The Shame in Our Hearts Renders Us the Same

It took much longer than the expected travel time on Poodle Maps for Raven to get back to her house.

“O-hello, Su-chan,” Pestilence said with a smile as she opened the door for Raven. She had changed into a different outfit, with no trace of the duct tape marks or blood on her. She was also not alone in the house.

Hideka stood up from her seat at the dining table and hurried to greet Raven. “Midorikawa-san! I wasn’t expecting you. Sorry if I’m a bother.”

Raven kicked off her shoes, staggering in exhaustion. “Why are you here?”

“Karen-chan offered to let me stay the night if I’m in the area.”

“Oh, really?”

“And I caught wind of a break-in at the Yurashi Hotel,” Hideka said. “I will try to learn more tomorrow, but-”

Raven slammed her fist onto the wall. She leaned her head against it, looking down at the floor, maybe even hoping to see a trace of hell. Hideka’s puppy-like energy dispersed with Raven’s sudden display of force. She glanced at Raven, words brewing carefully in her throat.

“Is something the matter?”

Raven burst out laughing. “Don’t act like we’re friends. We’re not. We have never been. I’m the person behind Justice’s Missionary! I only got close to you for information.”

The revelation didn’t provoke much of a reaction in Hideka because she responded, “I know.”

“You know? What do you know?”

“The way you type and the topics you talk about in our texts. I figured you wrote for Justice’s Missionary.”

“Huh?”

Hideka gazed at Raven’s dazed state. “Yeah. Guess it’s pretty late now. Are you free to have lunch with me tomorrow?”

Raven’s head bobbed up and down, but I doubted that she even heard the question. Meanwhile, Pestilence watched with a smirk behind her hand. She must have enjoyed the entertainment. Bitch.

***

“Why are we here?” Raven looked around the restaurant. Not just any restaurant, but a…

“Mistresses, do nya want to order yet?” A waitress wearing a maid’s dress and a cat’s ear hairband curled her wrist, mimicking a paw. Even with my quasi-omniscience, this was one new trend that I would never understand. Calling someone an animal was once an insult. So, why was everyone suddenly so obsessed with catgirls?

“Midorikawa-san, do you mind eating omurice?” Hideka asked. Her dark pantsuit fit the role of ‘mistress’ of the maids, but the formality still clashed with the anime catgirl stickers around the shop. The color of her outfit also highlighted her pink hair in a gaudy way.

“Sure, but you haven’t answered me,” Raven said.

“Two signature omurice, please.”

“Got it. Nyenjoy your stay here!” With a wink, the catgirl waitress turned to the kitchen, leaving the two in an awkward mutual gaze at their booth.

“Do you come to Akihabara much?” Raven couldn’t dispel her mild scowl.

“Sorry, are you not comfortable with this place?”

“Objectification of women and all that, but…” Raven’s eyes wandered, and she rubbed her forehead. “Maybe I’m not the best gal to judge. So, I’m not mad or anything. I just want to know why.” I wondered what she would have to say about Pestilence’s kinky side.

“It’s for my selfish wish. I want someone to eat lunch with. And… I also have a gift for my mother. She will send someone here to take it.”

“Your mother…” Raven fidgeted with her hands.

“Sorry for not telling you. I didn’t want you to think that you were going on an errand with me. Anyway, thank you for spending your time with me. I’ll pay for the meal.” Hideka interlocked her hands so tightly that I wondered if her fingers would snap.

Raven stopped her shuffling and stared directly into Hideka’s eyes. “No, I’ll pay. It doesn’t vibe with me to rely on your kindness.”

“You don’t get it. My mother won’t be happy if she learns that I’m taking someone else’s money. Sorry, I appreciate it, but-”

“Stop saying sorry. You have nothing to be sorry about. Your mother would understand. Every good mother loves their children. That’s… what my mother told me at least.”

Great, they are now comparing mothers.

“She loves me. But she also has expectations of me. I’m already far less successful than my sister. So she has to push me to do better. I don’t want her to be so hands-on with me too, but there’s no avoiding it when I’m just not competent enough.” Hideka enveloped her head with her arms, steps away from curling into a ball.

“Not competent enough? The hell are you saying? Hello? You run the most popular independent news site in Japan.”

“And every new station in Japan wants to poach my sister.”

“That’s your standard for competence? Then, your sister would be the only competent person in the world.”

Hideka clutched the edge of the table. “Then why do I never feel enough?”

She was too focused on her own worries to notice Raven’s face twitching.

Raven shifted in her seat. “Never? Like, do you always feel like that? All the time? How… how do you live like that? I can’t even…”

“I don’t know.”

Neither of them knew how to continue the conversation. Escaping the awkwardness, Raven glanced at the giggling and chatting patrons at the other booths. They felt so far away from her, as if she were isolated from the rest of the cafe. A sigh snuck out from her, and she looked back at her lunch companion. Only to find a familiar sight. Hideka was gazing at other tables with glistening eyes.

Even though nothing was resolved, a snicker rolled out of Raven, and a baffling burst of warmth filled her chest. “I’m paying, and that’s final.”

“No, my mother…”

“Do you think your mother is perfect? Do you even think your sister is perfect? All the time? For every day of the year?”

Hideka tapped the table, until she found her thoughts. “I guess sometimes I wish my mother would appreciate what I do more. I’m trying my best, but she never praises me. It isn’t like her own life is that much better than mine.”

“Hideka, it isn’t polite to talk about people behind their backs.” A bitter but composed voice gathered their attention. I saw her coming ahead of time, but didn’t feel generous enough to warn them. A woman in a light gray skirt suit strutted to Raven’s table, followed by her assistant. Her black hair in a bun swayed with her confident movements.

“Mother… I… I didn’t mean it. I’m so sorry.” Hideka shook like a student caught cheating on an exam.

Hideka’s mother ignored her daughter and marched straight to Raven. “Greetings, I’m Ueshima Tamaki. Thank you for tolerating my mediocre daughter.” She bowed at a uniform pace.

Raven nodded in response while clenching her fist under the table. I thought she might throw a tantrum. She didn’t. Instead, she retrieved her phone from her jeans pocket and pretended to check it. “Excuse me. I have to take this. It’s my boss.” She only started bringing her phone around again, and she was already using it for anything but actual calls.

She rushed outside and whispered into the phone. “Death-san, please-”

“You do realize that whatever you do, it will sour Hideka’s relationship with her mother,” I telepathically communicated.

“Then what should I do?” No hidden hostility in her tone. That must have been a first.

“Did you just ask for my advice?”

“Yeah, I screwed up when I shut you away. I won’t do it again. I’ll ask for your opinion from now on. I just won’t follow everything you say, of course.” Did this mean I had succeeded in taming Raven?

“You want to help her? Take the blame off Hideka. Blame yourself. Be the villain.”

Raven had already slipped a leg back inside the cafe before I finished my sentence. Tamaki and Hideka were locked in the middle of a standoff. Tamaki stared at Hideka like a prison guard, while Hideka eluded eye contact like a guilty inmate.

Raven inserted herself between the two of them, taking all gazes onto herself. I expected her to start lecturing the mother, or heed my advice and cackle like a madwoman.

Instead, she gave a clumsy but sincere bow. “I’m so sorry for misleading Ueshima-san into talking trash about you. I shouldn’t have stuck my hand in your private business.”

“Very well. Guess even scoundrels can apologize when they are caught.” After a scoff at Raven, Tamaki opened her hand to Hideka. “Now, Hideka, where is my gift?”

Hideka glanced at Raven, and then at her mother’s palm. “I didn’t buy it.” Every sound mechanical, as if she were reading from a script.

“Excuse me?”

“I didn’t buy it, dear mother. I’m… I changed my mind.”

Tamaki crossed her arms and tapped her heels. “Then why am I here?”

“I’ve no idea that you would be here. I was going to tell this to your assistant.”

The mother rubbed her temples. “You’ve wasted so much of my time.”

“I think that means you could go back to work.”

A heavy sigh. “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” Then, with the wave of a hand, Tamaki led her assistant out of the restaurant.

As if a pressure had been lifted, Raven breathed a sigh of relief. “Ueshima-san…”

A refreshing smile mounted on Hideka’s face, and her heartbeat calmed. “I have a scheduled tour of a data center later this week. Maybe I’ll snoop around for what they don’t want me to find.”

“Will you get into trouble?”

“Yes, definitely.” The two of them chuckled in sync, as a waitress delivered their meals. What happened next was a weird ritual, allegedly to make the food tastier, but I didn’t care about that. I couldn’t care about everything here.

The whole time, I was merely waiting for the day to be over. For Raven to drift back to sleep, so I could float out and search for E.T. once again. I no longer despised being in spirit form, forced to notice the deaths in the world. Because even in this maid cafe, even as Raven was awake, I could hear the dying final breaths just as clearly.