An Unpopular Home

My house isn't cute. To call it a house is generous. The floors are weak in some places, and the walls are painted a drab millennial shade. But it's also small. I have my own room, but it literally was meant to be a walk in closet. 

But it's always been enough. Until today. He is coming over. To my house. 

Even just saying it out loud sounds unreal. 

So yes, I've been up since four in the morning, cleaning. Might not make a difference... but I wanted to impress him. I had only received one text from him, a quick, see you today!  But it had made my head spin. 

Last night, I had tried to weave him into a story. Somehow, it just didn't work. He couldn't be represented by the words- which was weird, because words had always been all knowing to me. 

Even they couldn't contain a masterpiece. 

I placed my last book on the shelf. I had thought about tearing the books off the shelves and hiding them... but he knew me too well. Room- clean. Now to take care of me. 

Glancing at my desktop mirror, my reflection looked back at me, same as always. Frizzy hair. Plain, brown eyes. A bit of acne on my chin.

I was decidedly ugly. 

Still, I swept my hair into a ponytail. "Does that look any better...?" I wondered aloud. Sure, you could see less of my hair, but my ears were way too big. 

I popped studded earrings into my ears. A bit better. Then I pulled out my one tube of lipgloss. I had never been one to wear makeup- I wasn't sure what compelled me now. Why was I changing into my most slimming clothes, the ones that made it hard to breath, like a corset? And painting my nails, even though my hands were prone to shaking?

I knew why. I would never say it- not even just in my head. It was too painful to admit something that was impossible. 

Halfway through painting my last nail I heard a loud bang. And then another, coming from the front door. I jumped and smeared my nail polish- he was here? Early?

I frantically blew on my nails as I slipped out of my small room. I was as cute as I was going to get. I froze my hand right before opening the door- and then with a surge of confidence, swung it open. 

"Hey-" I started to say. But instead of seeing his face, there was a tall box obscuring his face. 

"A little help?" He wheezed, when I didn't move. 

I flushed. Damn, already red and he's not even in the door. "Follow me," I managed. 

I led him to my room and he collapsed with the box. "Oh my God, that's heavier than it looks," he said, saving us from what would have been an awkward greeting. 

Don't mess this up, Maru, I told myself. "What is all of that?" I asked. 

He looked up at me through sweaty dark bangs. It didn't seem like he had taken in my shabby house at all. "It's for you."

And out of the bag, he pulled one thing after another. A hair brush, a straighter, a shampoo and conditioner. Then a sweatshirt that was a bit too short for my liking, a couple shirts, and then a makeup bag. "I've always wanted to do this," he said as he placed one thing after another on my freshly vacuumed carpet. 

"Do what?" I squeaked. This stuff was overwhelming. 

"Give you a glow-up! I have four older sisters, so that's where this stuff came from. But I never had a younger sister, so I couldn't do their makeup or anything." He paused. "But now I have you."

Were his ears redder than usual? I couldn't dwell on it- I was too busy awkwardly standing above him, fearfully eyeing the makeup. 

"I'm not pretty enough for all of this," I told him. It wasn't meant to be self-depreciating. It was meant to just be true. A fact. 

He motioned for me to sit. "You are pretty. You just need to be... polished."

He could polish me all day. 

"Try these on first," he said, handing a plain shirt with a logo. It looked expensive... and tight. And a matching mini skirt. 

"I'm sorry, but me and mini skirts do not go together," I told him sharply. 

"Just go try it on," he said pleadingly. "I'm sure it will look good."

So then I had to duck into the bathroom to hide how hard I was grinning. Because of the word "good." Embarrassing. 

I pulled on the skirt first. It barely squeezed past my thighs. His sisters were probably slim and athletic like him. I was decidedly not. 

But honestly, it wasn't too bad, if someone was into girls with thicker legs. I had never shown this much skin- it felt kinda good. 

That was, until I pulled the shirt on. First of all, that material was practically sheer. The shirt was blue, but still, my navy bra was clearly visible through it. And it was tight. Wearing this, my lumpy body shape was way too obvious. 

I couldn't go out wearing this. But then I heard his voice from earlier in my head. I'm sure it will look good. 

So, dramatically, I swung the door open. "Not great, right?"

Sure, it wasn't the best thing in the world... but his face was still not what I expected. He grimaced and sat down like it pained him to be standing. He didn't take his eyes off me, sliding up and down me. It was bad, really bad. 

So I turned away, skirt swishing, and pulled the clothes off of me in seconds. I was repulsed by my body. I should have never had this boy over. He was infectious and clearly didn't see me as anything but the ugly girl with blackmail over him. 

When I came out of the bathroom, I couldn't meet his eyes. I wasn't going to talk. With any luck, he would leave soon and forget about me. 

"Maru," he broke the silence. "I think you misinterpreted my reaction."

Hmm. A likely story. 

"I just..." he was blushing hard. "You looked draw-dropping in that. I couldn't control my body at all- or my face. So I'm sorry if I looked like I thought something I didn't."

Just like that. My heart was skipping beats again. What did he mean "I couldn't control my body"? Blood was rushing in my veins. 

"I don't like it, though," I stuttered. "I mean, the skirt was okay, I guess, but the shirt..."

"How can I make you feel more confident?" He asked, leaning close to me on the carpet. 

I laughed humorlessly. "Unless you can make this-" I grabbed my stomach, "-shrink magically, then no."

"There are ways, if you're up for it," he told me. "I mean, you're fine how you are, but-"

"I'm up for it," I said, because with him, I was up for anything. And he smiled.