romantic loneliness

Fujinomiya Sr. is currently crying at the other end of the line. She’s doing it because she’s sad, sure, but mostly to make Soujiro feel guilty.

“My own child… d-doesn’t love me…”

Soujiro called after he was exiled from Fuji (Jr.)’s therapy session to tell her that he relayed the message, knowing full well that it’d end like this. While he waits at the lobby, Fuji’s mom continues to cry on the phone. Mr. Oda sits across from him, crocheting… with Fuji’s supplies. Oh God. Soujiro pretends like he can wipe this from memory. “She does, Mrs. Fujinomiya. She’s just uhh… on a wellness journey.”

“She can have that here!”

“Yeah…” Soujiro turns to the side so he can pretend like he’s not witnessing a hostile takeover. “I know. I keep telling her to go back. You know how she is.”

“Then why isn’t she!? W-what kind of… place… I’ve seen those streams! Do they even have electricity!?”

“They do.”

“Who’s that man that keeps talking to her during streams!?”

Man–oh, Toshi. Idiosyncrasies notwithstanding, Fuji isn’t the kind of person that’d allow that, let alone multiple times. She’s surprisingly careful about keeping employees and co-workers anonymous–unless they want those five seconds of fame, of course. If so… why would she allow Toshi to talk during her streams? He doesn’t exactly come across as someone who’d enjoy momentary fame, but Soujiro digresses. “The nurse, I think.”

“Is he seducing her!?”

“Um.”

“So he is. A country bumpkin…”

“I didn’t say that. I don’t think so. If anything, I think he finds her annoying. Probably hates her too.”

“Men act like that for attention,” Fuji Sr. replies. Ah, right. Common sense. Soujiro keeps using it when talking to those incapable of it. “Let me guess: he acts cold, but every now and then, he shows signs of kindness.”

“That’s not…” …how real life works.

“I can just picture it. ‘Ahh, Mr. Nurse, can you please adjust the pillow for me?’ ‘Of course, Koha-chin. I can adjust whatever you want.’”

“That’s your daughter you’re talking about, Mrs. Fuji, please!”

“If, Soujiro, you were a peasant in a village without electricity and someone as beautiful, talented and charismatic as Koharu showed up, wouldn’t you want to fu… fu… funnel your desires into her!?”

That sounds even dirtier than just ‘fuck’. “Rest assured, Mrs. Fuji, no desires will be funneled.”

“Stop trying to protect her, Soujiro! How old is that nurse!?”

“Probably in his early twenties. But–”

“Lies lies LIES! She has said in her streams, multiple times, that he’s a forty-year old man with a wife! Then why would she lie if he’s not adjusting her pillows!? Both kinds!?”

An image flashes in Soujiro’s head which he yearns to cleanse from memory, but cannot. It will stay with him forever.

Mr. Oda takes the phone. He just yanks it off Soujiro’s hand. Without thinking, Soujiro tries to reach for it, but Mr. Oda deflects the blow with one crochet needle while holding the phone high with the other, after which he places it on his ear. “Hello.”

“Mr. Oda! Stop!”

“No,” Mr. Oda replies to whatever unholy thing Fuji Sr. asks him. “The nurse is forty with a wife. I’m the wife.”

It’s over. It’s all over. Soujiro sinks to his knees.

“Huh? What? Clean your ears if you can’t understand me. You city folks think the world revolves around ya. If you didn’t want her to run away, then why get a daughter? Should’ve gotten a bird instead. Kept her caged forever in that tiny little Tokyo world. Well, she flew off because she couldn’t stay there anymore. You didn’t think of that, didya?”

Soujiro can hear Fuji Sr.’s sobs even as he kneels on the floor next to Mr. Oda, who’s aiming at him with the needle. Is Koharu trapped? By a cage of her own doing, perhaps. She can do whatever she wants, go wherever she feels like, although Soujiro supposes that a theoretical fling with a country nurse would destroy her. Not that it’d happen, but that’s the kind of scandal that ends careers when part of her appeal is availability.

Thankfully, the man himself shows up, yanking Soujiro’s phone from Mr. Oda’s hands. Rather than give it back, though, Toshi takes the call. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Fujinomiya. I’m very sorry for that. Yes, that’s correct. Yes. I’m afraid I can’t confirm the clinic’s location or my name due to the patient’s request, but…” Toshi grimaces at whatever Fuji Sr. tells him. “...no, I have not, nor will I. Yes, I’ll be thirty–forty one soon. My wife is lovely, yes. I’m afraid I can’t respond to inappropriate comments of the sort. Again, I apologize for the patient’s behavior. Have a great day. I’ll pass the phone back to Mr. Hino.”

Soujiro takes it without standing up. “Mrs. Fuji–”

“That’s the voice of a seducer!”

Toshi, who now knows how it’s like to be harassed by multiple Fujis, likely showed up to deliver news, or a message, such as an invitation from Dr. Shimazu to eat hot pot again. Soujiro swallows. “Mrs. Fuji, what did you ask him, exactly?”

“Traitor!” Fuji Sr. hangs up. She’ll call again in a few hours.

There’s a heavy, dreadful silence for a few seconds. Toshi says, “...anyway. Ms. Fujinomiya is also throwing a tantrum. She says she’ll roll off the bed if you don’t show up soon. Mr. Oda, time for your checkup. Let’s go. If anything happens, please press the button, although…” that smile means nothing good. “...never mind.”

Soujiro stands up. Both Mr. Oda and Toshi offer to help, but Soujiro would probably pull them down by accident instead, so he just does it on his own. “Got it. Um. Is… is that the only message?”

“Mhm.”

“What about Dr. Shimazu?”

Toshi blinks. “Why would she… oh, right. She might get scared.”

“...yeah…”

After a heavy sigh, Toshi says, “Just tell her to calm down, that I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“I-I will. Toshi?”

“Eh?”

“Nagumo. Sorry.” Soujiro clears his throat. He’d already catalogued the guy as such because… well, he’s dainty, non-threatening and probably several years younger. This poor kid is probably a student, practicing in one of those government programs where they send nurses to isolated communities due to the national shortage. Although. “During the call, you said you were thirty, then forty. Is this something Fuji is making you do?”

“Ah, yeah, she says it’s a misdirection. I am thirty, though. I just said it out of habit. See you later.” Then he herds Mr. Oda to his room.

Soujiro stands there.

He stands there for a while.

He stares at the entrance.

At the way the autumn sunlight pours in.

“...he’s what.”

***

There is a little bit of light amidst the darkness, just like there is a bit of darkness amidst the light. For example, Soujiro is sharing a meal with Mrs. Matsueda and Dr. Shimazu. Unfortunately, Fuji is also there. They’re in her room, after all.

“Soujirooo…” Fuji keeps slamming a spot on her bed for him to sit. He technically did on their first day here, but she’d also been on the wheelchair, not the cot. Also, Dr. Shimazu is there. Thus, Soujiro disobeys. He eats while standing even if they brought chairs from heaven-knows-where. "Ah, whatever! I was trying to be nice."

“Poor girl,” says Mrs. Matsueda. “You must be exhausted.”

“Yeah! I didn’t know it’d be this bad. I-I feel like I’m dying… you’re the only one who cares, Matsuuu…”

“Aww. Iroha, is there nothing we can do for her?”

Dr. Shimazu swallows before she responds. “Unfortunately, Ms. Fujinomiya, as I, um…” Her eyes dart to Soujiro for a second; their gazes meet, and they both look away quickly. “...as I… as I was saying before… you’ll feel exhausted for the first few sessions. Um. Unfortunately.”

From what Soujiro saw before, Dr. Shimazu and Toshi… Nagumo… seemed to get along. Soujiro had assumed that this was due to Nagumo being an apprentice of sorts, but this is obviously not the case anymore–unless he lied. It’s possible Soujiro looking older than a thirty-year old man is too devastating a thought. It can’t be. He’ll never get a girlfriend at this rate.

“Hey, Dr. Shimazu, what if you do the therapy sessions instead?”

“I can’t be here every day… I’m sorry…”

“And Eguchi?”

“She will, but, um. It might be troublesome if you lose your balance, since you’re so… so tall. That’s why I asked Toshi.”

Dr. Shimazu calls him Toshi…

What if…

Surely not, right?

Then again, in this tiny village full of elders, they probably don’t have many options, if any, aside from each other…

Weeks ago, Mrs. Matsueda tried to set Dr. Shimazu up with Soujiro. Could it just be that she doesn’t approve of Nagumo because she knows that he’s a terrible influence?

As if to fuel Soujiro’s hypothesis, Dr. Shimazu finally looks up from her meal. “Is there something wrong with him, Ms. Fujinomiya?”

“I hate him.”

“Did something happen?”

“He’s mean.”

Dr. Shimazu bites on her chopstick before repeating: “Ms. Fujinomiya, did something happen between Mr. Nagumo and you?”

“No. I guess it’s fine.”

Dr. Shimazu exchanges glances with Mrs. Matsueda, who says, after a pause, “I don’t think Toshi is that kind of person, but if anything were to happen, Ms. Fujinomiya, you’re more than welcome to tell us. Any of us.”

Fuji turns around so that Soujiro and the rest face her back; the container with Mrs. Matsueda’s snack lies next to her, empty. “Thank you. I’m feeling sleepy now. Please leave.”

Thus they’re unsubtly kicked out of the room. The walk across the dimly-lit hallway is silent.

It’s fine.

Soujiro will just hire a hooker or two. He doesn’t know how it works, exactly, but there are probably ways to find one around the hotel he’s staying at.

Then he feels a pat on his back. “You don’t look well,” Mrs. Matsueda says. “Something wrong, Kyoto boy?”

“Nothing. Thank you for worrying about me.” And he means it.

“Hmm, I see. Any plans?”

Oh, no, she’ll try to set them up again. If only she knew that her granddaughter is already dating somebody else. Soujiro vows to maintain their secret. “Yes, I’ll be seeing some… friends tonight.”

“Oh,” says Dr. Shimazu.

“Why? Did you need my help for anything? I can cancel if Fuji is being difficult again.”

“...no… it’s fine...”

“Be strong, Iroha,” Mrs. Matsueda says.

Dr. Shimazu stops; they all do. With the sun descending and how narrow the hallway is, Soujiro could actually suffocate. “Hino, would you, um. If it’s okay with you. If you don’t want to that’s fine. I just thought that maybe. I mean because of what happened last time. Since we didn’t eat hot pot I was thinking that. Would you.”

“Yes!” He replies before he can stop himself.

Mrs. Matsueda nods, smiling from ear to ear. “Well, children. It’s settled. Let’s go for groceries.”

***

By the time Toshi returns to Fujinomiya’s room, Fujinomiya is the only one left. She lies on the bed, probably asleep–makes sense, given how exhausting these sessions can be.

Thus Toshi walks out.

“Wait!”

Thus Toshi walks in. “Mhm?”

“...oh, it’s you. Go away.”

Toshi stays.

“Nagumo?”

Toshi stayed because he correctly predicted she’d call out to him right after. “Do you need help with anything, Ms. Fujinomiya?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I’d be glad to assist. What is it?”

“Nagumo Munetoshi.”

First Hino calls him by his nickname, now this. “Uh…”

“...that’s it. I just wanted to say that. Take care.”

Toshi stays by the door for some time, just in case–but no, that really seems to be it. When he leaves, he doesn’t say ‘you too’ like he has for the past couple of weeks. He can’t. He heard the way her breath hitched as he placed his hand on her earlier.

At first, he’d assumed that she’d leave in less than a week. Within a day, it became apparent that she’s just kind of… pitiful. Spoiled, immature, lonely. Given how exhausted he’d been at the time–directly due to her antics–he’d crossed quite a few lines with her. Sharing music or a meal might not mean much in Otohama, but it certainly does where she’s from.

He hadn’t thought about it at the time. It’d been so, so long since he’d treated an outsider–young or not, female or not–that he hadn’t even stopped to think about what he was doing.

But again, Fujinomiya is lonely; her having no visitors is depressingly telling. What little phone calls she has answered are, according to her, strictly work-related.

Toshi isn’t lonely. Most of his friends are in Fukuoka, but that’s just an hour away or so. He lives alone, but his family shows up uninvited every now and then. As for women…

Actually, that’s probably it–romantic loneliness.

It’s making him find patterns where there are none.

Fujinomiya is just weird and invasive. That’s it.

Maybe he should go to a mixer…