Aoi's Fears

It was a cold winter morning in Tokyo and we woke up buried in snow, on a new day, in a different year. Snow to this degree was rare, and half the city was uncharacteristically paralyzed. It was the new year and a time for reflection, a perfect time for me to finally realize what I had done to Mika.

My brother woke me up excited about the news that Mika and Summer had gone viral. Fame is simply unpredictable. I saw parts of their stream posted all over the internet, even the news. Hiroaki's excessive happiness made things even worse. We’ve done it again, I’m so proud of them. So many empty phrases that just reminded me of one particular horror of the past.

As soon as the short vacation was over, and the offices were fully opened once more, my father descended with an army of businessmen to determine Mika’s future. They gave her a raise, but it was nothing compared to what they were planning to make from her, and she would have to work much harder. Hiroaki promised to look out for them, but how much could he do? The moment our father was involved, I knew it couldn’t possibly be good. As soon as he took over the project, my involvement in it was over, as well.

Once the work day was over, Hiroaki went back home to tell me all about their meeting.

“Well we have them all set up now…” He was aware that I wasn’t very happy with the future he was planning for. “I made sure they got the best contract they could. I can assure you it’s better than most I’ve seen,” he said confidently.

“Then if she doesn’t like it, she’s free to leave?” I asked him, knowing what his answer would be. He didn’t seem happy with my argument.

“Well, she signed a contract so she at least has some obligations,” he answered. I simply glared at my brother.

“So we caged a bird here once more.” I looked at my brother with disgust as I spoke.

“Why do you have to be so negative about this?” he asked, becoming increasingly annoyed.

“You know exactly why, brother.”

Hiroaki took a deep breath. I knew the topic never left his mind either.

“This time it will be different.” He tried to be reassuring. While he seemed somewhat annoyed by my attitude, he was still trying to find common ground.

“I don’t see many differences.” I stared at my brother, challenging him. Hiroaki banged the table. I realized I had finally pushed him to his limit.

“This is your problem, Aoi. You think everything is set in stone. You think you have it all figured out,” he said angrily. “Times are different, brother. And I’ve learned a lot. It will be different this time.” Hiroaki seemed confident. “While you’ve been stuck in the past, I’ve been reading, studying, and thinking how to avoid the same things we went through. I’ve been working to make things better. While you want to give up, I want this chance to make things right. For Summer, and all of them.” My brother, while frustrated, was still trying to reason with me. But I was simply too unhappy to let things run their course.

“How can you sit there and say these things after we both lived through the same thing with-”

“Don’t say her name, Aoi.” My brother interrupted me while pointing at me menacingly.

“I’ll say whatever I want-” 

Hiroaki then shoved me into a wall. My back crashed into it, making a loud thud. That’s when I felt the need to let loose. The anger I felt boiling inside of me finally made me attack my own brother. I tried to punch Hiroaki who, far more athletic, managed to stop me and hold me in place. I struggled for a while until I finally gave up.

“You don’t want to see Mika succeed?” he asked, still holding my arms.

“What kind of success is that? Is that really a good thing?"

“What about what she wants?” My brother was right, at some point I lost track of what Mika wanted, and that made me feel terrible. But I just couldn’t see a way forward that was positive. Either way, my aggression wasn’t going to change anything, and when I realized that, I started to calm down.

“She doesn’t know that she doesn’t want this yet…” I tried to explain.

“You don't know that.” My brother sighed and took a seat, and then invited me to sit down as well. “I worked a lot to make this group of outcasts shine, and I’m incredibly proud of them. I learned all the new technology. I learned how the competition operates and tried to innovate and improve. I searched the internet for countless hours to find the right people, and you brought Mika to complement the team. It’s a project I’ve poured a lot of effort into, and in response, they worked ten times as much. I owe it to them. Why do you want to stop us from having a big success?”

I didn’t have many words for my brother. Every fiber of my being wanted to oppose him, but I also weighed Mika’s happiness, and everyone else's wishes. Part of me also wanted to believe that this time, things would be different for the better. Imagining the four of them achieving their goals, while Hiroaki supported them, did seem like something great. Beautiful even. But I immediately contrasted it with me and my brother’s past experiences.

“I know you care about Mika, and I’ll do everything in my power to help her,” said my brother confidently. I couldn’t really look at my brother, I simply knew both of us had no idea what the future was going to bring, so predicting it was pointless. “Think about Summer. I care about her too, a great deal. She’s betting a lot on this. Are we going to throw this chance for her away? She might never get another.”

I remained silent. I knew my brother cared about Summer, and it was true that this project meant a lot more to her than anyone else.

“I just can’t trust all those people who will profit from them.” If there was someone who could understand my concerns, it was my brother.

“But what about me, can you trust me? I thought you said you trusted me on this one, long ago.” Hiroaki was quite talented at negotiation.

“I did say that."

“Then keep trusting me. I believe in them too. I don’t want to see them fail either, or be unhappy with themselves. Failure is always lurking around the corner. Pain is always possible. But I’ll do what I can to avoid it.” Hiroaki seemed motivated and confident, so I had no more desire to argue. “I just couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t make the most out of this opportunity,” he concluded. It was hard to disagree with him when he seemed fully committed to seeing things through.

“I trust you,” I said. “I just don’t trust our father.”

“You know he’s only been involved in limited ways since back then. I’ll make sure to use his contacts fully, but I won’t let him take control.” Hiroaki tried to be reassuring, and part of me wanted to believe it.

“If you say so,” I answered. Hiroaki spoke with certainty, but only time would tell if his words were true.

I spent the rest of the day looking online at the reactions and clips for Mika’s stream, and exchanged messages with her, too. Hiroaki is right, things are different now for everyone. Maybe I can still change, and not be afraid of a future that might not happen. Perhaps if I met her, I could see things differently.