I Hate You

Seiji opened the door, his eyes narrowing as he saw Hideaki lying on the futon, fidgeting with his fingers.

A wave of frustration rolled through him, but he kept his expression carefully neutral. He approached slowly, each step deliberate.

Hideaki glanced up. "How was your date?"

Seiji blinked, "Date!?" he echoed.

"Yeah," Hideaki said, "The one I arranged for you and Miyu-chan. In her bathroom."

Seiji's eyes narrowed slightly, his tone growing colder. "So you admit it was your doing."

Hideaki shrugged, unbothered. "Sure. Who's ever seen a girl bleed like that, huh? Bet it was unforgettable."

Seiji's jaw tightened, but his voice remained steady. "She was terrified, Hideaki. You traumatized her."

"Aww," Hideaki mocked, feigning disappointment. "I thought it'd be a great icebreaker for you two."

Seiji exhaled slowly, his patience wearing thin. "You think this is a joke? Her fear wasn't amusing - it was real. I tried to help her as much as I could, but it probably wasn't enough. You overdid it. She's suffering because of you."

Hideaki rolled his eyes. "But she's fine now, isn't she? You're overreacting."

"Overreacting?" Seiji's tone sharpened. "You think this will just go away!? That it doesn't matter?"

Seiji paused, as he was collecting his thoughts

"Just.. Fuck, you know what!? This isn't just about her. This is about you, your carelessness, and your complete disregard for how your actions affect others. First the hospital, now this. It's always the same with you."

Hideaki's smirk faltered. "Are you going to tell me another lecture, now!?"

"You think this is a lecture?" Seiji asked, his gaze icy. "No, this is me pointing out that you're incapable of taking responsibility. You hurt people -intentionally or not- and brush it off like it's nothing! Do you even care how much damage you've caused? How many lives you've wrecked along the way?"

Hideaki sat up, frowning. "Don't start with that 'lives wrecked' crap. You act like I'm some monster."

"You are," Seiji said bluntly. His words hung in the air, cutting through the tension.

"H-huh. . .?" Hideaki was taken aback.

"You're a man with no restraint, no thought for the consequences. And until you face that, you'll keep ruining everything around you. Including yourself." Seiji continued,

Hideaki's face twisted with rage. "Shut up! You think you're so perfect, huh? You don't know anything about me!"

"I know enough,"

Seiji replied, unmoved by Hideaki's outburst.

"You killed people at the hospital because you couldn't control your anger. You manipulated Nakano-san for your own amusement. Every time, it's the same story. Your emotions control you, and you let them. But I think that I already told you that, way before."

"SHUT UP!" Hideaki yelled, in one seething moment, he lunged, slapping Seiji across the face.

He couldn't form a response. He felt trapped, cornered by the truth.

Seiji took the hit, his head turning slightly from the force. Slowly, he raised a hand to his cheek, massaging it with an almost detached expression. "Are you done?"

Hideaki gritted his teeth and he rose his hand again, but before he could respond, Seiji grabbed his wrist mid-swing.

"Stop! Snap out of it!" He pointed at his burning red cheek "This is what happens when you act without thinking."

'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!'

Hideaki yelled in his mind, reeling, his fury boiling over with clinged teeth.

In one aggresive moment, he shoved Seiji away. His hands were shaking a little, and his whole body swung wildly.

"You're weak," Seiji noted, his voice calm but biting. "Your anger is your biggest weakness, and it's destroying you. Keep this up, and you'll lose everything - your freedom, your life, and anyone willing to tolerate you. Including me."

Hideaki stopped. His face went pale, his anger now blending with fear.

'L-loose h-him?? Loose everything??'

The images of Seiji's apartment, the food, the couch with his blanket and the vision of Seiji taking care of him and simply being near him appeared in his mind.

He took a shaky step back, trying to shake off Seiji's words, but they stuck to him like glue.

He gritted his teeth again, hardly.

'Sh-shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! You're wrong!'

He repeated it in his head over and over.

Seiji's gaze remained steady. "So, what are you going to do about it now? Sit there and wallow in denial? Or actually try to fix yourself before it's too late?"

'Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!Shutup!!'

Hideaki's whole body was shaking now. It was a mix of fear, fury and frustration in one.

Seiji had hit a nerve, and it hurt.

He clenched his fists tighter.

The tension between them surged as his anger reached its peak.

Feeling nothing but a mountain of distress and frustration he dashed to Seiji

"SHUT UP!" he yelled and just now, he lunged at Seiji, throwing wild but shaking punches in a blind fury.

But Seiji, ever composed, easily dodged and countered each strike, his movements swift and calculated.

"So we're doing this your way, then?" Seiji asked coldly.

Without waiting for a response, Seiji's own hand lashed out, delivering a precise slap to Hideaki's cheek.

Hideaki recoiled, rage overtaking him.

Seiji swiftly prevented the attacks "You think this solves anything? All it does is prove my point - you're ruled by your impulses."

"SHUT-UP-SHUT-UP-SHUT-UP!!"

Hideaki yelled, punching - or rather trying to punch Seiji more and more with a huge fear that didn't let him think straight.

'I want to run away from it! I can't take it anymore!'

To his eyes started to welling up tears

'I'm feeling so overwhelmed by it all! I-I had enough!'

Seiji dodged every punch Hideaki brainlessly forced on him,

'His behavior is predictable - he always fights to deflect the truth. But he can't escape it forever. Not this time'

"Are you finished already? I really didn't know that you could get even more annoying today, but guess I was wrong..."

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UUUUUP!!!" tears welled up in Hideaki's eyes more and more, but he held them back as best he could. He couldn't let Seiji see this.

>>>

Meanwhile, Miyumi was finishing her bath. She heard some noise emanating from outside the bathroom but dismissed it as insignificant. Breathing heavily from the day's exertions, the hot bath provided some much-needed relaxation.

Slowly, she began to emerge from the bathtub, now all calmed and composed. She went to her bedroom, but as she put herself to sleep, something wouldn't let her do it.

She went downstairs into the kitchen area... There she made herself a tea and took a chair, sighing, sitting by window...

'What a crazy day... I hope I won't experience anything like this...' She remembered the blood in the bathroom, and at the single thought, she flinched, '...anytime soon.' she pleaded in the thought.

Then, she looked at doors to the shop area.

'Hm... Another check if everything is in place wouldn't hurt me... Sekiguchi-san and his friend are probably asleep. They both looked like they had very rough day...'

She sighed and stood up.

'It's not that.. I have nothing better to do...'

---

The fight had dragged on long enough, both of them gasping for air, their energy spent.

Seiji, though winded, straightened himself "Enough," he spoke, his tone sharp and controlled despite his exhaustion.

Hideaki's stance remained tense, his fists clenched, his arms shook, his eyes still burning with defiance. Seiji could see it - the stubbornness, the refusal to yield. It was predictable, even if it was maddening.

Seiji inhaled deeply, forcing his own frustration down. "What's your plan here? Keep throwing punches until one of us drops dead? Is that how you think this will end? With a winner?"

Hideaki glared, his breath ragged. "Shut up! I can f-fucking keep going!" he barked, although his tone of voice didn't indicate it.

"Keep going? Are you hearing yourself?" Seiji repeated, his voice low but sharp. "You can barely stand right now, Hideaki. And for what? Just to prove you're angry? To beat me senseless until one of us passes out?"

Hideaki flinched, but his anger only deepened.

Seiji exhaled slowly, shaking his head. "You don't fight because you want to fix things. You fight because you don't know how to stop. You think your anger will solve something, but all it does is drag you further down." He paused, his gaze narrowing. "You want to hit me again? Go ahead. It won't change the truth."

"Sh-shut up!" Hideaki snapped, his voice trembling. His fists shook violently as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. He took a ragged breath again and opened his mouth, "I h-hate you!" he said furiously, yet deep inside it could be heard a tremble, as he didn't want to say it at all.

Seiji's expression didn't waver.

"Hate doesn't make you stronger. It doesn't fix what's broken. All it does is eat you alive."

Hideaki recoiled as if struck, the venom in his glare faltering. He was overwhelmed.

"And you?" Seiji's voice sharpened, his tone colder now. "I don't care if you hate me. But I know that in reality, that hate towards me is because I don't let you drown in your pathetic self-destruction. You hate me because I force you to look at yourself." He stepped closer, his voice steady. "But... Let's be honest, Hideaki - you don't hate me. You hate yourself. And no matter how many fights you start, or how many people you lash out at like some rabid animal, that self-loathing isn't going anywhere."

He saw Hideaki flinch — really flinch. And for a heartbeat, something twisted in Seiji's chest.
But he didn't stop. He couldn't.

"You're just too much of a coward to face it."

Hideaki's trembling grew worse. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, but he blinked them away furiously.

'Don't cry. Don't let him see you cry,' he thought bitterly.

Seiji's breath was ragged, his chest tightening with anger and something else - a mix of frustration and regret.

He knew that his words were too harsh, too much, but there was no turning back now. The dam had broken.

He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "I didn't want to do this," he muttered under his breath. "I didn't want to get to this point. I wanted us to talk about our problems like... like rational adults, but you-" He gestured to Hideaki. "you won't let that happen."

The words in Hideaki's throat seemed to freeze. As if some obstacle prevented him from speaking on the subject. He was blocked. He didn't know what to say. He wanted to, but he couldn't.

He turned abruptly, storming to his futon and throwing himself under the covers. His body shook and the tears he had fought so hard to hold back finally began to spill. His mind was a chaotic mess of emotions, and he couldn't stop the sobs that threatened to break free.

He buried his face in his hands, trying desperately to suppress the storm inside him, but it was overwhelming.

He felt trapped - trapped in his own emotions, in his mind, in his anger, exhaustion, sadness, guilt, in his inability to express what was really tearing him apart.

His sobs were muffled, but still strong.

He had been holding his throat so he wouldn't make a sound, but in reality, tears were now streaming down his cheeks.

A runny nose was dripping.

He couldn't hold it back any longer.

It was too much — Seiji, with a mix of hospital torture and again, memories of everything from his past, had overwhelmed him.

Seiji watched him. The shape under the futon trembled in silence.
A sigh escaped him. "Typical..."

---

There was a long silence between them.

Seiji was laying calmly on his futon, but his mind churned with the weight of their latest clash.

Despite his anger, a part of him regretted the outburst.

'Had I gone too far?'

He wondered, then shook his head.

'No. He snapped first. I was just trying to make him see reason.'

His gaze shifted to Hideaki, who seemed to curl up like a frightened animal.

"Silence is your best defense, huh?" he asked dryly with a hint of irritation.

Hideaki didn't answer.

They lay in such silence for a longer while.

Seiji sighed and glanced at Hideaki again. The other man was still there, silently lying under the futon covers.

"This cycle can't continue," Seiji muttered to himself.

He leaned back against the wall, his fingers tapping rhythmically on his knee as he thought.

'He reacts like a wounded animal. All instinct. No reason.'

His inner monmolouge was analytical, though a trace of weariness seeped into his words.

He tilted his head back, staring at the ceiling.

'We keep doing damage to each other. Even though we agreed to not do it anymore, we still are catching up on doing it. This isn't sustainable.'

The silence stretched on. Seiji's sharp mind worked through the variables like a puzzle, trying to find the piece that would make everything click. But this wasn't a system he could debug or a problem he could solve with logic alone.

'If I back off, nothing changes. If I push, it escalates.'

Seiji sighed, the weight of it all crashing down on him.

He turned his head to Hideaki

"Hideaki, I'm just..." He paused briefly, choosing his words carefully. Then took his voice again, "I'm tired," he admitted, his voice quieter.

"I don't know how to fix this. I don't know what else to do. I'm trying to help you, but we keep hurting each other."

He run fingers through his hair

"And... I don't even know if I can keep doing this anymore..."

Hideaki's breath hitched, his heart skipped a beat and eyes widen in fear - but he didn't say anything.

A heavy silence followed, but Hideaki remained still, not responding.

Seiji lay back on his futon, staring up at the ceiling. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the exhaustion settle over him, then whispered, almost too quietly to hear,

"Maybe we're just too broken for this to work."

Hideaki shifted slightly under the futon, the weight of Seiji's words pressing down on him.

"I'm tired. I don't know what else to do... I don't even know if I can keep doing this anymore... Maybe we're just too broken for this to work."

Those words echoed in his mind like a relentless drumbeat, striking every raw nerve. A lump formed in his throat, and he clenched his fists under the covers, his body stiffening.

'Too broken... Was that what Seiji truly thinks? D-does he mean that... he wants to get rid of me? That... he wants to throw me out?'  he got scared.

"Tch!" His chest felt tight as he fought back the rising tide of emotion.

His breathing quickened as self-loathing swirled within him, the familiar refrain clawing its way to the surface:

'All his frustration... All this... It's because of me... isn't it? I'm the problem. I've always been the problem to others. I ruin everything...'

But beneath the self-recrimination was another feeling - a desperate, aching fear.

The idea of losing Seiji, the one person who hadn't completely given up on him yet, was like staring into a void.

His mind raced, memories of the times Seiji had defended him or tried to help him flashing before his eyes.

A shaky breath escaped him, but he didn't move, didn't speak. The silence stretched, heavy and suffocating.

He wanted to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come.

What could he even say?

That he was sorry?

That he hated himself for the way he lashed out?

That he hated how he kept hurting the one person trying to help him?

His fingers tightened around the edge of the futon.

He wanted to scream, to cry, to run, but he felt paralyzed.

The weight of his own emotions was too much, and he didn't know how to release them in a way that didn't hurt someone else - or himself.

Finally, he whispered, barely audible, "I don't know how to stop."

It wasn't much, but it was all he could manage. His voice cracked with the effort, and he buried his face in the pillow, shame washing over him. He hated feeling so exposed, so vulnerable. But he couldn't keep this all inside anymore.

The silence that followed was unbearable. He braced himself for Seiji's response - sharp words, cold logic, maybe even the sound of him walking away. But nothing came. Just the quiet, broken only by the sound of their breathing.

In that moment, Hideaki felt smaller than ever, like a child lost in a world that made no sense.

The tension hung in the room, thick and suffocating.

Seiji knew nothing would change until they found a way to talk - really talk - without the anger and hostility.

He kept his gaze on the ceiling, pretending that the silence didn't ache.

He closed his eyes, but sleep refused to come. The memory of his harsh words lingered, haunting him. He had meant to fix things, but instead, he had made everything worse.

He shifted on his futon, feeling the weight of the situation pressing down on him. His hands were restless at his sides.

'If what he said about the hospital is true... Maybe I was the one who got more than enough with things? Digging the stick into him even more..? And then making him lash out on me? ...I... I didn't mean to hurt him, in any way.'  he said softly, almost as if trying to convince himself.

But then, he shook his head.

'No. It doesn't excuse the violence. But it might explain the anger. Maybe even his actions towards me and Miyumi. And the instability.'

Seiji exhaled deeply, staring with emptiness at the futon in front of him. He tilted his head back, the weight of uncertainty pressing in.

'What if this is pointless? What if everything I'm doing to fix him is futile?'

The thought gnawed at him, tightening his chest.

'I said, I am not giving up easily, but I think I started to slowly lean towards giving up...' he sighed.

Memories from his school days resurfaced - the taunts, the pain, the struggle. The mocking voices that once tried to convince him he was worthless, incapable.

Leading to the moment that he once considered about taking his life. But they didn't fully break him.

He recognized his worth.

He knew he could do things.

And if something needed to be done right, it had to be him.

Only now, his hope and patience for things to be better, was getting shrink.

He exhaled sharply, staring at the ceiling, trying to steady his breathing an finally fall asleep.