What Keeps Me

I don't want to die, huh.

It was such a trivial notion, one she would've never contemplated unless something like this had happened. But from this experience, she understood what it meant and why she said it. The whole 'life flashing before your eyes' bit was just the post-traumatic stress brought on from such a harrowing experience. It could easily spark rapid improvement or an even greater downfall.

Sure, there might be things beyond death for all she knew. Maybe she would be reincarnated into a new life, soul and memories wiped clean for a fresh start. Maybe she would be doomed to wander the void, stuck forever in a moment. It was impossible to tell; no one from the other side ever said as much. And it would've been the same end she was cursed to.

Well, if she were actually dead, that is.

So what can I do? How can I escape? I don't want this to be my fate.

She had no idea how much time passed since she first entered this liminal space. Space and time didn't seem to exist, or maybe they functioned differently from what she assumed. After all, although she looked to be standing still, she had a sense she was moving somehow, teleporting around from one point to another. I'm alive, she thought. So there must be a way out. I just have to reach out and grab it.

Even in eternal nothingness, even with everything but her mind sealed away, she found inspiration. It wasn't a spontaneous stroke of brilliance, but a measured practice of understanding. Not an opportunity to think on, but a unbreakable will to push forward. If she couldn't see it, so what? She would find her own path, clutching onto some imaginary light guiding her path.

And with that, she sang one final time.

"What's going on? I walk in the light."

"I'm seeing everybody go and live their life."

Images of the people she knew came unbidden to mind. The Mountaineering Circle planning their next trip -- well, the Vice President planning while the President slacked off like usual. Her classmates once again using AI to answer their homework for them, claiming it as their own. The residents of San'ya hawking their products, trampling over their customers, or being trampled by students. That hell of an AI Gisou Kamiya laughing at her lack of awareness. The other Creators, laughing along with him. And Microwave, sighing in resignation, yet still providing its support for whatever cockamamy ideas she thought up.

Such interactions were normal, everyday things. And yet, when there was nothing left, she found herself reminiscing on how much she enjoyed it. She wanted to keep having them. So, she continued to chase that light as a small smile came to her lips.

"I don't even know where I really am."

"What keeps me tied to this world all again?"

A question she'd asked many times, and an answer she hoped to 'stumble into' at some point, never thinking any more. But now, in the face of death, she could answer that unsolvable question. It was rather simple, so simple she wondered she never thought about it before.

She wanted to have fun. She wanted to keep doing these wacky, crazy ideas. She wanted to keep exploring, keep writing, keep creating. And she wanted to do all that with the people around her, sometimes voluntarily, other times roping them in for the hell of it. It was selfish and egotistical, but so were most humans. She was just a bit more out there. However, none of that would happen if she died. So, she reached out her hand -- a hand she didn't expect to see.

"Everything blurs as my eyes fade to white."

"I'm happy that I got to live a very good life."

She lived her life to the fullest, though she did do something stupid. Most would call it insane, psychotic, or deranged. A few claimed it was eccentric. However, it made her happy, from the indoors shenanigans to the occasional police lockup. And she didn't plan to stop anytime soon; it was much too early for it to end. Everyone only had one life, and it was a scant century at best. For most, that was enough to get everything done. But for her, it wasn't even close. Ideas poured out like a geyser, just waiting to take shape. It didn't matter how long it took, she would do them all.

She would keep searching, grasping for something that wasn't there, pushing herself closer to that unobtainable goal. Her story wouldn't end here. So, she reached out once more...

"There is only one thing that I will regret."

"What keeps me down is my only life is spent."

...and grabbed onto something: the very ledge she'd jumped off a moment prior. Seizing the opportunity, she tried to pull herself up, but instead, her body started to merge into the black ground. She wasn't scared though. No, it was rather comforting. And once she was finally within that massive pool of mana...

...she woke up, staring at the ceiling of the hospital room.

"Took you long enough."