Year Zero: Currency Crisis

The idling black car’s door suddenly swung open. A man stepped out wearing a off-white Hawaiian shirt patterned with dark green leaves and hints of flowers, paired with cyan trousers and very light blue sunglasses. He had the physique of a high-level athlete, muscular and fit, but not bulky, looking exactly like the lead actor from an American sci-fi blockbuster. He stood straight and casually adjusted his shirt.

A second later, the other door opened. A man stepped out and shut it with a firm thud. He wore a classic white tee over light beige pants and a black turtleneck with a Limey Wellfigure brand tag. The outfit perfectly complemented his sleeper build and fit, athletic frame.

The second guy tossed a water bottle across the roof of the car. “Here’s the water you wanted, Raine.”

Raine caught it mid-air with practiced ease. “Thanks, Kris! We have about three hours until our flight to Hokkaido from here. Be quick and pick whatever you want. I’ve been to this shop before, so I know the quality is promising.”

A red sports car screamed past them, narrowly missing their bumper. "Look where you're driving! Don’t kill someone!" Raine shouted after it.

The two of them turned and began heading toward the door of L'Antica Vintage.

Inside, the Granny’s face was ghostly white. Her grip on the revolvers tightened as she prepared for the worst. She calculated the odds: if she could hold off all three of them, Enishi and these two new accomplices, for twenty minutes, the cops would surely be there to save her.

Raine opened the door, the bell chiming as he and Kris entered the shop.

The Granny didn’t lower the guns. "E voi due chi diavolo siete adesso?" [“And who the heck are you two now?”] she snapped.

She squinted, studying their faces. After a few beats, her eyes widened. She recognized the Hawaiian shirt; it was a rare vintage piece from her own collection. Raine slid off his sunglasses, flashing a charming smile.

"Sempre splendida come sempre, Signora Rosa," [“Still as gorgeous as ever, Ms. Rosa.”] he said smoothly.

The Granny’s pale face instantly turned a peachy blush. She lowered the revolvers slightly. "Ma guarda un po', sei tu, Raine. Sei un vero ruffiano, mi fai quasi arrossire!" [“Aw look at that, it's you, Raine. You're a real smooth operator, you're almost making me blush!”] She took a breath, trying to regain her composure.

"A proposito, che cos'è tutta questa confusione qui?" [“By the way, what’s this commotion here?”] Raine asked, slipping his glasses into his pocket.

"Mi ero quasi dimenticata! Questo tizio stava cercando di rubare una maglietta della mia collezione più antica e costosa!" ["I forgot! This guy was trying to steal a tee from my most antique and expensive collection,"] she hissed, gesturing toward Enishi with her revolver. "Ho chiamato i Carabinieri, dovrebbero arrivare a momenti!" [“I called the police, they should be arriving any moment!”]

Raine looked at the confused, terrified Enishi. "Davvero?" [“Really?”]

“I don’t know what you are saying, but I swear I did nothing. Gomenasai,” Enishi replied, his forehead started sweating a little bit.

“I’m asking if you are aware what is happening here, and do you even know what they’re going to do to you?” Raine smirked, closing the distance between them. In the back, Kris started giggling, finally catching on to the chaotic misunderstanding.

“Dude, you know Japanese? Why didn’t you appear earlier? I really hate the person who’s writing my life right now,” Enishi looked up and sighed in relief.

“Yeah, I know multiple languages, by the way, have you ever heard of the novel Year Zero?”

“Year Zero? Yeah, I’ve read half of it recently. I’m already a fan! I heard they’re making an anime, but that’s not the point—save my butt! I’m in a dead end here!”

“Well, if you’re that much of a fan of my novel, then...”

“You wrote Year Zero? No freaking way! I’m talking to the writer of Year Zero!” Enishi leaned toward Raine with enthusiastic eyes, momentarily forgetting the guns.

The Granny pointed one revolver upward, clearing her throat. "Non metterti troppo a tuo agio con lui. Stai andando in questura, mica a una festa!" ["Don’t get too comfy with him. You are going to a police station, not a party."] She looked at Raine. "Raine, che cosa ha detto? E chiedigli perché ha cercato di derubarmi!" [“Raine, what did he say? Also ask him why he was trying to rob me!”]

"Non si preoccupi, Signora Rosa. Lo conosco. Pagherò io per tutto quello che ha preso, e scommetto che non cercherà di imbrogliarla," [“Don’t worry, Ms. Rosa. I know him. I’ll pay for whatever he bought, and I bet he won’t try to rip you off,”] Raine assured her.

The owner of L'Antica Vintage finally lowered her weapons completely. "Mi porti sempre fortuna, Raine. Prendi tutto quello che vuoi. Ti farò lo sconto stagionale del dieci percento, più un altro cinque percento da parte mia!" [“You always come with good luck, Raine. Pick whatever you want. I’ll give you a seasonal discount of ten percent, plus an extra five percent from me!”] she beamed, returning to her professional business mood.

Kris stepped forward. "Può aiutarmi a scegliere un cardigan rosso?" [“Can you help me pick out a red cardigan?”]

"Certo, non preoccuparti. Vieni con me, ti aiuterò a trovare il miglior cardigan di tutta Milano," [“Sure, don't worry. Come with me, I'll help you find the best cardigan in all of Milan,”] Rosa replied, leading him toward the clothing section.

Before leaving the counter, she barked over her shoulder, "Tieni d'occhio il negozio e datti un contegno, Terenzio! E smettila di vibrare!" [“Look after the shop and get your shit together, Terenzio! And stop vibrating!”]

"S-sì, Signora!"

[“Y-yes, Ma'am!”]

Terenzio scurried back to the bathroom, replaced the plunger, fixed his clothes and glasses, and returned to his spot at the counter, trying to look like a professional shop assistant.

Raine walked over to the counter and saw the yen sitting there. He burst out laughing, finally understanding the source of the whole mess. “So, you really tried to pay with this?”

Enishi, feeling a mix of comfort and shyness now that someone spoke his language, replied, “Wai—I mean, I tried! But the tee was necessary! My lavender shirt was completely ruined!”

Raine dropped his right hand onto Enishi’s shoulder, doubling over with laughter. “You... you actually tried to pay with twelve hundred yen? Do you even know how much that t-shirt costs in yen?!”

“Erm, what?” Enishi asked. At the counter, Terenzio startled, jumping slightly at Enishi’s sudden tone of panicked surprise.

“It’s almost one hundred and eighty times more than what you just gave!” Raine patted Enishi's back aggressively, nearly knocking the wind out of him. “I swear, if I hadn’t arrived, the cops would have processed you as a robber by now.”

“What the actual f*ck...” Enishi clutched his head with both hands. He did the math in his head and felt dizzy; he had never seen that much money in his life, let alone owned it.

“Hey, don’t worry, I’ve got your back,” Raine said, still giggling as he pulled out a black credit card. “Just try not to get into a mess again, okay?”

Raine handed the card to Terenzio, paying the full twelve hundred euros for Enishi’s plain-looking, but high-end vintage luxury T-shirt.