Chapter 7: Zero DPS? Is This a Massage?

Pop. Pop.

One by one, imaginary vein marks "╬" appeared on Nanako's forehead. Her temple throbbed with a rhythm that promised violence.

Her small hands clenched into fists, making terrifying cracking sounds.

This damned guy...

She forced her facial muscles into a terrifyingly sweet smile and beckoned to him with a single finger.

"My dear Disciple, come here~"

Lynn kept his expression firm and obedient. He marched over, stopped, and thumped his fist against his chest in a standard salute.

"Master, what are your orders?"

Nanako wiggled her fingers gently, her smile becoming blindingly "cute."

"Just bend down a little bit. Lower your head~"

Lynn was confused, but he complied. He bent at the waist, bringing his face down to Nanako's eye level.

"Master, do you need me to—"

Before he could finish, Nanako’s hands shot out like vipers. She grabbed both of his cheeks and PULLED with the force of a hydraulic press.

"M-Master?! What are you dwoing?!"

"Nothing! My dear Disciple!! Master is just in a bad mood and needs a stress ball! Just pretend I'm throwing a tantrum!"

"Master! Stahp! It hwwurts!"

"Resistance is futile, you trash disciple!"

[ Winterspring Trial Grounds - PvP Arena ]

A few minutes later.

Nanako walked in front, her twin-tails bouncing lightly with each step. She looked refreshed.

Behind her, Lynn followed, nursing his swollen red cheeks. His internal monologue was running at full processing speed.

[ Inner Voice ] [ What is wrong with this Centenarian Loli today? Is she bugged? ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ Is it her time of the month? That doesn't add up. My calculations suggest her cycle should start on the 25th. That’s next week. ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ Could it be... Menopause? It’s possible. Given her age, this might be her second... no, third cycle of Menopause. ]

Nanako stopped in front of a massive gate. She turned around, crossed her arms, and looked at him with a tsundere smirk. A vein was still pulsing dangerously on her temple.

"Do you know where we are?"

Lynn looked around. " The Trial Grounds?"

Nanako nodded, keeping her eyes closed and chin up, radiating arrogance.

"Correct. You’ve been camping in Winterspring for years. You know the rules. Once you hit Tier 2, you are required to participate in weekly combat simulations to improve your PvP mechanics!"

Lynn nodded.

Nanako flicked the brim of her hat, opening one sapphire eye.

"This is today's curriculum. I will arrange a few matches for you. You must use the magic I taught you to defeat the enemy! If you lose, you will bring shame to my name!"

Lynn: "Can I skip it?"

Nanako glared. "No."

Lynn: "..."

Nanako had an agenda. Training was just an excuse. She wanted to verify the data. Tier 2 Mage with 1/500,000,000th of his power? She needed to see if her "Dog Disciple" was truly smurfing or just delusional.

[ Inside the Simulation Room ]

After handling the paperwork, Nanako shoved Lynn into a private arena.

The hall was bustling with young mages practicing their rotations. Winterspring had the best facilities on the continent, capturing live monsters and even high-ranking demons for students to practice on.

Nanako pressed a button on a console. A portal of light materialized in the center of the room.

"Get in there. The room generates a magical simulation. Don't worry, I'll spawn a monster that matches your rank. If your HP drops too low, the system will auto-eject you."

Lynn rubbed his chin. "Can I really not skip this?"

Nanako raised a small, threatening fist. "What do you think?"

"Fine, fine..." Lynn sighed, shouldered his staff, and walked toward the light.

[ Inner Voice ] [ What is the Blue-Haired Loli plotting now? ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ Training? Do I look like I need a tutorial level? What a joke. ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ Sigh. If I didn't need to keep my cover to turtle here longer, I wouldn't be playing house in this kindergarten. ]

Shaking his head, Lynn stepped into the portal and vanished.

The moment he was gone, Nanako moved. She dashed into the Control Room like a gust of wind, shoved the confused operator aside, and took command of Lynn’s console.

On the screen, she saw Lynn standing in a simulated grassy plain, looking around boredly.

Nanako grinned evilly. "Dog Disciple... you think you can hide your stats from your Master? Today, I'm going to strip you naked! Metaphorically! I will expose every secret you have!"

She slammed her hand down on the "Tier 2 Monster" button.

"Let's start with an appetizer."

In the magical world of the Violet Continent, technology was advanced. In the arena, the system generated a monster.

[ System Message ]

Monster Spawned: [Elite Murloc] Rank: Tier 2 Type: Agility / Melee Description: An adult amphibious warrior. Possesses average scale armor. Makes annoying noises.

It was a standard trash mob.

Nanako watched the screen intently. "I won't spawn a Boss immediately. I'll ramp it up slowly. Maybe simulate a 'system glitch' later and drop a huge monster on him to force his hand!"

In her mind, a mere Tier 2 Murloc should be a one-shot kill for someone claiming to be a hidden god.

But what happened next made her jaw drop.

On the screen, the Murloc let out a war cry—"RwlRwlRwlRwl!"—and charged. It slammed into Lynn’s chest with a [Vicious Tackle].

BAM.

Lynn flew backward like a broken kite. He ragdolled through the air and slammed into the ground, rolling three times.

"YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME!!" Nanako screamed at the screen.

She grabbed her own twin-tails in shock. On the monitor, the Murloc was currently stomping on her disciple, beating him up like a training dummy.

"Didn't you say 1/500,000,000th of your power was Tier 2?! Why are you getting owned by a fish?!"

Then, the inner voice filtered through the screen.

[ Inner Voice ] [ Nice. Good angle. ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ I'll let it stomp me for a few more minutes. Then I'll feign a "Critical Injury." ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ If I get hurt, I can go to the Infirmary. The Healer Waifus there are very gentle. They soothe the soul. ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ Plus, if the Loli Master feels guilty, she might give me sick leave. Then I can go back to bed and AFK farm. Genius plan. ]

[ Inner Voice ] [ By the way... is this Murloc malnourished? ] [ Why does it have zero Strength stats? Is this an attack or a massage? It tickles. ]

Nanako: (Sound of sanity cracking)

Abandoned

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