Chapter 23

Nina

Dear diary,

I cannot begin to tell you what has happened, and I cannot make up my mind if I’ve made a mistake or not.

After debating with myself what clothes to wear, I took the bus to the meeting with Mel. As I had suspected, she wasn’t alone, and I assume it was her manager who was with her. It could have ended there, seeing both of them as I stepped inside, but I told myself I could not back out now when I’d gotten so far. It wouldn’t be fair when they’d taken the time to see me.

At least the manager was kind, and he complimented me on my work, but I don’t know if he only said it to be polite. I got to see what they needed help with, and it wasn’t too difficult, so I agreed. I’d thought it would be the end, but my mind must have been so distressed it couldn’t think clearly, and I heard myself asking Mel if she wanted to have a coffee.

I had secretly wondered if she’d like one and thought about how it would be to ask her, but of course, I’d never planned to actually do it. But my mind must have been so anxious and slipped, and once the words were out of my mouth, it was too late.

I only wished I could run then, but I sat frozen, waiting for her reaction. I don’t know if I was relieved or more anxious when I heard her say yes, and I had to scramble to come up with a place to go to. Luckily, I remembered an ad I’d seen for a newly opened place.

I barely remember walking there, but I remember her asking me about my work. I only hope I replied in a coherent manner.

It was only as we came to the cafe and I saw what her life must look like that my mind came to its senses for a moment, and I wondered what I had done. She met someone there who wanted her autograph, and I was yet again reminded of all the interesting people around her she could choose to be friends with. She didn’t need to hang out with me, and she must have loads of friends to be with.

But she still came to sit by the table, and she kept talking to me. I don’t know what made her ask me, but she wondered if I wanted to come to her exhibition. I believe I never fully recovered from my earlier daze, and I heard myself agree. She will pick me up next week, but I’m not sure if it’s a good idea to go.