Yohei: Shedding Light on Lies

aoi_nek0: ‘I hope you’re having a good time with that pretty Rayna-girl. RYO?!’

The words on the screen scream at him as his mind shuts down. The conversations around him fade into white noise as the meaning kicks him in the guts. She knows. How…? Doesn’t matter. Frantically, he types:

yo: ‘I’m sorry. I can explain.’

He stares at the screen, but no little dots appear.

yo: ‘Please, Aoi-chan. Whatever you saw, I can explain. It’s not really me.’

Opposite him, Reina laughs at a joke, raising her glass as she’s lit up by a series of camera flashes. His insides freeze. Has Aoi seen pictures of them? The headlines? The speculations? Suddenly he feels nauseous.

He should have told her. Not postponed until it became inevitable. They used to joke about her disinterest in celebrities, new music, and movies – how she only paid attention to the art scene, and even there, most of her idols were long dead… He had promised himself that he would tell her before the Seika Tokyo campaign went live. When his face would be everywhere, unavoidable.

He’s a fool. So protective of the warm, comfortable little bubble her not knowing creates for them. For him. Now the bubble has popped. Brutally. He needs to get there, to explain, to save it.

He can’t lose her.

A tap on his shoulder brings him back to the present, to the fancy restaurant and the fashionable people he’s sharing a table and a meal with. It’s all blurry, and his hands are shaking.

“Are you feeling alright there, Ryo-san?” Tanaka sounds worried. Rightfully so. Him getting sick now would be bad timing for sure, but he doesn’t care. Instead, he grasps at the offered way out.

“Not really. I might have caught something,” he says, and as Tanaka’s expression shifts to one of horror, he quickly adds, “Or I’m just tired. It’s been some intense weeks, and the anticipation for the release next week, the show…”

“You mean today,” his manager says, and the world stops again. “I must have mentioned that they decided to go ahead with the ads for the men’s collection earlier than first planned.”

“They did?” Yohei manages to wheeze out.

“Yes, that’s part of what we’re celebrating today.” He quiets, giving Yohei a genuinely concerned look. “But you really don’t look well at all, you’re as pale as a sheet. You should go home early, get some rest.”

“Good idea. Thank you.” Yohei gets up and politely excuses himself, saying goodbye to everyone, though his mind is screaming for him to hurry. As soon as he’s done and ready to get his coat, Sato-san appears by his side.

“It’s alright,” Yohei says. “You should stay. Have a good time. I’ll take a taxi.”

“No, I’ll drive you.”

Not wanting to waste more time Yohei just nods, and they go outside together. He can let Sato take him home, then call a taxi and go to Aoi-chan’s place. Like he’s done many times before. It’ll take some extra time, and he hates it, but there’s no other way to keep her secret.

“So,” Sato turns to look at him before he starts the engine. “Are you sure you want to go home now? Or do you have another place in mind?”

Sato-san knows? All the teasing and little smirks whenever they went to MofuMofu or talked about it, come back in flashes, making him wince.

“You… know?”

Sato sighs deeply and shakes his head in mock despair.

“Know about you and Neko-chan? Of course I do, I’d have to be completely blind not to have noticed.”

“Oh.”

“Let me be frank with you, Yohei-kun.” Sato slips into big brother mode, just waiting for Yohei to give a small nod for him to go on. “It’s clear that this relationship is a big thing for you, you’ve been much happier lately, smiling when you think no one watches.”

“But you always watch me…”

“You’re right about that. Especially now with that obsessive fan escalating…” He sighs again. “Point is, I’m happy for you, and I won’t tell you to stop it. But please think about it, you know what’ll happen if the media finds out.”

“I know. It’ll be… ugly, to say the least. I’ll have you and Tanaka-san and the whole crew. She’ll be… vulnerable.” His stomach turns into a cold, hard ball at the thought of it. Images of some of the latest letters from his obsessive fan rise unbidden in his mind, and the knot in his stomach tightens. Pictures of him and Reina, with her face crossed out or even cut out – and for a moment, he sees Aoi’s face there instead of Reina’s.

“I’ll help you as much as I can, but be careful, okay.”

“Of course.” Not that him being careful had been very successful so far. The car starts and heads out on the dark streets, making good speed. “Hey, do you know where to go?”

“Of course. You think your stunt of calling a taxi as soon as we dropped you off at home worked? I’ve followed you a couple of times, just in case.”

“Oh… Thank you, I guess.”

Yohei takes out his phone again. Still no reaction from her… He starts typing a long message, then deletes it. Too defensive, this isn’t her fault. He tries again, filling the screen with words – words that sound like a lie. He hits delete.

Finally, they arrive at Aoi’s building, and he gets out of the car. Still so numb that he barely notices the cold.

“I’ll wait to see if she lets you in or not,” Sato says, giving him an encouraging smile. “Good luck.”

Yohei presses the door phone, then waits. Nothing. He presses again, longer this time. Just when he’s losing hope, the speaker turns on, and her voice comes through. Tired, sad.

“Yes?”

“It’s me. Can we talk?”

“Go away. You lied to me!”

Not really, a part of his mind insists. He just didn’t tell the whole truth…

“I’m sorry. I want to explain, if you let me. Please, just hear me out. I’ll leave whenever you ask me.”

There’s a long silence with only the crackling static from the old phone system, then the door clicks open.

“Okay. Just for a minute. And just because it’s too cold for you to stand out there.”

The stairs feel like they go on forever, and on her floor, the struggling bulb has finally given up, leaving the floor in darkness. The only light coming from the crack of her slightly opened door. He hopes it’s not a bad sign.

He stops just inside the door, the familiar warmth and scents comforting, until he lifts his eyes and looks at her. Aoi is just standing there in the middle of the room, arms crossed, watching him with red and puffy eyes. Immobile. The comfort turns into an overwhelming sense of loss.

Out of habit, he locks the door behind him, turns the safety latch, and steps out of his shoes. Only after he’s taken a couple of tentative steps toward her does she break the intense silence.

“Okay. Talk.”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to lie to you. I wanted to tell you, but I convinced myself the time wasn’t quite right.”

She scoffs. “The time was never right to tell me that you’re someone else? That’s why you always hide your face in public. Why you never give me any glimpses into your life?”

“I…” he tries to interfere, but she’s not done.

“You never once had the opportunity to tell me that you’re not just Yohei, working in the entertainment industry.” Her eyes darken dangerously as she repeats, “The entertainment industry?! You couldn’t be bothered to tell me you’re an entirely different person?”

“RYO is… a brand… I just wanted to protect you from that…”

“From what exactly?” Her fingers dig into her arms as she dares him to answer. He doesn’t; his mouth opens, but no words are coming.

“Thought so,” she scoffs, then her gaze falters, and she looks down at her feet instead. “Why didn’t you trust me?”

The anger is gone, her voice small, fragile, so unlike everything she normally is. His heart shatters, the lump in his throat making his voice break.

“I should have. I never intended for you to find out like this.”

“Then why didn’t you? Why did you choose not to tell me?” Suddenly, she seems so small. “Did you think I’d only want you for the money? The fame? Is that how you see me? Like someone so shallow?”

The words are pouring out of her as if she can’t contain the hurt a second longer, and without thinking, he takes a step forward, reaching for her, only to freeze as she takes a step back.

“Never. I know you, Aoi-chan. I know it wouldn’t matter to you, but you don’t know what it’s like to live in the spotlight. It can be relentless.”

“So, you chose for me. Because you didn’t think I could handle the truth.”

“No, because I was selfish. A coward.” She looks up, startled, and encouraged, he continues. “Because… I liked being just Yohei here. Just… someone who could sit on the floor and drink tea with you. Talk about music and art. Dreaming of a future together.” His voice breaks despite his effort to keep it steady. ”I didn’t want to lose that. I didn’t want to lose you.”

The thought of her asking him to leave and never come back is gnawing in the back of his mind, threatening to paralyse him.

“A future together?” she breathes the words slowly, as if she can’t believe them. “But… You never even tried to kiss me. I thought...”

“I’m sorry. I was scared.”

“Of me?”

“Of what it’d mean.” His gaze drops to her hands, clenched at her sleeves. “Kissing you felt like crossing a line. Once I did that, there’d be no turning back. I’d have pulled you into my world.”

He takes another step forward, slow, deliberate. This time, she doesn’t recoil, but meets his eyes.

“I wanted to,” he says. “So much. I’ve dreamed of it so many times.”

A flicker of softness passes her face before she steels herself again.

“So you’re not dreaming of kissing her, then?”

Her? It takes some time for him to catch on.

“The pink-haired girl. Are you… really together? Is that why you never let me see your apartment? Why you always insist on coming here?” Her hand flies to her mouth, and she gasps. “You’re living with her, aren’t you!?”

“No!” He grasps both of her hands in his, her trembling spreading throughout him. “I don’t live with her. We’re kind of friends… I guess. Working on a duet together. Signed by the same fashion company. But we’ve never even met outside of work.”

“But, all those pictures… You looked so happy together. So beautiful…” Her eyes are suspiciously shiny, still red and swollen from crying earlier.

“All of that is an act. A PR stunt. Meant to sell more merch.”

Her hands suddenly squeeze his, tentatively, but it still makes hope flare up in his chest. Can she really forgive him?

“Well,” she says, a brief smile lighting up her face, attempting a joke. “I do know that marketing can be brutal…”

“It can.” He almost sags with relief. “So, you understand?”

“I think so,” she nods. “But it doesn’t make the hurt go away. You… could have trusted me. You didn’t. You weren’t protecting me. You were protecting yourself.”

“I know. And if you let me, I’ll do anything to fix it.”

They just stand like that, close together, his heartbeats pounding in his ears. Her face is so close, her lips look so soft… He should have kissed her long ago. He should’ve done so many things…

On their own, his hands slip around her waist, pulling her closer. Her mouth opens in a little gasp. He bends down, but just before their lips touch, she pulls away. Gently, shaking her head as she lets go of his hands and takes a step back.

“For as long as I’ve waited for this, I want our first kiss to be honest. Not to pretend that everything is forgotten.”

“I understand. Take as much time as you need.” 

Does that mean there’s still hope…?

“If… if you want to… I was thinking, maybe tomorrow we could… I could show you my apartment.” The words tumble out, grasping at the one thing he can fix. “You’ll see I’m not… living with anyone else. We could… have lunch?”

Her eyes widen slightly, caught off guard, and she tilts her head, taps her cheek with a finger.

“We’ll see,” she says, a familiar, teasing smile returning to her face. “Tomorrow…”