The Populars

When I start talking, it's hard to stop. I started awkward and mumbly, wondering what Otani had meant by "talk about myself.

My hands went clammy and I started to talk. "Um. I guess I like anime? I like reading too. At night. Uh... yeah."

He looked at me, his head resting on his hands. "Ah." So he wanted me to keep talking? My eyes trailed along the shelves of library books around us, as if those would give me inspiration. 

I took a deep breath, taking in the musty scent of the library. I pretended I was a character in a book, giving a heartfelt monologue. I began to speak.

"I like candles. Dark chocolate is my absolute favorite. I can't stand when I forget to make my bed every morning. I live with my mom, but she isn't home often. I like squirrels, lacy ribbon, and thunderstorms." I paused, realizing I had forgotten to be nervous. "But I'm really not very interesting," I added, a bead of sweat forming on my forehead. 

He smiled, a warm smile. "You sound interesting enough to me," he told me. And it was like I was the only person those dark eyes had ever looked at. 

I felt my face heat, all the way to the tips of my ears. "Well. What about you, Mr. Popular? What makes you interesting?"

His eyes widened, like he was surprised. But surely he wasn't- he surely had conversations like this all the time. Conversations with people that understood him better than I do. Popular people. 

"Haha. I don't really know." He leaned back in his seat, folding his hands behind his head. How did a man make a simple move like that so damn attractive? To a typical girl, of course. Not someone like me, whose eyes only looked at him for scientific purposes. 

I tapped my finger on the table. "I'm all ears." 

"I like cats!" He proclaimed, shooting out of his chair. Then he flushed and sank back down, embarrassed. 

I laughed. I couldn't help it, and maybe that was mean. "Cats, hmm?" Somehow, the vision of him holding a couple cats was more endearing than I would have liked to admit. 

"Whatever," he said, throwing his black bangs to one side. "You'll just have to learn the rest about myself." But his voice was light and teasing. Inviting.

And his eyes. God, those eyes. 

I shook my head, breaking the trance. I tapped the books he had told me to balance on my head. "What should I work on, teacher?" I had to force this conversation back to the lesson.

Silence stretched. Like the awkward change of subject had jolted him.

"Let's both make a list," he told me. His voice was crisp and to the point. "Things you need to do."

As he furrowed his brow and pressed his pencil to his paper, I stayed stuck. To be popular? Wasn't that why he was hanging out with me? -because I had absolutely no clue. 

Timidly, I wrote: become pretty. That was the main thing that made girls popular. The perfect look. Underneath the words, I wrote some sub categories in my crooked handwriting. 

 Straight, smooth hair

Clean skin

Flushed face

Long eyelashes

Damn, there was a lot to be done. Within minutes, most of the page was filled. I turned to Otani. "What did you write?" I asked him. 

He looked up at me, clutching his paper rather tightly in his hand. "Listen, Maru... you're already fine as you are. You really don't have to change."

The word "fine," shouldn't have meant so much to me. It was a word that meant near nothing- only satisfactory and okay enough. But from him? My book would have to include some sort of comment like that from his character. Who knew how many backflips it would make my stomach do. 

Slowly, he slid his list to me. And pretended to find the bookshelves in the library vividly fascinating as I read it.

New wardrobe (name brand clothes only)

Be athletic (try out for a sports team)

Talk to everyone and know everyone's name

The list kept going... but I was stuck on that last point. Know everyone's name. I had been foolish to think I was special because he remembered my easy, two syllable name. He did that for everyone- and that was why he was so popular. 

He must have interpreted my look of dismay as being upset about the list. "Maru? Is everything okay? You really don't have to do this, you know."

The list wasn't the problem. It was me that needed to change. "It's a good list. Very well thought out."

"Okay," he said skeptically. "So can I come over Friday? Or are you busy?"

And... cue tomato mode. My face, I knew, was neon red. Because my foolish mind couldn't help but feel like this was a date. It's not a date, I told myself. He's just a helpful person. 

All I could do was nod. 

"Great. Text me the address, okay?" He flashed that winning smile. I got why people described it that way now- it was shining. 

He went to stand, to leave. "Wait!" I heard myself say. "How are you so..." 

"So... what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"So..." I needed to hurry up and say something, but my mind wouldn't let me. He was so many things- hard to pick one. 

"So easy to talk to!" I blurted out, and looked up. And into his eyes. He had leaned forward while I was thinking and now...

His face was inches from mine.

My eyes widened. I was frozen there, for one, long moment. There was a birthmark above his ear and a sort of warm tint to those dark eyes. 

Then I pushed against the desk to smoothly scoot back. 

Only, it wasn't smooth.

One of the legs of the chairs caught on the tiles and then I was tipping. For one terrifying moment, I teetered in mid air, like a character from some kind of cartoon. Flying, almost. 

That lasted for half a second. Then I fell back, hitting my head hard on the floor. I probably could have stayed conscious- but this was way too embarrassing. Blacking out was better than looking at the crease in his brow of worry for any longer. 

"Maru!" But that was the last thing I heard.