Camryn: Painful Past 03

Lunch… Ren was at work… I was sitting at the dining table alone eating leftovers from yesterday’s dinner. To be more specific, they were my leftovers. Also, over the time I spent eating my meal, most of it was spent going to the water dispenser built into the refrigerator and drinking water. I wanted to drink the chocolate milk that Ren bought, but I quickly finished it last night and this morning…

It… It was mostly in vain. Or… Or, I couldn’t explain it well, but when it barely helps, it’s to a degree where it worsened the feeling… What was I talking about? My futile attempts to get rid of this horrid taste in my mouth… Get rid of it? More like temporarily suppress it.

Yes… Whenever I eat, I’m plagued by this disgusting flavour. I don’t like describing the flavour in-depth, but it tastes… lewd and salty. And people's taste is connected to smell, right? Well, the taste reminds me of the smell of cigarettes and alcohol… Very unpleasant. And whenever this taste manifests in my mouth, I’m always reminded of my past — and when I am, I am hurt to an even larger degree. The simple solution is just to not eat, right? Well… When you’re famished for almost every single moment, it’s easier said than done.

…

This room was disgusting. Everything was a dull shade of brown. Beer cans and burnt out cigarettes littered the place. The carpet that covered the entire floor had stains of beer and other liquids. And this room reeked of tobacco and alcohol. But the thing that saddened me the most was that it was heavily snowing outside. I’d be far away from this place if it weren’t snowing, but alas.

In the middle of this small, repugnant, and run-down apartment, I was standing in the middle… wearing barely anything. I was wearing a pair of jeans with only two rips in them — the highest quality bottoms that I had right now — but I was only wearing a bra. Why? It was because I found a victim — even if I’m being subjected to this dreadful place, he was the victim. Damn this weather — it’s the weather’s fault that I’ll be stealing from this guy…

As I stood there, cold, someone walked into the room. It was a man. He was taller than me… His belly was sticking out… He had messy hair… His facial hair wasn’t maintained properly… He reeked of booze… He was middle-aged… He smiled at me — it was an eager and scandalous smile. 

I told him before that I was a nineteen-year-old with a baby face.

“Hey Honey… Are you ready?”

“Hah! I should be asking you that.”

I pushed him onto his tattered couch and put my hands on his chest. I leaned forward to put my mouth on his — I received nothing but the taste and smell of booze...

“Are you ready for me? Because I’m gonna thrill you. Don’t you worry… I’ll make you feel so good tonight…”

…

Really, I desperately wanted to sleep. Even if it was in this pigsty of an apartment, I wanted to sleep. But I couldn’t… Something was keeping me from resting.

His grime-infested bathroom was small, only containing a sink, toilet, and bathtub. I practically locked myself in here — vomiting. I just couldn’t handle this. The smell that lingered in my nose… The taste that lingered in my mouth… Awful… just awful! I desperately tried to get rid of the taste, and the only way I knew how was by vomiting. My finger was trembling, but I forced it down my throat to activate my gag reflexes. But it was horrible because I adapted to barely having gag reflexes — the inflated wait time was agonizing. Whenever I succeeded, I sighed in relief as I watched the green fluids escape. I sighed in relief, but I also sighed in hope… hope that the attempt was the one to cleanse my mouth. But unfortunately, it would never be the one…

After many attempts… after numerous times regurgitating the green substance… after getting my hopes shattered many times… I gave up. Tears started to roll down my face… Accept this misfortune…

…

As I reminisced on the past, a single tear started to roll down my face. I also felt an extreme feeling of something coming up my throat — but that’s my punishment for reminiscing, right? I’m far from being normal, huh? That night was rather early in my journey, and after was when this taste started plaguing me whenever I ate. On the bright side, I rarely encountered this feeling because I barely ate, right? No…

Ren must’ve noticed, right? Ever since I started living with him, I’ve been getting more opportunities to eat. He’s probably noticed my odd eating habits, right? Taking small bites of food… Taking large drinks of water… Yeah… I hope that hasn’t concerned him…

I’m sad that I finished my chocolate milk. Really, I should have savoured it because I think it was the most effective at quenching the fire in my mouth. In fact, I think all things with chocolate did the trick. Like that donut I had recently… I could barely taste that pungent flavour when I ate it. I want more of it...

Anyways, I finally finished the leftovers that I was eating. It took a while, but it was done…

I wish I could revert to my previous state… But what state was I talking about? I wish I knew…

…

Ren’s POV

Shortly after returning to my desk from eating outside, I got a text from Camryn. I taught her about most of the features her smartphone can do and she listened attentively.

Hi Ren. Sorry, but can you please buy
some more chocolate milk on your way home?

Sure.

Really? Thanks!

Chocolate milk, huh? She said she’s been obsessed with chocolate since she first tried it so it makes sense that she would want more.