A Friend's Company (continued)

“You know, I felt the same way, Eiko.” I started explaining.

“About what?”

“I was full of vile possessive thoughts that made me feel hideous.” The memories of it made my words full of disgust.

“Ouch. Isn’t that a bit much?”

“I put up with shitty coffee, ventured out into the city, and somehow tolerated this girl who was a complete mess emotionally.” I stopped for a few seconds, feeling a mixture of anger and nostalgia. “Eventually, I helped her become a star against my own wishes. I thought I had earned the relationship, but instead, she picked her own path, one that I couldn’t follow her in.”

“You know what, yeah. You do sound like a hideous person.” She paused for a little bit to sip her tea. “So you felt that too, huh?” Eiko then reached out and touched my shoulder. “But that’s just a part of being human. You can be full of all these nasty feelings, but what you do with them, that’s what matters in the end.”

We sat there, somewhat affected by our conversation. It made me realize that despite Eiko’s somewhat healthy state, remembering something like that, even in the distant past, could still affect us somewhat.

“So how did you mess up this time, Aoi?”

“There’s just too much to explain,” I said. Eiko looked at her phone briefly.

“Well, you have about an hour. So start,” she said commandingly.

“Did I ever tell you about Hikari?” I was unable to hide the sadness that it brought me to say her name out loud.

“I don’t think so.”

“She was an amazing girl. Hikari, Hiroaki and I… we went to school together.” I paused, unable to speak for a moment.

“What happened next?” Eiko looked at me with some sense of dread already on her face.

“She was… an amazing singer, and an incredibly beautiful person. Hiroaki and I… we weren’t enough for her, she had the potential to capture a lot more hearts than just us.”

Eiko remained silent, sensing my hesitation, patiently waiting for the rest of the story.

“I used to love making music back then. I wrote a few songs for her, and Hiroaki helped her make videos, and eventually perform live. We made a great team. She was thriving and getting the attention she deserved. But eventually, our father found out.”

Eiko quickly signaled me to stop talking with her hands. 

“So then they milked her for all her worth. Right?”

“Not only that, she…” I stopped, trying to hold back the unpleasant memories.

“I remember now. You don’t have to say it.” Eiko paused, and I knew she understood. “What happened after?”

“My father was surrounded by scandals already, so he took that chance to take the blame and gave himself an easier position at the company.”

“That slimy jerk. He was still thinking about himself,” said Eiko with disgust.

“I know.” Remembering my fathers actions was always disappointing.

“She was all over the news, and conversations about mental health came up. Maybe her legacy is a good one, after all.” Eiko was trying to comfort me, but the topic was far too dangerous to linger on.

“In the end, it was Hiroaki and I that put her on that path. And now, we’ve done the same with Mika.” I felt disgusted with myself.

“Ahhh!” Eiko was frustrated, shaking her head vigorously. “You’re so dramatic, Aoi!” she shouted. I looked at her confused. “I suppose it’s a fitting past for a brooding handsome type like you, and it’s so damn frustrating how stupid that situation was, but are you going to let that affect you even now?”

“I can’t forget,” I said, resigned.

“Then don’t forget. It’s not about forgetting, it’s about finding a way to live with it. It’s what you choose for your future that matters. Remember what you always say? ‘I can’t judge you for a past you haven’t chosen.’”

“But I will judge you for the choices you do have in front of you…” I completed her words. “You’re right, Eiko. Yet, when I see Mika, I just can’t talk to her. Her enthusiasm makes me feel like I’m watching the same story repeat itself.” I stopped short from crying, but I knew I was visibly drained of energy.

“So instead of dealing with her you made Hiroaki take care of her?” Eiko seemed frustrated by my behavior, and rightfully so. “I picked the wrong brother after all, didn’t I?” Eiko took a few seconds to wind down her frustration. “Why didn’t you warn me or stop me when I was getting big?”

“You're different, you made your own path. Nobody told you what to do and you needed no one else.” I noticed a small tear run down my face, yet I was smiling, remembering Eiko’s younger self. “That was your strength.”

“I’m not too sure about that.” Eiko was saddened by the whole conversation. I felt bad for emotionally taxing her day, but she was the one that wanted to know, after all. We both remained silent for a while. “Sounds like you went through harder things than I did when we broke up.” She eventually decided to break the sad mood and silence.

“I’m sorry, Eiko. I still think about that moment in Kyoto all the time.”

“It’s fine. Don’t worry about it, it’s all in the past now.” She quickly looked at her phone to check the time, and I got the feeling that she was about to leave. “Now that I know you went through a similar process of jealousy and frustration… Even if it was for someone else, I think we can call it even.”

“I don’t think that’s true…” I tried to disagree, but Eiko interrupted me.

“Why did you lie to me Aoi? I knew there was someone.” Eiko was still somewhat curious about the past, as she started getting ready to leave.

“Would it have been better if I hadn’t?” I asked.

“I guess we’ll never know will we? Since this is the future you chose for us.” Eiko stood up and looked at me directly one more time. “Get your act together, Aoi. Next time I come, I don’t want to see you like this.”

“Ok boss,” I replied jokingly. Eiko started walking towards the door and I escorted her out. I managed to smile for her, grateful that she had visited me.

“I mean it.” She gave me a threatening look and then she put on her shoes. Shortly after, she smiled at me, and then hurriedly left the apartment.