Hope's epitaph

ding

The elevator door opened and a worn down man entered. He pushed the button that had the number 1 on it, which corresponded to the ground floor of this facility. He sighed as he leaned on one of the railings inside the elevator.

The doors shut closed and soothing elevator music played as the elevator ascended. The fluorescent lighting illuminated the man’s decrepit figure. On his thin left arm, from his fingers to his elbow, his skin had become completely black. Jagged rocks protruded from this area, and a dim purple glow flickered and flowed through his arm like it was electricity. If you looked closely, you could tell that this purple liquid actually flowed throughout all the veins and arteries of his entire body, giving his skin a vaguely purple hue. His disheveled hair had grown to cover his eyes, his dress shirt was barely even tucked in to his pants, and his breath was always more heavy than it should be.

He wasn’t sick, he was actually the strongest he had ever been in his life –despide his age reaching deep into the late forties. In fact, he didn’t even know if his body could even get sick from any mundane disease anymore.

ding

The elevator slowed to a stop and the doors opened once more. The man looked up, wondering if he had arrived at his floor, but then two women walked into the elevator.

They had been happy chatting about something, but when they saw this strange man they immediately shut up. Their smiles contorted into frowns of disgust as they moved to the complete opposite side of the elevator from where the man was standing.

The man didn’t blame them for their actions, but it still didn’t feel good.

ding

The awkward silence had persisted until the elevator finally got to the ground floor. The two women immediately rushed out of the elevator when the doors opened, after which the man tiredly followed.

He walked out the facility and found his car amongst the sea of hundreds of others. This actually took longer than he would have cared to admit because he had completely forgotten where he had parked. No one would blame him for this though because it had been several weeks since he had last driven it.

He got into the driver’s seat with a sigh, and pressed the ignition. Taking a glance around the insides of the vehicle, he realized that once again the mistakes of his past were haunting him. This time, the empty takeout boxes and crushed cans of beer had conspired to curse his beloved car with a horrid smell. With a depressing chuckle, he opened all the windows and backed out of the parking space.

- - -

The man clasped his hands together and let a feeling of relief briefly course through his body.

“Heh, the ghosts of my past mistakes shall haunt me no longer.”

This man had just cleaned out his car.

Now that he had completed this task, the man patted his car and walked towards a small flower shop near the entrance to the cemetery.

He only took a few moments to pick out a bouquet. He didn’t know the name of these flowers nor any symbolism they may have held, but he thought that they looked rather pretty. The person he was visiting wouldn’t have been too picky about this sort of thing anyways.

The wrinkly old man selling the flowers gave him a warm smile when he paid at the cash register.

He took his time walking across the stone pathway so that he could take in the atmosphere and ready himself for the upcoming conversation.

After finally arriving at the tombstone he was looking for, he placed down the flowers, sat down, took out a canteen from his pocket, and drank a sip of water. He looked at the name on the tombstone with a slight frown.

Susana Peccatum

“Hey Honey, it’s been a while. Happy birthday…”

Though he had been thinking for a long time about what he should say, as soon as he started speaking, the words simply came to him naturally.

“I’m sorry for missing it last year, I’ve just been busy ever since you-know-what happened…”

“Heh, yeah I know I look like shit… But things have been hard recently…”

A self deprecating smile appeared on his face, but it was washed away when memories of the woman he loved came flooding back to him.

“I still miss you.”

“...Do you remember? When you first told me that you came from another world?”

“Heh, I didn’t believe you then… I thought that you had gone crazy. Can you really blame me? I was so young back then… I’m sorry that it took me so long to realize that you were speaking the truth… Then, by the time I did, you had already started getting sick.”

The man took another sip of water from his canteen, then continued:

“You must have wanted someone to talk about it with… I know that you brought a lot of pain with you when you crossed over worlds… I’m sorry for being so stupid….”

“Did you know? Did you know what would eventually happen to our son? …Sorry… No… I know that you loved him. You must not have seen this coming either.”

A tear streaked down the man’s rough face.

“Sorry”

“Sorry… sorry… It’s such a useless word… No matter how many times I say it, you won’t come back to me. No matter how sorry I am, I can’t change the fact that I failed you… And, I can’t change the fact that I failed Pax.”

As tears streamed down the man’s face, he turned his head to look at the grave next to his wife’s.

Pax Peccatum

Though the man believed his son was still alive, he couldn’t deny the corpse that had been left behind. And so this tombstone had been erected, to serve as a reminder of a father’s failure to protect his only child.

“He’s still out there, right? He’s still waiting for me to save him… right? I can’t see much hope anymore… What would you do if you were here Susana?”

He looked to the tombstone for answers, but got nothing but silence in return. He thought for some time before continuing:

“Alex had said that it would only take a few more months… That was over a year ago now… and now Alex is dead.”

“I don’t know how much longer I can keep going… But, in any case, if you don’t see me next year it’ll either be because I’ve made it to the other world… or because I’m dead.”

When Julius Peccatum stood up, his temperament had completely changed.

“Yes, I’ll be joining you soon. Just wait for me a little bit longer.”

He stretched out his arm and poured out the rest of the water in the canteen.

“Sorry it’s just water, I forgot to bring alcohol since it’s been so long since I could get drunk.”

He turned and took a few steps down the stone path before glancing back one more time. Then, with newfound resolve, he walked forward.

“It’s time to get back to work.”

The purple lightning trapped in his left arm glowed brighter than before and Julius disappeared in an instant.

- - - - - - -

“Did you really say, ‘To the girl who’s only mistake was loving the wrong boy’? Ahaha, holy shit, that's hilarious. That girl was a real bitch, you said as much even back then…”

That woman was back… again… and now it seemed like she'd gotten over her fear of other people, verbally abusing Pax even while the entire rest of the team was eating lunch with him.

Because of her, he couldn't even hear their voices or join in on the conversation… Not that he would have done so otherwise.

“...Okay, like I get that you want to deeply regret your first life. But why bring that woman into things? She was only like… 10 percent of the reason you killed yourself. It would be much better to think about your father. What do you think he's up to these days? Maybe he also killed himself! Wouldn't that be funny?”

It was true, Pax had no way of knowing what happened to his father after his own death. It had been nearly 20 years since he had come to this world. That would put his father’s age at around 60, if he was still alive.

Pax had never thought himself to be particularly close to his father, considering that he had been Pax’s only remaining parent. Even still, he couldn’t help but feel…lonely… when he thought about his dad.

Pax’s mother had died of cancer when Pax was fairly young. Ever since then, Pax felt that his father had changed. After losing someone he loved Pax now had a better understanding why. Even still, Pax’s father had continued to take care of him without ever letting his son even see him cry.

Pax knew that it must have been incredibly hard to take care of a child after losing someone like that. He knew that and yet…

He had still done that

“You know, that forcing-yourself-to-feel-pain-at-every-waking-moment thing? I really like that idea. Have you considered upping the rate of aging even more? This level of pain is really nothing. You should be feeling like you're burning alive all the time.”

She had a devilish grin when she said that, almost like she was mocking him. However, Pax knew that she was being completely genuine and that if he didn't watch himself, he would find himself following her suggestions.

It had been a few weeks since Pax had started using the rapid aging magic, and it had gotten to the point where it constantly felt like someone was hammering his skull. His focus was constantly unsteady, and using mana constantly was truly draining him. The magic was working though, as he was growing at a rate visibly faster than normal.

The entire rest of the squad had noticed this and pointed out the rapid changes he was going through, to varying degrees of worry. Most of all, Sakura seemed visibly bothered by the fact that there was someone in pain next to her that refused her help.

Pax now felt dizzy and nauseous, so after mumbling something about going to the bathroom, he stumbled away.

With a grating squeak, Pax twisted a knob and water flowed into the sink. Somehow, boats in this world had running tap water and good plumbing so the bathroom looked fairly modern, albeit a bit dirty.

When Pax lifted his gaze, he met his own eyes in the mirror.

They seemed a bit more red than usual and there were dark circles forming beneath, probably because he had been unable to sleep recently.

His cheeks looked sullen, probably because he was always in a calorie deficit.

The world seemed to tilt for a moment. Either the boat had just hit a large wave or Pax’s sense of balance had given up on him momentarily. Pax almost fell, but regained his footing, and unsteadily stood up straight again.

“Hehe”

Somehow this little thing seemed funny to Pax.

“Ahahaha”

Looking back at the mirror, Pax couldn’t help but find his current appearance hilarious. He broke out into uncontrollable laughter, almost falling to the floor before catching himself on the sink.

The sound and sight of the running water made his laughter stop.

Pax felt clarity, as if he had somehow found epiphany in such a mundane thing as a sink.

He met his eyes in the mirror once more and spoke not only to himself, but also to the ghost that had always followed him around:

“You’re disgusting.”

He walked out the bathroom with a smile on his face, and the nausea and dizziness were completely gone.