lives in hedony and debauchery – before the universal wavefunction collapse. Their rooms that looked like mounds of cheese, their bronze jewels that looked like old and broken utensils, their exalted beings which were just pieces of sh-*

Wait a minute, why did the satire metre go up all of a sudden? Is it because of my mood swings? Male! Salai, get a hold of yourself. Remember Leo’s words: Being willing is not enough, we must do it! If you want a serious chapter, be serious! You can do it… I think.

Alright, ego reset the settings to what it was back in default mode, but a bit mythical. It’s a bit plain but it will still do the job.

*At the top of the megastructure was a perfect facsimile of Mount Olympus. Opulent palaces, eternal hearths, lush forests, marble statues, and golden banners were dotted in and around the mountain under the artificial sky. At its centre, there was a grandiose palace with golden floors, silver doors, and bronze thresholds & tripods. Vast halls and elegantly designed seats all led to the throne of the Father of the Olympians – with black marble denoting his chthonic cults, seven-coloured steps denoting his power, a circular hole in the roof above to create a natural canopy that denoted his possession of the skies, a golden eagle perched beside the throne to denote his magnificence, and purple ram fleece on a bronze table with golden decorations at a hands distance to cast rainfall anywhere the ruler of thunder pleased. And there sat Zeus Olympios, with the Thunderbolt in his right hand and a voluptuous paramour on his left thigh caressing him. Six seats on either side of the throne hosted the Twelve Olympians (apart from Zeus) – Hera, Athena, Apollo, Aphrodite, Artemis, Ares, Hephaestus, Hermes, Dionysus, Hestia, Demeter and Poseidon.*

Yeah, this version has both Hestia and Dionysus together at the council of Olympus.

*The Moirai had a small parlour just beside the gods and goddesses, while the Mousai were playing a harmonious tune on the lyre and the harp. Meanwhile, Hera looked mockingly at Eos, who was trying to seduce Zeus to have him grant eternal youth to Tithonus alongside immortality by playing on his lap and Aphrodite looked at the same while touching herself, apparently enjoying the scene. Dionysus, Hermes and Apollo were chatting about the latest fads back on post-apocalyptic Earth. Ares and Hephaestus were having a staring contest. Demeter asked Athena for wisdom to deal with Earth’s climate issues after the whole wavefunction collapse ordeal is over. Hestia was telepathically maintaining the Eternal Fire while sitting quietly in a corner. Artemis was eavesdropping on her twin’s conversation while Poseidon just sat there judgementally.*

And that was when I entered.

“Oh, hello.” Hermes was the first to notice me. “Strange, I wasn’t told that we would have visitors today.”

Everyone turned to look at me. The music stopped. The threads of Fate hung in mid-air.

And I chuckled out loud in irony while my head felt like it was about to burst.

“Seems like the entire party has gathered here for the morning council, bene.” I said. “All holed up in your home while basically starting the collapse of two universes, eh? Well, I can’t really complain about that, can I?”

Eos jumped off of Zeus. Hera, Ares, Poseidon, Athena and Artemis and Demeter all stood while the rest all sat and watched in a mix of incredulity, amusement and excitement. Everything got a bit chaotic.

That was when the Father of Olympians stood up and bellowed in a voice that silenced even silence itself, “You dare step into my realm without my permission? Who do you think you are?!”

“Ah, hubris.” I laughed. “A staple of Greek mythology – now I know why.”

Sure, everyone around me was scared out of their minds because the very embodiment of Fear itself yelled at me. However, since I had an extremely severe headache – I couldn’t care less.

“IDENTIFY YOURSELF, RIGHT NOW!” He screamed at me with a mix of authority and arrogance. Everyone in Olympus started having cold sweats and those right in front of me had to hold on to their seats or sit down on it to avoid simply going unconscious due to fear. Because, well, the voice was that of Fear himself.

“Sure,” I said. “You are the ‘Tertiary Infinite Being of Fear’ alright. Or that’s what Holmes and the others would like to call you. And I guess you were supposed to be the big bad guy with the entire Cour named after you and what not. Anyway, I am Salai, lover of Leonardo da Vinci, procrastination, and pizza.”

He yelled, “How and for what purpose have you breached into my palace?!”

“Oh,” I sneered and said honestly, “Just for a bit of fun. My head is kinda aching after doing a weird job that I am not supposed to be able to do and the infinitely many memories, feelings, emotions, and experiences of every being and entity throughout Existence is flooding my brain. It’s nothing new, but my ‘Being’ is not really in a good state nunc, scis tu? So I am just a bit away from having a complete mental breakdown that can have really bad effects.”

Every Olympian other than Zeus was having a hard time dealing with their deepest fears, except Poseidon who had a bit of an immunity as he is an Infinite Being himself. Despite that, he held his head in pain and barely managed to say, “Brother of mine… Calm down, I plead to you. Look closely, this… being… is a bit different compared to us. You are the… King of Olympus… and you should behave… as a King.”

The intense fear permeating the atmosphere toned down marginally.

“Are you sure, brother of mine?” Zeus asked, clutching at his Thunderbolt. “Is this man capable of the trust of a King of Gods?”

“Yes, father…” Athena spoke up this time, trying her best to elocute formally. “This being… pertains to be… an august entity… I implore thee…”

The pressure vanished, and every Olympian sighed a sigh of relief.

“Fine, I am the God of Hospitality after all.” Zeus placed his Thunderbolt on his side table. “Speak, Salai, what is the cause of your visit? And how did you breach the conceptual barrier generated by all the Sons of Cronus together? What God are you and pertaining to which Realm?”

“The concept of Realms and… well, concepts themselves don’t really apply to me.” I said, quite frankly. “I am above all that so yeah, I just came here to have fun. What is the most ‘fun’ and entertaining thing that you know of?”

This appeared to have slighted Zeus as he swiftly hurled his Thunderbolt at me and my entire body was rendered to ashes.

“Ha!” Zeus laughed haughtily. “Was that the ‘august entity’? Someone who couldn’t even dodge my Thunderbolt moving barely at the speed of light? How amusing!”

“Oh, bene,” I said as I simply fused into the fabric of reality. “This isn’t really fun to be honest with you. Being spread out throughout all of Space like this is kinda annoying. Is that your idea of fun? Got to say, that’s really messed up if you think omnipresence is cool.”

Everyone across the universe of SAMAverse-ß heard a voice resonate in their mind and every Planck unit of their body. The Jade King was confused, the remaining humans were greatly perplexed, GOATSAMA got curious, and the Olympians… were mortified.

“What sorcery is this?!” Zeus yelled out loud, his purple Field Signature extending to all of Olympus. “You are no Miaokuran, thus you cannot be Space – so how can you be omnipresent?!”

*Swoop. Hades arrived in Olympus with Persephone.*

“What’s wrong, brother?” Hades said.

“Oh, nihil.” I replied from every direction and every atom at once. “He just wants to know who I am even though I told them that I am Salai just a few seconds ago.”

“That rapscallion!” Zeus yelled. “I cannot even detect his Proximus! I am trying to sense his true identity, but all I see is black and white – both distinct yet mixed – at the same time!”

Poseidon replied, “I have witnessed a lot during the billions of years I have spent as the Infinite embodiment of the Sea itself. However, never have I witnessed such a being…”

Hades looked at Persephone and then looked around him and repeated the same question as his brother, “I know this is a strange situation which has no doubt been created by my youngest brother, Salai. However, may I be given the honour of knowing the identity of your august entity?”

At that point, I got bored. I had come here to mess around with Zeus but he was too jumpy for my liking. Sure, he is supposed to be the final boss as the namesake of this Cour, Fear himself. But I felt like Nine and co already had their hands full with BOTSAMA and Miaokuran and their sidekicks as it is, so eh, I should get rid of the arguably stronger villain to spare Nine from some trauma. He is already having a hard time as it is, realising that he is bound by Destiny till he learns to transcend it. And I don't really blame him because I pushed the dominos towards making that happen.

Anyway, Zeus and the Olympians started boring me. So, I simply left SAMAverse-β. I lied down on the grass of the Hanging Gardens, just about to order a pizza when the three Infinite Beings of Fear, Sea, and Silence – Zeus, Poseidon. and Hades respectively – happened to follow me into my own world into my Hanging Gardens.

Zeus was the unhappiest of the trio, and started yelling-

Oh, sorry, the Field ceased to exist for a moment there. I forgot that the Auto-Diary uses the Dark Field. Nine has finally broken down and stopped caring about stuff. Oh well, I guess he has to deal with the ceasing of the Dark Field for the rest of Existence himself as I have just restored it for this universe.

Anyway, after that, Zeus started yelling a lot that really hurt my head. So, I erased him. The other two I just sent back to their worlds because they had nothing to do with the SAMAverse crisis while Zeus basically collaborated with Miaokuran (despite the two having very different goals, they aligned with each other for pragmatism) to cause the collapse of the two timelines. I didn't really feel that bad for basically deleting Zeus from the timeline and Existence itself because he just wanted to conquer the Chinese and Japanese heavens and stuff, and my Leo wasn't really fond of conquests or conquerors despite working for one. Miaokuran’s goal is just preaching about her God in other universes so I don't really care.

After that, I ordered pizza from the same-

*Wham! Bang! Someone is banging on the door.*

Come in, Eight.

“What was that?” Eight asked as he walked in. “The Universal Intermob Network stopped working, thousands across the supercluster died while teleporting, every F-3D printer across the supercluster went haywire, and I felt like something was killed inside me before being reinvigorated like a minute ago. What happened?”

Ho, information does seem to travel super quick across the supercluster just a bit after I reinstated the Dark Field. I guess that means everything’s alright.

“People have died!” Eight yelled at me. “What are you up to again?”

Oh well, I autem didn’t do stuff this time. It was Nine, and he is in another universe – ask him.

Eight facepalmed.

“Fine.” Eight sighed. “Just resurrect the dead guys, I will have Two handle the rest.”

*Snap*

I snapped my fingers and resurrected 69420 people in safe conditions.

There you go, Eight.

“Alright, please don’t mess stuff up again. I am begging you.” Eight folded his hands, bowed down, and basically prayed to me.

C’mon, dude, it’s not like I’m a God or something. Also, I am not going to mess stuff up that’s going to directly affect this timeline again.

“I feel like…” Eight paused and said, “I feel like that single sentence had a dozen caveats, but sigh, I can’t do anything about that – can I? Anyway, I am gonna go and give a report to the League of Life in a minute. Anything you want to add?”

Nothing, really. Just tell them to chill.

“Sigh…” Eight sighed and left without a word.

Phew! Scruffy teen, that one. Too responsible – he doesn’t really need to do all the work by himself, there are adults to do the job like Two… and me, but I am lazy so I guess Two and the others can handle it by himself.

So, where was I?

Oh right, I ordered focaccia from the same pizza chain mentioned back in Ch-10 and lazed off on the grass for a while. After that-

*Swoop*

“Fratello mio, what was that?!” Merlin yelled after teleporting into my room. I have no idea why he’s speaking Italian – oh wait, I do, I am omniscient. He just came after roaming around in Rome to get some fresh air; he was taking leave from his duties in the 5D world after successfully leading the revolution to universal domination there.

Um, Nine lost his mind, amice. Can’t you see?

“Nein!” Merlin snorted out loud with uncharacteristic vigour and a random German accent. “I can’t sense anything beyond this universe! The Proximi and the Realms and the fundamental structure of Existence is the same – but the Field! The Field is inaccessible beyond this universe! What have you done?!”

I didn’t do anything myself, my dear friend. It’s Nine. Because of him, all of Existence lost access to the Field – across every timeline, reality, or possibility. I only did a little anastasis of the Dark Field in this universe because I had to write my Auto-Diary and honestly because I am a bit too lazy to do stuff without it, although I probably can.

“This…” He knelt and banged his head on the floor. “WHY? WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, SALAI?”

What did I do?

“Don’t give… that… to me – you piece… of shit!” Merlin screamed out loud while banging his head. “Do you… have… the slightest idea… of what you’ve done?!”

Um, I didn’t do anything…?

“THIS IS ALL A PART OF YOUR PLAN!” Merlin yelled while standing up.

I mean, kinda – this wasn’t really a necessary route, but this was the possibility that came true, scisne?

“Stop lying!” He continued, “You aren’t fooling me with excuses! You saw all of this! You knew this would happen!”

I mean, I also saw everything else. This isn’t really that important in the grand scheme of things except for the universes where the Dark Field is extremely important.

“There-” Merlin paused for a second but continued the sentence, “There are an infinite number of worlds where the Field is used for extremely important purposes! An infinite number of worlds where people would suffer, assault, kill, murder, burn, pillage, rape, torture, and die without the Field! Restore it throughout Existence right now, brüther! I beg you!”

1 in duovigintillion people across the infinitely many timelines throughout Existence have the possibility to wield the Dark Field, and they are only a bit concentrated in unstable universes with existential turmoil. In both finite and non-finite universes across infinite timelines, there are only a few Field Wielders who have ever come across each other. Most worlds are mundane and boring and everything that you just stated is commonplace in most of them. That is the measure of Existence of all Field Wielders – even if there are infinitely many of them, they are very few.

“But… why?” Merlin pressured. “Why must the ‘very few’ suffer even though they are innocent?! You can restore it! Even if you want only Nine and the related worlds to suffer, why don’t you restore it for the other infinite worlds?! There shouldn’t be a problem with that, richt?”

True enough.

“Then?”

It doesn’t really matter to me, all I want is to eat pizza and laze off and have my Leo back.

“So…” He gulped and took a second before trying again with futility, “You will let an infinite number of people suffer because you don’t care?”

Yes, and we have gone through this before so please don’t make me repeat myself. I couldn’t give a damn about Existence. It’s not my duty to hold every being in it like a child and commandeer them to go through a life without suffering. I am no God. And even before I became omnipotent, suffering happened – so why would it be my duty to change it? Sure, finding a bonum means to change the world would be interesting – but after that? A world without suffering is boring, and that’s my take on that matter. And unless you get my Leo back and make him tell me to do it, I couldn’t care less about your opinion. Got it, Merlin?

He was devastated. Partially because he couldn’t go back to the 5D world he is guiding, and mostly because he finally realised that he had no way of succeeding at his true goal – making me care about the meaningless yet infinite worlds, the main reason for which he stays with me.

He is currently sitting on the floor and contemplating what he should do. Meanwhile, I guess I should return to where I was.

So, ita, I just killed Zeus – I had no choice, it was for my own sanity – and sent Hades and Poseidon back to their worlds. The remaining two of the Big Three were too afraid to even think of doing anything, as I had somehow managed to kill Zeus without taking over the Proximus of Fear itself. It’s just back as a function of Existence till some other guy comes and takes over it by making it their own Natura.

No Field Wielder or even Infinite Being is supposed to be able to do that, but meh. Who cares?

The thing is, killing Zeus did nothing to get rid of my headache so I thought of just sleeping through the afternoon and the night till I eventually felt like waking up. I thought that’d help my headache, but it didn’t really do much. That’s malum.

And no, my dear readers, I am not complaining just because it’s a bad headache. It’s a bad headache that’s making me lose my mind, quite literally. Sure, I am omnipotent and omnipresent and omniscient. But, if you – laugh and get laughed at, if you grieve and be grieved for, cry and be the reason of someone crying, talk and be talked about, think and be thought of, love and be loved, hate and be hated, bleed and be bleeding for, get born and give birth, kick the balls and get kicked in the balls, live and be alive for, die and be dead for, whisper and be whispered about, fail and make someone fail, torture and be tortured, kill and be killed, assault and be assaulted, rape and be raped, pillage and be pillaged, hurl or be hurled, insult or be insult, destroy or be destroyed, yeet or be yeeted, defenestrate or be defenestrated, seize and have a seizure, hit and be hit on, relax and be relaxed on, eat and be eaten, walk and be walked on, flow and be flown on, burn and be burnt, cook and be cooked, fart and be farted on, smoke and be asthmatic, go to heaven and go to hell, love Leo and be loved by Leo – and much, much more, infinitely more at the same: what would you do? While you have your very Being attack your Will because you disrupted your Will by attacking your Being – what would you do? I don’t have a therapist who can deal with my problems, I don’t have a lover who can truly take care of me, nor do I have a friend who can understand me – can you deal with omnipotence like that?

Is this what a God would have felt?

I don’t know, this is beyond Knowledge – ask Merlin if you don’t believe me.

Sigh. Anyway, what should I do now? I am kinda bored. Should I check on Nine and others? Maybe.

*Snap* *Swoop*

*A fireball cores through the head, vapourising it in milliseconds*

Bene, bene, bene. What’s this? A dragon? In this economy?

*A gigantic creature taller than 5-story buildings flies about in the sky. It resembles a snake in form, a camel for its head, a carp for its scales, a clam for its belly, a stag for for its antlers, a tiger for its paws, a cow for its ears, an eagle for its claws, a demon for its eyes – and four humongous wings. Its four limbs danced with the wind as it revolved around the shadow of the sun, spewing fire randomly in every direction while constantly whirling in the air.*

I recreated my head and attached it to where it’s supposed to be, while still standing.

In front of me are the ruins of the Shinobugaoka High School, once a pretty prestigious metropolitan high school just a walk away from Asukabashi station and about a kilometre away from Akihabara station. It used to be a residence shelter for the Japanese refugees in this world just a few hours ago, before the Dark Field ceased to be. About half of them are now dead and their remains are now spread across the ruins – some were boiled alive, some were vapourised instantly, some died due to shrapnels, some died due to building collapse, some died due to sheer blunt trauma, and some were eaten alive.

Don’t worry, my dear readers, all of our protagonists are alive – though not all of them are perfectly fine. Canta had some parts of her waist receive third-degree burns while saving bystanders, Lady Liberty is stuck at the bottom of the rubble in Torigoe Shrine because she’s a statue and can’t move without the Field, Thena got her robionic left arm severed while dodging a dragon breath, Tumble & Calendar had their shoulders pierced by shrapnels, Six has a broken jaw, and Nine & Sherlock have miraculously avoided physical injuries with the detective acting as an impromptu doctor and medic for the injured. Limey, although not physically harmed due to him being a 5D being, is not quite having a field day with this one with all the mental trauma. And Quill/Plume is so numb to death and destruction that he is successfully performing suicidal acts like saving people from falling rubble almost nonchalantly.

And all of them are currently conducting rescue operations at the ruins of Torigoe Shrine and another nearby elementary school – both of which were major camps for the 26942 Japanese refugees of the apocalypse who were spread mostly around this part of Tokyo.

Well, I think that should be it for this chapter. My head is kinda messed up, ego don’t want to talk anymore. Have fun reading Nine dealing with death, depression, and destruction in the next chapter. See you.

Next Chapter: How To Kill Your Dragon