Lost Self

“I have another reason to break the seal.”

“Other than Shouta, you mean?”

“Mhm, I need your help to achieve something.” He took a moment to formulate his request. “You know, breaking the seal would obviously free IT.”

The boy nodded. Just like the other four, Yuusuke knew Akihiko was aware of that outcome and believed he was ready for it, somehow.

“To put it bluntly, I need you to help me kill IT.”

It was two in the morning by the time they returned, Yuusuke and Akihiko with the other two on their backs. Himawari welcomed them with a strangely beautiful contrast of tears and smile, “Shouta woke up as well.” She tried to talk afterwards but words only found a tight space between her sobs, and ended up forming no coherent sentences.

Two seals were successfully broken. Consequently, Awako’s consciousness began flowing into the world. That was seen through Akihiko’s expression in the morning, he struggled to control himself, his shaking hands could not even help him take his breakfast.

“I must meet someone today; I will take a shower and leave.” He said standing up from the breakfast table.

The teacher then entered the shower and turned the hot stream of water on to collect his scattered thoughts.

“You’re going to ‘kill IT’? How exactly will you do that?”

He could feel a breath on his ear, a hand on his chest, a warmth closer to his skin that the hot water.

“I can’t be killed, I tried.”

“Why are you here?”

“You brought me back; I can finally see the world again. Of all the things humans filled this realm with, only you I wish to meet.”

The teacher turned back to see the bathroom empty, just as expected. He stopped the water flow, reached out to the towel and wore his clean clothes. However, his hand lacked power when he tried to open the door. He assumed that was due to the accumulated exhaustion, and decided to wash his face with cold water from the sink to help him get back in shape.

He closed his eyes and felt the chilling water on his skin.

“Is killing the only way you know to solve problems?”

Looking at his hand, he saw a red stain that grew in size. He tried washing it away, “No use, it won’t go.”

The voice suggested, “Water won’t remove a stain so old and deep, try that instead.” Its hand pointed at a drawer. The teacher opened it to see a package of shaving razors.

“This will remove the blood, you say?”

“It will be like it never was.”

The pale hand guided the teacher’s to take one blade, “Just like that, one cut.”

A curl of dark hair fell on Akihiko’s shoulder where he could see it. He brought himself to look at the mirror, behind him stood a person with a face identical to his. Akihiko looked at his hand with the blade in it, dropping it in fear and opening the door.

“Sensei?” Said Shouta, his facial expression speaking worry.

“I’m okay, thanks…” he continued walking towards the front door, “Don’t wait for me, I’ll be late.”

Stepping outside, the streets looked different to him—empty, scary, more like the forbidding forest than a crowded city. Things that were there all along stood out to him more than ever: the red traffic lights aggressively fired at his half-open eyes, the speeding cars had a luring charm to them, the sky looked red and dim. That was the last thing he remembered. Next thing he knew, he was in an alley, awakening to the repeated call “Hey, brother, wake up.”

Akihiko slowly opened his eyes, gradually understanding his situation; he was lying on the pavement, his eyes facing the starry sky.

“Ah, you finally woke up. I thought you died.” The man smelled of alcohol, he wore ripped jeans and a tank top. His hair was long, white and curly.

“Where am I?” the teacher asked, “and how did I get here...?”

“You sir, are in Japan.” Hic! “Specifically, in Yokohama. Man, this city is so big, I can’t remember the location of every drunk bastard I meet.”

The man stood on a bench and drummed on the spot next to him for the teacher to sit. “You have a lot on ‘yer mind, I can tell. Come here, have a talk with this old man.”

Akihiko did as he was told, the man then tapped on the teacher’s back in joy. “Now, speak up!”

“I… there is something I need to do.”

“But?”

“It’s risky, difficult, and it puts the lives of those I care about in danger…” He was about to say something else, but hesitated.

“Come on son, there’s gotta be more.”

“I’m seeing my demons, and they are not quiet, no. They speak to me, weaken my will… I can’t put up with this.”

The stranger took his bottle and chugged a mouthful. “Aaah, quite the situation you found yourself in.” the man said, the heat of liquor still drugging his mouth. “We all have our demons. One way or another, we all see them as well.

“You don’t understand.” The teacher thought.

The man continued. “It is us, however, who chooses which demons to let in, and which to ignore.”

“My demon is right next to you… he’s wearing my face. Or perhaps I’m the one wearing his, trying to ruin everything he built.”

“Listen, boss. If this thing you want is more important to you than your own life, then you gotta fight your demons. However, if it could cost the lives of those you care about, then that’s for them to decide. If you truly love them like you say, then speak to them.”

“How could I ignore the blood on my hands? I made too many mistakes for one empty vessel of something long gone.”

“Then die fixing them.” The voice came from the man sitting next to Akihiko, but it was not his. The man stood up and left, his steps synchronised with the teacher’s heart beats. The latter looked at his wrist to see that he was hours late for the meeting. He still headed to the meeting spot, but with no hopes.

To his surprise, he was recognised and greeted as soon as he entered the ramen shop.