Aoi's Turmoil

The sight of Mika running off into the distance, crying because of my own fault, would haunt me every day since we had last met. I had to act quickly, or things would never be the same. Or could they? It was very likely my relationship with Mika was broken beyond repair, and I was stuck in a situation where I couldn’t in good conscience help her with her goals. There was a constant battle of action versus inaction that raged on in my small, broken mind.

I thought seeing her would help, but when we met, my fears only got worse, leading me to this outcome. I knew from the start that encouraging her would be like pushing her off a cliff, and it was no longer up to me if she would fall, or learn how to fly. When we first met, I chose to act. So why was I settling with inaction now? There must be something I can do.

That evening I charged into my father’s office. The old furniture and unread books still painted the dreary picture that I always remembered from that place, except now I noticed the bottles of alcohol lying around, and I knew how little he worked there.

“I want you to pull Mika from the project,” I demanded.

“Mika?" My father asked without care. “Who’s that?”

“One of the two girls that went viral at the beginning of the year.”

“Ah, yes yes, Spring and Summer. I never would’ve imagined the new generation liked such things. They’ve shown me they have potential to make everyone a lot of money." 

“Everyone but her, right?” I couldn’t hide my anger over his lack of care.

“Don’t be like that. I made sure to compensate her generously. You know how things are.” My father showed no empathy in his voice.

“We don’t need her money,” I said, trying to make him take me seriously. My father couldn’t help but find it amusing.

“Yet you’ll benefit from it,” he said as he laughed. “Let the adults do the talking boy, and enjoy the results of our hard work. That’s what kids are for.”

“The results of your work, like what happened to Hikari.” I made sure he heard me very clearly.

“Don’t you dare bring that up,” he said as he banged the table with his palm. “I’m already paying for the incompetence you and your brother showed in that situation.” My father was visibly angry.

“And yet, nothing changed, did it?” I was starting to feel a little agitated by the conversation.

“Silence. Don’t be disrespectful,” said my father sternly. “She wanted all of that, and when she realized what it really was, failed. It happens to a lot of them.” My father’s words lacked any sort of remorse, motivating me to press him further.

“Yet many of them are still alive, but she isn’t.”

“She was unstable, we couldn’t have seen it coming. That’s all there was to it, there was nothing we could’ve done. You should already know this by now.” My father’s words had an irritating amount of indifference for a topic like this.

“Nothing you could’ve done? Yet if you hadn’t exploited her hard work just to enrich yourself, it might’ve never happened.” I wasn’t going to let my father say it was something unavoidable.

“You can’t say that with a straight face when you’ve benefited from this lifestyle your whole life, Aoi.”

“And how are you any better than me, when you reject any sort of responsibility?” I couldn't hold back my anger.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” he shouted. Realizing the conversation was going nowhere, he decided to punish me instead. “I should remind you that you can’t date the talents.”

“Then I quit.” I could’ve pointed out the hypocrisy of the rules not applying to him, but I decided I would stop wasting my time and energy on that man.

“I accept your resignation. Be quiet now, and watch us work, you’ll be grateful later.”

“I won’t,” I said. I then turned around and started walking away.

“Then I don’t want to see you in my house. I’ve tolerated you long enough.” I could hear my father angry as I walked out of the room.

Perhaps taking my anger out at my father was not my best idea, but it was the culmination of years of observations that left a bad taste in me. I’d see him exploit people countless times, and I would stand by and reap the benefits. Even when some people ended up in tragic situations, it wasn’t enough to stop his need for money and exploitation.

In the end, I couldn’t stop my father. The girls of the Four Seasons were too motivated to give up, and my brother was intent on seeing things through. I started to believe I was the unhealthy one for not wanting them to move forward. I was the only one who thought they weren’t moving forward.

The last person I could’ve possibly reached was Mika. Yet she seemed so excited that I simply couldn’t stop her. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I was in the way of her dreams. She had to find out for herself if that was what she wanted, without me affecting her choices. And the only way for me to not influence her, was to just not see her anymore. If I was able to say or do something to stop her, I would’ve said it when Mika was falling apart in front of me.

Yet I didn’t, and now there was now a huge distance between us, and I had too many thoughts that I simply couldn’t convey to Mika; there was nothing left for me to do. And if there was nothing I could do to stop her, then all I could do was take comfort in the fact that I wasn't contributing to it in any way.

I packed my bags that night. I didn’t own much, just a few clothes from my time with Eiko and some electronic devices. Hiroaki met me after work, and took me to a spare apartment he rented when he wanted to avoid the longer commute home. His workaholic fueled luxury ended up being useful. He said he was honestly glad I was out of the house, too, and that I could take all the time I needed there. He knew I was out of options, and at that point probably realized that I no longer had Mika, either. Maybe it was my turn for a new beginning, too.