Swimming Pool

[Back in the apartment – early afternoon]

Seiji ran a hand through his hair, releasing a quiet sigh.

It was past one, and the day — though still bright — felt like it had been dragging along with them since yesterday.

The sound of running water and shuffling came from the bathroom. Hideaki was rinsing his face.

Seiji headed to the fridge, pulled out some ice and milk to make iced coffee. For a while, there was only silence and the soft whirring of the coffee grinder.

While preparing the drink, he gazed at the leftover pan and spoon on the counter.

"What a mess I left..." He muttered bitterly under his breath.

He walked to his bedroom and gazed through the window.

He looked down at the street below.

People were walking slowly, as if time moved differently.

His gaze lingered on the street below a second too long.

'The gown.'

He replayed it in his head automatically.

'Disposed of near the random hospital we passed through. Not here. Not on our route home. Correct container. No witnesses lingering. No reason for anyone to look twice.'

He exhaled through his nose.

'Even if someone noticed blood — it wouldn’t stand out. Hospitals produce blood. That’s the point.'

His jaw tightened slightly.

'Nothing connects it back to us.'

'If there was a mistake, I would’ve already noticed it.'

He took a sip of coffee, sighed, stepped away from the window and left the room.

Walking down the hallway with the cup in his hand, he headed toward the kitchen — and then froze in the doorway.

Hideaki was standing by the counter with kitchen stove, still damp from washing his face, hair clinging slightly to his forehead.

He was making scrambled eggs.

His posture was tense but slouched, shoulders drooping as if carrying the weight of the day on them.

The silence between them stretched, thick and almost suffocating, broken only by the faint drip of water from the sink.

"Wh-what… are you doing?" Seiji finally asked.

"Scrambled eggs..." Hideaki replied calmly. Quietly. Almost too withdrawn.

"Scrambled eggs..." Seiji repeated in disbelief. "At this hour?"

"Um… W-well… yes..." Hideaki answered uncertainly.

Suddenly, drops of water from his hair began dripping straight into the frying pan.

He clenched his teeth in slight frustration.

Seiji sighed heavily. "Go dry your hair. You probably don’t want to eat scrambled eggs with tap water, do you?"

"N-no..." Hideaki murmured, then turned off the gas under the pan so he wouldn’t burn the eggs.

He went to the bathroom, avoiding Seiji’s gaze. Again—quietly. Almost soundlessly.

In the meantime, Seiji walked up to the stove and looked at the scrambled eggs.

They were completely burnt.

Seiji sighed and immediately got to work — his movements were quiet, precise, almost ritualistic.

He cracked the eggs into a fresh bowl, added a bit of cream, and whisked them with a fork exactly the way he liked: no foam, no haste.

The pan heated slowly, the butter melting lazily, filling the kitchen with a warm, familiar scent.

French scrambled eggs required patience.

Seiji had it.

In the meantime, from behind the wall came the sound of a hair dryer being switched on. After a slightly longer moment — it suddenly went silent.

Now only soft shuffling could be heard.

Seiji raised an eyebrow, stirring the eggs with a slow, circular motion.

Hideaki was slowly returning to the kitchen. His hair was dry now, but completely tousled — as usual.

When he saw Seiji at his pan, he was surprised. His eyes widened, but he didn’t comment, didn’t ask with irritation in his voice, didn’t lunge at him.

He just watched in silence.

After a moment, Seiji took the pan off the heat at exactly the right time.

The scrambled eggs were creamy, soft, perfect.

He transferred them onto plates, added slices of lightly toasted bread, and set everything on the table.

"Breakfast is ready," he tossed over his shoulder to Hideaki as he put the pan into the sink. "Although, judging by the time of day, I should probably say brunch."

Hideaki shrugged slightly and then carefully sat down at the table.

He was wrapped up in his hoodie, holding a spoon in one hand and the plate of scrambled eggs in the other, as if afraid someone might take it from him. He ate slowly, but with visible enjoyment.

Seiji watched him for a moment over the rim of his coffee mug.

"Next time I can make a hard-boiled egg," he said neutrally. "Or soft-boiled."

Hideaki immediately grimaced, as if Seiji had just offered him something deeply suspicious.

"No..."

„No” — Seiji repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Meaning?"

"I-it means no," Hideaki answered quietly and nudged the plate away by a centimeter, as if the very thought were offensive. "I-I don’t like eggs in any form other than scrambled eggs..."

Seiji leaned back slightly in his chair.

"That’s fairly arbitrary. An egg is an egg. Other methods are also… objectively good."

Hideaki wrinkled his nose.

"No." He answered a little more confidently. "The yolk is then… different. It has a different consistency. And taste. And smell." He hesitated, then added more quietly: "And I don’t like it..."

Seiji looked at him more closely.

"You have yolk in scrambled eggs too."

"B-but you can’t tell it’s yolk," Hideaki replied emphatically. "It’s mixed. It gives the scrambled eggs their yellow color… a-and then it tastes good... In a hard-boiled egg it’s like… on its own. Dry. Crumbly. It tastes awful, it smells. Gross."

Seiji thought for a moment, tapping a finger against his mug.

"So the problem isn’t the egg."

Hideaki looked up, confused.

"But the separation of elements."

Seiji rested his elbows on the table.

"You don’t like it when things are… separate. When something exists on its own. The yolk separately, the texture separately, the smell separately."

He paused for a moment.

"In scrambled eggs, everything is mixed together. A uniform stimulus. One taste. One texture. Predictable."

Hideaki stayed silent, gripping his spoon.

"This isn’t entirely about taste,"

Seiji continued calmly.

"It’s about control. Or rather — its absence, when stimuli are too distinct."

He looked at him carefully.

"That’s why you react the same way to people. To emotions. To situations. When something is too intense, too clear, too ‘raw’ — you try to destroy it or forcibly mix it."

Silence.

"Scrambled eggs are safe," he added more quietly.

"Because nothing sticks out."

Seiji stopped for a second.

Hideaki looked at him suspiciously.

"S-stop analyzing this like some kind of police report..."

"I can’t," Seiji replied calmly.

For a while, they ate in silence.

After some time, Hideaki finally muttered:

"I just like scrambled eggs. There’s nothing bad in them..."

Seiji nodded, as if he had just received a sufficient explanation.

"Alright," he said. "Then scrambled eggs remain the standard."

Hideaki looked up.

"The standard?" he repeated, surprised.

"Yes. I don’t see the point in forcing you to eat something you don’t like," Seiji added after a moment. "Especially since it doesn’t negatively affect anything except my curiosity."

Hideaki didn’t respond and went back to eating.

Seiji took a sip of his coffee, watching Hideaki out of the corner of his eye.

His newfound serenity was almost unsettling. His mind was racing.

"Hmmm..."

Seiji hummed under his nose. His thoughts began turning.

'He's been acting strange since morning. He's very quiet, shyer than usually when he's... relatively calm. He's not whining. Either something really shifted in him... Or... he's trying too hard to convince me he's fine.'

The silence between them stretched.

After finally finishing his meal, Hideaki went to the balcony door, stepping into the sunlight with a heavy sigh.

He watched the street, the cars and single clouds that were passing on the blue sky from time to time.

He was quiet. Too quiet.

Seiji walked up to him.

"Why are you so quiet today?" he asked casually.

Hideaki flinched, and turned his head toward Seiji.

"M-me..? Quiet..? Um.. I-it’s nothing like that. I.. I just figured you could use a bit of silence. You know.. some rest.. f-from.. from everything..." and then he added quietly, "From me..."

Seiji stepped back slightly in shock.

'This is too sudden. Yesterday, he could barely speak without snapping, and now he's playing the role of a respectful roommate?'

Seiji cleared his throat and began in a calm tone, without malice,
"You don't need to give me peace. I mean... Right, a bit of peace from everything would do me good, but..." Seiji sighed heavily and chose his words differently. "Don't try to convince me that you changed something in you. If you really want to change, don't start with theatrics. Just... be honest."

"M-mhm..." Hideaki replied, avoiding eye contact.

"You just look... unusually calm." Seiji said, then added dryly to ease the atmosphere a little, "Weather like this always changes your mood?"

Hideaki lifted his gaze to him. His red eyes glimmered faintly in the light of the sun reflecting through the window. He swallowed carefully, then parted his lips slightly. "No..." he whispered. "I'm calm because.. it's just how I am..." he replied, but in his mind a different reason had long since formed for why he was behaving this way:

"If I stay quiet… if I’m not a problem… maybe he won’t leave me."
"If being myself = pain, then I’ll stop being myself."

Seiji looked at him intently.

'Yeaaaah... Sure. "It's just how he is." Like I’m going to believe that.' Seiji thought. 'What is he trying to hide from me? Why did he change so drastically? Is it a shift in motivation, or just exhaustion wearing through? Because people don't just flip like that overnight.'

Seiji studied him, then gazed outside.

'Maybe if we go outside, he’ll stop pretending. Get some fresh air. Yeah, that’s a good idea.'

He analyzed and then spoke. His voice steady but probing.
"You feel well enough to go out? Maybe for a walk in the park... or even a small trip?"

Hideaki's eyes lit up, and he nodded quickly.
"M-mhm! Where would you like to go?"

Seiji raised an eyebrow. "No, no — I'm asking you. What do you want?"
His tone stayed calm, but the edge in it was clear.

Hideaki hesitated and thought for a moment — but the way he did so looked as if he were contemplating a major life decision. "Maybe... a swimming pool?" he added after a moment.

Seiji blinked, momentarily caught off guard. "A swimming pool? Last time, we went to place with water, you've avoided it like the plague. Now you want to go swimming?"

"M-mhm... I m-mean.." Hideaki shifted awkwardly. "I-if you don't want to, we can do something else." He said playing anxiously with his fingers.

Seiji sighed heavily at how Hideaki was behaving.

'This whole "shy" Hideaki is slowly driving my nerves.'

"No. We'll go." He snapped a little "It's your suggestion, after all." He turned back toward the table, finishing his coffee with a single gulp as his thoughts spiraled.

'He's acting like a completely different person. This isn't Hideaki that I know. Not entirely.'

Seiji put away the empty coffee glass and glanced at the balcony again. His eyes narrowing slightly as he considered his next move.

'Whatever this is, I'll play along. For now. And then, he will tell me why the hell he changed himself 180 degrres.'

[At the Swimming Pool]

Later, they packed their things and headed to the nearest swimming pool.

Upon entering the large hall, they were met with a considerable crowd.

Seiji glanced at Hideaki, immediately noticing his discomfort. Crowds were never his strong suit.

Hideaki's red eyes flickered with anxiety, their color dulled to a faint crimson as he wavered on the edge of a step.

Seiji sighed, recognizing the hesitation. He patted Hideaki's shoulder briefly but firmly. "You'll be fine. I'm here. If it gets too much, just let me know."

Hideaki's eyes darted to Seiji's, a hint of worry there. "B-but... what if you want to stay?"

Seiji raised an eyebrow, his tone flat but resolute. "I'm not a martyr. If you're struggling, we leave. Simple."

Hideaki blinked, momentarily taken aback by the blunt reassurance.

'He would really do something like this for... m-me?'

A small, almost hesitant smile crept onto his face.

'I... I need to do something similar. To show him... that I c-can do something for him, past my limits...'

With a deep breath, he nodded and began to move forward, albeit slowly.

Seiji walked beside him, hands in his pockets, silently observing. 'He's stepping out of his comfort zone... but for whose sake? Me? Or is this about something else?'

They made their way to one of the pools, easing into the water.

Seiji floated on his back, enjoying the cool water, while Hideaki stayed closer to the shallow end, keeping his feet firmly planted.

Seiji swam over, raising an eyebrow at Hideaki. "What are you doing? Just standing there?"

Hideaki stiffened slightly, mumbling, "I... I'm fine here."

Seiji tilted his head, analyzing the hesitation. "You don't know how to swim, do you?"

Hideaki's eyes widened in indignation. "What? No! I know how to swim! It's just... the deep water is... unnerving."

Seiji didn't look convinced. He glanced at the deeper section of the pool, watching people diving and swimming without a care. "Fair enough. We can stick to the shallow end if that's what you're comfortable with." He added, almost offhandedly, "Honestly, I'm no swimmer either."

Hideaki blinked, taken aback. "Y-you're not?"

Seiji smirked faintly. "All I can do is float and paddle. Beyond that? Not much."

Hideaki stared at him before a soft laugh escaped. "I didn't expect that from you."

"Yeah, well, life's full of surprises," Seiji replied dryly. "So, let's keep it simple. No point pretending to be Olympic swimmers."

"A-alright," Hideaki muttered, his tension easing as they both settled into the shallow end, finding a quiet rhythm.

***

As time passed, they enjoyed their time casually swimming and floating. Seiji additionally dived in for fun.

Suddenly, a group of kids ran toward the pool and cannonballed in, sending a wave of water crashing over both Seiji and Hideaki who... instantly panicked.

His hands flew to his face, frantically wiping at his eyes. His movements were erratic, bordering on frantic.

From a distance, the lifeguard's whistle blew, likely reprimanding the kids.

Seiji noticed Hideaki's rising panic and swam closer, his eyes narrowing slightly as he assessed the situation. "Hideaki. What's wrong?" His tone was calm but firm, cutting through the noise.

"N-no!" Hideaki stammered, shaking as he rubbed his eyes. "The water's in my eyes! I-I can't open them!"

Seiji's expression didn't change, though his mind worked quickly. 'He's spiraling. He won't calm down on his own.'

"Alright. Stop moving," Seiji ordered, his voice steady.

Hideaki hesitated but froze, clearly unsure.

Seiji gently took Hideaki's hands away from his face. His movements were efficient but careful, wasting no time. "Keep your eyes closed." He wiped away the lingering droplets with his palm. "There. It's gone."

Hideaki remained tense for a moment before cautiously opening his eyes. He blinked a few times, his gaze meeting Seiji's calm one.

"See?" Seiji said, matter-of-factly. "You're fine now."

Hideaki exhaled shakily, relief flooding his expression. "Y-yeah... T-thanks."

"Don't mention it," Seiji replied, already swimming back as if the incident were over. "Now, let's get back to relax. You're not going to let a little water beat you, are you?"

Hideaki stared after him, his panic subsiding into something softer - gratitude, perhaps.

With a small nod, he followed Seiji.

***

As the day progressed, their time at the pool came to an end. Exiting the facility, both of them felt their hunger creeping up, their stomachs audibly rumbling.

Seiji glanced sideways at Hideaki, smirking faintly. "Hungry?"

Hideaki didn't respond, but just nodded with embarassement.

"Thought so." Seiji smirked again "Do you want to eat out, or head back and I'll make something?"

Hideaki hesitated, his voice a little uneven. "W-well... Since you're always cooking, maybe we could eat out for a change?"

Seiji raised an eyebrow but nodded without hesitation. "Fair enough. Barbecue sound good?"

Hideaki nodded quickly, his agreement almost eager.

"Alright, let's go," Seiji said simply, already leading the way.

---

The restaurant was bustling, filled with the aroma of grilled meat and chatter. They found a table and placed their orders, the warm, smoky air amplifying their hunger.

As they waited, Seiji noticed Hideaki's wandering gaze, his eyes flitting across the room as though lost in thought.

Seiji leaned back, his tone nonchalant but probing. "So, how'd you find the pool? Besides the water incident."

Hideaki's lips twitched into a faint smile. "It was fun... I l-liked it."

Seiji gave a small nod, studying him

"You've been... different today." He added "Not exactly what I'm used to from you." He paused, his gaze sharp but not unkind. "Anything happen?"

Hideaki stiffened, "N-no! Nothing happened! Eheh..." He laughed awkwardly, but his eyes avoided Seiji's. "Everything's fine, S-Seiji. Really."

Seiji's eyes narrowed slightly, analyzing the shift. "You don't sound fine. But if you're not ready to talk about it, I'll leave it there - for now."

---

The food arrived, sizzling and aromatic, breaking the momentary tension.

Hideaki picked teriyaki, while Seiji opted for something spicier. They muttered a brief "Ittadakimasu" before digging in.

As they ate, Seiji observed Hideaki again. His movements were slower, almost deliberate.
Seiji frowned inwardly.

'Since when does he eat this carefully? He's usually halfway through his plate by now...'

When they finished, Hideaki placed his utensils down with an unusual gentleness and smiled kindly at Seiji. "T-thanks for the meal.."

Seiji blinked, slightly thrown. "Sure. Want more?"

"U-um.. N-no, I'm good," Hideaki replied a bit anxiously.

Seiji raised an eyebrow. "You're sure? Usually, you'd go for seconds - or something sweet."

Hideaki shook his head. "Nope. I'm stuffed."

"Now I know you're up to something." Seiji said.

"I'm really fine!" Hideaki defended himself back.

"For sure?" Seiji prompted.

"Yes." Hideaki replied calmly.

Seiji studied him for a beat longer, his mind quietly piecing together the puzzle.

"Alright. If you say so."

'This is definitely not the Hideaki I know...'

Seiji thought to himself, as they paid the bill and left the restaurant.

***

On the way back to their apartment, they walked through the bustling streets.

It was summer and the weekend — and to make matters worse, Japan was full of tourists. Especially Tokyo.

It was so cramped that passersby bumped into Hideaki repeatedly, his tense posture and clenched teeth betraying his frustration.

As they entered a quieter stretch of sidewalk, Seiji spotted a convenience store ahead. "Want some ice cream from the konbini?" he asked, his tone casual.

Hideaki gulped heavily, and replied shyly "Y-yes, let's get some,"

---

They entered the store, picked out their ice creams.

Seiji paid.

However, as they exited, Hideaki was bumped again, this time harder.

His ice cream tumbled to the ground.

Hideaki froze, staring at the fallen treat as his jaw tightened. The offender -a teenager- shouted a half-hearted "Sorry!" before disappearing into the store.

Seiji observed Hideaki, noting his rigid posture. "Let's go back and get you another one."

"N-no." Hideaki's response was clipped, surprising Seiji.

Seiji tilted his head slightly. "No? You sure?"

"Yes," Hideaki repeated, his tone forced. "I'm tired. Let's just go home."

Seiji raised an eyebrow but didn't relent immediately. "You're clearly upset. It's not a big deal to grab another one. Better to fix it now than brood over it later."

"Tch! I fucking told—" Hideaki bit back a sharp retort, visibly correcting himself. His voice softened unnaturally. "I mean, no... I'm fine. Let's head back to the apartment."

Seiji didn't press further but continued to study him,

'He's holding himself back. That restraint isn't natural - not for him. What's he trying to suppress?'

"Alright," Seiji said finally, his voice calm. "Let's go."

[Later]

They finally reached the apartment, entering and settling onto the couch.

Seiji took a deep breath, relieved to be back in his comfort zone. "Finally. Quiet."

"Y-yeah..." Hideaki slumped onto the couch, visibly drained.

Seiji glanced at him. "You look more exhausted than just tired."

"H-huh?" Hideaki quickly straightened up. "Exhausted?... Uh... M-maybe it's from the swimming pool, hehe."

"Maybe," Seiji replied, not pressing further. "If you're that tired, take a nap. I've got some work to finish."

"T-thanks..." Hideaki muttered.

"No problem," Seiji responded and went to his room, leaving Hideaki alone in the living room.

In his room, Seiji began working on his computer. While coding, he glanced at a few tabs open on his browser, searching for anything related to drastic personality changes.

'He's obeying as a lamb...'

He analysed in his mind, while searching up more and more articles.

'I've seen him curled up and broken, raging and silent. This version... feels rehearsed. But for whose benefit — mine or his?' he pondered, but kept searching.

Unsurprisingly, he found nothing useful. Typical internet nonsense.

---

Later, Seiji stepped out of his room to grab a drink and noticed Hideaki in the kitchen, struggling with a soda can. He paused, silently observing the scene while preparing his, this time, iced nut-flavored coffee.

He glanced at Hideaki, who was on the verge of losing his composure.

'This will end predictably,'

Seiji thought, curious.

'OPENUPOPENUPOPENUP!!!' Hideaki panickly thought, didn't notice Seiji in the meantime. Finally, with losing his last strings of patience, he slammed the can on the counter.

"Stupid thing! Just open already!"

Seiji approached, calm as ever. Without a word, he took the can, opened it effortlessly, and handed it back. "You're overthinking it. Basic mechanics - force applied at the wrong angle gets you nowhere."

"H-HUH!?" Hideaki was taken aback, he quickly tried to compose himself but now as he snapped and his frustration was boiling over, it was double hard.

Seiji raised an eyebrow, sipping his coffee. "Relax. It's a soda can, not a moral enemy."

"R-Relax.... Relax?? RELAX??-"

That comment seemed to push Hideaki over the edge.

Instead of calming himself down and coming back to his shy, calm facade — he snapped, his voice rising.

"I've been putting up with crap all day!!! The pool was chaotic! The restaurant was suffocating! People on the street were appearing like fucking ants and they kept pushing me around! And I lost my ice cream thanks to some idiot! Aaaaaaaarrrgh!!! EVERYTHING THAT WAS PISSING ME OFF SO MUCH TODAY!!!" His voice rose, venting all the tension he'd bottled up.

Seiji observed him coolly, waiting for the outburst to subside. "Done?"

"What do you mean done !?" Hideaki shot back.

Seiji shrugged. "You're upset. Now you're not holding it in. Good. You're less of a ticking time bomb this way."

Hideaki glared. "You don't get it..."

"I get enough. What I don't understand is why you bothered pretending today. That's not like you."

Hideaki hesitated, scratching at his hands. Seiji's sharp gaze caught the motion, and he reached out to stop him. "Don't. You'll regret it later."

Hideaki froze.

Seiji took a step back, giving him space. "So? Why the act?"

Hideaki hesitated, clearly uncomfortable. "I... I... Tch-" he hissed, and then exhaled heavily "I did it for... for you."

Seiji raised an eyebrow. "For me?"

"Y-yeah..." Hideaki stammered. "Not because I'm trying to change who I am! Tch! I still want to kill you, idiot! But... I... d-don't want you to l-leave me." he admitted, barely audible.

Seiji tilted his head, intrigued. "Leave? What gave you that idea?"

Hideaki hesitated, unsure if to tell that to Seiji, or not. He felt a burning sensation under his eyelids, gulped and exhaled deeply.

After a long pause, he finally spoke, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I... had a childhood friend... One day, he just left. Said he didn't want to be friends with me anymore... because of how I was. I never saw him again. And you said at Miyumi's place, that you didn't know how much more you could take. That my anger, how I am..." he muttered. " I’m a-afraid. I thought... I thought you'd get sick of me, like everyone else."

Seiji sighed quietly. "Hideaki. I’m afraid too." He admitted it without dramatics. "But all these statements you mentioned, I said that in frustration, not as a declaration. I wouldn't kick you out. One thing, is that it would be too risky to letting you wander alone again in public. And second..." 

His expression softened slightly, but his tone remained measured. 

"If I didn't want you around, you wouldn't be here in the first place."

"But..." Hideaki hesitated. "I'm... I'm ruining everything... I'm a disaster.."

For a moment, Seiji stayed silent. He wasn't going to throw out empty words.

If he was going to say something, it would only be the truth.

"You're an idiot," he stated dryly, as if it was obvious.

Hideaki twitched, but before he could react, Seiji continued:

"But not just any idiot. You're the kind who... doesn't know how to give up. Even when you get knocked down, even when everything falls apart, even when you have moments where you hate yourself - you keep moving forward. In your own messed-up, hopeless way."

Hideaki didn't respond, just stared at him through welling up tear-stained eyes.

"I know your head is a complete disaster," Seiji went on, his tone more thoughtful than accusatory. "But..." A pause. "I don’t abandon people just because they’re difficult. And believe me, you are difficult."

Hideaki's throat tightened as he gulped, struggling to speak.

 Seiji continued "Heck, if you would like to, you would have killed me a long time ago and after that you would move on to another victim. But most importantly..."

He gazed directly at him,

"You wouldn't be holding in all this damn frustration. You wouldn't be sitting here, breaking down, feeling like garbage."

"I-" Hideaki's voice cracked.

"And you would run away yesterday. After our fight..." Seiji said, his voice a bit faded

"I hurt you. Not physically, but mentally. And you had all right to just leave and... spread more violence to innocent people. Like you do. And me? I.. also had all right to... just give up. And die."

Seiji locked his eyes with Hideaki's, and continued, his voice firm.

"But we stayed. That’s why we’re still here."

They sit in silence for a while. None of the spoke.

Hideaki looked down at the floor, as if he were deep in thought.

Seiji shifted slightly and rested his forearm along the back of the couch.

Close enough to be felt. Not close enough to trap him.

"...Y-you think... that this— us… could actually work? " Hideaki finally let himself to speak.

Seiji nodded, then added "But for this… we’ll have to figure out how to handle those impulses… I can’t let you spiral back into killing. We’ll deal with that — step by step"

Hideaki gulped again, now more audibly "But.. I... I don't know how to stop! I... d-don't want to stop..."

His voice trembled, laden with desperation.

"It's not about suddenly stopping those thoughts. If you'd do this, it would end catasrophalictically at the end."

Hideaki's fingers tightened slightly around the edges of his t-shirt.

"But I... I really don't know how to be good. I m-mean! Um.."

Seiji rolled his eyes, but this time, there was no mockery in it - just exhaustion at his way of thinking.

"And who the hell does?" he scoffed. "You think I have some kind of manual on how to be 'good'? That people who seem fine don't do things they regret?"

Hideaki didn't answer, but his breathing grew shallower. Seiji noticed him clenching his jaw, fighting something in his head.

"You do stupid things. Really stupid things. But that doesn't mean you're only the bad guy," Seiji said, exhaling sharply. "Just stop treating yourself like you're some kind of walking disaster."

Hideaki turned his head, looking at Seiji again through swollen eyes.

"You think it's that simple?"

Seiji shrugged.

"No. But if I had to choose between believing I'm worthless garbage or believing I could be better... I'd at least try the second one."

'I tried. It helped. But only temporary..'  Seiji sighed, rubbing the back of his neck.

For a moment, there was silence.

"You piss me off, Hideaki," Suddenly Seiji said. "But not because you're bad. Because you refuse to see anything else in yourself."

Hideaki remained silent. After a moment, he turned his face away, hiding under the shadow of his falling hair - but this time, he didn't look like he wanted to disappear. Tears slowly escaped from his eyes.

"That was... slightly less awful than your usual speeches," he muttered, sniffling lightly.

Seiji rolled his eyes.

"Don't get used to it," he said flatly, but he didn't leave the couch. He didn't go to his room, even though he easily could have.

He just sat there, not pushing, not criticizing - just staying.

Hideaki suddenly exhaled deeply and turned to Seiji. His tone more confident now.

"A-and you don't get used to me trying to act all n-nice and calm! I-I'm a serial killer after all! I'm a sadistic evil bastard! A master of killing!"

Seiji sighed inwardly 'You'd think he was auditioning for a role with such a haughty talk.'

He allowed a faint smirk and then answered resigned.

"Alright, let's say you are. And..." Seiji paused, choosing his words carefully. "I... think it's also safe to say that, right now, you.. - we - are not just acquaintances. Not just roommates, either. We're friends."

'F-friends..?'  Hideaki began fidgeting nervously in one place.

"Yeah. I want us to get closer together. To get to know each other. Better. So that we can rely on each other more. And not end every single talk with a fight. Like we had it today."

Hideaki was taken aback 'He... wants us... to have... friendship?'  he didn't finish his thought, as Seiji then added,

"And speaking of today... Look, that whole act - being calm and quiet - that's not you. It made me wonder what was going on."

"You... wondered about me?" Hideaki asked, clearly taken aback.

"I've gotten used to a little bit different version of you. When you suddenly change, of course I notice." Seiji crossed his arms. "That's what happens when you're around someone for long enough. You start paying attention, whether you mean to or not."

"R-really...? I-I mean! Y-yeah... I did know t-that... i-idiot..." Hideaki admitted quietly with a bit of tsundere facade.

Seiji raised an eyebrow 'What kind of relationships has he had, to not know something so basic?' He thought, then added, "Next time, stop trying so hard to be someone you're not. It's exhausting to watch, let alone live. Change happens naturally, not by force," Seiji explained, his voice even.

"So... You're... okay with me being... me?" Hideaki asked tentatively.

"I’d rather have the usual you." Seiji admitted. "Calm act felt… off. Almost unsettling."

Hideaki let out a small laugh, the tension easing.

Seiji reached over and ruffled his hair, earning a surprised yelp. "Angry gremlin suits you better." He pulled away his hand and straightened himself up. "But for what it's worth, the pool wasn't a bad idea. Did you enjoy it?"

"Y-yeah. It was fun," Hideaki admitted.

"Good. We'll do more of that - non-violent fun. You need it," Seiji said, returning to his drink.

Hideaki stared at him, didn't respond verbally, feeling a warmth from Seiji's words he hadn't expected.

'He's my friend.'