Chapter 53

Dead.

Kida Nezuki is dead.

She lies in front of me, her body split open and her blood fully splattered across the room.

I sit there, holding her body.

When she tried to kill me, I defended myself.
And thus, I have destroyed her heart.

…

It… feels bad.

I hate this feeling.

I have killed someone dear to me. Will I ever be able to forgive myself?
Even if it was her that wanted to kill me… Even if it was her that attacked first… It was I. It was I who killed her. It was I who survived.

It just feels… Wrong. I have killed before. I have killed Yokai… but I have never before felt such guilt.

It does remind me of the meeting I had with death. Back then, she asked me if I were given the chance, if I would die so that my village could live again.

I did not answer back then. And, to be honest, I still would not want to answer this.

Why is that? No, I know why it is.

The situation just a few moments ago was the very same: Sacrifice myself or sacrifice someone I love.

And I have chosen to survive.

I have chosen to survive back then too. But I did not want to admit it. I did not want to choose to kill them… Thus, I did not choose anything at all.

But now, as I am alone in the tower, full of dead bodies of people I know: Iwata, Okubo, Itoh, Nagano, Sherlock, Hanebana, Mister Hideo, Mister Kazuki and Miss Cho.

And Kida.

But here is the crazy thing… no, maybe not the crazy thing. Maybe it is the most horrible, most egoistical and worst thing ever:

If given the chance whether or not I should die or all of them should die… I would still be the survivor. I would not give up my own life, even if it means that everyone else gets to live.

Upon this realization, I start crying. I do not cry because I hate myself. I do not cry because I regret what I have done. I do not cry because I think of myself as a bad person.

I cry because I do not one of those things.

I need some time. Sorry.

…

…

…

I slowly stand up.

The blade I am holding is completely red by now. The blood has fully swallowed it.

I am the same. My previously white hair has turned completely red as well. Once more, the blood has swallowed it… I was swallowed.

Striking my enemies is what changed me. But if I would not strike them, then I would have died. Thus, through striking them, I have survived.
So, just by surviving… I have changed?

I slowly turn around. And then I slowly leave the tower. I go into the room featuring Nagano’s body and Itoh’s head. I look at them, quietly.

“I hope that your deaths were not painful… Goodbye.” Then I slowly climb out of the window. On the other side of the tower, I slowly climb down.

When I arrive on the street and look up into the sky, I see that while the sky is bright, it is actually night. But that much I know already. It is nothing new in this town.

I am unsure of how to act next… Should I simply return to the Academy? Should I tell them of what happened? Would they even believe me for even a single second?

Whether or not they believe me or accuse me… I am the only one left to tell their tale. Thus, I must.

I slowly get going. After a few moments I look around and start listening to the rest of the world again.

And I hear them. Screams. Blades. Fire.

As I look around I notice what is going on: Tojiume, the mightiest and greatest city of all of Japan, is being raided.

Yokai are running around freely and attacking civilians.

People are dying. Buildings get destroyed. Temples are burned down.

I remember everything. It all… feels the same.

This is just as when my village has been burned down.

Everything… is the same.

No, that is not true either. After all… I am here. I have changed. I am not the same person anymore.

I start running. It feels as though Mister Kazuki himself is pushing me to run. It feels as though Itoh is hunting me to make me run faster.

I run. I need to return to the academy. I can not save all the people in this town. The military will do so. Phanes will do so. Lunari will do so. Whoever else they have will do so.

But - just for the worst case scenario - I will protect the academy. I will save all those remaining.

I will not let even a single person die anymore. Death has taken too much of my life. If even for a split second, I want to move forward. I want to rest and I want to live with those I have started to love and cherish each and every day with them.

I want to live one more day with them. I do not want to decide whether or not they die or I die. I do not want to let them die. I will choose the same I chose with Aki when she saved me: All of us will survive this. Because we will fight together.